[Music] hello everyone my name is uh you know zeros Riley kog whatever you want to call me and welcome to another video today I'm going to share my experiences with the Mental Hospitals that I been to over the years um there are a lot of misconceptions and inaccurate information regarding such care and I enjoy watching other videos on this topic so I wanted to share my own personal experiences for those of you that are new to my channel I have had psychotic symptoms since early 2020 and was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2022 and I
have been hospitalized twice due due to my illness once in 2021 and once in 2023 um before I dive into what it's like and to be in a mental hospital or sa Ward I feel like I should explain why exactly I was admitted to them in the first place so let let let let let's start with my first visit like I said I've had symptoms of psychosis since 2020 and I was unmedicated for around a year so I was slowly spiraling out out of control and kind of going insane literally uh my mental health gradually
worsened to the point where I made an appointment with my family dog my family dog do doc doctor to request a referral to c a psychiatrist that meeting with my doctor is what triggered my long path to recovery the appointment went absolutely horribly as soon as my nurse appeared in my room I started balling my eyes out I confessed to her that I was fearful for my life and well-being as I believed I was being stalked and that people were plotting to kill me things escalated and I started panicking and begging her to save me
and luckily my doctor's office was the neighbor to a mental H mental h a mental hospital the only one in my area and she contacted the hospital and they sent like a worker or a supervisor or something to meet with me and I was an absolute Mess by that point my father had had entered the room with me and the first thing that I said to him was Dad I think I have schizophrenia uh the hospital worker introduced himself and explained what his job was and what the hospital was there for and asked if I
wanted to admit myself to it and like I said earlier my goal in this appointment was to get referred to CIA psychiatrist I was not even aware there was a mental hospital here in in my little town um I was fearful I didn't want to go there I just wanted to go home but even in my psychosis I knew I was in a bad place and that I needed help so I reluctantly agreed to admit myself and become a patient in the nearby me mental hospital I end I I ended up staying there for 7
days and it was hell on Earth Earth in there for me uh as soon as they took me in they took my clothes my phone my wallet everything even the cloth to clean my glasses I had to strip naked and dress myself into hospital scrubs in front of a supervisor which made me incredibly uncomfortable from the get-go so I was immediately anxious and in a terrible mood just from that and then put my struggling me me mental health and deep psychosis into the mix as well and I was not a happy camper uh as soon
as they led me to my room I immediately started crying and yelling and literally begging them to let me leave I cried so much and so hard that my nose started bleeding I remember that um I regret how I acted at as they were only trying to help but I did not want to be there I I had no idea they would take away so many of my freedoms s s s such as access to my cell phone for example uh I felt so lonely in there it was the longest time I went without being
around a member of my family I was able to make two phone calls A Day to my mother and father but that only made me that only made me miss them more and I just cried a lot the entire time I was there I was in a bitter mood and anytime my nurse or doctor came to see me I would just beg them to release me so I could go home but anyway enough of how shitty my mood was what what was it actually like in there I will get into this some more during during
my talk about my second visit but um it really really wasn't that bad I believe the hospital I was in could hold like 20 20 some something patients at at at a time we each had our own rooms our own bed and our own shower and toilet though the bathrooms in the rooms do not have doors on them uh we we were given three hot meals a day there were cooked and prepared at some cafeteria by some other company and they were delivered delivered in a truck to my Hospital I remember the food actually being
pretty decent like it was better than than then down the food I was served as a child like like like like in school I live in the south so for breakfast they would have things like grits and eggs and lun lunch would be some some something like barbecue and I remember once a week the hospital would have like a like a fried chicken night and that was the best meal I had while I was there uh patients tend to stay there for at least 7 days so you are guaranteed to have some fried chicken at
least once despite despite each patient having their own rooms we really weren't alone very often outside of the nighttime while while while sleeping there would be regularly scheduled group activities ran by the nurses we would do things like making art playing bingo watching movies and if the weather was nice there would let us sit outside in a small enclosed area like with like some tables and grass I remember it having high walls like like a prison for example uh these group activities were not mandatory but they kind of pushed us to be to be social
and try to make an effort to join in because the more willing you are to do these things the better chance you have at being released during my first visit however I barely joined in on such activities I was in such a sad and foul mood that I just wanted to be alone I kind of just laided in bed all day and cried I remember the beds being terrible I I think sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag would have been more comfortable than than than than those things um let's see what else uh
The Host had two um like living areas I guess you can call them it had things like chairs and sofas and a TV though we could only use we could only use the TV during certain hours of the day the patients spit spent their downtime between scheduled activities by playing card games like Uno and poker we also had access to a couple of vending machines uh patients families could leave leave them some money and they could be taken out in small increments to get a quick snack if you get hungry I remember there was always
