welcome to mean gos that starts off with a janitor dude from Scrubs and Jordan Peterson's wife as the parents of teenage Lindsay Lohan sending her off to her first day of American High School after being homeschooled and living all of her life in Africa only moving back to the States now for reasons and she all that but step aside [ __ ] it's my time now they drop her off at school for her first day and she almost gets run over by a bus but narrowly misses it and enters the premises who the [ __
] 180s and goes into the street like that having your parents tell you how to cross a road you lived in [ __ ] Africa for God's sake have you seen most of the roads in Africa they're insane anyway she gets in her first class and mistakes the tall kid for the teacher then bumps to the real teacher making her spill all her coffee on herself or other unknown cold liquid because if it was coffee she'd be screaming right now which prompts her to take her top off and her undershirt sticks to her top she's
basically naked in front of all these horny teenagers I feel like any school teacher with a actual [ __ ] brain would have gone to the bathroom to do this or at least stepped outside but who cares Lindsay or ktie tries to get used to normal school that day and fails to make any friends talks to some black folk in Swahili Cape Townes or some African language turns out she's more African than them cuz they don't understand her next day she makes friends with this homosexual and rumed lesbian who's like this is Damian massive he's
almost too great a function and they make her skip class and hang out with her for a little bit and give her a glimpse of the Plastics the popular Rich hot fake [ __ ] bimbo [ __ ] of the school that everybody looks up to although they lowkey hate them Karen is a [ __ ] of the group Gretchen Wiener is a super rich and super nosy [ __ ] of the group and Regina is the evil leader of them but all three of them are [ __ ] J continues to give her a
quick School guide about all the social groups and [ __ ] they're in the cafeteria while getting food to Plastics invite Katie to sit with them because she's pretty and they're like oh my God you're so fetched you're from Africa shut up then invite her to be part of the plastic because she's smoking hot she reports this to Janet later and Janet tells her that she has to agree and be part of the Plastics so she can report back to her all the evil [ __ ] Regina says because Janet hates her ever since she
sped a rumor about her that she's a lesbian Kitty agrees and next day she joins the Plastics and they tell her about the rules of the group that she must follow to be in the group which includes stuff like they must all use the same tampons and pads to mix all their perer blood for Satanic ritual they do every weekend all their pubes must be shaved in the shapes of top hats and the first banana they eat for the day must be eaten while deep throating it and making eye contact with a random dude I
obviously made all that [ __ ] up but trust me all their rules are equally ridiculous then they ask her if she has any crushes while Regina goes to get some food and she tells them she has this crush on this one guy in math class called a Aon and we's like oh my God no you can't that's reg's ex-boyfriend but don't worry I won't tell her of course later she tells her cuz she's a [ __ ] that can't keep her fat trap shot then after math class this Indian dude in na po tells
her that they want her to join math leet because she's good at math does this dude have kidney failure or some [ __ ] why are his eyes so [ __ ] yellow whatever she then uggles a Aon doing sports when the Plastics roll up like get in loser we're going shopping they go to the mall Regina casually ruins This Girl's Life by telling her mom that she does Sig then they go to her house passed by her younger sister who's in Ho training this ladies and gentlemen is called horrible parenting what she is watching
is degenerate and this generation's version of how to grow to be a Tik Tok thought don't be like that be better be smarter we then see the horrible parent in charge of his child who is just as fake as the Plastics they go up to reg's room and they show her the burn book where they roast all the girls in the school and Janet or Janice is in there burned in as a fing dok meat they ask who the dude in the picture with is and ktie trying to fit in is like oh that's Daman
he's Su g a function repeating exactly what Janice said which is a big mistake cuz they like that and they read in the book then she reports the existence of this book to Janice but doesn't tell what she said about Daman and that they voted in there and doesn't tell her that she's in there as well and she's like those [ __ ] I think that she'll bit mad regardless whether she was in the book or not but why did Katie not tell her about these two things it's [ __ ] pointless to admit them
