Joe Rogan Experience #1531 - Miley Cyrus

[Laughter] all day [Music] hello miley cyrus how are pleasure to meet you you also i'm happy to be here i'm happy to have you here you have a fantastic voice not just a singing voice but you're talking voice it's very unusual it's like it makes you step back a little Like oh i've actually uh recently i was walking around in boston i went to a museum and this like older man walked up to me i had no idea who i was he was just enjoying the art also in the museum and started talking me forever

about my voice and my and then there was a college some sort of trip to the museum and then everybody Started freaking out and it was so cool just to have someone stop me about my speaking voice because that had never happened to me before i think as i was turned around and i have the mullet so i could have been you know anybody i could have been anyone it's a heavy voice it's a heavy voice um you didn't always have a heavy voice though like when my kids love hannah montana by the way yeah

So when i i would watch your voice was different it's definitely changed i actually i kind of learned a lot about the voice and how our experiences affect our voice i had a surgery in november on my voice i had something called reiki's edema which when my doctor told me about it he said no one shy ever has this this is for abuse of the voice this is for people that Talk way too [ __ ] much and usually this happens when you're like in your 60s or 70s how do i not have that i

don't know i don't know mine i think honestly really i started touring you know at probably 12 or 13 and not only was i the adrenaline that you have after a show it's not really the singing that affects your voice as much it's afterwards you're totally on and then it's really hard to get that sleep you stay up Talking all night later the talking all night turned into smoking all night and now this is kind of where we're at we got some dirt on her you know she the voice can be like like a face

it collects wrinkles and and it tells a story if you look at yourself and you go oh i didn't have this until this this trip you know i sat out in the sun or i partied too much or whatever your Voice says the same thing it collects dirt it's very distinctive yeah yes it gives me away um i mean i'm pretty much one of the only chicks in l.a with a mullet so that gives me a way also well you're not in the right neighborhood there's plenty i know i gotta drive out to the to

the desert i guess yeah that's right yeah yeah go out to joshua tree yeah exactly Find the chicks that are tripping exactly yeah with handmade tattoos i have a couple of those too but there's something very distinctive about a voice you earned you know it's true it's kind of like you know when you see somebody and and i think i think especially being like a female in the industry i think growing up and changing and like kind of that there is such a kind of stigma with Aging it's a very kind of scary thing as

a female in the industry and um i thought about it a lot and thought about my voice i actually had someone when i was doing an interview a couple months ago said you know she sounds like she stayed up all night smoking too many darts and i said well i [ __ ] have um and that's just the truth and if you know that was anyone else you know it's kind of like you're weathered or your Age or you've been through it and you know we'll talk about it as we go but they're they're over

the last year i noticed a really big change in my voice kind of a heaviness to it and i experienced some heavy things and so i feel like it is a reflection it is kind of a scar in a sense um but also just by having the surgery was kind of a gift also because I was able to understand my instrument no one ever explained that to me you know i sat in a room with the piano and did scales and [ __ ] but no one taught me about how do you have longevity you

know you are in here with athletes all the time and and recovery days are the most important days um i didn't get recovery days there that was not important for someone that was making so much capital for such a big Corporation you know the off days are days that that money's not coming in and i i definitely probably didn't get the training that i needed to say hey you know what i don't want to do this till i'm 15. i want to do this till i'm 80 and that wasn't always considered definitely not complaining it

gave me an amazing launch pad for everything i'm doing now but i hear it but it had to be really odd to Be working that much and be a young girl the balance it trained me to have is something that i don't think you are gonna get taught any other way besides jumping in the deep end of the pool and hoping you know how to swim that's the only way i there was no way i could have prepared for the amount of balance i would have to learn to kind of teeter because you know at

one point again it went from It was school then it went from you know how many how much we can actually smoke and still play a teenage superstar on the disney channel and then like and then like what's the answer to that question more than you would [ __ ] think um i remember one time when and i don't smoke anymore and i'm sober how long have you been sober but i i've been sober since the Pretty much the vocal surgery kind of did it for me um because i just learned so much about the

effects which again you're just not taught um it's not really the drinking it's staying up all night you know once you have your drink you end up smoking and i kind of i i have um i've become the face of a lot of things kind of against my will i guess from my opinions when You're someone in my position your opinion becomes your identity and it also becomes kind of almost like um you kind of become this like preacher you become this you know they don't really let you just always have your own opinion so

i've decided to start telling people i live my own lifestyle alcohol was never my problem There was other things that i end up you know i like to go up so i i now just avoid really drinking because i i like to wake up at 110 um but it's never really been my problem and i could see myself having a drink of celebration in the future but i get so [ __ ] hungover now that i'm like why would i celebrate with like just feeling like a volcano's erupted in my brain you know so so

it's really just a personal Preference but it's definitely not anything that i promote in i think it's a lifestyle everyone should be i think everyone should experiment it's a good time and you learn a lot of things about yourself and the people around you but now i'm watching i have younger siblings and they're going through that and i don't know how my mom did it with me because it's scary yeah i don't think i think if we're Going to acknowledge the fact that all these things exist cocaine exists pills exist marijuana exists we should teach

people how to do it right yeah really i mean you're leaving children it's the same thing with sex right yeah we leave children to their there's the information that they're going to get is from other kids yeah and if you're learning about sex from another 14 year old or you're learning about coke from a 14 year old that's not good yeah like someone we we play this game with children where we try to pretend that you know they live in a movie all right well listen to this it's actually funny you bring this up because

i had the idea this week not that i really have time to do this in the near future but i would like to at some point in my life I want to do my own children's book series of realistic children stories because i don't like the idea that we teach them that this is sunshine world and everyone walks on a rainbow and everyone's equal and you need to say like that's not what are you going to do about it that's not true what are you going to do about it and i think there's a way

to not terrify children of life even though I go in and out of periods where i think life is really overwhelmingly terrifying um and that's coming from my position and my position i tell myself all the time if you're not enjoying this life honey you got it coming in the next one because i better [ __ ] love this life it's the best one i i couldn't imagine being in a different body and having a different experience it's an awesome life if you do it the right way It's an awesome life and i also i

didn't hurt myself beyond repair in my experiences i survived and i don't even mean heart still beating survival i mean i have a lot of people that love me around i didn't kick all the people that had my best interest at heart out that's the that's where you die if you kick everyone that says hey are you are you okay you know out no of course i'm okay you don't trust get the [ __ ] out and so now that i have people that i've had in my life i feel that i have people in

my life that i've known for 15 20 years and not many people in my position get to say that my parents are awesome my dad's loopy as hell but i love him so much um he he has no way of ever hearing this because my dad doesn't have wi-fi or uh anything but a blackberry so i can tell You what i got for his birthday my dad has two blackberries with eagle and a phone which is not true but that's what he says so for his birthday he said that he wanted to see if he

could go 365 days without eating pizza because he had never done it before so my dad has now gone a year without having pizza and my dad loves bubble bath he's gonna kill me for saying this but his country Ass loves bubble bath that's hilarious and so he loves to smoke his joint eat his pizza and get a bubble bath so he said that's what i'm gonna do for my birthday so for his birthday i've organized a five-foot pizza to be delivered to his farm so he can have all he can eat and i'm the

pizza delivery person on the box i had someone draw it where it's me with my tongue out and a mullet delivering the pizza And i got a bathtub on craigslist and i put it my dad has 500 acres so i put it in the middle of the farm filled with bubble gum just like my music video and so my dad's going to have a bubble gum bathtub and a five-foot pizza for his birthday that's a door that's next week that i like the fact that he has no wi-fi and no internet no wi-fi no internet

every now and then he's good that way he'll drive to my Uncle's house to facetime us every now and then oh wow yeah wow he has to make a drive to facebook it's not far all of us are just like my dad's kept us a a pebbles throw away for sure we all live on property we all live really close to each other so if you did this thing like if you really decided to do uh children's books like realistic Children's books like how would you do that would you get a ghost author and sort

of come up with the ideas of what you were trying to get across to kids well what do you wish somebody told you i like that you mentioned that no one talks to us about drugs i know this is going to be controversial to introduce drugs to kids i think that there's a way and i have to think about it um wayne Coyne is a good friend of mine and i did the dead pets record with him flaming lips have been my favorite band since i was in fifth grade and he's obviously an amazing artist