a nurse on hand that carried a clipboard around uh that had the job that had the job of checking in on all of the patients to make sure they were safe and accounted for I believe they would make a trip around the hospital and check e each room once every 20 minutes or so though they would check more more frequently if that patient had a his had a history of self har so I stayed there for 7 days I was released with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder which even my uneducated ass knew that wasn't correct
I believed they slapped me with that diagnosis because I was so moody and I had a short temper during that visit it ended up taking a year of seeing multiple multiple psychiatrists to finally get the correct di diet nosis of schizophrenia so that was a mess the first V visit was horrible I don't think it hell helped me in in in the slightest I left that place so bitter and annoyed because I felt like I wasted my time since they gave me an incorrect di diagnosis fast forward two years and it is the summer of
20223 my schizophrenia was getting worse and and my mental health overall was even worse than it was during my first H Hospital stay in 2021 that I just spoke of so what happened I had my correct di diagnosis finally and and I was on medications but I still relapsed so hard to the point of fearing for my life again well I had a huge trigger trigger Mo moments uh why night I was browsing brow I was browsing Facebook as I always do I know I'm chronically online anyway I was browsing friend friend re recommendations and
I randomly came across my first Bully from elementary school and that hurt me tremendously I quite literally in instantly became fearful for my life I believed my bully was the start of all all of my mental health problems my autism my OCD my schizophrenia everything I blamed him for everything and I thought he found me again and that he was going to finish the job so rude to speak I believed he was stalking my house and my every move and I believed he was plotting to murder me uh yada yada around a month of extreme
paranoia paranoia l later and I was in the deepest psychosis I had ever been in I was an absolute shell of a person I showed no emotion and was kind of dead inside from sincerely believing I could die at at at any moment uh this sounds horrible but for the sake of explaining uh I'm going to use this example imagine living life with a loaded gun to your head for a month and the trigger could be pulled at any moment as you may imagine as you may imagine your heart would be a mess and the
adrenaline from the FL from the fight or flight would be insane I was pretty much permanently in that mindset for a month straight I was so drained and out of it by this far by by this point I was so far gone that I honestly do not remember much but I will try to piece together what happened I must p a month P passes and I finally just gave gave up I decided I was either going to kill myself before my bully got got got to me or I was going to admit or or I
was going to admit myself to the hospital again I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and told him everything and the ball starts moving and I make a I make a call to the hospital asking to be admitted however they told me no that that's right they would not let let me admit myself despite my problems the reason they gave me was people in psychosis cannot admit them cannot admit themselves to a mental hospital because they claimed it could have been the voices in my head telling me to do it uh that sounds incredibly stupid
but that's that's the reason they gave me so what the hell did I do uh I had to go to the emergency room in a standard H hospital and tell them my problems they understood the severity of the situation and they admitted me to the sa wward floor of that hospital I remember the least about this day uh the only thing I remember is having the strip n having to strip n n n naked in front of us in front of a security guard and doing a urine drug test drug test sorry I stayed there
for several hours and then after waiting forever they told me there would be they would be mo moving me via ambulance to the to the menal hospital that I spoke of earlier for better treatment that was a bizarre experience I had never been in an ambulance before I don't remember much due due to these psychosis but I remember being strapped down to a stretcher and loaded into the back I remember there was a man a asking me questions from the passenger seat but all I remember is him a asking me for my name and what
my and what my and what my di diagnosis diagnosises were one ambulance ride L one one ambulance ride late later and I arrived at the mental the mental the mental H Hospital PA Hospital they unloaded me and I was check check checked in by some other security guard they did the standard stuff any patient H has to go through and they led me to my room and I got all settled I remember the first thing I did when I got there was sit at a table with some patients that appeared to be my age we
introduced our ourselves and they Tau and they taught me how how to play O how to play Uno that was really nice they were very friendly so it was a same men mental hospital as the one I spoke of earlier so I won't repeat myself but this visit went far better than the first I was in much higher spirits and was openly willing to receive the help that I desperately needed however the first night was terrible um over the course of that past year I had been I had began self Haring every night and that
first night in the hospital hosp was no different while a nurse was doing his routine checkups on the on the patients with which which they do every 20 20 minutes or so even at e even at night um they caught me crying in bed and asking what was wrong I simply remember telling the nurse they told me to hurt myself and they being the voices in my head so that was a mess they wanted me to change rooms to one that had windows for a nurse to watch me 24/7 but I managed to talk them
out of it and I was left in my origin in in my or original room however I believe a nurse had to had to come and check on me every 15 minutes to make sure I I was safe um still to this day that was the last time I self armed I am over a year clean and that makes me very happy um li like I said I was in such deep psychosis that I honestly do not remember much from this most re recent visit I remember being being drugged out of my mind I was
