A few weeks ago, Dick Cheney says he thinks I'm the worst president of his lifetime. Which is interesting because I think Dick Cheney is the worst president of my lifetime. Barack Obama was known for his serious speeches, but sometimes all it took was one line to turn the room into a laughing mess.
These are his funniest moments. When Obama introduced his anger translator at the 2015 WHCD, the room had no idea what was coming. The back and forth between the president and Keegan Michael Key was way funnier than anyone expected.
I'm a mellow sort of guy. And that's why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight. In our fastch changing world, traditions like the White House correspondents dinner are important.
I mean, really, what is this dinner? And why am I required to come to it? Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this?
The non-stop focus on billionaire donors creates real problems for our democracy. And that's why we running [laughter] for a [screaming] third term. No, no, no, we're not.
We're not. Who the hell said that? Look at what's happening right now.
Every serious scientist says we need to act. The Pentagon says it's a national security risk. Miami floods on a sunny day and instead of doing anything about it, we've got elected officials throwing snowballs in the Senate.
Okay, Mr Okay, I think I got it, bro. It is crazy. What about our kids?
What kind of stupid, shortsighted, irresponsible boy? Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa. Oh, hey.
What? Okay. No.
Hey. A 45minute interview with the president of the United States in 2009. And the most memorable moment wasn't about policy.
It was about a potato. Uh, I want you to know though that the main reason I'm here, not any of those top 10 list, but I want to see that heart-shaped potato. [cheering] Heat.
[cheering] [music] Heat. [music] [applause] That's remarkable. Remarkable.
This is This is remarkable. Thank you. Yeah, that's right.
What's What's your name? Mary Apple. Mary.
Is your real name Mary Apple? And you carry heart-shaped potatoes, right? [laughter] Well, thank you so much for sharing.
Yeah. Yeah. Barack Obama was the most powerful man in the world.
But even he had one person who could make him think twice and he admitted it on live TV. Are you still smoking cigarettes? Because nicarette the gum.
Well, it's my wife actually that uh [laughter] she she gave out uh my my uh my secret to the world and then uh told America, "If you see him, turn him into me. " Yeah. And I'm uh I'm I'm terrified of her.
How long have you been How long have you been smoking cigarettes? Oh, you know, on and off. You know, you you'd pick it up when you're writing a book or campaigning or, [laughter] you know, things low stress activities like that.
So, I decided right before running for president, that's the optimal time to to stop. That's right. Sure.
Yeah. But I was thinking, and it's certainly not a good thing to be smoking cigarettes. It's a nasty hor.
But it might be fun if we had a president who smoked, you know, just how you doing. You know what I mean? Before Jimmy Fallon became the host of the Tonight Show, he was just a nervous comedian trying to impress the president and it didn't go as planned.
If you remember what the first time I met you and the first lady, I was I was doing standup comedy at a barbecue for uh military families. It was great. We we so appreciate it.
Yeah. Thank you. I I I loved it as well.
And I was opening up for the Foo Fighters and it was 4th of July uh in the White House and I I get there and I was so nervous to meet you. I was googling how to say hello to the first lady. Mc say hello first lady, Miss Obama.
Miss Obama, first lady. I didn't know how to say it. I think you actually said all of them.
I think I actually [laughter] got all kind of Well, I wore I wore a three-piece suit that day because I was really I just wanted to impress you. I go, "Yeah. " And then we wait online because we're going to get our picture taken with you guys and I was so nervous to meet you and I went up and I was uh practicing like hello first lady miss first lady.
Um and I and I walk over and uh the first lady starts laughing looking at me. She goes oh honey oh my gosh you're so sweaty and took my tie. This is true story.
Loosen my tie and I looked at you and you had a your short sleeve shirt and khakis on. And I go uh hello Mr President sir. And you go uh didn't you get the memo?
It's a barbecue. And if there's one thing everyone knows about Obama, it's that he's calm under pressure. But once he called out a major figure in front of everyone and what he said next left the room in shock.