we already know they're evil so wouldn't have been a surprise if they had something about Janice they're also saying something about they that Jan said first you know they forgive you because you're undercover and you're trying to play the part so what's why are you lying anyway Regina then this Sly manipulative [ __ ] [ __ ] calls ktie on the phone with Gretch secretly on the line telling her that she knows about her liking a a Ron but it's okay because she gives her her blessing to talk to him and tricks Katie into calling
weener a [ __ ] [ __ ] or something or attention [ __ ] as we know gr is there and she's like after that she starts to chitchat with a Aon invites her to a Halloween party she takes it seriously and dresses up as a zombie bride because she doesn't know that costume parties and Halloween are just excuses for attractive females to dress up even horor and these super [ __ ] this is a face of a cucked father a Zeta male a man that knows that his daughter's too far down the whole road
to try and change it without being called a [ __ ] Tyrant a man that knows the film crew of 16 and Pregnant might be walking through that door any minute now I'm going to stop so at the party Karen Embraces Alabama tradition and goes to make out with her cousin while Reggie quote unquote talks to a a Ron for Katie like putting in a good word for her or whatever but in reality she's just talking [ __ ] about her in front of her face but out of earshot then makes out with him in
front of her ktie gets super mad and sad then cries and leaves goes over to Jan and Damon tells him what happened up till this point she's giving Reggie the benefit of the doubt thinking that she's actually a good person but now she's convinced that she's evil and wants to exact revenge on her Janice is on board with that and comes up with a three-step plan to ruin her life first destroy her love life with AA Ron second ruin her body third dismantle her friend group but while they execute this plan Kitt is going to
have to pretend that everything's okay and next day Regina claims that AA Ron came onto her which is fake news and now they're back in a relationship together again the dude is kind of a helpless [ __ ] here because he's a horny teenager and his dick is like a compass that points to horny and Regina's evil ass has [ __ ] with his magnetic north [ __ ] poetry that line was by the way they keep trying to sabotage Regina but all their attempts to make her look even cooler for the NPCs so they
switch tactics and gets more Katie sends herself a candy gram which is a thing they do on crimas where they send each other candy canes with little notes on them girls think it's cute I guess and Katie sends herself one pretending that it was from Regina grch takes the candy gram and reads it and is like why the hell didn't I get one like what the [ __ ] now she's overthinking that Regina might be mad at her and stuff like that do Katy and Vegeta have the same handwriting because if not then such a
judgmental Floy like gret you would totally notice the difference handwriting but most girls do have similar handwriting so whatever grety weener starts overthinking a relationship with Regina start thinking that she's mad at her and in turn gets mad at her for being mad at her cuz that's how women work and she starts spilling Regina secrets to Katie who's like yes [ __ ] give me the tea but in her head obviously and at the wi tur talent show where they do provocative dance and skanky clothing to a crimas song called Jingle Bell [ __ ]
she accidentally kicks the CD player playing the song and stops playing the song but Katie Saves The Dance by starting to sing the song with her own voice which is sort of mad at fetch now after the show fetch gets even sadder matter and starts venting more to Katie telling her that Reggie cheats on a a Ron every Thursday with this dude named Chaine in the auditorium or whatever the place is called so Damen jennis and ktie keep trying to lure a a Ron over there on Thursdays to catch her in the ACT but they
keep failing and only catch their school gym coach being a pedophile then she gives Regina these nutrition bars her mom used to give to kids in Africa so they can gain weight duping her into thinking that they weight loss nutrition bars cuz she's trying to lose weight like here try these weird Swedish nutrition bars I used to use to lose weight before I got addicted to cocaine Regina bu this nonsense and gets SCT to the bars herself meanwhile ktie has been with the plastic for so long she's starting to turn plastic herself morphing into one
of those Dum [ __ ] she's too deep in there you're too deep Lindsay pull back pull back Janice notices this [ __ ] plasticky attitude change and even though ktie a nerd that's really good at MTH she starts dumbing herself down and failing math as an excuse for [ __ ] room temperature IQ AA Ron to tutor her and while tutoring her they face mash and he starts feeling guilty for making out with her because he's trying to be loyal to Regina so she blurts out these Jose loyal telling him that Regina's cheating on