and he just had his first child year and a half years old he's six he just had a baby they're coming to visit me right now and um i would have him do all the illustrations so it stays in that kind of surrealist world because i think I think that's what would get the kids to want to read this book is that that the illustrations are still surreal um and i like that about children's books but i do think that we do need to talk about you know equality and i do think there needs to

be diversity in children's books and i think also we just need to talk about the fact i was actually happy to talk to you today because i didn't get to do therapy Today because i would be with you but it's kind of the same thing and i was talking to him and i said you know sometimes it scares me that i'm too tough and and i feel like i'm not jaded and i'm not cold but i feel too tough and he goes well i'm proud of that because life is tough and it's not to get

hard what do you mean by that what do you mean by you feel like I don't like that you're too tough i feel that i worry sometimes that i can get over things easily i don't fall to the floor and crawl up in a ball the way that i used to and i think that's a part of me growing up like when you know i recently just went through a very public divorce that [ __ ] sucked what really sucked about it wasn't the fact that me and someone that i loved realized that we don't

love each Other the way that we used to anymore that's okay i can accept that i can't accept the villainizing and the um just all those stories that like it's just amazing to me that the public kind of thinks that there's no gap of time that they didn't see that could possibly be what led to this like it's not one day you were happy on the carpet the next day you were making out with your Friend in italy what the [ __ ] well there was a lot of time in between that that you didn't

see it didn't go i didn't like i didn't you know yeah but you can't rely on someone else's narrative right especially someone who doesn't know you you really shouldn't even read what people write about what's crazy is my dad again you know my dad's been a real figure in my life and um My dad when he got his grammy nomination he wore he went to the grammys in a john 3 16 shirt and he didn't get the grammy and the next day the new york post if someone put even god can't save billy ray cyrus

in his career and he was sitting next to johnny cash they were going to something i have a johnny cash tattoo that was handwritten uh to my dad from around that time and he said what the hell just like you say To me right now you're my johnny cash you know he said what the hell are you doing reading that yeah and my dad said i just never really picked up the paper again but again my dad didn't buy that paper it was just kind of in your face should have thought that was funny he

he does now now he just says well whatever will get johnny cash to come and sit next to me and talk to me now he now he loves it Um and it's been really good to have him go before me you know it's it's kind of that buddy system i think it'd be really scary if i would have been able to see that but to your point of i don't click on this [ __ ] you know it it comes into my life by if i walk by a magazine stand which i like to walk

on the street and it says like miley's on drugs and pregnant and then i Think one of those things are true but not the other [ __ ] you for lying about me yeah but that's all they have i mean what when someone's in the public eye and someone's as prominent as you are you become a way for them to access money right that's all you are clickbait advertisement and i totally get it it's that unprogramming of also i think what's interesting sitting Here with you is that all of this is kind of new um

i mean even just like the idea of podcasts what i used to do when it was like promo time for a record okay so i'm 12 years old and i'm printing physical copies of my album so i have to write my [ __ ] music you know six months before you actually so i just did dolly's new album for Christmas and i had to record a christmas song in july it was the weirdest thing i've ever done in my life but when you make physical copies that's what you do and you're telling a story from

always being behind especially when it comes to the media so now what i love about this what i love doing you know a show like yours is like we talk about it right now and people Hear right now so you're getting the real information you're not getting information from all right you know i shot a magazine cover i did an interview i was la la in love with my boyfriend i mean that literally happened when i did vanity fair i flew there like a week after i got married by the time the damn thing was

on the stands i was divorced it was old news it was like come on you know so you're Really not able to tell your story in real time and that's what i love about the new way that music is happening and streaming and i love the idea that like i threw up that um flaming lips record i did on soundcloud and it was like you know no one had to buy it or i sound 105 but it's very exciting because i really hated always being behind myself and i think that's what now i can use

my Art as my kind of i guess the way that i can talk to the the press isn't what bothers me it's kind of the public you know and and i got in this habit where when people would meet me and because i didn't get to have it just became a thing that happened constantly was i meet someone and they go man you're not as crazy as i thought You'd be and i'm like thank you uh i don't know what you thought i'd be doing right now if you thought i'd be in like you know

space buns dropping acid or something but people say that to me all the time that i'm not as crazy as they thought i would be and that's just a weird thing to say to someone yeah but the public image like what they sold of you you know here you are hannah montana and then all sudden You're this very sexual singer and you're doing all this crazy stuff and you're on television shaking your ass and everybody's seeing that and like oh miley cyrus is out of control now she's one so then that becomes the narrative it's

funny when people make the narrative when you become in control that now you're out of it yeah that's what's always really interesting well it's also youth right like like think About the marriage thing right you say vanity fair they write the article you're deeply in love by the time it comes out you're already divorced right that's so hollywood yeah i mean to them that's like oh we've seen this [ __ ] story before yeah we know where this going uh also you're a child star oh [ __ ] we've seen this story before and so

you get stuck in that narrative too right because absolutely They want you to fall down the exact same path they don't want you to fail your past yes well then they'll spell it out for you this is what she's doing she's on drugs and she's pregnant i've had to con i've had to now i don't read those types of things but i've had to unlearn that they're not true because sometimes i write things i write things down When i want something to get put into my head even if i'm gonna have a hard conversation with

somebody usually i kind of write a little mini script for myself so i kind of know where i i don't like going into something with no direction where do i want this to go what are my goals what do i want that's what any of your athletes would do it's like i i know that i have that as an artist I want to have a long career i have to do the things to be able to have that um longevity and so i would write down you know kind of a kind of an idea of

where i'd want conversations to go even with the people in my life and what do i want out of them and i had to stop going hey just because they wrote that down it's true because something about writing it down gives a lot of power i don't like to write down things that i Don't mean that's why i don't write songs that i hate because once you write it down they are like alive so what you're saying is that like reading things that other people wrote about you made you think that those things were real

so yeah it [ __ ] with your own personal narrative yes sometimes i'd be trying to prove something that i didn't need to prove Like all of a sudden i'd be trying to prove that i'm not crazy when i knew i wasn't crazy um and yeah i just think also i mean when we're talking about realistic children's books i think the stigma that kind of uh surrounds you know youth growing up rebelling and then craziness and then what's the line between that and mental illness and you know i do have some kind of genetic family

History of alcohol i mean that totally gets a race when you're a celebrity it's like hollywood did this to you it's like no dude my great-grandma was an alcoholic you know my granddad was an alcoholic my grandma's an alcoholic you know so i i obviously had it wasn't hollywood you know it's genetic i think for you i mean i don't think there's anything wrong with writing a book And writing a realistic children's book but i think you could do a lot of good by just making little youtube videos because you make little youtube videos just

talking and explaining hey this is what i did and this is where i [ __ ] up and this is why you shouldn't do it this way these are the drugs you got to be really careful about these are drugs that are really dangerous and look if you want to have like one Drink you want to have one drink like just have one [ __ ] drink if you can if you can yeah if you want to if you want to smoke weed take a hit yeah like don't get crazy yeah like figure this out

like you can have a good experience on marijuana or you could [ __ ] up your life and have a schizophrenic breakdown that's one thing that i feel like you know when i was smoking weed Like my mom all the weed that i don't smoke she takes care of both my parents so i have nothing against weed my whole family is a bunch of stoners i i just felt like when you're talking about kind of some of the the episodes that they can kind of bring on you know i maybe have a little some of

those kind of tendencies already um and that's that's something that People who love marijuana don't like to talk about and i'm pretty adamant about discussing that yeah i i know people that have lost their [ __ ] mind particularly on edibles yeah i i know some people that literally became schizophrenic and i really like looking at i like looking at facts like that and i don't know you know i do think that there are I like i like information i'm a real i love to process new information um i love to receive new information i

love to go how do you get your information are you a person who reads do you watch documentaries i read and i uh kind of i was going on a i was going on a trip when i was maybe 17 years old and i was walking through the airport and i saw a book that said change your brain Change your life by dr daniel amen who's now been my therapist for 10 years and i couldn't get on this plane i was having a full anxiety attack with smoking a lot of weeds i was taking a

lot of shrimps i was 17. 17 smoking a lot of weed and taking away mushrooms and i started getting a little yeah i started getting a little cray-cray you know sometimes i recommend That doing some things with you know causing some fights with my boyfriend that were unnecessary they got heightened um i remember one time i wrecked my car into my gate and i said this is all your fault i was the one driving the damn car and how is this your fault i did not have a great idea of reality at that time so