And then there's a vicious rumor floating around that I think could really hurt Mitt Romney. I heard he passed universal healthcare when he was governor of Massachusetts. Someone should get to the bottom of that.
And I know just the guy to do it. Donald Trump is here tonight. [applause and cheering] Now, I know that he's taken some flack lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald.
And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter. Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell?
And where are Biggie and Tupac? [cheering and applause] Kids have a way of asking the most unexpected questions. But when a six-year-old got a chance to ask a world leader something, nobody was ready for what came out.
This this young man right here, I'm going to let him use my special mic. All right. What's your name?
Tyran Scott. Huh? Tyran Scott.
Terren Scott. What do you have to say? I have to say why people hate you and and why you they supposed to love you and God is loving.
That's what I'm talking about. Come on, man. Well, now, first of all, uh I did get elected president, so not everybody hates me now.
I don't want you to I got a whole lot of votes. I want to make sure everybody understands. But you know what is true is if you if you were watching TV lately, it seems like everybody's just getting mad all the time.
Barack Obama rarely showed emotion on stage. But in his final speech, he let his guard down and gave the nation a goodbye. they'll never forget.
I want to close my final White House correspondents dinner by just saying thank you. Um I'm very proud of what you've done. It has been an honor and a privilege to work side by side with you to strengthen our democracy.
[applause] And with that, I just have two more words to say. Obama out. [cheering and applause] [applause] [cheering] Hi everybody.
How are you guys doing? I am skinny Santa. And when Obama told Conan O'Brien about his four-year-old daughter's reaction to his day, it turned into one of the funniest presidential moments ever.
You know, we have dinner together. My wife asked my two daughters, seven and four, [music] Malia, how was your day? She'll say, tell us about it.
Four-year-old Sasha, how was your day? They ask my wife, "How's your day? " Then finally, my wife says, "Well, let's ask daddy how his day was.
" Mhm. And uh my fouryear-old will say, "Boring. " [laughter] And uh and my wife will say, "Well, that's not nice.
" You know, actually, people come and and listen to daddy speak and and the two of them fall out of their chairs. They think that's the that is the funniest thing. The notion that somebody would be interested in what their father has to say.
Kids just don't care. Yeah. They have a time to just jump up behind a podium in front of your kids to tell them, you know, go to your room.
That great using the great Barack Obama voice. My fellow Obamas, [laughter] the time has come. Barack Obama once met a kid dressed as Superman and pretended to be knocked over by his super strength.
The boy's reaction is priceless. How you doing, [laughter] Superman? You got to give me a high five.
You are You look so powerful. [laughter] High five. That's Oh, you're so strong.
You knocked me over. You look so big. And he's got like super [laughter] Throughout his presidency, Obama faced plenty of criticism.
But rather than fighting back, he delivered a comeback that had the whole room laughing. when we passed the recovery act, this the stimulus that was very controversial at the time and that u continues to be criticized by the other party uh despite the fact that unemployment is now below 5%. We avoided a great depression but [applause] um thanks Obama.
Zach Gully Fionakis is used to making people uncomfortable, but when Obama shot back with a completely straight face, he didn't know what to do. I have to know, what is it like to be the last black president? Seriously, what's it like for this to be the last time you ever talked to a president?
It must kind of stink though that you can't run, [music] you know, three times, you know. No, actually, I think it's a good idea. Uh, you know, if I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third hangover movie.
didn't really [music] work out very well, did it? Now, I have to say that I've seen this show before and uh some of the episodes have probably been a little bit better than this. You know, for example, the one [music] with Bradley Cooper.
That was a great Cooper. Everybody loves He kind of carried that movie, didn't he? Which which film are you speaking of?
Uh the those hangover movies. Uh he basically he carried them. Yeah.
Everybody loves Bradley. Good for him. Good-looking guy.
And love is love.