on such an insane dose of anti of anti psychotics my vision my my vision was so blurry that I could barely see even with my glasses and I remember I remember being so incredibly tired like the most tired I have ever been in my life it was to the point that I would literally fall asleep while someone was talking to me it it it was bizarre I was more willing to to participate in the group activities this time around as far as I know I went through every scheduled activity with the other patients I socialized
far more than than than I did the first time I remember I even met another guy that that was my age that was also in there for schizophrenia and that was really nice I remember his name was Luke and he was he was an artist super nice guy I I always saw him making this insane AB abstract art with crayons I believe SK schizophrenics can make great artists their minds work so differently than anyone anyone anyone anyone else's um anyway uh that visit was honestly pretty nice I was still sad I was in there of
course no one wants to be in a mental hospital but I dealt with it I remember missing my my family and friends and crying because of that I remember just playing music playing music in in my head to pass the time especially Taylor Taylor Swift her songs were in my head the entire time I will never forget that but but um something did some some something scary did happen while I was in there so twice a day e e each patient has their V has their vitals checked so make sure they are pH physically H
physically H healthy they would check things like my heart rate my blood pressure and my temperature all the patients would line up and wait their turn to be checked I don't remember much but I remember standing in line early in the morning and feeling like [ __ ] like I was so dizzy and light and light and light and light and lightheaded and if and I wasn't I wasn't sure why I kept telling myself the feeling would go away but it it just got worse I I ended up faint F fainting and I collapsed on
the ground I remember the patient screaming and the nurses rushing to my Aid LIF lifting me up and and helping me to a chair I remember I felt completely fine after I sat down like nothing had had even happened but it turns out a medication they were testing me with uh that they were te they were te testing with with with with me was low was lowering my blood pressure by quite a lot which caused me to faint um I will never forget what happened next I remember the patients that that that were there with
me were very were very religious several of them ly lined up to me and took turns placing their their hand on my shoulder and praying for me despite being a Buddhist and not a Christian that really T that really t t tou touched me a lot these people were struggling just just like me many of them depressed or even insane or even suicidal but they were still humans their brains may not have may not have been in the right place but their hearts were and that memory would stay with me forever every day a a
after that incident I remember there was this funny guy in there that would tell me you ain't going to fall again today are you you scared the [ __ ] out of me and we all laugh laugh we all laughed it off the other patients were probably my favorite part of being in a mental hospital there was such a huge variety of people I mean there was a white white there were white blacks Hispanics Asians way R ranging from 8 18 to like 79 and everyone was so kind to each other and there were some
pretty pretty serious C cases in there as well you know like schizophrenia like bipolar personal personality disorder and more but we all treated each other like like like family like people would share food food food with each other play cards do each other's hair and even just sit and share their their experiences and offer live advice it was really nice I even added that that other schizophrenic guy on Facebook book after I was dis after I was discharged um so yeah those are my experiences with the mental H the mental the mental hospital keep in
mind every mental hospital is different experiences vary and who knows what yours would be like some may describe it like a like a prison as some freedoms are taken away from you and you must follow a strict SK schedule but I enjoyed my last V my last v v v visit it really help help helped me a lot and it put me on the right path to recovery it has been over a year since since my last V visit and I am the happiest I have been since I was like eight years old I am
grateful for my stays at the mental at the mental hospital the last one genuinely changed my out my outlook on life I no longer sell self har I no longer W wish to die and I have found religion and purpose in the form of Bud of Buddhism however at the end of the day I have SK schizophrenia this isn't something like a cut or a bruise that would that that that that will just go away I don't mean to be grim but the reality is I'm I'm only 25 I have a long way to go
in this life and I'm sure I will relapse again and probably end up in the hospital again but I no longer fear that I'm confident that I will that I will hand handle these things in a more uh H he health healthy Manner and I will be able to protect myself from suffering as much as I did in years past we all need need help some help some help some sometimes we all get illnesses R ranging from the common cold to depression and it it's okay to realize you need help the number one me message
that I want to have for this video is that it's okay hospitals are here for a reason you do not have to fear seeking men and mental help it could genuinely save your life if you or a loved one are in critical danger I highly recommend speaking to a psychiatrist or even going to the Emer emergency room like like I did yes going to the going to the to the hospital sucks no one want wants to do that but it can help I am living proof I genuinely and wholehearted believe I would have committed suicide
last year if I had not been admitted to the hospital I am the happiest I've ever been uh life isn't perfect I I'm okay but it's still stressful but that is just part of being thank you so much for watching this video if you have any questions please post them in the comments below I will try to answer for anything that I may have missed during my ramblings and if you would like to learn more about my case of of schizophrenia please check out the link to the playlist below I sincerely wish you all happy
and healthy lives I love you all n bua
