40 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew In My 20s

Here are 40 truths I know now that I wish I knew in my 20s. I learned these working in the White House, advising companies and nonprofits, and writing seven books on business, creativity, and human behavior. Number one, don't work with some people, including a few talented people, are jerks.

You might believe you can change them or tolerate them or steer around them. You can't. They're toxic.

In the end, they'll poison you. Number two, shortcuts are scams. You want shortcuts?

I want shortcuts. You'll go looking for them. I've gone looking for them.

But for anything meaningful, shortcuts rarely exist and often backfire. Take the long road. Number three, you're not the main character in other people's lives.

We all think other people are watching us, scrutinizing us, evaluating us. It's called the spotlight effect. But here's the truth.

That spotlight is shining only in your head. Nobody's paying attention to you cuz everyone is focused on themselves. So, stop worrying about what others think and get on with your life.

Number four, don't craft a resume. Build a body of work. You might think that your resume, your CV, your LinkedIn profile is what will lead you to the next opportunity.

And you'd be wrong. It's your body of work. What have you done?

What have you built? What have you created? People will use that, not your carefully curated collection of credentials to decide whether they want to work with you.

Number five, raw talent is overrated. Persistence is underrated. The world is littered with talented people who didn't persist, but the world is changed by less talented people who kept at it, pushed forward, and persisted, persisted, persisted.

Number six, action beats planning. I'm a planner. You might be too and that can be helpful.

But I've learned the hard way that planning has its limits. Especially in a chaotic, unpredictable world. Our instinct is to understand first and then do.

But many times doing is the only way to understand. Number seven, cynicism isn't intelligence. Don't fall for the cynical genius illusion.

The belief that cynics are more intelligent than the rest of us. The better predictor of intelligence is openness to new perspectives, new ideas, and new beliefs. Number eight, move.

Exercise is the single best thing you can do for your physical and mental health. It makes you stronger, healthier, happier, and better at just about everything. Make time to work out, go for a run, whatever.

Just move. Number nine, over time, you'll regret what you didn't do. I spent a few years studying the painful emotion of regret.

What's clear as day? People regret inactions longer and more deeply than actions. Not starting a business, not asking someone out on a date, not taking a trip.

That's what haunts us. Over time, you'll regret your inactions way more than your actions. So, take the chance.

Number 10. No matter what you're working on, it will be governed by Hoffad's law. What's that?

Hoffad's law states it always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hoffad's law. Number 11, ask for advice. The best way to get feedback is not to ask for feedback, but instead to ask for advice.

People are flattered when you ask them for advice. They think more of you, not less. And instead of giving you vague responses, they offer actionable guidance.

Number 12, simplify. Simplicity is a strength. Work, work, work to make complex things simple.

That's the mark of real intelligence. Number 13. Luck is more important than you realize.

We like to believe that success is a combination of talent and effort, and that's a big part of the equation. But another factor is luck. And that can be frustrating, especially when someone else lucks out and you don't.

Just remember, the harder you work, the luckier you'll get. Number 14, stop waiting for permission. In the real world, there's no hall monitor handing out permission slips.

Give yourself permission. Don't spend your life trying to get others to pick you. Instead, as Seth Goden says, pick yourself.

Number 15. A reputation takes decades to build and a moment to destroy. It sounds cliche, but your reputation is one of your most important assets.

It's also your most fragile asset. Protect it. Number 16.

Focus on what you can control. Imagine a pie chart. One slice contains the things you can control, your effort, your generosity, and so on.

Another slice is the things you can't control. Economic conditions, other people's reactions, and so on. The can't control piece is bigger than you think.

The can control piece is more important than you think. Direct your time, your energy, and your attention there. Number 17, everything reverts to the mean.

Time for a little statistics 101. Mean reversion. It's the tendency for things like prices or temperatures or three-point shooting percentages to snap back to average.

This principle also applies to your life. When things are going really well, pretty soon they'll go less well. When things are going really poorly, pretty soon they'll get better.

The more life's rubber band stretches, the more it wants to snap back. Number 18, read more. I don't know a single person who reads too much, but most people I know read too little.

Reading is the most effective and enjoyable way to learn, to grow, and understand the minds of others. Number 19. Consistency beats intensity.

It's better to write 30 minutes every day than 10 hours once a month. Better to exercise a little every day than doing a few bursts of killer exercise on one or two weekends. Be a tortoise, not a hair, because the tortoise won and lived a lot longer.

Number 20, treat everyone with respect. I know it sounds uncontroversial, but you'd be surprised how many people don't follow this simple rule. You'll encounter lots of folks who kiss up and kick down.

