what up friends I'm lavender from Ohio and ever since I was born I've been physically attached to my sister rose rose we're live oh yeah like subscribe blah blah blah can we go now I have to pee anyway growing up with a literal human conjoin to me was anything but normal we had to have clothes made especially for our joint bodies and go to doctor appointments every month for health checkups everyone treated Rose and I like we were some kind of magical beings once when we were in the fifth grade this girl came up to
us at the playground squealing the two-headed creatures from my book are alive oh thank you so much for saving the kingdom can I have your autograph can you tell me my future I can give you a mouthful of fist Rose what have I told you punching children is not polite also it's borderline assault you're right I'm sorry we'll tell you your future but first you have to drink a potion to ward off any evil that might come your way wait here while we get it for you it's from a magical Fountain called La tolet Rose
gave the poor girl a bottle of toilet water every day that week until another kid caught her and reported her to the principal my sister had an awful temper and messed with everyone who pissed her off eventually my parents decided to homeschool us then one day when we were 16 Our Lives took a total 360 mom and dad had gone bankrupt and we could barely afford to pay rent so Rose and I decided to get jobs to help our parents out except there was one problem Rose's anger problem kept getting us fired from everywhere we
worked sorry to keep you waiting enjoy your buckets of greasy chemically processed poison what kind of demon are you you run a movie theater and you're not showing the new MSA movie you might as well just murder a kitten there was only one way I could cope with all the Insanity by talking to my secret online friend Bryce we'd met on a video game platform and every night when Rose went to sleep we talk on the phone for hours my sister had ruined all my friendships my school life and job but my relationship with Bryce
was Untouchable and one day he gave me some advice to go back to a regular school so I could get to socialize and try to live a normal teenager's life I just needed to teach Rose how to control her anger issues so after I convinced my parents to send us back to school I had a talk with rose we're starting 11th grade next month and we're probably going to be the only pair of conjoined twins so unless we want to be the school freaks again riding on a freak Show train wait no we never take
the train but if we want to go to a normal high school you have to learn to control your psycho ways yeah yeah why do you want to go back to real school anyway because I'm a 16-year-old girl with needs I want a social life that's so busy it'll make jealous witches scream while looking at my Instagram I want to be like other teenage girls you know have friends go to parties cry into a pint of ice cream after a breakup in a bathrobe why can't I have that too rose rose seemed to take my
speech seriously because when we entered high school the next day she was actually on good behavior even when kids inevitably stared whispered and pointed at us but when lunchtime time came we got a wild shock in the cafeteria guess who a weirdo with freakishly tiny hands uh-oh wrong twin holy crud it was Bryce I recognized him from his Instagram photos and boy was he gorgeous in person but what was he doing here I'm so sorry lavender I wanted to surprise you when you told me the high school you were going to I asked my parents
if I could transfer so we could be in the same class and finally be real life friends I really enjoyed talking to you over these past couple years also are my hands that tiny uh no you hesitated oh boy oh boy oh boy my BFF was here at my school and in person he looked like a Roman god stay cool stay cool and I actually did Bryce ended up hanging out with us after school and it was amazing then towards the end of our evening we were doing homework when Rose decided to cross-examine my friend
so Bryce I find it fascinating that you suddenly transferred to her school just to be closer to my sister even though you two had never even met in person before and when I went through your backpack I found a heart-shaped box of chocolates how interesting it is that lender loves chocolate um almost 90% of the world's population likes chocolate and what do you mean you went through my backpack it's a thing I do I go through everybody's stuff cuz I have trust issues and I'm convinced everyone's evil at heart my therapist says it has to
do with okay this has been a delightful get together brce I'll text you later that night I tried to go to sleep but Rose wouldn't show got up about Bryce she kept saying that he was shady and hiding something and that I should stay away from him I didn't listen to her at first but over the next couple of weeks I wondered if my sister was on to something while Bryce was handsome and sweet he acted way different in person than online he was constantly buying me expensive gifts and was always asking who I was
texting and where I was going it made me uncomfortable sometimes but it was also flattering to have a gorgeous heartthrob be so into me plus it was awesome for my popularity so when Bryce eventually asked me out I said yes one day Bryce invited us to dinner at his house so I could meet his parents he lived in a pretty small apartment and the furniture looked like it was falling apart but his parents were really sweet and everything seemed to be going well until Bryce invited me to his room afterwards to hang out that was
when Rose pulled me aside so how are we going to do this should I accidentally lock that creep in the closet while I search his room or maybe there's a way to make him mysteriously fall asleep Can't you stop acting like a sociopath for one freaking minute just let me hang out with my boyfriend in peace for the next couple hours Bryce and I had a blast playing video games checking out his comic books and having deep conversations he was so lovely and more than anything I wanted Rose to be wrong about him finally Bryce
