how I manage to start a conversation with anyone

welcome back to the be friend course today I'm going to go over how I managed to start conversations with random strangers and create long-term friendships this is something that I do quite often as I'm always traveling around and finding people to hang out with I do this with a simple five-step process step number one I'm always keeping two things in mind proximity and eye contact in regards to proximity I usually only start conversations with people that are around me within just one or two meters and that's because it's close enough for them to hear what

I'm saying without yelling and it comes off as more natural I often start conversations with people in the elevator sitting next to me in public transportation or while I'm waiting in line for something in regards to eye contact I will only start a conversation with people who make eye contact with me for at least a millisecond and that's because eye contact is a form of communication it's an acknowledgement that I exist if someone is at a coffee shop focused on their work I will almost never speak with them because I don't want to disturb them

but if they're at the coffee shop looking around playing on their phone and staring into the distance this is a person that is much more likely to be interested in having a conversation if someone is in my proximity and makes eye contact for a brief second I will jump to step number two which is to ask them where are you from the reason I do this is because I grew up in New York City where people come from very diverse backgrounds and I'm also traveling all the time so I come across all types of people

but if you are from a city where everyone comes from the same ethnic background you can adjust this to something like what part of town are you from I've never once had a bad reaction to this opening line out of the thousands of times I've used it throughout my life once they respond we can move on to step number three step number three is to share what you know or ask them a question about their background this is a bit tricky so let me show you how I usually do it with a few examples so

a year ago I came across a taxi driver in New York City who's from Bhutan when he told me that he was from Bhutan I said oh wow I never met anyone from there before but I heard it's the happiest country on the planet is that true do you see what I did there I shared what I knew about their country and then I asked them a question so that they tell me more the reason I do this is actually because I'm genuinely interested in learning more about their background I want to see if the

rumors are true and the next time I meet someone from Bhutan I will be able to share something that they wouldn't expect a stranger to know here's an example of what I mean so in Europe I met a Nigerian that told me something pretty interesting during our conversation and it was I quote the smartest Nigerians usually leave Nigeria so from then on whenever I came across another Nigerian anywhere in the world I would say I heard that the smartest Nigerians leave Nigeria is this true now I know this might sound kind of offensive but it's

not my statement it's someone else's and I'm asking it from a place of curiosity so I've never gotten a negative response out of the dozens of times I've mentioned it in fact most of the time they'll laugh and say that's right because if you think about it it's actually a compliment now you're probably getting the the sense that I like to be a bit adventurous during my conversations with people I like to say some pretty risky stuff things that some people might find offensive this is an important principle to keep in mind the riskier the

things you say the more memorable and authentic you will come off as yes there will be some people who are triggered by things like this but they weren't going to be good friends anyways people like this are extremely hard to have fun with because you have to filter yourself often when you're around them the people who find your comments and questions interesting will quickly feel much more comfortable around you because they know that you are not someone they have to be careful around if you want to play it safe that's fine as well they can

still make a ton of Friends by being genuinely interested in the other person now once you've commented and asked them questions on their background you can Branch the conversation off into many different places I usually ask them what they do what they think about the country that we're both currently in and other current events this step can last anywhere from a minute to an hour and this is where the majority of the report is built if I like this person and think that I'll have a fun time hanging out with them more I will move

move on to step number four if not I wish them well and I say my goodbyes step number four is simple I invite them out if I'm in a city with a good night life I'll ask them to go for drinks if not I'll ask them to come eat with me it's as simple as that being a fun person to hang out with is basically more of Step number three and some other conversation skills that we'll cover in later episodes of the bef friend course but essentially once you've invited them out there's only one last

step and that's step number five the next time you see them mention their name just one time this show them that you actually remembered their name you don't need to say it more than once in my opinion because just saying it once will cause the other person to think wow this dude actually remembered my name and that's enough and that's it this is how you start conversations with just about anyone and pivot that conversation into a potential friendship if you're interested in learning more about how to befriend people and improve your social skills make sure

you watch all of the episodes in the befriend course and hit the Bell icon so you don't miss the next episode besides that guys stay tuned