Avoid them. Because if you don't, you'll become them. Yes, the world has hierarchies.

That's a fact. Treat the people at the top with respect. Treat the people at the bottom with respect.

That's 20. We're halfway home. Number 21.

Mediocrity is the real threat. You might be terrified of failure. I get it.

But what you should be scared of is mediocrity. Failure is short-lived. It won't kill you.

Being average, ho hung, settling for the mundane, that can be a slow death. Number 22. It doesn't hurt to ask.

If you want something, a job, a discount, a date, whatever, just ask. You'll probably get a no, but you'll get a yes more often than you suspect. Number 23.

Curiosity beats certainty. You'll believe some things deeply and that can be good. But if you're sure about everything, you'll run off the side of the road.

So be less certain and more curious. And whenever you're feeling especially certain, whenever you know you're totally right, ask yourself, why might I be wrong? Number 24.

In the end, it's on you. Yes, it's great to have mentors. Yes, you should seek advice from lots of people.

But to actually accomplish anything, you'll have to do most of it yourself. Number 25. The most important choice you make is the people you surround yourself with.

This matters more than your college major, more than your choice of profession, more than whatever jobs you take or turn down. The people who become your spouse, your friends, your co-workers will shape who you are. Choose them carefully.

Number 26. Like it or not, you're in sales. I wrote a whole book about this.

A huge portion of what you do at work is persuading, convincing, and cajoling others. Selling. If you don't like that, well, get over it.

Number 27. Think positive sum. Too many people view life as a zero sum game.

For them to win, someone else must lose. That's a colossal mistake. Most encounters are positive sum.

The best way to win is to help the other person win. If you want a bigger slice of the cake, work to bake a larger cake. Number 28.

Take a break or you'll break. Breaks are part of your work, not deviations from your work. Amateurs grind until they crack.

Professionals take breaks. Number 29. Spend less than you can.

Whatever your level of income or wealth, live beneath your means. Be frugal. Keep your overhead low.

Don't spend money to impress other people. Do spend money to save time to have new experiences and most important connect with the people closest to you. Number 30, be confident and humble.

Confidence without humility can make you an Humility without confidence can make you a pushover. Confidence and humility can make you a superstar. Number 31.

Happiness is the byproduct, not the goal. Don't chase happiness. Instead, seek meaning, growth, contribution, and love, and happiness will follow.

Number 32, ask more questions. When I was in my 20s, I was eager to spout answers, even when I didn't know what I was talking about, especially when I didn't know what I was talking about. That makes me cringe now.

To learn more and connect with others, ask questions, lots of questions, real questions, and then listen to the answer. Number 33. In the game of life, what matters is shots on goal.

You have no idea which projects are going to work. So, don't stress out over that. Just keep trying a lot.

The people who make the biggest breakthroughs are usually the people who've taken the most shots. Number 34. Some things that are not your fault are your responsibility.

You didn't toss that trash on the sidewalk, but you should still pick it up. You didn't cause the injustice in the world, but you should still do something about it. Spend less time assigning blame and more time taking responsibility.

Number 35, save early and often. As soon as you start making money, start saving money, even if it's a little. Then put your savings on autopilot and don't think about it until a few decades later when you'll thank your younger self.

Compounding interest is the second most powerful force in the universe. Number 36. If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

You will rise to the level of the people around you. You will sink to the level of the people around you. Surround yourself with people who make you better.

Number 37. When in doubt, reach out. If you ever wonder whether to call or text a friend or relative you haven't talked to for a while, go ahead and do it.

Push past the awkwardness. Send the text. Make the call.

You'll be glad you did. and so will they. Number 38, say yes early, say no later.

Knowing when to say yes and when to say no is one of life's secrets. I still haven't figured it out, but I have a rule of thumb. The younger you are, the more you should say yes.

The older you are, the more you should say no. Number 39. Sleep is a superpower.

I've always wanted to be one of those people who could thrive on 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I'm not. Neither are you.

Only about 1% of the population are naturally short sleepers. So if you're in the 99%, get your sleep. You'll accomplish more and live longer.

Number 40, love wins. Remember when I said that compounding interest was the second most powerful force in the universe? Well, the most powerful force is love.

Yeah, I know it sounds cheesy, but buried within that cheese is life's most important truth. The only thing that matters in the end is whether you have people you love and people who love you. That's it.

40 harsh truths. Pick one that made you flinch. Write it down and do something about it this week.

I've compiled another list that you might find useful. It's 21 books that will change the way you look at life. There are millions of books to read.

Make sure you're reading ones that expand your mind and help you move forward. Until next time.