i was going to i was leaving the Country for the first time without my family i was going to costa rica and i was walking through the airport i saw this book change your brain change your life i'm like i i want to change my life i don't like where this is going and my brain is actually i don't like who i'm living with the person upstairs is like annoying the hell out of me so i got this book and it got me to get onto the plane now i had a few Anxious breakdowns on

that when you know when you go to places like going in the middle of jungle you take all those little planes and all of a sudden you're on a four-wheeler going wherever you're going every now and then i'd have to stop because i would get so light-headed stabbing chest pains and all this and he said drop weed first of all get rid of the weed get rid of the psychedelics and i Also cut gluten from my diet from a little bit of a time so i could get an idea of like what's my body on

a natural level and i started doing you know kind of blood work and i i did some spec scans which he specializes in so like actually looking at my brain because what i really like about the spec scan is you know you wouldn't tell me i have a broken arm without freaking looking at It i could tell you out it hurts blah blah blah but like what is the spec scan so a spec scan um we might have to look up exactly what it stands for because i don't i don't remember this but basically it's

kind of like an x-ray and it kind of shows you almost like in those thermal type colors of the activity of your brain there we go single photon emission computed Tomography yeah so i have one of these nuclear medicine study that evaluates blood flow and activity to in the brain so that's my doctor aim in clinics that's that's his uh website right there and so i have a couple of these um how's your brain look you know what so he says this isn't right surprisingly good for the abuse that it's had because i started my

throat but exactly That's the amount of time it's all okay so the amount of activity if we're looking at like female and male brains i mean they're totally lit up in different spots you know um actually i think he's even worked with some some athletes of yours he works a lot of like with football players because he says you know like you know i'm almost like a football player for the life that i lead i gotta do everything else right if You're going to go and live under this amount of stress which is pretty abnormal

it's like you're getting hit in the head an abnormal amount of times then i got to do everything else right so i got to be pretty diligent about my supplements i got to really care about the food that i my mom always says like you guys are overthinking it i've eaten cheetos every single day it's true for the rest of my life and i'm like Yeah but you're not like a you know you're not a superstar that has to go on stage and do two hour shows you know my heart really needs to be in

good condition i need to be in good condition i can't by the way my mom has crazy panic attacks so like i can't have any of that my mom has had me slam like had them slam the brakes on an airplane to take off and made me drive home from canada to tennessee I drove from tennessee to canada nine times because of her anxiety i've driven from nashville to california like four times because of her anxiety so i don't listen to him off the cheetos exactly my grandma was on a popcorn diet where she took

a trash bag to the movie theater and filled it up with popcorn and she's like don't i look good i'm like on the outside it's fine on the inside i'm worried Meanwhile she's going to outlive all of us so sometimes i'll worry about that but i think i am kind of like an athlete in the ways like if i'm going to be doing this kind of absolutely type lifestyle then i have to do everything else right so my spec scan looks pretty good but i like looking at my brain and knowing okay so this isn't

looking at me and going there's just something wrong with Me and i don't know why i had a head injury when i was you know two years old what happened it's bad my dad had me this is really bad but he can't go to jail i don't think it's long enough time away he had me in a baby backpack and i was on a dirt bike with my dad and he was riding and a tree had fallen and he ducked and i didn't i hit my head on the tree oh jesus christ so that's what's

wrong Everyone's asked me that phrase well that you know that's a common theme with wild people do you know that yes sam kinnison got hit by a car when he was like a little kid and his brother bill said it completely changed his life we have just like a real cop same thing with roseanne barr she got hit by a car when she was 15. before that she was like mild-mannered really good at math after She got hit by a car she had to spend nine months at a mental institution couldn't count anymore and she

became this wild lady who who everybody knows as roseanne right i mean maybe uh maybe i'm thankful for it maybe it like i don't know knocked me into this identity or something i think there's something to i'm not sure he knows that there's something to that dr eamon we've talked about this a Lot so when i get really overwhelmed i also have a tendency that if i know something stupid i just gotta try it to know that it's stupid which is makes it stupid because i already knew about it sometimes i'm like is it better

to know it's dumb and do it or to not know it's dumb and do it don't you think part of that that's a head injury well maybe but also it's the final of your breaks but you know the way you developed as a human being being that Famous at you know 12 years old doing stadiums but i do like i like looking at my brain and going okay listen like someone cut my breaks right on my brain and i have to take all the things omega i i've been was vegan for a very long time

and i've had to introduce fish and omegas into my life because my brain wasn't functioning properly um don't tell that to the vegans they'll Come for you that's they're gonna come for me but that's okay um i'm used to people coming for me and it's gonna be that i call my salary no i listen if i i give home i have 22 animals on my farm in nashville i've got 22 and my house in calabasas like i'm doing what i need to do for the animals okay okay but when it comes to my brain you're

not vegan no you can't be vegan and living this Kind and not being this quick but sure you can some people can i cannot because it was really giving i was how did it do for your brain i feel that i'm slowed you down now i'm so much sharper than i was and i think that i was at one point pretty malnutrition like i remember going to um glastonbury and that was a show that i loved i loved my performance but i was running on empty Like i was on i was on can i ask

you were you doing a vegan diet like particularly yesterday you're doing it but you're doing intelligently like myself the right way i do all my protein drinks i've watched every bodybuilder's youtube about how they still you can't pay attention to train that's what i'm saying all of a sudden i'm like those guys celery and like why are my Thighs like [ __ ] huge like vegan bodybuilder guys they're almost all on steroids it's it's it's not on steroids well they i mean and they're you know they're different bodies too some people i have good friends

that are vegan and they they're fine on it my friend john joseph he's been the vegan for like 30 years that's why i think nate diaz i was stoked he was a vegetarian Vegetarian no he's at one point or a pescetarian yeah that's where i'm at there's a lot of people that function really well with that but some people find it's everybody's different you know we all have different ancestors and our ancestors come from different parts of the world and you know i don't know if the blood type thing is accurate but some people really

believe that so this is another thing That i like about seeing the brain is i try to eat from my brain type and not my blood type necessarily my brain type so my brain type i really need breaks on my brain because i did i did not have that where i in my new song it says i can't bite the devil on my tongue that was like a really hard thing for me to learn how to do but instead of going i'm just totally Impulsive and the most reactive person ever i look and go well

but my dad also slammed my head into a tree when i was two so you know it's maybe as a dad that's hard to hear that scares the [ __ ] out i've given him a award for worst dad ever every time i go you know if we're on hollywood and there's the best dad award i scratch out best and put worse Um but he was also the best because he would allow me to do a lot of other crazy things that were awesome well it you're fine yeah i'm fine my dad let me steal

chickens from the malibu barn that little red barn when you come down to panga my dad they were gonna feed these chickens to the snakes and they let us back there and my dad was like listen i'm billy ray cyrus i'm gonna totally Distract him you shove as many chickens in the back of the corvette as you can while i'm signing autographs and we're gonna get the hell out of here so i did i went me and my brother got all these damn chickens and we shoved him in the back of his car and he

was gonna snakes went hungry he was about to go work for david lynch well he was gonna audition for him for mulholland drive and my dad brought the chickens in the corvette and he said if You're gonna have chickens in the corvette like you're playing the pool guy you know that's a pool guy thing to do so my dad got the job so because he got the job he had to stay in l.a and we had to go back to tennessee so he told me and my mom to tell the people on the airplane that

they were exotic himalayan cockatoos and we did and they let them on the plane and we Had them in the purse and we we they lived in a bathtub and like on hollywood and highland in some hotel for a long time and then we got home and the night we got there our dogs got in the chicken coop made them all so they died anyway but that's the kind of dad my dad is he sets you up for failure and for disappointment but i like that about him because he made me tough well i mean

it's hard to keep dogs out Of chicken coops i had a dog got in the chicken coop too i had a lot of chickens at one point in time and then after the last fire out here yeah my chicken coop my house stayed okay but my chicken coop burnt to the ground damn and then we had to put him in a smaller chicken coop and the coyotes got him that's the thing that's the thing you can't blame dad for nature that's the way that it is you Can't dogs will eat chickens yeah they give them

a chance several snakes apparently he is [ __ ] yeah yeah so you your brain like when they do this scan do they do they tell you what you should do to make it better like what do they do they look at and go oh you're [ __ ] up you know he works kind of with you know I guess a lot of um you know kind of mostly athletes people that kind of live abnormal lifestyle and and so injuries yeah he just posted a cool picture with tyson and he just works with all different