him he breaks up with her Regina is devastated for like 2 seconds but then quickly gets over it with the duty cheating with Damian RS the votes for the nominees to Spring Fling cling Gustavo Fring Queen to include fetch Gretch alongside Reggie makes her question her beauty and get jealous and that type of stuff then she tries on address for the spring thing and turns out she's too fat for the address later on the math teacher tells Kitty that she needs to tell her parents that she's failing math so she gets really mad RS to
the girls and they coorse her into writing some mean [ __ ] about teacher in the burn book and she writes that she's a pill Pusher or she sells drugs then she does some more devious manipulation on the Plastics themselves I'm not going to go too in depth on this because this next part includes lot he said she said making me stter a million [ __ ] times while recording this and it's not even funny enough to include It's just sad so I'm not even going to try it's just going to overlo my speech capabilities
so the gist of what happens is she gets them all on the all thinking they're all having one-on-one conversations with each other no one knowing that they're all the call together having them talk [ __ ] about each other's backs in front of each other so everybody like feels that Regina is talking [ __ ] about them and after that Regina comes to school committing a cardinal sin of their group wearing sweatpants because it's the only thing that fits her fat ass now and that's an illegal thing to do in their group and she is
no longer allowed to sit with them she's [ __ ] exiled from the group and with that all three points have been hit but the rest of the Plastics now are like headless chickens and sheep without a [ __ ] leader Katie finds herself accidentally becoming their new head hono she starts being a super manipulative and controlling [ __ ] lying to her parents and Janice and Daman canceling on their plans and fcking on them and instead on the same day sets up a small secret party doesn't invite Janice and Damian or Regina to that
party which quickly gets out of hand and becomes a bigger than usual party doesn't like get Project X ridiculous just gets a little bit bigger she invited Aon to come to this party and hook up with him he gets there and Regina arrives right after she'd heard of this party and came to like be a [ __ ] or Whatever Gets In he sees her and tries to escape her goes up to Kitty's bedroom where she is as well in the bathroom comes out and they start like chatting and [ __ ] and he got
disussed by her because she's drunk and acting a lot like Regina then Regina walks in to find Katie throwing up on May R he leaves cuz disgusted K tries to stop him and she sees D mean and Janice driving by who are really mad at her because she canceled their plans and likeed to them and didn't invite them to the party and she's like it's like you're one of them now you're a mean girl you're a [ __ ] and while Regina leaves she finds out that her make me thin bars are actually make me
fat bars and she is livid starts screaming all the way to her [ __ ] home and must have been screaming for like 50 minutes and writes some mean [ __ ] about herself in the burn book and then leaks it to the school principal the next day crying and acting like she's devastated saying that she found her somewhere in the school and she can't believe her eyes he's like who could have wrote this and she's like only three girls in this whole school aren't in it obviously and Karen Katie and fatch Batch who all
get called into the principal's office while Reggie walks the halls and throws thousands of copies of this burn book into the hallways and into the classrooms obviously making it looked like she had nothing to do with this book and KD Mastermind it all between periods all the girls in school read these things about them and some of them are true some of them are not they're thinking who would have spread this and it's most likely their friends they find that out they [ __ ] pull each other's hair and fighting a [ __ ] blood
bath there they're beating each other up like animals Janice and Daman read [ __ ] about themselves that only Katie could have said like the two gay defunction [ __ ] and the math teacher also reads [ __ ] about herself the only kid could have said the pill pushing stuff the principal hears K outside the door and he comes out to [ __ ] ton of cat fighting so he pulls a fire alarm and tells them all get into the school gymnasium pulling a fire alarm without there being an actual fire is a felony
and knowing America the punishment for you my dear friend is going to be way more severe than it needs to be just saying anyway they all piloted the school gymnasium and he's like the [ __ ] is wrong with y'all now clearly y'all got a bunch of Lady problems with each other so let's talk about them shall we who wants to go first yes you they all make fun of me for shooting out Peri blood like a garden hose but it's not my fault I got a massive vagina on a squirt gun uterus yeah I'm
