- You know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, no divorces in '99! (paper horn honks) - But your divorce isn't even final yet.
- Just the one divorce in '99! - [Chandler] Yeah, baby! (paper horn honks) - You know what, I am gonna be happy this year, I am gonna make myself happy.
- Do you want us to leave the room or? - Every day, I am gonna do one thing I have never done before. That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.
- Ooh! That's a good one. - Yeah?
- Mine is to pilot a commercial jet. - That's a good one too, Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths. - Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.
- She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us. - In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks you can't go the whole year without making fun of us. Oh, you know what?
Better yet, a week. - I'll take that bet, my friend, and you know what? Paying me the 50 bucks can be the new thing you do that day.
And it starts right now! - All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar. - Oh!
- Really? How come? - Well, you know, those special skills I have listed on my resume?
I would love it if one of those was true. - Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
- Aw, really? Who have you taught? - Well, I taught me and I loved me.
- Oh, that'd be great. Yeah, thanks, Pheebs. - Oh, look.
Blair forgot her glasses. And she's gonna really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer if you know what I'm talking about. - Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.
- What, I don't gossip. (Ross, Joey, and Chandler sniggering) - What, maybe, sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on, you know? Kind of like a public service.
It doesn't mean I'm a gossip. I mean, would you call Ted Koppel a gossip? - Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, yeah, I would.
- Well, they were like this! - Hey! - Hey.
- I just asked that girl out. - Nice. - Nice, yeah.
Is that part of your resolution, your new thing for today? - Yes, it is. See?
- Elizabeth. . .
Hornswoggle? - That's right. Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
- Horn. . .
Swoggle. - You okay, Chandler? Is there something funny about that name?
- No, no. I just think that maybe I've heard it somewhere before. - Oh, really?
Where? Somewhere funny, I'll bet. - Hi, Pheebs!
- Hey! - Ah, guess what? I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.
- Hornswoggle? Ooh, this must be killing you. - All right, see you later.
- See ya. All right, Pheebs. I am ready for my first lesson.
- Okay. Oh no, no, you don't touch the guitar. No, no, first, you learn here.
Then you learn here. - Oh. Okay.
- Okay. Okay. Lesson one, chords.
Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords. . .
But I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. So, then, this is bear claw, okay, turkey leg, and old lady. - What an interesting approach to guitar instruction.
You know, some might find it amusing. I myself find it regular.
