i stopped being a good person

I used to believe that being a good person actually meant something. Like I genuinely believed that. I thought if I was loyal, they would be loyal.

If I was nice, they would be nice. If I showed up for them, they would show up for me. That belief is how the people around me learned that they could use me and drain me dry.

Nobody tells you this growing up, and nobody's going to tell you this to this day, but being good isn't a virtue in the real world. Nobody cares. Nobody cares if you're a good nice person and you go above and beyond for everyone around you.

It's a signal and that signals to people, oh this person can be taken from. People don't look at your goodness and your kindness and your sweetness and go, "Wow, how honorable. What a good person.

" They think, "Oh, this person's a giver. How much can I take? How much can I take from this person?

What is this person going to give me? " Nobody's going to tell you that because the world hates the truth. People hate the truth.

People are allergic to the truth. Okay? People avoid the truth like the plague.

Everybody wants to be told what they want to hear. And you're not going to want to hear this, but unfortunately, it's true. It's the reality of being a human being.

This is the realest video you're ever going to see on the way people really truly are in this world and what being a good person actually will get you. Spoiler alert used. Most people in the world aren't meticulous, malicious, mastermind, narcissists, okay?

They're opportunists. They respond to incentives. They move towards advantage and they take what is available.

That is the nature of this world. People take things. They love to take take take.

And good people make themselves very very available and easy to take from. You answer every call. You overexlain yourself.

You forgive people really fast. You give the benefit of the doubt. You give second, third, fourth, fifth chances.

You assume people mean well. That's not even morality. That's just poor positioning of yourself.

You're setting yourself up for failure. You're setting yourself up to be used. You're setting yourself up to be taken from, taken advantage of.

You are setting yourself up to be miserable when you believe these lies. Cuz let me tell you something. The world is not built on fairness.

It's built on leverage. The faster that you can learn that, the less you will bleed, the less you will suffer, the happier you will be, and the more you will get from life. People love to say, "Stay kind.

Don't change. You're perfect the way you are. You're such a good person.

" Because they're benefiting off of your kindness, off of your goodness, off of your availability, off of your back. And of course, they're going to tell you to never change. stay that way.

Don't you dare level up. Don't you dare chase your dreams. You know, people don't want to see you win.

People want to see you suffer. Like, they suffer. And when people tell you, "Oh, be nice to everyone.

Be a good person. Go do this for that person. Go do this.

Go do that. " They're not telling you to do that because it's knowable. They're telling you to do it because it's predictable.

And we're being conditioned in a society that relies on us to be predictable to keep the things moving along in good ways for the bad people, the people that are smarter than all of us. When you're a predictable good person, you're so easy to exploit. Do you have any idea how easy you are to exploit when someone knows how you're going to react, where you're going to go?

You're going to be the bigger person when those wicked people are trying to tear you down and do crazy things to you in your life. Do you know that they rely on you from this society's conditioning of, "Oh, be good. Be the bigger person.

You're better than them. " They rely on you to believe this garbage so that you don't ever stand up for yourself and you don't ever figure out the truth, which is most people are not good people. They are bad.

Being a good available person is only going to get is only going to bring you bad. You're surrounded by bad people. You're surrounded by people that want to exploit you and take and take and take.

People take what's available. So when you're a good person, aka what society calls is good is available. When you're an available person and all of your resources are available and you're available and your money's available for anyone who wants it.

You just give out all your money and you give out all of your tips and you give out all this, all that. People will take it. They will take it because of this programming of be the bigger person.

You're better than them. don't stoop to their level stuff that keeps you up up here, but really it's just preventing the bad, wicked people from being held accountable for the things that they do. Do you think you're being a good person by ignoring?

Do you think you're being a good person by ignoring all the bad crap and not putting people in their place and continuing to let them do these things to you because mentally you think like, I'm being the bigger person. I'm rising above this. Do you believe that people learn how to treat you by the way that you allow them to treat you?

So if you are just available all the time, you're a good, kind, nice person. You're teaching people to come take from you and they're going to take take take and take and take and take and take and take from you until you have nothing left if you let them. And that's what society tells you to do.

