Hello everybody welcome back to pretty Lonesome this week we are going to be talking about friendships and stuff specifically having no [ __ ] friends and being in your 20s because I think that it is a common conundrum conundrum is my new word by the way I think I'm going to start doing word of the week because I get embarrassed when I discover a new word or I remember a new word and I use it a lot and I feel like people are going to notice and be like did this which just discover that word
and to me that is just like a little bit embarrassing I don't know why that makes me feel like deep deep embarrassment like in my soul so well yes in my soul I'm sticking with that so I better just so I'm I'm better off just being like upfront about it guys I'm using the word conundrum a lot because I just remembered it exists let me have it we'll do word of the week I'm going to forget to do that we might do word of the week I'll be honest with you we might not um also
my dog is next to me and I think she's about to start like jumping and screaming cuz my mom's about to walk out so for context I live at my mother's house much like most people in my age range because the economy is [ __ ] [ __ ] now I don't live at my mom's house because the economy is [ __ ] I am lucky enough to be able to afford to move out if I wanted to I just don't want to As a matter of principle because what the actual [ __ ] do
you mean the average rent for a one bed in London is £3,000 a month um I just won't pay that sorry I'm not paying that um no I don't know what else to tell you other than no the best way I can describe the feeling that that digit gives me is um it doesn't make me angry makes me malicious like I want to very underhandedly and sneakily uh get into the personal life of a politician um and slowly but surely derail everything about their uh personal lives that's how it makes me feel it doesn't make
me feel like ah the rent price no no it makes me calculated and ominous but do you know what I mean it just makes me makes me cold and calculated really does anyway I have been a little bit in the I don't mind living with my mom I like it a lot I would rather have my own flat but not for that price and I also don't really want to live in London so I came home temporarily to just like figure out my next move and be like well I don't want to pay run in
London so like let me just come home live with my mom for a few months and then I'll figure out where I do want to live that was 8 months ago and I just kind of still live here because it's easier and I feel like that's a position that a lot of people in my age range are in where they can't afford to live outside of their parents house or if they can afford it it's at a stretch they would rather save they would rather just figure out where they're going rather than be working paycheck
to paycheck and just kind of get so wrapped up in the stresses of everyday life that they don't actually end up doing anything most of my friends when we all finished University moved back to where they grew up I did it my friends did it everyone did it unless you were offered a job straight out of University or you were going on to study another course there was just actually no [ __ ] point because I was not staying in Canterbury and I was not going to pay the rent in London so and I still
am not so I've just been home ever since I moved out for 6 months I went to London for 6 months I paid an insane amount of rent not as insane as it is now because that's how fast the economy is actually [ __ ] burning but it was still an insane amount and I went [ __ ] this and I ended my contract 6 months early and I came home and I've been here ever since and I keep meaning to make a decision about my life but I just keep forgetting I don't know I
think she loves having me here but I'm also like I feel bad because I know loves having me here and I know she doesn't like really want to live alone but I'm also like just 60 sexy and so fun like 30 FLIR and thriving but 60 sexy and so fun that's what I was trying to do there if you didn't get it I wouldn't blame you if you didn't but I don't know anyways it got me thinking about why this is difficult because even though I have the access the opportunity and the financial ability to
not be in this situation I still am in this situation I've chosen it but I'm still here and it it's not ideal because why the [ __ ] am I sitting in the same bed that I had when I was 12 and I'm talking to the same friend I had when I was 12 except I used to talk to her about um who said what in master class and now I'm talking to her about her [ __ ] wedding like it's just genuinely moments where no matter what is actually going on in your life no
matter how much you're progressing no matter how many new people you've met how many new opportunities you've had how much money you've made to sit in the same exact spot that you have been in 10 years ago is trippy as [ __ ] like it's actually so weird and it's also a sign that I need to get a new mattress because that's genuinely gross but anyway I keep having these moments where every heartbreak I've ever had ever enured I've endured it within this house because I haven't really had that many heartbreaks but I've had enough
and they all happened here pretty much and the other day I was thinking about something and I was sad about it and I was on my sofa and I was staring at my fireplace and I realized every single version of me that's been in this exact position has sat on this exact spot and said at those exact bricks I'm literally her right like it was genuinely like I could feel that I had time traveled in that moment and I was like this is not right this is not natural I need to move out of my
