Marriage mini Boot Camp five

Okay, we're going to get real serious a bit because this we're starting to wind things around a little bit. This video is extremely important for your kids, for your relationship, and for an understanding of why we do what we do and why I'm even making this video, right? Why do I care about this?

Why is marriage so important that we don't let it fail? I I almost feel like just putting my paper down and just talking to you from the heart because but I'm not going to because I made some good notes here. Here's the thing, guys.

Our marriage is a legacy. We come from a legacy. Then it's our turn as a husband and wife and a family to create our legacy that will transpire from generation to generation to generation.

That's why for me it is so very important. Everything I do, including the parenting videos I do, this marriage video I do, for me everything is about legacy. I want you to have a great legacy.

I want your kids to be trained in a way that is going to help them train their kids to train their kids to train and future generations depend on this generation doing it right. Stop letting society beat you up and to make you think that all of the things that God wants for us is stupid and we let all of the things that we need to take seriously go out the window and we need to get back on what does God want for our family? What does he want for you?

What does he want for your wife, your marriage, your children? It is a legacy. What happens to your kids based on your marriage will affect them greatly.

Fathers that walk out of the home, Google it. There is a list a mile long of what happens to your children when the family splits up and the fathers leave the home. It is huge.

Huge. You're destroying your kids self-confidence and their self-esteem by breaking up a marriage. Stop feeling like kids are resilient.

They'll be fine. It happens all the time. I had a hair when I was a hairdresser, one of my clients told me that when they were going to get a divorce, how and there was no deal breaking situation.

They just kind of fell out of love and the kids will be fine. Happens all the time. That is absolutely not true.

Do your research. Your kids will suffer greatly. The only reason that their life will get better is if you've made their life in the family so much hell that they're glad to have you split up.

Because you being split up is better than you being together. And that's just as much of a failure as it is if you just stayed married. And I mean, we we got to start taking our lives seriously, people.

You get one life to live. We get one life to live. And you need to do it with integrity and honor and do it to the best of your ability.

And there I said it. When we're talking about marriage, we know, and I know I'm yelling at you. This is me yelling.

We know when we are not living our life with integrity. We know when we are not in the marriage doing what we are supposed to do. So here it is.

God told me, and I say it in all of my parenting stuff. I, you know, if you follow me at all, you probably have heard these because I believe it's all areas of our life. God told me this many, many years ago.

There are three things that we need to have in balance in our life to have a well- balanced life. And this means whether it's your marriage, your parenting, your career, making money, all of it comes down to these three. You ready for it?

Are you ready for it? One, we need faith in God. If we are not looking to God for guidance, I don't know how you do life.

I truly don't. I have cried on God's shoulder so many times to get me through difficult times in my marriage, difficult times with my kids, difficult times with my businesses. I've had multiple businesses.

I've had some huge successes and I've had some failures. So trust me, I have cried on his shoulder with all of the failures and I've been very thankful. Actually, one of the biggest successes I had was also probably one of the hardest things of my life.

I thought I was drowning and I just had to keep my head above as it was going. It was going going so fast and so hard and so strong. It was right on his shoulder then too.

I live in gratitude. Okay. Faith in God.

That's why I feel like it's so important. He's been there for me all the time. God is good.

God is good all the time. Two, the law of attraction, and I always say, not the woohoo kind. The law of attraction is our energy.

And it's what we were just talking about earlier, is how fun are you to be. You live on the positive side or the negative side. You live out of fear and hate and anger and all of that.

We know what the negative things are. Do we stay on that side? If you look at it as a scale, are you on the negative.

Everything is getting to you. Everything makes you cranky. Everything is a deal.

Where are you a positive person? You look on the the glass half full. You live out of hope and joy and love and giving and peace.

And if you don't have that balance, that's the problem right there. We got to look at these three things. Faith in God, law of attraction, our energy.

We live in the positive begets positivity. Negativity begets negativity. And when you put this in a marriage, it's huge.

It's huge. I live my life knowing that if I'm in a negative state, man, I got to get over to gratitude. I got to start being grateful for the things that God has done for me.

I got to start looking in the past for all the good things that he's done for me. I need to look around me and go, you know what? I don't have one thing to complain about because I know people that are going through so much worse than me.

For me, that's always a good thing. And I can look at other people that are struggling and think, "Oh, God, you've blessed me so much. And I'm so grateful for the marriage.

I'm so grateful that my husband loves me. I'm so grateful that my kids love me. I am so grateful for the grandkids I have.

I'm so grateful for my home and my things and my my love of my life. But if you wouldn't mind, would you mind helping me with this one thing? " Right?

That's what I That's how I work. And then thirdly, oh, people don't like this one. 100% personal accountability.

We got to own our guys. Pure. See, I told you I do that once.

I'm sorry. We have to own our crap. 100% personal accountability.

We're not a victim. We don't blame others for why we are where we are. And you think, well, if you knew my husband or if you knew my parents the way I was raised, yeah, we can all come up with reasons why life has been hard for us.

We all have them. Some of the most successful people in the world come from horrible things. But you either make that work for you or you forgive it and you let it go.