Be a good person. Be the beggar person. Just let them take take.

let them hit hit you, hit you, hit you, hit you. And you're supposed to be the bigger, better person because you are supposed to be stronger than these people when in reality, you're just letting all of these wicked, horrible people get away with what they've done to you. Isn't that Isn't that so backwards and so messed up?

I learned this the hard way. Not from books, not from a theory, but from patterns. I am a pattern expert when it comes to people.

I can read I can read patterns in people like the back of my hand. It's the same pattern over and over and over and over and over again. Duh.

Duh. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over again and expecting a change. Right.

Right. The nicer that I was to people, the more available and good I was, the more I was disrespected, the more I was taken from, the more I was taken advantage of, the more cruel people were to me, the more understanding I was, the more excuses I heard from everyone else, the more loyal I was, the more disposable I became, and the more loyalty meant less back to me. And it drove me crazy for so long cuz I was like, why?

Why? Why do people do this to me? I'm such a good person.

I'm such a nice person. Why are you doing that to me? I did this for you.

I did this for you. I did this for you. I did this for you and this for you, this for you.

And all you did was take take take. Well, duh. Well, duh.

Well, duh. When you are a good available person, people are wired to take. And it doesn't necessarily mean that these people are like some crazy malicious, you know, psychopaths.

No, these are everyday people. What's the friend you have right now? People are wired to take and take and take and see what you know, oh, this person's successful.

Let me just be friends with them over there and see if I can learn something. It's that that is this in a different package. Okay.

At some point, you have to stop asking yourself, why does this keep happening to me? And ask yourself instead, what am I signaling for these people to do this to me? Because at a certain point it is all your fault.

It kind of is your fault. Okay. Now I know you can't control other people's actions.

You can't control that they did that to you when you were a good person. But you are making it available. And what do you expect from human beings?

Seriously. Seriously. And if you're someone that's an optimist and you're like, "Oh, I see the best in everyone.

" And you haven't had these bad experiences yet. Then this is not for you. Okay?

come back when you learn what I said was right and you've had enough bad experiences with people, then you'll see what I'm talking about. But this is most people in society and most people watching this video will know exactly what I'm talking about. If the people around you are constantly taken from you, you're constantly being disrespected.

You're constantly being talked down to. You're constantly being treated bad. Ask yourself, okay, what am I signaling?

you're clearly wrong in your signaling and what you're and what you're showing outwardly to these people because if someone if you signal that you deserve respect and that you demand respect, these things wouldn't be happening to you. And the truth is people are never going to rise to your standards and values. They sink down to what you tolerate because people are lazy.

People like to get the highest return on their low low investment. They want to put in as little effort as they possibly can to see what they can get out of it. Good people tolerate a lot.

A lot. You put up You guys You guys put up with a lot a lot of junk and crap. And I choose not to live my life that way anymore.

And that's why I'm making this video. you these good people which I used to believe was like how I should be to get through life and make friends and have connections and be successful blah blah blah. No.

No. If you're a good person, you're tolerating inconsistency. You're tolerating disrespect dressed up as honesty.

You're tolerating being an option. You're tolerating disloyalty. You're tolerating liars and manipulators.

Tolerating users and abusers. Every single time you tolerate an interaction like this, you are teaching those people how to react with you, you're teaching these people the rules of interacting with you. If you have a boyfriend and you know he does something really shady or disgusting and you let that slide, you just taught him that he can do that to you.

He's not going to stop. One, two, he's going to keep pushing and see, okay, what else can I get away with? And if you're a good person, the allforgiving person that loves to give, you know, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seven, 8, nine, 10 chances, you know, you're so forgiving.

You are just basically you don't have a spine. Like you're going to get this not just from the person closest to you in your life who should be like your partner, but you're going to get it even worse with friendships, co-workers, people at work, people you're trying to work with. Everyone's going to treat you like that because you're signaling that you don't respect yourself and you're a good person.

You're available. You have things available for them to take. And what are they going to do?

They're going to take it. When you tolerate disrespect and bad people and bad situations, they're learning from you to keep doing it. You're you're literally teaching them, "Yes, yes, keep doing this to me.

Keep doing it. " You're you're not being taken advantage of because you're unlucky. Okay?