mother's house now because I I was literally like whoo I've been here before not just on this sofa not just in this room I've been exactly here before as this exact person feeling these exact emotions to feel the same exact emotion 6 years after the last time you felt it and be staring at the exact same bricks on the exact same sofa and the exact same it's genuinely will make you go crazy I was like no no it's time to move out anyway all the friends that I grew up with here I either cut them
off because they're [ __ ] evil or they're still at University most of my friends have either just graduated or they haven't graduated yet so when I come back here there's actually no one for me to hang out with because people are either off living their lives or they're still at University so no one's here and so last night I was just at home doing my thing when one of my neighbors walked through the door and she's a girl that I grew up with she's my sister's best friend and we all grew up together all
living on the same street and she walked through the door with a bottle of wine and we sat around and drank it and she told me like she's moved home for a couple of months because she's just finished University and she's just figuring out where she's what she's going to do next and that was the first person that has done that from my friend group and I realized in that moment it's actually very lonely here because you are the only person doing this with me like being back where we started with me no one else
that I know is here it got me thinking also about how comforting that friendship is for me because she's just an old friend and I just know her and I have to think about why or how I just do and I just trust that she just knows me and it's like it's very non-judgmental it's very like look I've seen you be 14 and I've seen you be 20 like we're just going to be good with each other because if that didn't make me hate you then we're good it's just a very relaxed like because a
lot of the times when I make newer friends if feel I'm much more conscious of who they are as a person because inherently I slightly distrust them I want to listen more closely when they speak about how they view the world or how they feel about their ex or like there's all these little things that I'm looking for a Telltale sign that the new person I met that I really like is crazy or is evil or is something that I am not seeing but then when you've known someone for the best part of their life
like most of the time they've been on Earth and you've just watched them you don't have to ask because I've seen you be a good person and I've seen you be genuine and I've seen everything happen to you I've witnessed your life like I don't need to ask you questions about your ex cuz I actually [ __ ] knew him and he was [ __ ] terrible like it's just so much more relaxing I spend all my time almost all my time around new people who a lot of the time do have alary motives with
me and I don't mind that they do but they do it's just understanding that they do whatever it's fine but it gets exhausting and I just haven't been around familiarity in so long that when it familiarity was in front of me I didn't even know what it was and I was like why am I finding this so sweet and comforting and cozy and I realize it's because I just trust you completely trust you to be who I know you are because I've watched you become them you know what I mean and that was really nice
but then it got me thinking how scary it is to make friends in your 20s and how hard because a lot of people move home and there's not much opportunity or it doesn't feel like there is anyway my experience for new friendships where you've always been because I've already met all the [ __ ] my age and I already [ __ ] hate them you know I've made I know you guys and I've decided that we are not friends that's not changing um like I'm not going to go and find that one girl from my
class at school who I thought was all right just cuz I'm lonely I'm just not going to do that um so it's hard and unless you're working a job where you just get some cool co-workers I don't really know where else you're supposed to meet people because everyone's like oh pick up a hobby okay I get the sentiment but genuinely that's not going to happen sorry it's just not I've tried to pick up Hobbies I picked up a hobby I'll tell you what I picked up I picked up a gym class in my small town
where I grew up think maybe I'll meet some nice girls my age do you know who I met 50-year-olds there's no one my age here like I I don't know where they all went because I'm sure I was at school with them and suddenly they're gone why am I still here this isn't fair this is backwards anyways I'm very relieved that they're gone though actually because to put it very simply I did not like you guys well not all of them anyway it is hard to make friends in your 20s because you just are in
less context to do it if it's not University and you don't get lucky with your co-workers where the [ __ ] are you going to find people right and to actually find people that you're compatible with is very rare but that's going to be a lifelong struggle though that's not exclusive to your 20s it's just actually hard um I was lucky I found my friend te on the street literally saw her crying on the street and then we became friends it was that simple I was just walking down Oxford Street and there she was picked
up a stray with Millie I found her on Instagram when I was 13 years old my very close friendships have come to me in very strange ways but when it comes to Old friendships as well it's also very hard to keep those intact I think in your 20s because 20s are so scary first of all you know that audio where it's like do you know you have 30 minutes 30 yeah I hate that audio because it validated everything I feel and I didn't want it to be validated I actually wanted to someone to tell me
