Welcome everybody in here, out there, and all around the world to the Late Show. I am your host Steven Colbear. Folks, it's one thing, I got to tell you, it's it's, you know, we've had a rough ride, but it's it's one thing when the Trump administration comes after our rights or comes after our ideals, but now he's coming after something we care about, our money.
Right now, make no mistake, our money is under attack thanks to the Trump administration's malicious prosecution of Fed chair and Keebler elf at the funeral for snap, crackle, and pop Jerome Powell. You see, um, uh, what is it, 110 years ago, something like that, the Fed was established specifically to be an independent agency outside of political pressure. That's what keeps the entire global financial system from collapsing and all of us going back to bartering with bales of indigo and little bags of toddler teeth.
So, uh, that could be bad. Even White House insiders are worried that further threats to the Fed chief's job security could spook the bond market. Yeah.
And I totally understand why the Bond folks are not bonding with this idea cuz as an adult male in a suit, I know it's not good for the Dow points. There's too many of them or not enough the of the of the of the dowelings of the of the moist dowlets. Now, >> a lot of people aren't happy about this.
The Wall Street Journal's editorial board even wrote, "Picking a fight with the Fed and the bond market over an issue that voters will find confusing and irrelevant is lawfare for dummies. " Lawfare for dummies, of course, a required class if you go to law school at Notre Dame. The journal The Journal went on to say, "There's dumb and then there's the criminal subpoena Federal Prosecutors delivered Friday to Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Pal.
There has not been a newspaper burn that sick since New York Times powerful investigation into why your mama's so fed. Sources say she sits around the house. Now, the White House is claiming that in bringing this legal action against Pal, Washington DC's US attorney Janine Piro went rogue.
I'm sorry, I misread that. Uh, she went rosé last night. Piro tweeted that her investigation is not a threat and that the word indictment has come out of Mr Powell's mouth, no one else's.
This is turning into a real he slurred. Now, we now turn to our friends out in Minneapolis who are still reeling from last week's shooting by an ICE agent of Renee Good, which is just the latest and most horrifying abuse of that great city by Homeland Security. Right now, there are more than 2,000 federal immigration agents in Minnesota, and Trump is planning to send around a thousand more.
So, he's invading So, he's clearly invading Minnesota. Has anyone told him that they don't have oil because the best he's going to get is 50 million barrels of cream of mushroom soup. No.
So, if you cream of mushroom soup, there it is. If you've been on social media, you've seen all the terrible activities these officers have been up to, pulling people from vehicles, raiding homes and schools, both threatening and then delivering violence. But on the bright side, you may also have seen this.
An ICE officer running onto the sidewalk and then boom. Boom. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Eating Duke. Haha.
You fell down and bonked her big fat butt. Now, it's not just a surge of goons. In order to justify the unjustifiable gunning down of an American citizen in her car, the Trump administration is trying to smear Renee Good's family.
Now, reportedly, senior Justice Department officials have pressed for a criminal investigation into Good's Widow, which today prompted both six federal prosecutors in Minnesota to resign, and the resignation of five senior prosecutors in the criminal section of the Justice Department Civil Rights Division. Good for them. But this story, this story is so awful that even their principled stand doesn't make me feel better.
And I'm not sure if there's anything that could helps a little. And now uh the Northstar State is joining up with Illinois to sue the Trump administration over their ICE deployments, saying they violated state sovereignty under the 10th amendment. I believe the 10th amendment is the one that says if you use the first nine amendments, you get a free sub.
Trump heard about these lawsuits and went completely nutnut, posting a long rant, starting with, "Do the people of Minnesota really want to live in a community in which there are thousands of already convicted murderers, drug dealers, and addicts? " How dare you, sir? It's called the Mall of America.
And I'll have you know, I'll have you know it has three separate lids, not counting the lids at Macy's. He then doubled down on his ice surge, ending, "Fear not, great people of Minnesota, the day of reckoning and retribution is coming. " kind of a weird weird tonal shift to start with fear not and end with day of reckoning and retribution.
Hey everybody, let's chill. Put a smile on that face. A thousand-year storm of blood is nigh.
Oh, you know what that sound means? It's time for a monkey emergency update. Monkey monkey monkey update.
Welcome. Yesterday I told you about the Simeon crisis in the Midwest where as many as four but certainly more than one monkeys are on the loose in St. Louis.
And because this story is not about Donald Trump, I'm going to talk about it for as many as four, but certainly more than one show. First up on the monkey emergency. Oh, now that sound means that this monkey emergency comes with a side of goat.
>> Yeah. Because authorities in Missouri say the multiple monkeys on the loose in St. Louis have been joined by a weward goat.
Well, that's that's that's a classic team up. Monkeys and goats or moes or gunkies. Either way, you're renting a rug shampooer.
But the efforts to find these creatures have been complicated by a whole lot of AI slop that's being posted. According to authorities, people are posting AI generated pictures and videos to social media claiming to have found the animals. Yes.
And the AI is so realistic, the authorities don't know whether the monkeys have been captured already. Like this one where the monkeys and the goat smoke cigarettes in front of a deli. That is is that is I can't tell.
>> I can't tell. That is so irresponsible. Not only are they confusing the monkey catchers, they're encouraging young monkeys to smoke.
Which reminds me, monkeys. I know your goat friends say it's cool, but smoking kills. So, monkey no smoke.
Unless you're wearing a little tuxedo riding around on a tricycle, then it's hilarious. That's a big That's a cigar. Is that a cigar?
He's got a cigar. These AI posts have made it so hard for St. Louis authorities to track down these animal escapees that during a press conference this morning, one reporter asked this question.
>> Are we 100% sure the monkeys are real? >> You see what's happening here? Do you understand what's going on?
The hyper intelligent machines are helping the hyper intelligent monkeys escape human justice, which can only lead to one thing. My screenplay for Paramount's next blockbuster, Turuninator 2, Judgement Aid. David Ellison, call me.
Let's go. You're leaving money on the table. No, I for one I for one do not want to live in a world where I can't believe in monkeys.
Hit it. Then I saw those apes. Now I'm a believer.
Without a trace a monkey AI smoking go monkey are real. There's one to four. It could be five.
We got a great show for you tonight. My guests are Amanda Cyre and Yoyo Bob. And when we come back I'll be talking about some great things this winter.
The return of one of my favorite segments. Stick around.