i love seeing the other brains that i'm allowed to see also because it kind of is fun to i would love like a match.com but like where people just put their brain scans And be like i like that one that's lighting up the right where i need it you know you got something i don't have that would be actually amazing that's how it worked because like personalities are weird like people sometimes you go well i don't they just work together exactly and i mean it has to do with that you know i'm not really looking

now i guess for as much as i'm looking for The this i want the soul connection but i'm more about the brain connection i'm a very logical i like to have kind of logic in my life because i used to be kind of owned by emotion in a way i was very emotional and that's what i meant by i think we spun off of what i meant by tough so i used to be very emotional and um i used to cry about things and now you get over things and also more like i would really

kind of just like i Would just become such a recluse i have that tendency my dad my dad said he's everyone's just getting on social distancing he's been doing it since 1992. like my dad's been on social i said as soon as we walked in here you know i it made me that was around achy breaky heart time yes right 92 is that was right when i was born and that is when it was all crazy so that also explains i mean i Think somewhat of my uh just who i am my personality how i

how i did your dad talk to you about what the anxiety was like for him when he became famous well my dad's your dad was my deck for people don't know in the nine early 90s your dad was a [ __ ] superstar but he had a very different lifestyle than i did as my dad grew up in a house that didn't even have an Indoor bathroom my dad hadn't gone to the dentist until he was 30 years old my dad had never gone to a dentist my dad grew up poor my his my uncle

still lives in their same house he's got an indoor bathroom now because my dad's a g and put that in but he still lives in the same house and um yeah so my dad grew up in like uh you probably have seen it it's one of the poorer Areas in the country my dad grew up in appalachia and kentucky so it's my mom so um i've been there a bunch and i've been able to see where my dad's from so he had a different relationship to fame because he went from nothing to everything i went

kind of from having you know everything if we look at really the way i grew up lived in a big house on a big farm the only thing that was sad about is we didn't have Kind of neighbors or normal kids around because i lived on this big kind of isolated farm but went to school had this normal life but i mean if we really look at it i didn't know when i was a kid that i had everything but i had everything so i went from having it all to having more and that i

don't know what's harder to kind of uh to kind of humanize i guess about yourself because My life is is is very unique and so it's very hard for me to to sit with someone and relate to them and i think that made me really scared because um my mom doesn't like to be alone so i have that fear in my mind if i don't want to be alone but i think what makes you lonely isn't the amount of people are around but like am i relating to people am i really connecting well you must

have a hard time Connecting to people because they don't have the same life experience as you your reality it's like you're in a you're in a fish bowl you're in a different reality and you're hanging out next to people that aren't in the fishbowl here's the difference of the fishbowl so we usually put the fish in the fish bowl and i you know i reborn the fish right we do it and i was born into it but then again I put myself into it so if you get a beta you're the one that does it

you did it when you were a little kid and you didn't know what you were doing but my parents didn't really want me to so my parents my dad wouldn't even really go with us to the auditions he was actually kind of mad at my mom about it that was kind of a thing and then my mom's like i'm gonna do this so you know she stays in this small town she's gonna Be like everybody else that just ends up on drugs so she took me to l.a mom like hello she didn't even smoke weed

yet well this is that's not the ab that i've ever heard of like let's avoid drugs in nashville so let's get more and better a lot better drugs in l.a but what what's we're going way off track what what bothers you about being more resilient Because that's what it sounds like it doesn't when you say more tough you're talking about the difference between someone who reacts overly emotionally to something you would follow the ground and curl up in a ball and cry about things and now you can get over them that to me is a

sign of perspective okay so here's where it is and i don't even want to have a conversation about like really you Know sexism or men versus women because like i love dudes you know and i i actually relate to dudes a lot more um but i think men in my life have told me that i'm cold i'm a cold [ __ ] [ __ ] because i leave when things are done i was actually gonna say well maybe you've been dating [ __ ] i'm really into a lot of freaky things but i don't [

__ ] dead guys and when it's over it's over and you're dead to me and we move On you know so that's how i feel about it that's heavy and i'll do a lot of things but i don't do that and so i um think that that's where i've gotten the idea which actually i'm glad you just said that to me because i i get this kind of beating into the brain from all different angles my mom's like you know everyone else is proud of me for being like you said resilient and i have a

lot Of guilt i'm a very guilty person that sounds like you're talking to guys who want you to feel guilty because you don't feel emotional about it ending and this is the first time you learn how to just let [ __ ] go if they like you or if they love you they love you they have to well that's a hard thing they should want you to be happy just let it pass and then be friends okay so If they can't do that that's on them that's not on you because you're very older man because

these like guys that are you know i definitely should be with someone i think that i got to find nick nolte this is what i'm thinking this is what i'm this is what i'm thinking i don't need a man or a woman that's gonna take care of me i can take care of me because i've got money i've got all the things that i need to take care of myself i need them To be able to take care of them because somehow i keep getting into when you need someone with autonomy yes that's what you

need you need someone who they don't need your constant approval and affection and now that we're using this word need just for the record i guess i really don't need to be in a relationship at all so that's good we got to this point see this is therapy Yeah you don't need it but it does sound nice people can poison you with their ideas of what you should be and if you don't meet up to their expectations and oftentimes their expectations of you are just to reaffirm themselves they want you to love them they want

you to tell them how awesome they are and if you don't feel that way you're cold yeah there's something wrong With you because they don't have autonomy they can't exist independently right that's the problem right the problem there's a lot of [ __ ] out there i like it you said it not me that's how i feel and honestly we're talking at a very uh this is a super like kind of pivotal moment for me right now i haven't been single and like i guess really from 2015 i mean there's Been little months so maybe

about five years like i've had you know a few months here and there where i've been single but not for a long period of time and you know something i'm really excited about is uh this vma performance that's coming up and i love that it's the first time that i'm gonna be on that stage as a single badass grown evolved secure um woman that's done a lot of work like I've done i've done the work and that's the thing is some people say um you know like how did you how did you get here you

know you turned out pretty good it's like dude i've i worked really hard at it but just seriously get it in your head any time someone gives you a hard time about being strong you're not a bad person just because You're strong just because you don't cry as easy as you used to that's ridiculous yeah it's ridiculous it's perspective that's all it is you're not a bad all these [ __ ] animals you have yeah how could you be a bad person if you love animals dude i put this stuff called monkey butt on my

dogs what is monkey every day this baby powder for dog butts because i I got uh this guy one of my friends my friend who said oh my god this is a whole other story my friend who's sitting out there right now tried to immediately you know make me happy because i just went through a breakup and showed me a hot guy on instagram and i started scrolling i see him putting this powder on his dog's ass i'm like i don't want him but i want that stuff for the dog's ass that looks great so

i ordered it right away monkey butt So i have a dog her uh she can't see she can't hear she can barely walk she was dropped at a fire station she was over bred she's a bulldog you know and they breed them crazy and she uh can barely get off the floor she's so overweight and her name is kate moss and what i love about it is i tell everybody when i'm coming to set you know I'm gonna bring kate moss make sure she's good she's covered tested we're all good and then all the men

on set's face are the best because it's like i thought miley cyrus is bringing kate moss is gonna be the best day of my life and then she comes in with her big ass literally that i have baby powder she has diapers because i i put diapers on her for when she comes to set because her butt is like atrocious Do you just need to get her on a diet i have her on her diet honestly i'll show you some pictures when we're done with this because she had this thing called a cherry eye and

everyone she didn't have both eyes so they were trying to get me to like either remove her eye or do all the searching whatever i'm like let me do this the old-fashioned way so every day i get up i clean her eyes see i'm not a bad person i Clean her eyes i put four drops in two times a day give her three tablets she's lost probably ten pounds already and the cherries are completely out of her eyes she is healed and what i love about her and i'll show you these videos is uh she

does she can sing that's what really locked her in so i've never known this to be a for a dog to do this when i do scales and i warm up from my shows she howls And sings with me and she's got perfect pitch that's cool so i haven't even adopted her yet i was fostering her and i was gonna take her to set hoping you know somebody's kids wanted a dog and they would want her and the first thing that someone said is a face only a mother can love and i was like that's

not true i love her um and so i love her because she started singing to me and then i i adopted her Right then she's so ugly that they waved the adoption fee they said that's not a lie they literally she was free and i i now have to remind myself they say the best things in life are free and when i look at her and her big ass i know it's true so ugly she's free i had a friend who had wolves he had wolf dogs and you could you could like sing in his

house and the wolves Would start howling you go yes see my my dogs do that with the ambulance here oh yeah coyotes do that yes so they start going then my dogs start going so all the dogs sing but they none of them do it to scale like kate moss [Laughter] that's adorable oh yeah she's good so yeah don't let anybody tell you that there's Something wrong with being resilient yeah but people will do that men will do that i see a lot of men do that with women they want women to feel bad they

want them to feel bad for for not being emotional and i used to get small that's what i'm telling you see that's what i it used to be really easy to kind of put me back in the you know kind of jack-in-the-box kind of thing you know you can get me to Come out and just for a little while but it's it's it's become suspiciously convenient timing it always seems that i get told that i'm a cold [ __ ] before right when you're done right when i'm right when i'm ready to put out [