I was crazy and that I have more than 30 minutes and then that audio came about and I was like now I have 20 minutes like the reason I think it's so [ __ ] scary is because I have one friend who's still at Uni getting drunk on the weekends and the weekdays actually and um living with her friends and her boyfriend and just like is it uni like that's the phase of her life that she's in I have another friend who just got married I just went to my first wedding and I was walking
into the chapel and I said to the person I was with isn't it crazy this is the first wedding and they were like what do you mean and I was like well this is the first one to get married like of everyone we knew and grew up with this is the first one she's done it first from our group of friends anyway and she like oh my God that's crazy I was like yes now this is a girl that I used to um jump on the trampoline with I used to we have pictures of us
in the bath together at like 8 years old and we would wear like t-shirts and suddenly she is saying her vows and then the most terrifying part guys oh my [ __ ] god actually let me just freak out for one sec so that she says her vows and I'm looking around like why is no one saying that they object like when they was like if anyone knows why these two should not be lawfully wear said me hello this is a child marriage and it's not legal why was everyone okay with it like no word
of advice no are you okay no you know you know you've got I it's you're very young none of that why because it's a perfectly reasonable age to get married it's not actually I I don't I don't disagree that you should can get married or make that decision at 25 that's how old my friend is I think that's actually very fine Nar Smith's some kind of age like that I don't know it's disputed I love her though but um afterwards when the wedding was done I was stood around with some older women talking about they
wanted to know what I did on Instagram so we're having that conversation and innately when I had that conversation with people older I feel very [ __ ] young because they're like so what do you do for work and I'm like well I post online and they're like oh so like like Instagram and I'm like yeah essentially Instagram they're like well how does that make you money and I'm like well you just have to imagine me like a billboard like a talking one and they get it now that makes me feel like I might be
15 years old telling someone yeah my line of work is I just like take pictures of myself and like film stuff that I do then the Bride Comes and we're like you know what the [ __ ] oh my [ __ ] god gu sorry that was my grandma um she just got out of a taxi and walked past my car and literally not about to explain to her what a podcast is right now I had to duck and hide that's so mean of me sorry I'm going to go say hi to her in a
minute I had no idea she was coming over right now anyway so I'm there feeling very youthful because I'm just trying to explain the internet to like a 60-year-old woman who knows what the internet is by the way but she's like how do you what do you mean you work as yourself on the internet and I'm like okay so it's not porn I feel that there's a big age gap between us in those moments you know what I mean because there is and then the bride comes up and she we're all complimenting her dress and
I realized no one's asking her or com no one is commenting on how young she is and now I'm not her age so I'm just like yeah she's [ __ ] old like anyone older than me is [ __ ] old I've always stood on that I think when I was 12 a 13-year-old was really [ __ ] old and now a 25y old ew don't I couldn't date one that would be illegal like I just and don't even get me started on 30-year-olds I don't know what the stick up my butt about them is
actually let me not get into it cuz it's so [ __ ] mean I've always had a vendetta against 30-year-olds and I really don't know why but she's 25 so I'm like yeah okay we're not the same age so I'm not maybe I don't get it I don't know we're close enough I should probably know exactly why I feel this way like I am close enough in Age 2 that it's negligible it's not like I'm [ __ ] 16 and like yeah 25's old no like I'm going to be 25 in in in a matter
of minutes it feels so I should probably not be thinking that she's old it's just the way that all these 50-year-old 60-year-old women were not like God you know so young you know crazy youth Crazy Kids you know what a passionate marriage and you know do you think yeah how is it going to work you're so young none of that just I love the Flyers Flyers were like did you make the food she catered though the bride catered the wedding herself and everyone was just talking about the food and the fers and the flowers and
the dress not the fact that she's literally 12 cuz she's not 12 that was where I came to in my head oh my God you're not 12 terrifying and then I have a friend that's like almost the same age as her who's still at University um you know what I mean and then I just broke up with someone obviously [ __ ] hell in such a extreme manner but I was like this is fine I'm young like I'm not supposed to be [ __ ] getting married or like knowing anything yet you know although I
will say I think that that was the last bad breakup I can do because I think after a certain age it does get embarrassing like that one was fine I got into that relationship when I was 21 so I'm like okay you know that is excusable I think if I did that again cuz that's my third bad one by the way that was not a first time Rodeo for me that was my third horrendous end to a relationship or just horrendous relationship in general um so I was coming to all these realizations of one I
