NARRATOR: Do you work with someone who's difficult? And do you feel like you're bending over backwards, trying everything you can just to tolerate their behavior, and still, nothing's working? Before you give up completely, wait.
I write and speak a lot about how to get along with people, especially the difficult ones, because I truly believe that change is possible and relationships can improve. So before you throw in the towel, I'm going to share a few last ditch strategies that you can use to craft a work environment where you can get your job done, without all the drama, and keep your self-respect intact. First, set boundaries and limit exposure.
There are lots of situations that we naturally avoid because they're painful or stressful. It can help to think of your colleague in the same way. If they upset you, interact with them less.
I know, I know. Easier said than done, especially in the workplace. But there are ways to set up healthy boundaries.
You can ask, how can I reduce my exposure to this person? If it's a problematic client, for instance, you can ask your boss to replace you with an equally qualified colleague. If it's a troublesome person in a different department, you can focus on building relationships with other members of their team.
If your boss is the issue, build connections with others whose team you would prefer to join. And it's not just about decreasing the negative interactions. You will be much happier if you spend more time with positive people who inspire, energize, and support you.
Another good question to ask-- what's the least amount of time it will take to get what I need from this person? Figure out exactly what you need from this person. Maybe it's information or approval on a plan.
And see if you can get that in, say under two minutes. Knowing the interaction will be brief can maybe make it easier to endure. How can I keep this interaction positive?
Be proactive. Keep some ready made responses in your back pocket for those predictable and infuriating interactions. For instance, with the perpetual complainer, be ready to exit the conversation with, excuse me.
I need to get ready for my next meeting, or I promised I'd respond to this email ASAP. Having a neutral reason to leave can prevent tensions from escalating and save you from getting sucked into their negativity. With the colleague who makes you cringe, figure out the least stressful mode of communication and set a clear boundary around that.
Saying something as simple as, I prefer we figure this out over the phone, or I'll put the questions I have in Slack may just do the trick. Another helpful tactic is to turn it into a game for yourself. See how many times you can get the relentless pessimist to say something positive, or even smile.
Little victories like these can help to lighten the tone and help you maintain some emotional distance. I also recommend you document your colleague's transgressions and your successes. It's hard to remember every offense, whether large or small, and what was said and done afterwards.
So write it down. This may sound tedious. But trust me, it helps to keep a record of your collegue's bad behavior.
That includes noting details like time, place, what was said and done, by whom, and who else was there. It's important to note that this includes what you said and did in response as well. This is not glorified tattling.
Your chances of getting leadership to intervene will improve if you can demonstrate a pattern of consistent, destructive, and ongoing behavior on the part of your colleague, and what you and others have done to address it. I'll come back to this in a moment. While you're keeping notes on your collegue's transgressions, it's equally important to keep track of your successes so that their bad behavior doesn't negatively impact your career.
Keep a running list of your projects, ideas, pitches, and wins. Make connections with people in other departments by volunteering for their projects or joining in on their initiatives. Finding ways to make your good work known to your boss or to others in the organization can help showcase your talents and possibly disprove any false information your colleague may be spreading about you.
Let's further unpack the idea of bringing the issue to someone in power who can do something about it. Proceed with caution. Yes, it's possible that someone higher up will be able to advise you or give that person feedback, or even reprimand them.
But there are risks, and you need to weigh the trade-offs carefully. First, ask yourself questions like, will escalating the issue make me look bad? Will it make my matters worse if your colleague finds out that you went behind their back to seek reinforcements?
Who is the right person to go to, and how have they responded to similar issues in the past? Is this higher up likely to believe you and take your side? And if so, do they even have the authority to help?
If you do move ahead to speak with a superior, do it delicately and constructively. Simply venting your frustrations can come off complain-y, vindictive, or jealous. Instead, make it clear that the discussion is an effort to improve your working relationship with this colleague.
Now's the time to bring out that handy dandy list of what's happened and what you've tried to do to resolve it. Can you articulate exactly how their behavior is damaging team performance? And can others back you up?
If so, leadership is more likely to care and take action. If these tactics still don't work, it may be time to ask, should I quit? This is not something I suggest lightly.
Quitting is not always a financial or logistical possibility for all people. But if it is possible and the toxic environment is taking a toll on your physical or mental health or damaging your professional reputation, it might be time to look elsewhere. Here are some questions to think through before you jump ship.
How Much. Longer could I stay and give things a chance to change? Setting up parameters can help you feel less stuck.
You can say, give it four months. And if certain things don't change, then start sending out your resume. If I leave, what do I want in a new environment?
Get specific. It's often better to leave for something, like a positive work culture, and to give yourself time to be discerning about your next opportunity. OK, let's review.
Remember, these are last resort tactics, when all else has failed to improve your working relationship with this person. They're intended to protect your integrity and your ability to do your job. Limit your exposure.
Keep interactions as brief as possible, and find ways to work with other people, like getting reassigned or seeking out new teams to join. Set clear boundaries. If communicating with this person is less stressful by phone or email, for example, then state your preference and stick to it.
Keep your interactions positive. Have pre-prepared responses ready so you can excuse yourself before the negativity escalates, or turn the interaction into a game for yourself to create some emotional distance. Document your collegue's transgressions.
Record all of the relevant details each time. Leaders are more likely to take notice if you can show an ongoing pattern of behavior. Document your successes.
Keep a running list of your own projects, ideas, pitches, and wins, and spread the word about your good work to others in the organization. Bring the issue to someone in power. Carefully consider who to go to and seriously weigh the risks and benefits of speaking up.
If you do go ahead, keep the discussion constructive and focused on shared organizational goals. Consider quitting carefully. You have to assess for yourself if this is a realistic possibility, and what you want to be different in your next position.
Thanks for watching. All of these tactics come from my book, Getting Along-- How to Work with Anyone, Even Difficult People. Check it out in the link below.
Do you have a last ditch strategy for working with difficult people, or is there a big topic want us to cover in a future video? Comment below. Bye for now.