not equipped for this Mr norberry can you please take over sure she has them all admit to internal dramas in their respective friend groups and tells Reggie to sit the [ __ ] down because everybody agrees that she's the meanest [ __ ] of them all and sits the [ __ ] back down then she has them each R an apology down and say then do a trust fall off a table where they all catch her they all apologize for calling each other hilarious and so it's like Alyssa I'm sorry I called you a gaptooth
[ __ ] it's not your fault you so gaptooth but then Gretch goes up there like I'm sorry you're all so jealous of me but I can't help that I'm so popular and only Karen offers to catch her when she falls and no brones or RS were broken in this event not even a minor injury which is [ __ ] ridiculous but whatever Katy chickens out of doing her apologies so Janna steps up exposing the plan to ruin Regina's life but framing an apology to expose Katie as well and shove her plan and its success
in Regina's face like I'm sorry I convinced you Katie to mess up Regina's Life by making her fat and all that other stuff they did and she dives into the crowd as a hero for ruining the life of this mean [ __ ] everybody hates regie storms out to school fuming Katie's following her apologizing and [ __ ] and they have an argument in the middle of the road and while Regina is in the middle of cussing her out a [ __ ] bus comes by and runs her over and as much as I love
the fact that my intrusive thoughts finally won for once in one of these movies how [ __ ] long was this bus driver not paying attention for it to run her over I get there's a small hill before for that that obscures Vision a little bit but that's nowhere near big enough to excuse him running her over not paying attention you still got a nice stretch of road to look ahead and avoid this from ever happening but whatever B doesn't die she's just super badly injured all of the snooze and drama obviously gets to Katy's
parents her mom is super mad at her but her dad's pretty chill he still grounds her though and next day in school Katy takes full responsibility for writing that book now half the school hates her because they blame her for writing a book and half the school loves her because they think she pushed Regina front that bus so she decides to make everything right and apologize to everybody including Regina saying that when you get bit by a snake you're supposed to suck the poison out no you dumpster brain [ __ ] you're not supposed to
do that that spreads the Venom to your mouth dumbass whatever she apologizes to Reggie who's in back braces improves her grades and teach sberry makes her get into athletes as punishment for spreading rumors about her selling drugs she forgives her about it though because she good guy KY takes part in the math Le's final competition thing that takes place on the same night as the Spring Fling Bing chilling dance and after 87 minutes of intense Math League competition against another school's team or as I like to call it math turbing she 1 v1s another girl
on the team in the final question and wins the math competition for her school the team goes back to enjoy the final minutes of the Spring Fling thing and they make it back just in time for her to find out that she won Spring Fling Queen because everybody voted for her through a combination of hating Regina and horniness she goes up to take the prize or wear the Tiara or whatever and makes a little speech apologizing for all her wrongdoings and behavior taking full credit for the burn book then compliments everybody breaks up the Tiara
and gives pieces of it to all the nominees for gustava Fring Queen then breaks it up some more and throws more pieces out to the crowd telling them that they're old queens and the old deserve it like yes Queen you go girl the thing is though the amount of TR she's giving out looks hella disproportionate to the amount she had in the first place in other words it looks like she's giving out more Tiara than there was available initially cuz look at this she gave almost a full third of it to fetch [ __ ]
and look at how much she's throwing out to the crowd where is she getting all this from did she get an infinite Tiara whatever she gains back the respect and forgiveness of everyone including her parents who were there cuz her dad has a little bit confusion about what the word grounded means so do why actually cuz isn't the math leet thing a punishment so she's technically allowed to go do that since it's not her going out to have fun but I guess since she didn't even try and explain that she's going out to do something
like that then it doesn't count whatever who cares she makes up with Janice and Daman and gets with a a Ron Indian kidney failure dude gets with Janice re takes up lacrosse Karen gropes herself on TV fetch learns Vietnamese and they all get along with each other fine now then they see the new generation of plastics almost get one over by a bus does this school only hire homicidal autists as bus drivers or something what the [ __ ] whatever this movie gets 87 fetches out of 87 ponytails [Music] [Music]