You're being taken advantage of because you're signaling that you're convenient to be taken advantage of. There is nothing threatening about a person that is endlessly patient. Okay?

There is nothing threatening. If I'm a super nice, understanding person, you could be 5 hours late to my house when I'm having dinner at 7 and show up at 10:00 and be like, "Oh, but she's so nice. She's understanding.

She won't care. " People start to put that into what they think about you as a person. That becomes your character to them.

They're like, "Oh, she's so nice. She wouldn't care. " They invite strangers over to your house without letting you know first because she's so nice.

She doesn't care. She won't care. There is nothing intimidating about a person who always is understanding.

There is nothing valuable about something that never withholds. Okay? How could you be a respectable, intimidating, valuable person if you're just like so open and free to everyone, anywhere, anytime, with no withholding of your time?

You're always accessible. Like, you know, that's that's just not how things work. That's just not how things work.

Scarcity creates value. And being a good person almost always means that you are not scarce. You give access before you receive respect.

You give loyalty before you receive some proof. You give effort when it's not reciprocated. That's not kindness, you guys.

You guys, that's not even kindness. That's a bad strategy. You guys are thinking that I'm talking about, okay, good people like this is saying to go be evil and a horrible, nasty person.

No, you need to stop being a horrible, nasty person to yourself and letting anyone do whatever they want to you. How could you possibly be a good person or a nice kind person worth that other people care you know about being around you? Okay, you want to be seen as valuable to people around you.

How could you possibly be seen as that if you give value to everyone? You're super understanding. You don't demand any respect.

You let anyone disrespect you. You know, people aren't going to care if you're there or not. They're going to care what they can take from you.

The darkest truth about all of this. People don't feel guilty about using you if you made it really easy. They don't they they just don't they don't feel bad.

You think people feel bad after using you and draining you and using your resources and using your availability? Do you think so? No.

They think, "Oh, she was just doing that. She does that for everyone anyway. She's just that type of person.

" Is that how you want to be seen? Is that what you want to signal to people? Is that what you want to signal?

Is that what you want everyone to think about you? They might even like you while they're using you. They're going to call you so sweet, so genuine, such a good person.

Right before they cross another boundary, right before they use another resource, right before they ask for more. You're so nice. So, about that other thing.

You're such a genuine person. Oh my gosh, I love you so much. So, you know that friend you were telling me about?

Oh, yeah. Can you introduce me to them? Can you take me on their boat with them sometime?

People aren't going to feel confident and comfortable doing that if they didn't think that you were such a little wimp, an easy person to persuade and please and just ask. People will look at your face and say, "You're so sweet. You're so genuine.

" Right before they disappear when you need them. Good people aren't seen as equals. They're seen as resources to take from.

Yep. That's what everyone's looking at you like. Trust me.

And resources are used and managed, not ever respected. Nope. The world does not reward goodness.

Okay? I mean, hello. Look around.

Look around. Are you being clapped for when you're good? No.

The world rewards leverage, positioning, and perception. You don't get ahead by being morally pure. I need everyone here to like me so that I can get ahead.

Are you Are you Are you crazy? Are you crazy? Get ahead by being psychologically accurate, understanding how a human being works, how understanding how the human brain works, how understanding your peers around you, how they work, that is how you get ahead.

And that's the only way you get ahead. Okay? Understanding how people work is power.

It's knowledge. It's predicting. It's predicting patterns.

It's recognizing these patterns. It's knowing what someone's going to do when you do what. It's power.

People aren't loyal to you. They're loyal to what you provide. Your time, your money, your attention, your access, your resources, your status, your emotional labor, your usefulness.

Remove the benefit. Remove the benefit and watch how fast the loyalty disappears. % evaporates.

That is just reality. That's that's reality. If you listen to me right now and you change your mindset as you hopefully do, you're not being cold or evil and it's not malicious at all to think this way.

Okay? Protecting yourself isn't malicious. This is protecting yourself.

Like it or not, if you accept what I'm saying right now, you're accepting that you're no longer going to lie to yourself. You're not going to be so naive anymore. You're not going to be taken advantage of anymore.

