From the moment I entered high school, I basically had bully me written on my forehead. My life was normal. [music] Average grades, average height, average hair that never did what Tik Tok boys hair does.
At home, it was just [music] me and mom. Mom, can we move to a new planet? >> Only if that planet has cheaper rent.
>> She was loving, chaotic, [music] great at microwave cooking, and forever trying to fix my shyness. She even signed me up for a drama class at the local community center, which spoiler alert, after 6 weeks of [music] pretending to be a tree, I was still shy. And high school had Logan, captain of the basketball team, jawline carved by God.
He had a full-time hobby, humiliating me. One day in the cafeteria, he grabbed my phone and projected one of my photos on the big screen. Me at 10 hugging a giant stuffed unicorn wearing unicorn pajamas and braces and a bowl cut.
Basically a hate crime. >> Behold, ladies and gentlemen, the reason Jay is still single. >> I wanted the floor to open up.
But I'd also have taken being hit by lightning or randomly [music] passing out. >> You know what, Jay? I'll make you a deal.
If you get a girlfriend before prom, I'll delete that pic from everywhere I'm about to put it on social media. But if you don't, I'll have it printed on t-shirts for the whole grade. He laughed like a cartoon villain and [music] casually walked away while my soul left my body.
That night, I cried dramatically into my pillow. What was I going to do? I couldn't look [music] a girl in the eye for more than 30 seconds, let alone ask one out.
>> I'm never showing my face again. >> Then suddenly, I had an idea. People meet girls all the time on dating [music] apps.
I'll make a profile. Surely I can't be that bad. But as soon as I opened up my phone, my unicorn picture was everywhere with trillions of comments like, "Bet this guy never even held a girl's hand.
" And the thing is, it was true. I stared at my screen, hoping to evaporate when a fire lit inside me. A very dumb, very reckless fire.
I was [music] going to fake one. I mean, how hard could it be? The next day, on the way to school, I decided to plan what I was going to say about [music] her.
She has brown hair. Then, bam! I slammed into something and braced myself for Logan.
It turned out to be a tree. The whole way my [music] head pounded and my vision blurred, causing me to hold on to things and stumble and making me look even more of an idiot. By the time I sat down in the first period, I was sweaty, dizzy, and 100% not ready to launch Operation Fake Girlfriend.
That is until Logan arrived. >> Hey Jay, big question. Are you bringing your unicorn Friday?
>> I sunk in my chair. Why did he do this to me? Then out of nowhere, my mouth opened and words came out.
Actually, I kind of already have a girlfriend. The room went silent and 22 heads turned to face me. Logan [music] burst out laughing.
[laughter] That's the dumbest thing I've heard all week. And my idiot little brother tried to microwave a fork yesterday. You have a girlfriend?
>> I desperately tried to think of something to say, my head pounding. What's her name then? >> I panicked.
Debs. >> Isn't that your mom's name, too? >> Yes, everyone.
I don't help myself. >> You're such a dumbass. Where does she live?
Narnia. What school does she go to? Hogwarts.
What's her Instagram? >> She's shy. She doesn't like social media.
I heard the class start to laugh. She's busy modeling in Europe, [music] but her stuff isn't out yet. >> Well, I want to meet her.
>> My heart stopped. Bring her Friday to the big basketball game. I'll even give you guys the halftime spotlight.
We'll put you two on the kiss cam. >> My weekly [music] fist bump the air. No problem.
She'll be there. What was I thinking? I had 4 days to find a whole human being.
That night, I tried to fix everything the way any rational teenager would. With Photoshop, [music] I spent 2 hours badly editing myself next to random Instagram girls trying to create proof for Logan and get out of the Friday game. But then mom walked in and squinted at my laptop.
>> Honey, why does that girl have three hands? >> Then I realized I didn't need a fake picture. I needed a fake girlfriend.
[music] Or at least an actual girl willing to pretend. So, I turned to the one place mom swore would cure my shyness, my drama class. It was now or never.
Hey, uh, so hypothetically, how much would someone have to pay you to pretend [music] to be in love with them? She blinked. >> Is this a pyramid scheme?
>> No, it's for revenge on a bully and a kiss cam and unicorn pajamas. She backed away like I was contagious. Next, I tried another girl.
This one's stretching for a scene. Hi, I'm Jay. Nice lunges.
[music] Question. Would you ever go to a basketball game and pretend to be someone's [music] girlfriend? >> Only if that someone was Chris Hemsworth.
>> She'd already turned around and I blushed so bad. Someone could have fried an egg. Then from the corner, someone snorted.
I looked over. A girl I'd seen a lot but never actually talked to was leaning on the wall, arms crossed, watching the entire disaster unfold. She wore a backpack [music] and her hair was all messy.