__ ] music it happens every day because you're focused on other things exactly and then it's like you know and then i it's just it's all it's a whole thing You have so much energy like the way you talk and all the sentences run on into the next do you exercise yes i exercise what do you do i love pilates and uh it's not super i guess cardio i think you need to do something i need to run a little bit more i need to do something i got a bag being put in my house

right now so i'm gonna next time i'm here i'll show you i'll be here protect your hands These nails come off i just have them taped on this is dolly style everything about me is taped on honey uh it's an easy at night you just go watch it and i like uh yeah it's all just tape people that have played guitar and and musical instruments and they hurt their hands i actually had a uh i had a guy told me that i had grubby little kid hands and i liked that about it because i did

Have dirt and that was because this was at a time where i was doing drugs and i wanted to know where the hell did gophers go so there was a gopher hole in my backyard and i'm like where do they keep going i see them pop up and they go away and i'm like so you're if you can dig to china you can dig a [ __ ] find a gopher so here i go you can't really dig to china i know That much and you can't find the gophers either you can yeah my gardener

knows how to get them i could not find the gophers and i looked for a very long time i even tried to get them out with pizza i brought pizza down into the hole hoping that you know everybody loves pizza apparently not gophers you rarely see gophers but you see their holes that's what i'm telling you that's where I was trying to go that's it you know when someone tells you that they've been enlightened they saw jesus and you know whatever i wanted to see i don't even want to see jesus i just want to

see a damn gopher so i went into the hole and i never saw gopher i see a wolverine i'll die disappointed if i was one animal i could see in in the wild i'd like to see a wolverine See you're like that's that's next level i just wanted freaking regular dagular gopher in the backyard you rarely see them but i've seen them but i i think both rains are dope well i just think seeing one of them [ __ ] and that's rare it's rare to see one of those things in the world my dad

uh my dad wanted to see a bear for 30 years he had this dream this is so i have some i don't know if he's Lying or if he's what the hell is going on but we're on this plane and he's so excited he's like i'm going to see he my dad's a little kind of intuitive that way and he's like i'm going to finally do it i've been looking for 30 years and when you look hard enough and and you're diligent about what you want you know i believe that you get it through diligence

and i've been looking for bears for 30 years whatever and so he brought catnip to he so he Could get the bear to come out i'm like what the what's the deal so of course my dad ends up going on some hike and he sees a bear and he leaves the catnip for as a tree he ends up leaving and now i was so scared you know catnip gets the cat's hype right like it's like crack i'm like please don't give crack to the bear i don't think it works that way i was just i

hope to god that i don't know if how would you know has anyone ever given Catnip to a bear i'm sure someone's that's very niche i'm pretty sure if one person's done anything doesn't work on dogs so why would it work on bears i don't know dogs aren't bears i don't know they seem to be like more closer to dogs like than cat like well no bears ended up going ham and doing anything did your dad see a bear he was somewhere On the east coast doing the show there's plenty of places to see bears

you don't have to wait 30 years my dad probably was lazy as hell and probably said i looked everywhere probably opened this front [ __ ] door a bear wasn't standing there and went back inside well that's what people think don't worry there's no bears left go outside look we'll just go to the right place i've seen bears i went plenty of i spent a little bit of Time in vancouver bc with my brother this is actually one of the crazier things i've ever done people think i'm so crazy but this is the craziest thing

but it's not even that nuts i uh i was following like nat geo on instagram and i love the pictures of the spirit bears i love those like beautiful bears up in bc and uh i kind of started reading about the wolf coal up there and i got really kind of invested in these animals and I sent a dm and said is there any way that some point i could go with maybe some of your researchers and i could see some of these bears or wolves for myself because i think i'd be even more inspired

to kind of like fight for them if i could actually see them and know that they're really real because i've only ever seen them from a picture and they responded and said sure you can Come up and hang with the spirit this is kind of like i don't know if it's catfishing or i don't know what was really going on but someone's telling me sure so me and my brother load up we i didn't really want to get my parents involved so we got a coach flight and had to go through san francisco then we

got this shitty little hotel room because we were just trying to how i didn't know how to do it everyone's always done my travel for me Managers and all these things so i was just booking it so we ended up taking like two little planes three boats and we ended up getting two um with this dude ian who shoots and uh for nat geo and shoots up in bc and it was just amazing and when i got to see all the spirit bears um i got to go into like where they do all their research

on their boat so they'll leave these like uh kind of like trap combs where they it just brushes The bear's hair when it when it walks by so they can understand kind of more about it and dna yeah i started looking about like all this information again this is one of the kind of weirder things that i've done that i i didn't really know who was going to be waiting on that boat i mean i know we tell girls not to go out into the middle of a boat how old were you when you were

doing This this was uh two weeks after the vmas in 2015. so you're already super famous and you're super famous going out there to find bears with my brother there i am yeah there i am yeah and that do you find that if you're not glammed up yeah you can kind of sneak around well this is kind of funny because they i think it's happening in a second they gave me a caterpillar that if you lick Its belly your tongue goes numb oh great and i pretended that i was it might happen somewhere here oh

yeah save the bc wolves but if like you don't wear makeup and [ __ ] can you sneak around um yeah i sneak around pretty good it's the voice it's not the makeup i just have to shut up yeah can you [ __ ] with your voice and make it high can you pretend Not really not really uh i have a phone voice i think i i apparently you know i directed this last video and apparently when i read my presentations i have like a different voice you know like when you answer the phone but

i think it sounds the same my phone voice i think is like i think it just sounds the same mm-hmm yeah so that's what gets you that's what gets me yeah people know yeah they're like wait what the listen But the voice yeah exactly that's the worst when you hear those whispers yeah those are weird whispers right yeah yeah for sure your life of growing up famous is that that doesn't end well for most people you're remarkably together for someone who grew up famous you know that's a it's a weird way it's a weird alchemy

to put together a human being where In your developmental stages pre-teen in fact you're hugely famous yeah what do what do you think that did for you what did it do do you think that's a good thing or do you think it's it's a manageable thing i would say it isn't recommended because like i kind of said in the beginning of this it's it's like jumping in the deep end of the pool and not knowing if you can swim or not and it Can go one way or the other luckily i swam but it almost

always goes the wrong way i know almost always and that i don't think comes very recommended and i i wouldn't recommend it um i don't know i don't know what it is but i feel uh i feel like i've kind of been given this like special i don't know kind of special understanding of i don't Even know where it comes from because i'm really not religious and and i maybe it comes from like education of getting a good understanding of you know i've got kind of a good idea of like what fame does on kind

of like if we're looking at it from a level of were you thinking about this when you were young i wasn't thinking about this when i was young but i started thinking about it uh at the time where i think it kind of Mattered that i could go one way or the other and that was probably when i was 17 and i bought dr amon's book about understanding like kind of i i get it why i can't get high enough like on drugs and why i end up doing more drugs than anybody else i wrote

a song where one of the lines says i'll go toe-to-toe like i'm ali like i'll just i'll do more they could be the biggest guy in the room and i'll say i'll be able to do more drugs than you But it's because my level of what high is is i felt it from i mean when you're having 15 000 people scream your name and sing along to your songs it's like you know how you're saying your float tank is getting high without drugs it's like that but times a billion no i'm sure so it's really

hard to to come down off that and uh i never luckily had a problem with like taking downers to bring myself Down but there was a lot of people around me that was like you know just take half of these and you'll be fine yeah you know so i'm lucky i didn't start messing with downers i think it also might have to do with your head injury yeah yeah i know that there's there's a real big connection between people with traumatic brain injury and the the need for either alcohol or cocaine Or absolutely something to