have 30 minutes two if I wanted to get married or pregnant today no one would ask me if I'm crazy alth no they would I think pregnancy I think would be people might still be like wow it's very young but marri marriage for some reason that's fine and obviously I know people that get married at like 20 18 even 16 even oh I don't think that's legal that I think it is I think you can they did it on Coronation Street so F and Shan got married on Coronation Street when they were 16 actually I
think they got uh the the think get married that was the whole issue they got a ceremony of something although they actually never did because sha ran off so BTO law if you are into Coronation Street anyway crazy so I find it very hard to understand how old I am because I first of all I'm pretty sure in my head I've always been 16 I will be 16 probably forever so the fact that I'm just not 16 is upsetting because what do you mean second of all am I supposed to be getting married or can
I just like still hang out with my friends at University and go get drunk on a Wednesday because that's when the student union gets drunk you know what I mean like where am I um everyone is so different and it's really really scaring me and then do you want to know the most upsetting thing that happened to me I'm very used very I'm very used to being the youngest in a room when it comes to like the people that I work with because I'm the one that does the [ __ ] [ __ ] posting
and they're the ones with the real jobs who you know get me deals or like do my audio stuff like whoever it is they're always older than me I'm very used to being the youngest in the room so imagine my shock and horror when um one of my PR girls was uh younger than me I was like whoa okay when did that happen like so you're telling me people my age can have jobs as good as yours that's like that means you've had life experience and school experience and you're very capable crazy it just keeps
catching up to me where I'm like I'm actually not 16 the [ __ ] but I think that the the fact that everyone is at different stages of their lives some people are at square one and it feels like other people are just further down the road and whether that be that they have like an amazing job or they're [ __ ] married or they have a baby whatever it is none of my kids have babies yet thank God because everyone's at such different points in their lives it's hard to even have friendships because I
might have a friend that I've had for 5 years um and now I'm fresh out of uni at an early stage of my career and she is settling down and renting a house with a man and getting pregnant I don't have that experience but I imagine someone does because that can happen it's a possibility how confusing like even if it's someone you get on with even if it's a really really good friend life is just genuinely so open to um choices right now you can choose anything you want that people will just go off in
different directions and you will lose friends not because they did anything wrong just because they got married all of my friends are at a place in their life right now where they're just focusing on their careers and everyone's at very early stages most of my friends are not in jobs that they love or want to work in Forever that's just like the way it is they are just doing things as stepping stones to get where they really want to be a lot of people feel very discontented I think that's the word and I noticed that
there's more anxiety around my friends and their careers than there was 2 years ago when we were all still at University because like I've said before University really is a time where as stressed as you are about deadlines and as stressed as you are about just everything in general there isn't this existential stress of like who I what am I going to make for myself for my life because I don't have to think about it right now because I'm here for the next two years right like I have to worry about the next step right
now I just have to focus on what I'm doing and I'm content with that then once you finish it's just this Panic that [ __ ] hits you in the face I had it too because when I finished University this was not my job it was something that I did it was a hobby it was really fun and cute it was not paying me any money so I well it was but like not money that I would want to live off of forever and I had to make a decision like do I want to try
and do this full-time and just like take a year off and travel a bit which is what I ended up doing because I wanted to go travel with Millie or do I not want to have a gap in my resume what were you doing for an entire [ __ ] year of your life you didn't have any job because I was posting on Tik Tok sorry like if it didn't go well I would have had a gap in my resume and that wasn't okay there's definitely like a buzz of anxiety around my friends and I
think it's healthy because they're concerned and they like I think it's just it's a sign of ambition but people are just going off in different directions I have so many friends who have moved away from where we all went to University I have friends who have moved away from home who are still at University who are just everywhere and it's just hard also when you move out of an environment that has become familiar to you like University I would go around campus and I would just see familiar faces all the time I would see people
that I knew not necessarily liked but I knew and I had flatmates and I had housemates and I had coursemates and I just knew all these faces and I just it was familiar to me like everything was familiar to me it was a world that I had been living in for long enough that I knew everything and everyone pretty much not everything and that is like that's actually a hard thing to lose because you just kind of lose this sense of belonging this sense of like Community warmth whatever it is like it's not there anymore