And she was the only one in casual clothes rather than dressed up with the latest [music] fashion trends. Her name was Zoe. I knew because the drama teacher yelled at her a lot.
Zoe, off your phone. Zoe, stop rewriting the script. Zoe, please stop making the death scene more dramatic with fake blood.
>> She pushed [music] off the wall and walked over. >> You know there are easier ways to die than asking girls out on a fake date with you, right? >> You saw that?
>> I'd say no. But lying clearly isn't your thing. So why do you need [music] a pretend girlfriend?
>> I told her everything. The unicorn photo, the bet, [music] the t-shirts, the kiss cam, the extremely real possibility of social death. >> Logan's [music] a jerk.
>> Wow. You got that from only all of his behavior? >> I'll do it.
>> I was shocked. You will? >> On [music] one condition, you must be my friend.
Like, hang out and [music] talk and stuff. Deal. >> She held out her hand and I shook it.
I'd actually found a fake girlfriend. Also, my mom would totally combust if she found out I had a boyfriend. So, this is going to be fun.
[music] >> Soon, I realized Zoe was a lot. >> Okay, first of all, what's my name? Let me guess.
[music] You panicked and said something stupid. >> I said Deb's, my mom's name. >> Amazing.
What's your favorite movie? Favorite food? Favorite mythical creature?
Can you guess what mine is? >> She learned about my unicorn beds set. I learned she secretly writes scripts and emails them to herself because she's too scared to show anyone.
>> Do you think I'm talking too much? Am I annoying? Be honest.
Actually, no. Don't be honest. I'll cry.
Wait, did that sound needy? >> I wondered if this was never going to work. All you have to do is go in, wave, and not say anything.
The next day in class, Logan decided to ruin my life even more. He yanked out his phone and shoved it in my face. I realized he'd secretly snapped a picture of Zoe and me when we met at the park.
>> Okay, I'll pretend you said something funny. >> We were sitting together sharing chips like a real couple. She had started to laugh loudly and at first I was embarrassed as people looked over.
But then I found her laugh infectious and joined in. Did you pay a girl to be your date? She's fake, isn't she?
>> No, she's real. I love her. The class [music] laughed and Logan smirked.
>> We'll see. Friday. Only two days to go, loser.
>> Then something insane happened. [music] Logan's little stunt totally backfired. Instead of laughing at me, people actually [music] started congratulating me and asking me for relationship advice.
And the craziest part, I answered everyone without thinking about being shy. When you text her good night, do you add emojis or is that desperate? >> One emoji, max.
Anything over two and you sound like someone's aunt. >> If you can get a girl, I can get a girl. >> Just be yourself.
>> So, [music] um, is your girlfriend nice? if she ever like dumps you or moves to Europe forever or whatever, you should like text me. >> People noticed me.
[music] They listened. They laughed with me, not at me. For a tiny glorious [music] moment, I forgot about Logan and actually enjoyed what it felt like to be confident, almost popular.
I caught Logan watching from across the cafeteria, [music] jaw tight, eye twitching, and honestly, it felt amazing. But then when I got home, it became all too real. Mom pushed my door open, [music] holding her phone, her face tense.
>> Jay, why is there a girl all over your friend's stories? And why am I finding out from Instagram instead of from you? [music] >> My stomach twisted.
I hadn't meant to hurt her. >> Do you know how weird it is to have my coworker show me a video of my son with a girl and I have to pretend I knew? You tell your friends, but not me.
I didn't mean to. >> Is she serious? Are you safe?
Do I know her parents? I I just want to know what's going on with you, Jay. We used to talk, but lately it seems like you're always with this girl.
I wanted to confess, tell her the truth. I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. I couldn't look at her, but saw her shoulders droop [music] as she walked out of the room.
I hated how easy lying was, how much it was costing this time. Zoe had also become even more annoying. Do I look more like a Debs in braids or in a ponytail?
What if I trip on the bleachers and the whole school sees my underwear? >> She'd ask me 10 times a day if I was sure I still wanted to go through with it. Then the day before the game, we had to run one last rehearsal.
>> Okay, you'll get there first, then I'll walk in. She talked as usual, but I found myself distracted planning my next disaster. >> And so [snorts] if there's a kiss cam, we kiss, right?
>> Sure. >> You know, I've never had a real boyfriend either, right? I talk a big game, but when I moved here, everyone already had someone, friends, groups, [music] whatever.
That's why my mom made me take the drama class. So yeah, even if it's fake, it's kind of the first time someone picked me for something. Anyway, maybe you should pick someone less weird looking.
Can you just stop for a second? Zoe stopped talking. The most important night of my life is the one where I don't get laughed off a stage.
You have no right to be scared or nervous. For the first time, I saw her bright smile disappear, but I couldn't help myself. All you do is talk and talk and talk, and I'm just [music] trying to keep up.