perturb your uh your natural state of consciousness and a lot of my brain is really really on uh it's got like over activity but then again if you kind of look at the part that frontal lobe that kind of tells you you know yes or no or stops you from making a bad choice mine gets a little sleepy sometimes when i'm not doing especially when it comes to the diet when my diet Isn't you know it's it's it's annoying because i do like to want them country so i like to eat bad food i i

had never my mom used to get mad if i would tell her i don't want butter like my mom is like great for you yeah now i'm fine and but i just remember growing up by my mom you know we ate frozen waffles and all that we don't know anything about nutrition i I grew up on that country diet and so i learned a lot i honestly i mark a lot of um my i guess kind of like my grounding in the weight that i have to my diet to my supplementing to my my maintenance

to the diligence to the sport that being an entertainer is it is a sport yeah yeah it is are you the boss yes i'm the boss you're the boss i'm the boss Do you have a mentor do you have someone that you can consult with when [ __ ] is weird i send faxes back and forth to dolly parton because that's how she oh [ __ ] that's how we listen that if you need a mentor that's the mentor there's a woman who's done it and i kind of i i try to kind of you

know my life moves so fast um i try to kind of send her a little kind of rundown of what's going on every Other month do you guys facts she faxes me then i send an email and they fax to her um they email the facts amazing about that yeah it is she uh yeah she she records everything on the cassette and all that but she records it on a cassette and so she's she i have actually um a recording of her saying it it's somewhere it's on the beginning of rainbow land or at the

end Of it but she says oh i listen to that she goes all right i'm gonna put this on my cassette then i'm gonna run it down onto a cd oh i'm so high tech yeah yeah we played jolene your your you're covered julian on this podcast once thank you very much yeah thank you no when a lot of kids kind of think that's my song now that's what i like doing about covers i think you were talking about Uh that cornell tribute at one point also and yeah that's what i love my fans you

know they they wouldn't really know unless i introduced it to them and that's something that i really love and that happened recently with midnight sky and stevie nicks uh there's a sample of edges 17 which i got i got blessed by her to be able to allow me to do it i had another melody a b melody it's definitely below a b because it's not edge of 17 which is my Top five favorite song ever and she said you can borrow from me anytime which like that's awesome so cool yeah yeah that's gotta be pretty

badass to be able to be in contact and and to collaborate with all these amazing artists and i went on the road with joan jet for a little while too when she was on on tour with the who uh i went and hung out with her for a little while For a little while that's amazing you know even if i'd show up there and i'd maybe been partying too much and she would yell her manager kenny who's you know been her manager and her band from the beginning kenny we gotta get her like some mexican

food or something look at her like she's like she's gonna break in half and you know all of a sudden all this food starts Showing up my room and you know i think she's probably seen you know not just in her own band but you know um i think she's seen everything and i think she's seen it go the wrong way you know how we're talking about whether you swim or drown i think she's seen a lot more people drown and so she always tries to feed me but that's where it's got to be really

hard if you're a woman like her who's been there done that and then you see Some young girl coming up and you're like damn this this lady right now is in the waves and you know and you've been in the waves many times where that ship is rocking back and forth and you don't know which way it's going to go yeah when you're a 17 year old kid and you're doing a lot of mushrooms and smoking a lot of pot and and also you're super [ __ ] famous and really people can't tell you [

__ ] Yeah which is part of the problem i know that's why my mom's the best i didn't understand she was the best at the time she's still taking my cell phone i'm like how can you take it i'm paying for it and she's like i gave you life shut up um you know and yeah my mom still took my cell phone until i was almost 20. you have like an almost manic way of talking yeah your way of talking is almost like a fountain like a crazy fountain like words just Keep coming and ideas

just keep coming i know like how do you how do you shut that off uh i am into a lot of these i love the idea of these hypnosis apps i have a lot of those which ones are you use i like uh i like amen clinics so i'm all about my boy dr ehman um i listen to headspace a lot and i like calm i use that a lot also sounds great yes i actually my favorite thing about headspace is i love the Um the sleep skate and my favorite one is the cat marina

because i do love boats and i do love cats so that's a dream for me after a long day does that work on youtube when my house burned down i literally i'm not joking the cat marina got me through i was standing in south africa and every night it'd be like hello and good evening you're at the cat Marina lucky for you you love cats what do you love more boats you know and it's like hell yeah i'm at the cat marina my house is on the ground in a million pieces and i'll never see

anything that i loved inside of again but i'm at the [ __ ] cat marina i'm not a doctor but if i was i would tell i would prescribe to you some ridiculous rigorous exercise i Think you are you're like a little ferrari and you need to get out there on the [ __ ] racetrack well let's go i really think that like i see all this [ __ ] energy you have i'm like that like that lady's like an overflowing battery this is why i like this is why i like to work hard and

maybe that's i'm sure yeah i love to wear you're a thoroughbred i do and when i don't work that's when i Get in trouble but you also got to think about there's genetics involved you know your father was a musician and you know just and then all your life being in the public eye like that and performing and working and then just the amount of effort that you put in when you were a kid touring all the time i mean you're [ __ ] geared for that [ __ ] you know and i just Feel

like people like that your body can betray you sometimes if you don't i have a lot of physical pain to be honest with you um and that's something i'm working on and trying to figure out too and that had a lot you got physical pain physical pain my hips like really really hurt me and my hips drive me crazy like if i fly i think i don't know maybe it's just the do you stretch i do stretch i'm actually overly flexible i'm like kind Of double jointed everywhere um and so i have a lot of

like shoulder like my shoulder will just slip out what all the time like it kind of just does weird things and my arms twist in weird directions are you physically strong physically strong i think i'm pretty strong i've been stronger i've been stronger maybe it's like a muscle thing maybe you need to exercise but i i really really loved Lifting and um doing all my weight training my resistance and then the kind of the veganism i was kind of trying to i think i'm really kind of building myself back up to realize what works on

actually right now in a very experimental period it's actually fun to talk about with you because i know that you kind of have probably some good suggestions on that but i'm Experimenting a lot with like my diet and my body and my routine and my exercise right now um because i mean kind of like you know leaving veganism and is really terrifying like you said the public kind of will destroy you for that how long were you vegan uh since i was vegan from 2013 until 2019. so in 2019 what was the first thing that

You ate my my ex-husband cooked me cooked me some fish on the grill i cried like for a long time i cried for the fish and i was a little [ __ ] they didn't take care of their kids listen i have some videos on my phone of my fish at home i have a blow fish that runs to the side of the tank every time i come home so it really hurts me to eat because it thinks you're going to feed It and i do every time yeah that's it you know what i haven't

really had you get shot in the head that fish doesn't give a [ __ ] well that's what that's what my ex said about the dogs and i'm like i can't do this the dogs and he's like watch this starts feeding them the fish they're like they're happy you know they'll eat it but um so that's what i had and it was because of a hip pain i had uh actually Going to we were flying to i think poland or something on a tour that i was on and i started sobbing crying on the plane

because i couldn't sit any longer because my hips are hurting so bad so this was pretty laying on the floor pre-quitting gluten now i'm back on gluten i did a trial period of 18 of of like kind of removing things because i think when you try all These different diets like okay now i'm gonna try keto now i'm gonna try vegan now i'm gonna try this you're doing it at such a kind of it's really hard to know what's affecting you um so i tried to go slowly like okay it takes a freaking long time

but going through and going i'm gonna eliminate this now and then i'm gonna put it back and see how i feel My body when i am supplementing especially with the omegas like the omegas have really changed my life for me i think again you know you kind of you kind of refer to me as something like a car and i think that we are kind of like a car and i was like so dry from having none of these healthy fats in my diet i did what i could with like as many freaking avocados a

day as like things but it's hard to get the fat It's not as bio available and your brain is you know your brain really needs those fats and you know it was really really hard for me fish oil is the way to go i know people don't like it and they don't like the idea behind it if but god damn it's so good for your brain yeah i love uh i do kind of like the fish egg vital choice also because that sounds great i love that fish eggs the way to go That's what i

do yeah i mean that's the best way to get yourself so much now that's an inflammation issue then yes yeah yeah i think in general my brain like you're saying it's kind of on fire it is inflamed i think in general i'm inflamed so i'm looking for in my life not just in kind of like dating or relationships but in general the people i like to have around i like to have those kind of water signs I like someone that can kind of or earth science but i love water science because i love being and