and it's healthy because obviously you're supposed to you know fly from the nest and whatever and go into unfamiliar Waters and uncomfortable situations because that is how you grow and that is how you get a new job and that is how you become who you meant to be but it is uncomfortable and I think it just contributes to everyone being really lonely in their 20s also I always remember when I was like 19 to 21 I had expected for some reason during those years cuz it was like early University I expected that I was going
to find my best friend in life because I feel like it's a common thing in like movies and stuff and like you just hear about it of like I met my my best friends at University I met my kids a't at University and so I had always been like okay well that's when I have to find the girl that is my soulmate platonically so that my kids can have that because that's just kind of what I expected like okay it's going to be the most social few years of my life University duh and well little
did I [ __ ] know that was not the case but I thought it was going to be the most social F years of my life I thought it was going to be the most open most new experiences most diversity of every kind of experience you can imagine that just you just don't usually get and so I expected like if I'm going to find her she's going to be at University with me she was not I think a lot of people know the value of friendship in this day and age like I genuinely think that
I'm seeing a shift and maybe I'm wrong correct me if I am but I feel like a lot of people are shifting in between putting more value on men and boyfriends and relationships in general to their girlfriends I think I just see it on social media a lot of people really valuing their female friendships a lot more I think that there is so much more to be acknowledged even now when it comes to how important friendships are because I think a lot of people in my age grou group feel lonely and their first instinct is
get on hinge get on Tinder like find relationship find partner and I think that's actually why a lot of relationships don't [ __ ] work because you just can't enter it like that like you cannot need something and so then you get a partner to fulfill it like you have to be self-sufficient you have to have enough options for that need to be met that it doesn't just fall on one person like go out get friends continue your life and then then find someone who fits into it do not find someone who you can then
form a life around because that's just never going to [ __ ] work it's never going to work but I do think that people are really like starting to acknowledge the importance of friendships especially female friendships but I think it's also hard just once you do find a friend say you you get past the hardest hurdle and you find a girl that you want to be friends with you're going to have different jobs most likely like it's hard to find people who fit in the same city similar job similar life similar person it's just like
so many puzzle pieces have to fall into place if they're not falling into place for you I genuinely believe that there's a reason and maybe you just need to spend some time by yourself because maybe that is just what you're supposed to do right now I have had periods of my life where I've had no [ __ ] friends like and it's not like oh I fell out with all my friends it's like yeah I have friends but they're nowhere near me right now they're off doing their own thing I just don't have anyone close
to me that I like and it's really lonely and it's actually very hard and I I do look back on those times in my life as like yeah that was hard but the things that I learned from those times were so valuable to me and I just built a very very very strong bond with myself probably too strong because I think that I still to this day I'm like very much someone who will be like I don't need you like I don't care what it is you supply for me I don't need you I do
need my friends but like I think I restrict information from my friends because I'm like let me deal with this on my own I think to prove that I can to myself not to them but I'm just like yeah let me like withhold this information from you so that I am not completely dependent on you or Reliant in any way which is dumb because I do want to rely on my friends and I do rely on my friends a lot of the time it's just sometimes I'm actually insane sorry like I said I am living
at home and I'm by myself and my friend is here as well she's just moved home she she's got me but there's no one else really here majorly that like actually has probably more friends than I do never mind um so as I said I was thinking about how it is just hard to have to go out into the world go to university and then come back home because I think so many people do it I do it I done it and it is hard it's lonely it's it's difficult to readjust to being around parents
it is a little bit [ __ ] depressing it's mentally challenging and it is also just I can feel a bit hopeless I now have the option where I can leave if I want to I just haven't got around to it yet but when I didn't have the option when I couldn't afford to leave and I was here after University it felt very very very dark and as much as I love my mom and I love her house and it's always been big enough for me before it just wasn't big enough for me anymore and
I didn't want to feel like sound ungrateful or you know seem frustrated or tell anyone that I was frustrated because at least I have a [ __ ] roof over my head it just felt dark and it felt lonely and it felt hopeless and it felt like what was the point I work worked so hard at University and now I may as well have just not gone because I'm just in the same exact position I was in when I left 4 years ago and now I'm also in debt I think that position is genuinely hard