I needed someone chill and easy, and you're you're a lot. The second the words left my [music] mouth, I wished I could eat them. >> Wow.
Okay. >> I tried [music] to backpedal. What was I thinking?
Look, sorry. I didn't mean But she stood up. >> No, it's fine.
You wanted the perfect girlfriend, and I'm not that. I get it. >> She started to walk off, but then stopped and turned back.
For [music] a minute, I thought I was saved. Just to remind you, you're the one faking [music] it. You're lying to your whole school, to your mom.
You care more about what Logan [music] thinks than about the people who actually show up for you. So, if anyone here is a lot, it's you. >> That punched [music] harder than any of Logan's jokes.
>> Good luck tomorrow. >> She turned and walked away. No, wait.
I'm sorry. I And this time, [music] she didn't stop. I knew I had to face the music.
That night, I couldn't sleep. But strangely, I wasn't thinking about Logan. I was thinking about Zoe.
I kept replaying everything in my head. Her [music] babbling about braids versus ponytails. Her panicking about tripping on the bleachers.
The way [music] her voice had gone small when she said it was the first time someone had picked her for something. I'd been so busy freaking [music] out about me that I'd never really looked at her properly. favorite mythical creature.
Can you guess what mine is? >> She tried to show me her backpack, [music] tell me things about her life, but I didn't notice. We both hated big crowds.
[music] We both only had one parent around. We both got signed up for drama to make [music] friends, and I had been far from one. I grabbed my phone and opened our chat and bombarded [music] her with messages.
You're not a lot. You literally saved me. Please, can we talk?
An hour passed and still nothing. So, I tried again. I noticed your bag has unicorns on it, BTW.
That's cool. I should have said that before. I don't care if you talk a lot.
I'm really, really sorry, Zoe. But the messages sat there blue ticked. No reply.
[music] For the first time, it hit me. This wasn't just some silly fake relationship mission anymore. I'd actually hurt [music] someone.
She'd been right. I'd been so obsessed with what Logan thought of me. I hadn't even [music] thought about what I was becoming.
A liar. A coward. The day of the game, I felt like I wasn't in my own body.
One minute, I was walking to school, telling myself, "It might be fine. Have a minute. " PMA.
But the next, I was on the school stage holding a mic with everyone staring at me, chanting one word like a cult. >> Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. >> Logan was in the front row, relishing [music] every second.
>> Come on, Jay. Where is she? or did she mysteriously move to Canada?
>> I stared at the crowd and had no idea what to say. But then I remembered something Zoe said she learned from our drama teacher. >> If you forget your line, tell the truth.
The audience can smell fear, but they love honesty. >> I took a breath. She's not in Canada.
She's not sick. She's not stuck in traffic. She's not coming.
The crowd [music] began to whisper and Logan grinned. >> Because she doesn't exist. >> Yes, that's right.
I lied. The gym went dead silent. I made her up.
I was tired of being the guy with the unicorn pajamas and no dates, so [music] I panicked and said I had a girlfriend. Then I brought someone into the lie who didn't deserve it. My [music] voice shook, but I kept going.
Logan humiliated me, so I wanted revenge. I thought if I could prove I wasn't a loser, he'd leave me alone. But the truth is, he'd find something else because that's who he is.
And by the way, Logan, you don't have a girlfriend either. The crowd [music] gasped and I could see Logan sinking into his seat. In fact, in the girl's bathroom, it says, "Logan smells, and I know that because you threw me in there.
" Logan stood [music] shaking his head, denying it, embarrassed. The fact is, I don't deserve a girlfriend because I had one right under my nose who loves unicorns, too. And I didn't even see her.
She thinks she [music] was weird looking. But I thought she was beautiful. She was funny, kind, perfect, and I missed it.
[music] So fine, I'm a loser, and I don't care. >> Logan was right. >> I was about to be so dead.
I'd have to have two funerals. >> You are dumb. I desperately wanted someone to throw a bucket of water over me and melt like Alphaba, but I knew it was nothing I didn't deserve.
>> But I think you're perfect. >> The crowd [music] started to make all these couping noises. As she walked on stage towards me, I felt my heart beating fast and we held hands.
I heard the crowd cheer. Then, to my total [music] surprise, Logan started balling his eyes out. We'd hit some nerve that opened a floodgate.
and something told me I didn't have [music] to worry about him bullying me anymore. >> I just want to find somebody, too. >> Turns out [music] Logan had been secretly feeling down and tried to save face by bullying others.
But the best [music] thing was mom loved Zoe and Zoe's family loved me, including all of her 16 cats and seven dogs. But what the whole experience taught me is that the most relatable [music] love story you can have in high school is learning to not hate yourself. That and never ever ever give a bully free content.