in general like i love people that are kind of like fluid and that can kind of put some of that on my flame because it's it gets overwhelming sometimes the amount of heat and like energy that i generate i actually was reading something about ducks that's interesting the way the Ducks handled their energy ducks yes how do they handle the energy so ducks you know i guess their form of exercise so apparently i was reading this in a book last night i don't know if it's i guess it goes with my real realistic children's stories

but i was reading about ducks how they like kind of ferociously uh flap their wings and then they kind of swim off in peace And you'll kind of you'll see these weird kind of uh patterns that they do and especially if two ducks are together so you throw a piece of bread in the water one of the ducks get it they get a little fight going on then they both separate ways they go to their own spot and start flapping their wings all crazy to get out some of that energy and then they just swim

away in peace And i'm like i guess that's kind of what you're saying that i need i need to be more duck like i need to whether it's the beginning of the day or the end of the day i need something to go and like flap my wings and get out that extra energy because i think that's part of the physical pain like when i when i went to go check in on the pain before and i've been to a lot of people here and no one seemed to help me with The physical pain it

actually gets really really bad like especially if i fly i usually have to lay on the ground because my back hurts me so bad and my hips hurt me so bad that's crazy i know for you to be this young yeah that's crazy and there's no real injuries you could point to this that caused them so i over did a stronger yoga for a couple years because i am extremist right and some there's a little Controversy between ashtanga yoga and the kind of like hip injuries yeah hip injuries and everything looks good you know everyone

says we have no idea you know kind of what's going on but they're not really taking into consideration my lifestyle but that has to do something you know i have to put it somewhere this amount of energy i don't always get it out you're right i Need to freaking run more you know what the running helped me a lot when the house burned down too in south africa i was running every day yeah i would think that someone like you you need something rigorous if i don't work out i'm not a great person yeah that's

what i'm saying yeah i can guarantee you oh yeah i no one we don't do calls or work meetings before i work out that's a we know this Okay we've learned from the past that you have a trainer very important yeah i do is it a good trainer trainer but i need to i think in times where my trainer is kind of like family like for me now and maybe getting a little too so too comfortable a little too soft in the way that when i'm going through like you know this week i went through

Like another public breakup i had the vmas the song was coming out at the same time and when i got into the gym like i would sometimes just start crying because i love them like families when you walk in i would just start crying because you know that you could be comfortable right it's comfortable and then i think that it's hard to go okay now i'm gonna beat your ass because i think he thinks life is beating my ass but maybe i need just Maybe you separate those things exactly yeah there's a job to be

done yeah all that emotion's great and it's wonderful that he loves you and you guys are friends i think it's a little bit my my bad for like wondering how hard i want to be pushed well it's also you're the boss that's the problem when you're the boss and you're miley cyrus you can't say listen [ __ ] it's time to go to work Yeah you know he'll do it to me sometimes which i like yeah you can't do it too much because then you're like no no i'm the [ __ ] boss and then

you guys well then i think relationship then i think i i want to kind of i don't know what it is not give up but then i think sometimes i wonder how much and i really don't even like saying this because i kind of Have guilt for my life like i don't mean it's too much like i can't take anything else like i know that i don't have the hardest life i know how lucky i am but i know that don't you don't need to compare because just what what you do is very difficult don't

make any mistake about that i have a hard time with that i feel very guilty nonsense throw someone else into your Existence like first of all a you didn't choose it okay you were a little kid and he became famous b being in the public eye and just dealing with the things we're talking about about people writing stories that are fake about you all that stuff comes at a price and if you read it it comes at a heavier price but even just knowing it exists get it gets in your head you have to be

Very strong to be able to ward that off and the idea that you don't and that it's easy and that a regular life is easier horseshit regular life is just a regular life it's not easier or harder but what you do is [ __ ] hard it's very hard you're very famous being very famous is weird and being very famous your whole life is even weirder So a normal person develops right you go through life and you meet friends and you have to show that you're a good person to get people to like you you

have to show you know some sort of uh some excellence it's something for people to praise you you're getting [ __ ] praise from the time you're a baby basically it's a weird way to develop yes and so for you to reach adulthood and try to be Conscious and try to be sentient and try to like to just stay balanced it's you're dealing with a situation that 99.999 percent of the population has no [ __ ] idea what you're handling yeah the only people that are going to understand it are people that also grew up

famous yeah which i have a hard time with because I haven't made that exactly my peer group and now i kind of am like i think i've been really searching for some sort of normalcy in my life and for sure and so i think i haven't surrounded myself with the top of of kind of people that are also at this at this level um because i feel i have a lot of guilt like i feel like i would be i feel like that would make me Shallow or something for only surrounding myself for like rich

and famous people right now but people do that because of the only ones that can relate to you and that's what i'm working on you feel like people that are regular folks they treat you weird or they they they like you more than they should or that they you know they praise you more than they should because you're an alien yeah You're this we're like oh she's fair she's working miley cyrus yeah you're not like a regular person that walks into a room and you'll never be a regular person and i think rather than trying

to prove like excellence in any way when i walk in a room i try to prove really hard that i'm that you're normal yeah that's exhausting yeah but i don't want to be normal which is Funny so because it's kind of like you make a goal you know i do this with eamon about making a goal and then going towards what i want it's like i don't want to be normal yeah but i i constantly struggle with am i a [ __ ] rich [ __ ] well this is the beautiful thing the beautiful thing

is that you're thinking you're thinking about all this you're balancing it out but this is not a path That very many people have gone through successfully yeah and so that's why you have to be careful because you're here right now you're okay like right now mary's miley cyrus in 2020 you're great you're good i mean you've gone through divorce you've gone through this you've gone through that but you're right here right now you're okay yeah the path forward Is treacherous it is going to be because you didn't develop like a normal person every [ __

] child star i mean like maybe like jodie foster like how many how many of them made it through and see and i don't know her maybe that lady's crazy she's an amazing actress right there's a few that made it through there's not many yeah and it's not a good path it's not a path that i would ever Recommend to somebody and once you've gone through it there's no way to go back and do it all over again right but i say with confidence that i feel like i could be the one because i i

feel like i don't expect it to be easy and i don't even want it to be actually i had a guy trying to be [ __ ] me one time said you want a guy that'll just do whatever you want i said That's where you're wrong i want like all the challenging things if it's something that's easy i don't [ __ ] want it i never have that's why i didn't keep living my life in nashville where we were the biggest fish in the small pond and all that kind of thing you know i needed

more and the reason why i say that with confidence is because i'm really willing to do the work And i'm also i'm willing to look at myself from a human level and also look at like what my body needs to thrive and i know that it can't be cocaine for me and i know that it can't be alcohol and i know that unfortunately i love [ __ ] fish but at this point i gotta eat it to be able to have my brain to work as quickly as you and i are going right now or

What i have to do later today and going to the studio tonight and i i understand myself from a human there's nothing about me that thinks i am superhuman and i think that i think i would i would take that as something that that makes me unique because i don't think that i'm really i know that there's something special about me in my life but i don't feel that on this level of Of being a human that i'm different and so i know what it takes to keep this motor going and and i also know

when to take time well all those things you said are perfect as long as you have doubt as long as you want to do better as long as you're recognizing who you are is not exactly who you want to be yeah you want to be better you want to figure it all out you want to work it All through and you have this weird guilt from growing up in this weird way it has to be you're a [ __ ] superstar when you're a little kid the guilt's crazy there's no way around it and if

you hang out with normal people they're going to stick that in your face a lot of people hold my guilt they know it's a weakness so they use it with me a lot you got to find people that don't do that Yeah that's why my my crew is pretty small beautiful well they're all nice people they are all been my in my life for over 10 years and that is possible people ask people that are famous like is it possible that you could find people that don't get weird around you yeah you could find them

but they have to be strong people exactly you have to have people that have their own personal sovereignty they Have people that can hold their own space they don't need you they just love you yeah and that is possible man you know i had someone that that tried to try to hurt me and say that i mean i i really have had i've i've had really amazing people in my life but i've had people that have tried to hurt me too i even brought my little scarf just in case i got Emotional because i really

might i had someone recently try to tell me that everyone in my life is afraid of me and that like that really makes me upset just because well i bet a lot of people in your life are afraid i think everyone in my life that i have in my close inner circle really loves me and so to say that everyone in my life acts out of fear of me my mom i'm almost [ __ ] 30. she will whip my ass Like my mom will actually hit me but i don't mean it in a bad