passed out in front of his Xbox controller and Rose insisted we dig up some dirt on him before leaving we searched his room for evidence of anything suspicious but just as we were going to give up R found a hidden folder and when she opened it my heart dropped it was a restraining order well look at that your boyfriend got a restrain training order last year for stalking another girl everything makes so much sense now why a total stranger transferred to your school all of a sudden and immediately asked you out I knew this guy
was a SLE bag this has to be some kind of mistake I don't believe rice would do something like this but Rose just told me I was in denial and the next day before I could even confront Bryce she did the unthinkable she brought a megaphone to school and made a huge announcement in the hallway attention all ladies you all know lavender's Mega hot boyfriend Bryce that yummy smoke show you all wish you could date well I have bad news we discovered last night that Bry is actually a criminal who got a restraining order for
stocking so consider this a warning before he puts any of you in danger and for the record you creep this is also me telling you to stay away from me and my sister Bryce just stood there looking pale with shock as everyone started staring at him and Whispering so Rose had been right all along I had been such a naive idiot I was just about to officially break up with Bryce when suddenly he walked over how could you do this Rose these criminal records aren't what they look like I've never stalked anyone well according to
your files it looks like you did which makes perfect sense since you immediately transferred to the same high school I was going to after I told you the name of it and asked me to be your girlfriend right away I transferred to your school because I wanted a fresh start lavender listen I used to get bullied a lot at school I was shy and awkward and didn't know how to interact with other kids I also didn't always look like this at one point I had a crush on this girl and I tried flirting with her
but she wasn't interested so I backed off though on the last day of school she dropped this really expensive sweater on the floor and I wanted to bring it back to her but since I didn't have her number I followed her home the second she saw me she freaked out and accused me of stalking and harassing her before I got the chance to explain myself worst of all my backpack Zipper was open so it looked like I stole her sweater for creepy reasons it was all a misunderstanding but I became even more of an outcast
at my school after that lavender you were the first friend I ever had and when you told me you were transferring to a real high school I just got excited and saw it as an opportunity and yeah I kind of had a crush on you and I know I went over the top with the expensive gifts and stuff but I never meant to make you uncomfortable I just have never been good at talking to girls I like I was speechless as Bryce told me all this I had no idea he had suffered so much I
just threw my arms around him and started apologizing begging him not to transfer schools again but it was too late Rose had already ruined his life here even though she had just been trying to protect me I was certain Bryce was going to break up with me days went by and he didn't call or text or anything come on how many times do I have to apologize I know we'll watch MSA together but on YouTube not on Tik Tok I'm not letting you turn your brain to Mush sis thankfully a few days later Bryce came
by and decided to give me a second chance since the criminal record drama hadn't been my fault I thought thought everything was going to work out except it didn't I couldn't hang out with my boyfriend for 2 seconds without him and Rose fighting Bryce accused her of messing with his life Rose argued that she'd just been trying to protect me and there was a lot of name calling you're just jealous because lavender can get a boyfriend and you can't maybe it's because of your awful personality or the fact that you chew your food like a
horse at least I don't have biceps that look like photoshopped soccer balls seriously looking at your muscles gives me a stroke lavender get up so I can make an important announcement who's that ugly dummy that my crazy sister loves his hair's kind of crummy his weird biceps hurt my tummy he's little baby Satan from above enough with your freaking public announcements yeah Rose's tabletop rap got us kicked out of the restaurant and that night after our movie date Bryce and I had a difficult talk I don't know how much longer I can do this I'm
not happy in this relationship anymore because of your sister why does she have to be so look the two of us have been through a lot being conjoined twins and all I've always been able to be positive and keep my head up but Rose took the trauma much harder Bryce if you really love me you have to learn to love my sister too because she's literally part of me lavender I'm sorry but as long as she's here I can't be with you we're over and just like that Bryce broke up with me I was devastated
once again Rose had unintentionally ruined my relationship and my happiness and I felt nothing but anger towards her then several months later things got worse Rose and I started having serious health issues and the doctors didn't know what to do my parents had always been too scared to let us get the separation surgery but as time passed it was looking like we didn't have much of a choice we had to take the risk we were sitting in the hospital room an hour before our surgery when suddenly Rose started to cry I immediately asked her what
was wrong but she was almost too upset to speak lavender I am so sorry about everything I've done to you for making brace leave you for getting us kicked out of places because of my anger problems you turned out so normal well I turned out to be such a freaking train wreck Rose don't cry this is why we're getting separated we can finally live our own separate lives but I don't want to get the surgery I don't want anything to happen to you it hurt me to see Rose so sad and scared though when we
finally got the surgery the doctors were Amazed by our quick recovery and yeah we each had to get a prosthetic leg and and it felt weird walking in my new solo body but we felt healthier and happier than ever we even got to do a News segment about our successful separation and make some money are you ready for your new life are you ready for a new boyfriend because that weirdo in the audience has been checking you out don't worry though I won't wreck your love life this [Music] time