and and I think the main thing to remember if if you are in that kind of a place is nothing's real and more people are where you think than they will tell you if that makes sense I'm not going to be specific when I say this but I'm going to share a secret with you which is I would genuinely say that over half of popular people online not only do they not have [ __ ] friends it's not like oh they've got fake friends a lot of people have fake friends no I'm talking like these
people they do not have friends and they do not have social lives and they want they want these things but they don't have it and they just make it look like they do they don't have most of the things that they show this does not go for Everyone by the way it's just something that when I first came in to the this kind of industry and I started meeting these people and I started to understand this is not real I used to feel really insecure for example when I first came into this kind of life
and job I remember seeing that everyone somehow could afford things I couldn't but it seemed like they should be being paid similar to how I was being paid and yet they had a house and a car and all these clothes and all these friends and all this this and that and they were always abroad and they always doing all these things and I was like damn like am I not getting paid like who do I need to speak to to like you know get on the [ __ ] salary you're on like did I get
a salary but like there was a big disconnect and I'm not talking the difference in5 or 10,000 extra money I'm talking Millions difference and I was very confused and one of the things I realized very quickly was most of them are nepotism and that's why they have those things and it's not that there's a pay difference it's just they've always lived like that that was one number two it's not real and when I tell you it's not real I mean these [ __ ] rent their cars they rent their houses and they rent their bags
and they rent their t-shirts it's insane and when I tell you it is deranged it is I respect it because I'm like wow like you are actually just putting on a production this is actually The Truman Show but opposite it's opposite date at The Truman Show no one else knows only you know that this is a performance and maybe I was dumb for not knowing that and for thinking they really had these social lives and like some people do like don't get me wrong there's a lot of people who do and I I'm in awe
of them I'm like wow but a lot of the time more than you would think and in contexts that you would be shocked about I just can't tell you because I'm not about to actually get [ __ ] sued it's not real like that's the bottom line and it's easy to feel like [ __ ] about your life and about yourself when you are in your 20s because there's so much comparison there is so much variation either you might feel quite good about yourself cuz at least you're not on your seventh year of uni because
you didn't retake maybe you feel good about yourself because you don't want to [ __ ] get married and you feel bad for the girl that just did that you just seen on Facebook or the girl who's pregnant and you're like glad that's not me and then equally might feel like [ __ ] about yourself because someone in your same age group is talking about their latest promotion and their LinkedIn profile is literally on [ __ ] crack and they somehow have disposable income for a vacation that's another thing people talk a big game about
how broke they are and then they'll go on [ __ ] vacation that never made any sense to me it's the same thing as at school when people be like yeah I didn't study for this test and the next thing you know they have an A+ what do you mean I thought we were in this together and you just made me feel like we're the same so I should feel like [ __ ] about the fact that I'm not doing as well as you and now I realize you were lying to me and that's what
your 20s are you're just being lied to I think 20s just are lonely for people because of the nature of them like jobs people are very movable transferable they go to new cities they go to new places they go to new countries they go home they leave home there's literally nowhere you're meant to be so you just everyone is at a different point in their lives it's hard to not feel like [ __ ] about it sometimes I'm actually the same way I see people in my age group who are rampantly more successful more Rich
uh more put together than I am and I'm like like [ __ ] the hell and that's fine I'm not them and they're not me I just there's no point feeling like [ __ ] about it because it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and it shouldn't because your 20s are meant to be for being lost for figuring [ __ ] out you're very very young like I feel like that's actually forgotten a lot especially online because you're having conversations about being 22 with someone that's 15 and so in comparison you feel like you're old you're 22
I need you to sit with that for a sec the 15-year-old literally isn't allowed to travel alone that's how young they are that's a child you're 22 the way I look at 20s you're a toddler so you start at zero on your 20th birthday you just got born if you're 22 or 2 years old if you're 23 or 3 years old if you're 24 you're 4 years old that's how I look at them because it's literally like you start again I don't know what it is I genuinely felt it on my 20th birthday I felt
like my brain went blank and I started again and you know what was actually talking about with my friends the other day this is how [ __ ] stupid I am I say that I think it's for rediscovering things that should be innate knowledge for example the other day my friend was visiting me in London and she and I are on the same ADHD medication and so I was asking her about it I was like do you get really tired at lunchtime as well like I literally get so [ __ ] exhausted at 3:00 p.m.