You put it in the past. And it is a choice. It's not an easy choice.

I know that I'm a victim of some of my upbringing. I've evaluated it. I've talked about it.

I have forgiven because I wanted a happy life. When I was very young, I started listening to Tony Robbins. I talk about this all the time.

I used to walk my little dog with my Walkman and learn how to have a powerful life. I wanted that so badly. I committed to happiness at some point in my life.

And I know a very specific time when my husband and I sat in our chairs and committed to happiness. We could lose everything. And I don't want to.

And I pray to God every day that he protects our finances and protects our family. and I'm grateful every day for all that he does for me. But we made a commitment to happiness.

We have to own our life and our decisions and our choices. If we are too passive, we need to own that. If we have been too aggressive, we need to own that.

Wherever we are on that scale, we have to own what we've allowed in our life, how we've allowed people to treat us, how we've allowed ourselves to treat others. We have to hold our self personally accountable for our actions. If we're too hard on our kids, if we're spanking our kids and yelling at our kids and treating them badly, showing them disrespect, we need to ask forgiveness from them.

And we need to do better. Get one of my parenting courses, right? We have got to hold ourselves accountable.

stop letting ourselves live at a level that is not up to who we think we should be and who God wants us to be with God's help with a better attitude and understanding the positive and the negative side of things. And then if we stay over here, we're going to get nothing but more negative. But if we come over to the good side and we follow God's plan for our life, he wants only good stuff for your family.

He wants you to have a strong, powerful family. He does not want you beaten down. He does not want you weak.

He wants you strong. And see, I've hardly even looked at my notes. I am so I do this every day because of feeling this strongly about the family.

Society is absolutely breaking down the family. They let it known. You can get divorced.

It's okay. You can go get another man. If you cheat on your spouse, that's okay.

She'll forgive you or she won't. Either way, I have been in the hairdressing world for so many years. I watched people cheat and cheat and cheat and just act like it's a bad weekend.

That's the one thing in the Bible that says you have the right to get a divorce over. It's excuse me, it is a big deal. We don't cheat ever because you have a long road to hide to go through if that happens.

There's a lot of forgiveness that has to happen and a lot of understanding. I'm not going to get into all that. You need to cherish your wedding vows.

Honor the vows that you made. Understand that if you don't do this for your children, you're harming them. You just are.

Now, you have to act right. You can't treat your spouse wrong. You can't watch your kids look at the way you treat your son or your daughter and not take that seriously.

They are looking to you for how love is represented. How will they treat their spouse or how will they allow a spouse to treat them really comes down to your ability to love? And the demonstration that you have shown them what love looks like.

And if you haven't done it right, I would get on your knees at the end of this video. Pray to the God above to forgive you and to bring a bond together for your marriage that is unbreakable. Unbreakable.

Let no one come before your family. When you leave your parents and go to a wife and then have your own children, that is your main purpose for being on this earth. It is why God put you here.

He put you here. And nothing is more important than to raise a family and to procreate and to have more babies and to raise them in the faith of God, Jesus, the savior of the world. That is why you're here.

No other reason. Do not put money above it. Do not put your in-laws above it.

Do not put your friends above it. And I I know I have that on my notes somewhere and I didn't say it, but I'm going to say this. Do not let your friends get into the marriage.

And you're thinking, well, why would I do that? Girls, this is one girl talking to another girl. I had to learn this way, way, way back when.

My best friend and I were still best friends to this day. We had to make a conscious conversation to say we're going to stop talking negatively about our husbands. And if we do ever have a conversation with each other about our husband because we're have a problem.

The only thing that we're allowed to do is help each other resolve that problem. We're not going to get into it and say, "Oh my gosh, he sucks. He's this.

He's that. " Because we started doing that. And I could tell you, I was mad at my husband before I even saw him and he hadn't even done nothing because I was like, "You're right.

Mine does that, too. And that ain't right. " Blah blah blah blah blah.

Friends can destroy marriages. They can start making you think things that are not godly. If you have a godly friend that is going to boost your marriage, that's different.

If they're going to encourage you to look at something a little differently, make your marriage better because of the advice they give you. And I am trying very hard to be that friend. We will not allow anybody into this marriage that is going to break it down.

No one. it wouldn't have been my parents or his parents. We never let that happen.

Or his siblings or my friends or his friends. Nobody gets to be a part of. And I remember my husband telling me years ago when we had a young family because I was really into my friends and my career kind of, you know, and I loved the fun of the hairdressing world and we would do all kinds of fun and I had a lot of good friends.

But let me remind you something. Nobody will be there for you more than me. I am your spouse.

I love you more than anybody else. You think your friends are so important, and they are. They have their place, but nobody will love you more than your family.

And there's been things that have happened over the years that he has shown me, I could almost become a little bit emotional about it. He has shown me love when I didn't deserve it. He has shown me love and strength when I felt like he was so he has a lot of uh aches and pains due to arthritis that are very very severe.

He's already had you know knee replacement, shoulder replacement, two back surgeries and he still is out there working. Flies airplanes for a living. He loves it.