You're not going to hyperfixate on being seen as the good person anymore. And that is a good thing. You're going to come up on so many things.

You're going to say, "Wow, everyone around me is treating me so different right now. Why is that? I must be signaling something more important, something more valuable, something someone wants to respect.

" I didn't realize all this and just become mean or cold or evil. I just became more selective. It's okay to say no.

It's okay to deny access to most people. It's okay. Why is that seen as evil?

Why is that seen as like, "Oh, you're such a bad person. You didn't let all these strangers over to your house or why you're such a bad person. Such a bad person because you didn't drive across town for this person.

" Like, what? No. No.

That's not reality. And if someone tells you that, they're lying to your face because they're trying to extort you. It doesn't mean this doesn't mean that you're shutting off your emotions and you stopped caring.

You stopped over cararing. You stopped over giving. You stopped offering all these things to people who didn't truly earn it first.

And suddenly everything will change. People start behaving better. People start respecting you.

People think twice before testing you because they're thinking, "Oh, she's probably not going to let me get away with that. She doesn't let people disrespect her. So, I better not disrespect her.

I better not use her or try to play with her. Try to screw her screw her over because who knows what she's going to do. I don't know what she's going to do.

She's not predictable. Oh, that's what you want. That's what you want.

Okay, fear gets a really bad reputation. But let's be honest, respect comes from consequences, not kindness. Why do we have laws?

Why do we have laws protecting us if so and so breaks into your house? Do you think that those people should just get away with it? Why doesn't everyone just break into everyone's house then and go take everything they want since or go to the store and take anything they want since it's all free?

Consequences. People don't do it because there's laws. It's not right.

It's wrong. Yes, but you're getting the bigger picture, right? People don't care if things are right or wrong.

People don't care if things are right or wrong. They're not doing these things because there's consequences. You need to have consequences for people that test you and do you wrong.

You need to show people what happens when they use you and abuse you and talk to you with disrespect and try to play in your face. You need to give people consequences. Okay?

Nobody respects what they can abuse without a cost. Nobody. Why would they?

There's there's no cost. So, it's free. It's free.

Nothing's going to happen. They can just do whatever they feel like. Being good without power is a liability.

You're a liability to yourself. Okay? You're going to look back at the end of your life and be like, "Wow, I should have been stricter.

I should have, you know, all these people that came up off me and took these things from me. " And you're going to be filled with regret. Don't be that bitter, miserable person that made all the wrong choices.

Make the right ones. You don't win by being the better person. You win by being the person who understands the game that we're all playing.

Whether you like it or not, we're all playing a game. And the game is called life. Everyone else is optimizing for advantage and they're minimizing loss and they're extracting value.

That's just that's how everyone is pretty much. The only difference is whether you're aware of it or not. Good people stay unaware because for some reason awareness feels ugly or wrong or evil.

It's so not shatters this fantasy that effort and kindness is always appreciated and rewarded and like intentions matter. They don't. Outcomes do.

Once you accept that, you stop being so shocked by human behavior and you stop asking yourself why why why do all these bad things keep happening me keep happening to me? Why do people keep doing these things to me? Because duh, because duh, why wouldn't they?

They have no conf they have no consequence to not. You will stop feeling betrayed. You will stop being confused.

You will start knowing exactly what's going on. You will have anticipation. And anticipation is power.

I don't assume loyalty anymore. That's crazy. Watch behavior instead.

I don't expect fairness from anybody. I don't expect that. I create leverage.

I don't give first and just give and give and give. I observe and see who's earned it. That's not evil.

That's survival with standards. Standards. Okay.

The real mistake isn't becoming ruthless. Staying naive in a world that exploits and drains you dry when you are naive. Being a good person is how you're going to get used.

Being smart is how you get it to stop. Once you stop being so easy to use, people will either rise to match you or they will disappear because there's no other option for them. Either way, you win.

Thank you for coming and listening to my rant. By the way, my pajama line, Miss Borland, they are the most comfortable pajamas I've ever worn in my life. Love them.

I'm linking it in the description if you want to pick up your own. Also, my ebook is also going to be in the description, which I highly, highly, highly, highly recommend you read if you're new here. And as always, I will see you guys on the next one.

Bye.