every single day and my friend was like yeah I used to get that have you tried eating lunch and I was like no why would I do that and she was like well you're energy crash in the middle of the day might just mean that you need fuel which is food so you should probably eat and then your medication will probably last longer and you'll just feel better generally and I was like wao a meal in the middle of the day because I need extra fuel this is revolutionary and I decided I was going to
pick up lunch I've never I've never been a lunch person it genuinely can I say something crazy lunch is yellow and 30-year-olds are lunch they are all synonomous to me and I don't like any of them I'm so sorry I feel 30 I genu have nothing against you I don't know what it is but it it's the same way I feel about yellow um we all collectively there was actually four people in the room when we had this conversation and all of us rediscovered the fact that lunch is important together and then my friend was
like my mom always tells me that um your 20s are for remembering things that you've actually been taught your entire life and it's so true because why was my friend telling me have you tried lunch a revolutionary piece of advice that I would have paid for like that's the kind of insight that I'm talking about yes lunch you're so right anyway I think that I think that your 20s hour scary they are lonely and I think that that is not unhealthy this one just got married and this one just kissed a girl for the first
time you know what I mean there's no way you're meant to be you are exactly where you're meant to be you're not behind in your career you're not behind because you moved home you're not behind because you can barely afford your rent or you can't afford your rent you're exactly where you're supposed to be I think at all times times throughout your life it's your life it's no one else's why would you be supposed to be somewhere that you're not I don't understand who told you that did they give you a schedule no okay then
relax and if you feel like you have no [ __ ] friends don't worry about it because I'll tell you what I don't have any [ __ ] friends I have two maybe three at push I have actually I'm lying I have two amazing friends who live nowhere near me actually have three Amazing Friends that live nowhere near me cuz Millie doesn't live anywhere near me I have three amazing friends who live nowhere near me and I love that I have them in my life life I just never see them and I rarely speak to
them I know they they're always there and then I have a friend who does live very near me and I see her all the time and she's like my person that's my roster entirely there's nothing else I have a lot of acquaintances and stuff but those are my friends and I'm someone who has literally probably every possibility to make a new friend I could gen I I think I'm in a unique position where if I wanted a new friend I could probably find one the same day like if I really put my back into it
you know what I mean like I could probably find someone that like there's so much scope even just like I get invited to a lot of places okay perfect like I'll make a friend there it's not because you're unlikable or it's not because you're it's hard it's because it just is hard to make friends they are as serious as romantic relationships and you wouldn't ever expect someone to have a romantic you wouldn't expect someone to have a romantic relationship but you would expect them to have a friend why what's the difference like it's just as
intense for me anyway anyway a lot of the time I know they're different but it should not be an expectation at all points in your life to be surrounded by friends cuz sometimes you won't be that's okay you'll be fine cuz they'll find you at some point they're out there right now they're becoming the people that they need to be so that when you meet them you like them that's always what I think I'm like you know how I think about that actually I always think about that in the context of my future husband or
wife cuz obviously I don't know who they are right now but I know that they're out there somewhere and I'm like what are you doing freak you better not be [ __ ] freaking it with someone else it's disgusting but it's like I know that they if I met that person today whoever I'm eventually going to marry I probably wouldn't like them very much unless I'm meant to meet them today but I probably more than likely would not like them very much because they are not who I'm going to meet yet they're not the version