No matter how much pain he is in, he is such good spirits. He's always encouraging. He's always loving.

Like I I just cannot believe how fortunate I became. I didn't earn it. I didn't deserve it.

I don't know how I wound up getting what I have. But as him and I both talked about, it is two people being willing to come together and say, you know what, we want to do this right. We want to honor each other.

Yeah. There were times when we were young, we wanted to kill each other. But failure wasn't an option.

Failure is not an option. Somebody's got to learn to compromise. And when push comes to shove, women, I am sorry, but it is the husband's role when you cannot reach an agreement like the dog training GPS.

If worse comes to worse, I would have had to give in and let him make this. and it would have killed me to do it. There were times that he had to make decisions that I didn't love.

Somebody has to be able to break the tie. I guess that's how I looked at it. I would give it my best plea.

I would give it my best argument knowing that he loved me and cared about me and cared about my opinion and then he would have to make a decision. Didn't happen a lot. He was a pilot.

He traveled a lot. I had to I had to run the show. We all had our roles.

My roles are different than your roles. Your roles are going to be different than your friends roles. You got to negotiate them.

Agree to them. Hold up your end of the bargain. Treat each other with dignity and respect.

Love each other. Love your children. Demonstrate to your children what you want them to be like for their spouse.

Everything you don't like about yours, teach your kids to do better. Now, let me look at my notes and make sure I got through everything that I wanted to say. Love changes and deepens over time.

That is the truth. We just don't fight anymore much. There's just nothing that important.

We just want to live the last few years of our life being really happy. It gets better when you've put in the work in the past. Marriage isn't 50/50.

It's 100% 100%. When each person is giving, it all works. Uplift each other.

Help out when your husband is tired. Help out when your wife is stressed and overworked. Step up when you can see that she needs your strength or he needs your strength.

Teach your kids through your example. Don't just raise kids. Raise leaders by leading them, right?

Demonstrate. Speak life over your spouse and don't trash them to your friends. I did get that in there.

Okay. Your marriage must be protected at all cost. friends, kids, even church activities do not come before it.

Nothing comes before your marriage because God wants him to be first in your life. Not the church necessarily. He wants God first, then the husband, then wife, then children.

Disagreements are normal. Come to terms. Choose unity.

Every marriage problem boils down to selfishness. Consider the other person. I remember hearing that in a message by a pastor many years ago.

stand it stands out to me. Every problem you're having in your marriage comes down. And if you can really look at it from that point of view, doesn't mean you have to give in on everything, but it means you can do is this how important is this 1 to 10?

How important is this to me? This is it in a nutshell. I'm just going to kind of go through my notes right now just like I was.

I want to make sure I get all this out before 20 minutes because we're coming up on. Your family is your highest calling. Feed it, protect it, nurture it daily.

Nothing is more important than your family. Not your job, not your money. If you had to give it all up and start over so you could protect your family, you would do it.

And you should be clear about the family and atmosphere you want. Peaceful, loving, respectful. You have to you have to represent that.

You have to make that happen. It's not going to happen unless you make that happen. Demonstrate leadership.

Show your children with healthy what healthy problem solving looks like. Don't be bitter. Don't let bitterness build.

Resentment kills connection. There you go. That's a good one.

Apologize when you're wrong. Forgive quickly. Teach these kids.

Teach these skills to your kids. Live up to your end of the marriage. Responsibilities matter.

Talk about that. Society may devalue family, but God doesn't. It is your calling.

Do not listen to what society is telling you about the family because it is absolutely out there trying to kill our family that it is destroying the family. Get yourself into a good church. Get yourself into a very good relationship with Christ and build your family on that.

He is the one that is going to be your rock to get you and your family through everything. Go to a pastor if you need help in your marriage. If you really need some counseling, don't don't just go to anybody.

Get somebody that's faith-based, that's going to lead you the right way. Your family is your ministry. Protect it with everything you've got.

There's nothing more important. I can't tell you to keep saying it and saying it, saying it. Love will conquer all if you allow it.

If you really want your marriage to work, we both have to care. We both need to get to the point where we are willing to go, you know what? I don't like the way things have been.

I have been wrong. I have been so wrong on so many things. and that we both need to admit that we have made a mess of things.

We have to admit we don't treat each other right. And I I I think when you're really in the thick of it, you spend some time every evening going, "How'd we do today? Oh, let's talk about it.

Where did I mess up? Where did you mess up? What can I do better tomorrow?

How can I help you? " It needs to be a priority. See, the notes are gone.

This is just me. I'm telling you, there were things that I was weak at and my husband was strong. And there was things I was strong at and my husband was weak.

But we lifted each other up. We made our family a priority. I hope that this little mini boot camp, I really want to feel that it made the difference in your life.

Please feel free to reach out. Please feel free to let me know what you think of this. I love to hear.

I'm just telling you there is nothing more important in your relationship. God first, faith. Check your energy, positive or negative.

Get over on the positive side. I'll leave you some resources. And then third, 100% personal accountability.

Own yourself and do better. family. They depend on you.

It's your legacy. Good luck to you all.