so let's talk about feeling jealous in a narcissistic relationship it is the worst feeling I'm sure many of you have felt it and it's a universal feeling even if it's your parent jealousy is a part of these relationships again I'm not talking about the narcissistic person's jealousy I am talking about yours why are narcissistic relationship such a setup for jealousy I mean for starters the narcissistic people themselves are very prone to jealousy they feel chronically competitive angry um Angry that people are trying to get one over on them they live in very triangulated spaces like
always pitting people against each other they get their power from people competing for their attention narcissistic people Envy other people they covet what other people have they're angry at other people's seemingly Better Lives or at least the way they're portrayed on social Med media and they frequently believe that people are taking advantage of them you put all that together narcissistic people are jealous so the environment of any narcissistic relationship is already full of jealous Vibes but this is not about their jealousy it's about yours so have you ever felt jealous in a narcissistic relationship let's
start with intimate relationships because I would be shocked when I see a if I see a narcissistic relationship where there's no jealousy it would make me doubt if it even was first of all narcissistic partners are often Shady they just sort of feel entitled to doing what they want to do and they don't care how it affects you in the trauma bonding cycle especially after the love bombing starts the long process of wondering what more can you do what C what can you what can you get right what did you do wrong the self-blame the
not feeling enough so even though your thinking mind gets to a place where you know that their Shady betrayal Laden behavior is all about them that emotionally trigger triggered mind that you have wonders what's wrong with you maybe that other person's better what does that other person have all of us know the drill we've all been there and narcissistic people play this even if they aren't actively betraying you they'll often drop things in to test you keep you on your back foot ah you know what like gosh you Mary told me I look good look
good at work again that new assistant is meeting us at the convention I saw my ex their social media is Shady and Sinister as hell and they do the Harding engaging with people they probably shouldn't as a result your jealousy works for them it creates an invigorating sense of competition for them narcissistic folks derive a lot of power from triangulated systems and it's a clever Ploy by them if it seems that someone else is interested in them all a sudden that narcissistic person gets a lot more interesting even when it's abusive it's true true Liberation
that you have found in one of these relationships when if but when you get to the day when they could be banging the whole neighborhood and you shake your head and say great they can have them I am so glad to not have to deal with them but before you get to that there can be lots of jealousy the problem with jealousy is that it strengthens and it magnifies the trauma Bond you don't want someone to have a relationship that's yours right even though that relationship's not good for you it's like anything you want the
item in the store or at least you were considering the item in the store and now someone else is eyeing it there's only one of it then you want it right you may be even more likely to fight for the relationship when there's a third party or a sense of jealousy involved and narcissistic people will never do anything to Alay your concerns or soothe this jealous concern you have if anything they'll capit capitalize on it and they'll be more likely to Gaslight your concerns okay everyone show of hands how many of you suspected that a
narcissistic partner now or in the past was cheating on you or the like you even asked them about a point blank you were royally gaslighted and it turns out your suspicions were right yep all of you have your hands up I got to say in one relationship I was in the narcissistic person was unfaithful I found out I asked him to come clean everything but this fool came clean on about 80% of it my intuition told me it wasn't the whole truth I mean 80% is a lot but I had the proof and I was
right there was more the shame swamp that narcissistic people live in means that it almost feels like they get off even once you know the truth they get off on still not telling you everything this is something I've seen repeatedly in narcissistic relationship ship you will never get the full story radically accept that so if you do suspect that they are being unfaithful or doing betraying you or whatever you're either called paranoid or crazy or needy or trying to keep them on a short chain or you're an untrusting person or maybe you don't even really
love them if you don't trust them you've heard it all right so you kind of get three for the price of one you feel jealous you get betrayed and then you're made to feel crazy so much fun in these relationships but the jealousy thing doesn't just stop with Intimate Relationships though it's where we may feel it in the most pronounced way in adulthood the jealousy thing also shows up with narcissistic parents this can include narcissistic parents playing siblings against each other showing clear preferences playing favorites and communicating that through everything from the time they spend