of themselves that will Co collide with my life and there's a reason that I haven't met them yet because I would meet them and I would think you [ __ ] suck or you don't intrigue me or you're not my type because maybe my type's going to change there's always a reason I don't know you yet and I'm glad I don't because they probably have some [ __ ] to sort out because I'm definitely not going to date one of those freaks that's like actually have a very like consistent linear life and like I feel
like I've always been this person no I'm going to date someone that's like well I have had seven different eras and I can only access knowledge about three of them through hypnotherapy that will be who I marry so I hope they're okay right now hope they're having a good morning cuz they're probably not not going to lie cuz I'm not getting married until I'm like 60 so I know oh they could be doing anything it's actually a crazy thought well now I will be driving to London because I'm going to go and Cat it for
my friend T she's going to Geneva so that's fun and and little ADHD medication update I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning and she had up my dose last time to 40 milligram of my medication and then she'd given me a booster to take in the afternoon because I kept crashing and crash is basically like imagine like an actual come down I was angry irritated exhausted um all by 3:00 p.m. because the medication wore off before it was meant to so she gave me a booster so I started taking that and I was
like eh it's okay I don't crash anymore which is nice but I I don't think I'm focused I think I'm just slightly more regulated question mark like I just am not I'm just a little more rational that's the best way I can describe it life is okay and I'm not freaking out majorly about anything which is very unusual for me so I was like okay I know it's working I just it's not making me do my work it's not making me sit at my computer and focus for an hour which is what I need it
for like I don't mind being a crazy [ __ ] actually I do cuz I didn't realize I was that crazy until I got on this medication and it just like and I was like w that's nice that's nice life my existence doesn't have to be a horrendous bloody fight crazy but I told her like I don't really feel that focused though and she was like okay well I'll just like up you way more she's like since this didn't work I'm going to make you try TR make you try she's now given me the dose
up and then double dose in the afternoon so I'm going to take more in the morning and then the booster that she's going to give me is more akin to a rocket ship up my butthole imagine that um and I get to try it today time I'm going be literally so skilled because I have to drive to London so I'm like I'm not going to [ __ ] drive this and then go driving because actually I don't think that that's legal I'm not sure but I'm obviously just not going to try any medication and then
get behind a wheel that would be silly so I'm going to go to London and then the second that I park my car in London I'm going to try the new medication that she put me on and I'm really hopeful that it's going to work this time because I'm getting a little bit scared that the dose keeps going up and I just still am [ __ ] useless the best way I can describe it I'm still completely incapable of getting [ __ ] done um not completely but effectively capeless capeless cap cap incapable I'm really
hoping that this new dose is going to work because I'm getting scared I'm like because I Googled it and it was like some people's body chemistry literally just does not work with this pill it just won't help them that scared me there's another type of medication I can try if this one doesn't work and a lot of people find that only one of them works for them rather than having them both be like oh yeah I could take either it's like no I prefer this one over this one so if this one doesn't work I
will try the second option I'm just skilled and I really hope that it works um because all it keeps doing is making me feel like I've had caffeine like I get a burst of energy and like Jitters almost but like that does not make me focus it just kind of makes me want to go somewhere question mark like it makes me want to maybe have a conversation but that's it so anyway my dog is actually sleeping next to me right now and she's just [ __ ] ripped ass it stinks thank you for listening to
this week's episode Pretty Lonesome I hope that you enjoyed it I'm going to go drive to London now and then potentially I'm going to go try my new medication and then I'll let you guys know what it does cuz it's a significantly larger amount than I was on before so if I st posting things on my Instagram story that just make you feel like slightly uncomfortable like did she mean to post that that's how you know it worked see you guys next week I love you so much have a good week bye