with certain kids to compliments to gifts to money as a child you may you may find yourself in The NeverEnding contest to see who can win over the narcissistic parent which really boils down to a safety behavior for a child but can also create a lifetime schema of relationships as places of jealousy and competition and the sense that there's always a threat looming around the corner and this doesn't stop in childhood a narcissistic parent may continue to Foster these divisions and suspicions into adulthood and even try to Fan the Flames of Envy between siblings well
you got to feel bad I mean your brother already has married and has a house and a great job like you okay with that narcissistic workplaces it's the same thing the triangulation the gossip the undermining and especially things like the favoritism all mean that you will see people who play the game with a narcissistic boss that they get Advanced more quickly they get more perks they get more recognition and it can foster a sense of jealousy which the narcissistic leadership will actually welcome because it creates competition and conflict which are conditions under which narcissistic bosses
Thrive even when a narcissistic relationship is done we have the joys of social media as a way to see the narcissistic person's life still unfold so you may have ended the relationship or even gone no contact or deeply disengaged from them but you can see them walking into their big bright produced Futures remember narcissistic people are better at using social media for making their lives look good than regular folks and that can mean that the jealous feeling can persist long after the relationship ends and contribute to a sense of feeling stuck long after the relationship
is gone which is also a key element of trauma bonding here's a rub folks jealousy is a normal emotion some argue that it's evolutionarily adaptive right it's sort of a Crossroads of self- protection and in Injustice and again for human beings our babies are born completely dependent and human children stay dependent for a long time which means that keeping the male partner around to take care of that child makes good evolutionary sense so anybody who pulls that partner away that threat feels visceral in healthy relationships Partners elay jealousy and reassure Partners or are transparent they're
like no no it's nothing and they don't behave in a way that leaves the other partner doubting a narcissistic partner would never do that in fact in Intimate Relationships at least even in healthy ones we're always going to see some jealousy let's say your partner is working lots of late nights at the office trying to make a deadline and the colleague one of their colleagues they worked with is actually attractive and even though you've met them and they know you're together and you've met their partner too there's a little bit of a Pang or you
have a partner who works in an industry where they're in proximity to lots of attractive and interesting colleagues and networking or you have a partner who is clearly attractive to other people in healthy relationships even when we feel safe that can create a little Pang in us and though that Pang typically will pass quickly when there is trust and frankly may even keep a little spark in the relationship and one could even argue that when jealousy is fully gone from the relationship gone you don't feel jealousy at all maybe all the juice is out of
the orange jealousy in narcissistic relationships is worse for the not narcissistic person because odds are that you have been betrayed in some way shape or form multiple times in this relationship in most cases the jealousy is probably also well founded it's not just trauma bonded but again while jealousy is normal being gaslighted about about it is not being made to feel like you're a crazy person about a circumstance that they are actively creating borders on sadistic but that's these relationships and again when you feel jealous that's a huge source of supply for the narcissist because
now they know that they kind of again got you on your back foot so if you've ever felt jealous in a narcissistic relationship You Are Not Alone In fact if you are a person who who has not felt jealous in a narcissistic relationship then you are actually an outlier it sadly firms up the trauma Bond too it leaves you feeling destabilized and it's made worse by the gaslighting and it can leave you fighting hard for something that is not good for you and one day when you get to that point when you were no longer
jealous but sort of disgusted and kind of glad that they have someone else to keep them busy that's a good day it's a really good day especially if you get out of the relationship the key is to not be mad at you if you are jealousy if you are jealous jealousy is normal and getting out of these relationships is psychologically and logistically very difficult and what can feel like the ultimate stuckness is if you really feel like you can't get out of the relationship m stigma safety even kids whatever it is and you're struggling with
the jealousy and they're actively contributing to that situation there are few things that feel worse and the rumination can take over your time in such a way that you feel fully distracted from your life but feeling jealous in a narcissistic relationship is normal and like I said they often actively create the conditions your jealousy simply becomes their supply thanks again