way i don't mean that they're afraid of you like like afraid you're going to do something terrible and they're afraid around you i mean you're a powerful thing you're you mean this there's no getting away from who you are you got to kind of accept that you're miley cyrus that yeah that's a very strange thing There's no there's one miley cyrus on in the universe that we know of it's you and you're really [ __ ] famous and you're really young that's weird there's no getting around that yeah and the fact that you feel guilt

about all this and the fact you want things to be difficult those are all the the best indicators that you're trying to do better yeah like you get it yes you do get it and you know that you have a hard road And the people that don't think you have a hard road they're out of their [ __ ] mind like i didn't get famous until it was much later in life and it was a slow drip into my 30s and into my 40s that seemed to help cheer it was way healthier that seems healthy

but i also during the whole time did martial arts yeah so i was always humbled i was Always getting my ass kicked yeah and i feel like those two things are the only things that save me from my own brain yeah because you're you're like people are not designed to be famous yeah that's why kings are all tyrants yeah when you view the one person who gets to make all the calls absolute power can it corrupts absolutely it's a common expression right yes That happens with famous i'm trying to have a good relationship with the

power and feel feel a healthy dynamic the way you're describing it is perfect how many like look the ellen situation i don't know ellen she's probably a nice lady but she's in control she's in control of all these people they're all scared of her she's like [ __ ] you where's my tea you know that that kind of [ __ ] that's not a good place for a person to be Yeah to have that control that i don't live in that world and i think i could probably also mark that up to animals and how

much i love them and i think that's what led to my veganism for a time was like the fact that tonight i have to put powder on my dog's ass that makes me happy i don't get with the power apparently i think it kind of just hopefully conceals In some way how disgusting it's very very out there and in your face and i think it's more of like a concealer um but i'm really happy that kate moss hey guys i gotta say kate moss makes me put baby powder on her ass just use that as

the teaser [Laughter] one time kate moss made me put baby powder on ass it's called monkey butt so i um that that makes me happy and Like my one of my dogs he's obsessed with drinking out of the pool and so he like throws up all the time and it's disgusting and it all it seems always makes me happy and the one thing that i like about my dogs that they don't know who i am i mean they know that they got a good living situation they're probably like i wonder what she does for a

living but because their life is pretty good And they get to go to other cool places also um but yeah my dogs don't know who i am so i like that and the cats scratch the [ __ ] out of me all the time and the pigs are horrible they bite my ankles i love it about them yeah well i bet that's one of the ways you achieve balance is through animals that's probably why you like them so much because they don't treat you like you're An alien they just treat you like your mama exactly

and they yeah their their appreciation and gratitude level is something that i aspire to uh kind of recreate in my own life i love how gracious they are i think i i really respect the way you're looking at things i like i like the fact that you know that you're in this weird situation and you actually feel guilty for it i don't Think it's necessarily good to feel guilty but the fact that you do yeah is strong because it shows that you're conscious of how weird it is yeah and you know we've been working on

my guilt a lot and what's funny is like i always want to cancel therapy when nothing's going on which i guess is when we kind of need it but i always want to cancel it and then we start talking about guilt and like we got it you know we got to Work on your guilt whatever but i'm like i only call you out of guilt i don't want to do therapy and i don't even want to talk to you about what's going on in my life so we can't get rid of it too much because

guilt makes us do good things i feel the same way about fear and anxiety healthy to your healthy anxiety that's one of the things i like about weed that's the most i like to get scared do you like to get Scared oh yeah i like to see the devil that's my friend joey diaz says i don't like that anymore i like to see the devil i do not like i like to be paranoid i like to freak out i had i had a very great ayahuasca experience that i saw some things i saw like um

i guess people take ayahuasca a couple of times end up seeing these snakes that end up like taking you underground and you kind of Meet mama ayahuasca and she walks you through everything so ayahuasca the woman that i was seeing it was at the time where i just kind of started to become uh like really dedicated to the veganism and she reached down my throat and pulled out every dead animal i had ever eaten and made me throw it up but i didn't see the animal that it was like i didn't see like a cow

or pig or chicken like i saw me puking up all the Animals i saw me picking up seals puking up a seal not fun elephants all these different animals and i would see all the animals coming out of my body and uh you're not supposed to have like a companion in your ayahuasca trip it's supposed to be just about you but i uh you know it like my life the good perks i got special treatment i could have my dog so i had my dog and i held my dog the Entire time and i and

i had a really really intense trip but since then i haven't really loved getting high as much as i used to it like unlocked something uh now i'm like i just don't want to puke up seals again well that sounds like you were dealing with some sort of personal i was dealing with guilt yeah not just guilt for being famous but also guilt for killing other lives to feed Your own life that you already feel guilty for yes it's all psychologically connected like what you see through psychedelics is in it's not just the psychedelic it's

what you bring to the psychedelic that's why set and setting is so important well you're supposed to be sober i think two weeks before you actually do the ayahuasca which i was the only one That didn't do that yeah i don't know if that's necessary i got a little crazy crazy tmt will take you there no matter what i've done some good dmt so all my personalities greet me one time on dmt all my personalities i saw and then i was like i saw me as like a really ugly crier and then like he's screaming

yelling at people and i it was nice as i was sitting on the couch as it Started to hit me they almost kind of like accordioned back into my body you know my personality the thing about all this craziness and the the manic behavior and all of your guilt and all of your anxiety there's something that comes out in your music there's some there's some of that that comes out in this energy when you sing and i don't know if it would be there without it i i think all brilliant artists are crazy i mean

I've never met one that isn't there's something that they have when you know they're they're bottling it all up inside and whether it's they're playing the guitar or what they're saying and when they sing it comes out yeah you know and when you sing it comes out but it's kind of that tight it's kind of new also like it's coming out in a whole nother way you know i i look at it you're different I'm very different and i honestly feel like my voice changed a lot after the fire i could sing better after the

fire in some way it's almost like it like unleashed something yeah like it did and like maybe that's what it is maybe i earned it maybe that's what it is because i noticed that my voice got better as i well it's also probably you're more comfortable with who you are having gone Through that yeah the thing about having like a really not an easy life but a privileged life like you've you know you've had so many doors open to you and so much wealth and so much success like when you do something hard or something

hard happens to you at least you go okay i got through that that was real yeah like i earned that i earned my my point of view my place of peace After a storm yeah and every storm that you go through like that's why when you listen to johnny cash saying her man i mean that is like how old was he when he did that cover he was like 80. yeah i was that's awesome yeah god damn you hear that voice and it's like there's something that gives me thinking about it right there's something that

comes through in The in the muse in the voice there's something that comes through in someone's art when they've experienced things and this is this is what you're getting and this is what your emotions and all that [ __ ] that that bothers you and freaks you out and all the chaos when you get in front of that microphone that comes out it's almost yeah i guess your life Is almost like it's kind of art in the way of kind i feel like i'm always doing performance art in some way even in my personal life

that's a problem right that's good that's scary it's scary it's hard to be in the moment and just be you always feel like you're putting on a show it is well it's because your whole life you develop putting on a show you know and we've talked you know obviously i think a little bit about kind of in The beginning of this talking about technology and how it's changed things for me and streaming and all these things but it's also given everyone a voice yeah the people that don't need one sometimes to say the things that

they they say it gives them a lot of power and you've got to have a lot of restraints like listen you're sitting with someone that loves to do drugs i can't take drugs Anymore i want to but because there's a repercussion i won't that's the same way i feel about looking at [ __ ] and looking at daily mail and looking at these things i i won't do it not because it's not tempting because in a way that gives you a rush too right you look at it you get those adrenalines and the butterflies i'm

someone that likes to get high it gets you high drama so i try not to watch any Dramatic tv or things like that because i'm also kind of a parrot i'm a sponge i never grew out of that you know kids they hear something they can do it like i've always been like that if you show me once i can do it right now but that's why i shouldn't watch dramatic television right well that's why i always feel weird when girls are really into those true crime shows about Rape and murder yeah no it's not

jesus christ i don't think it's really really that healthy that's why i love rupaul's drag race it's like nothing really harmful is gonna come out of just slapping some wigs on and calling it a day would they do death drops when a whole other way than what you guys do out there on the mats this is like this is some intense [ __ ] i have never watched you've never seen a death drop what does Rupaul's drag race do what are they doing oh my god what this is crazy it's my favorite okay honestly like

rue paul rue paul when i said earlier i'm not religious that's a lie i am rupaul's batarian like i i [ __ ] with rupaul rupaul is god root paul lives by if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you going to love anybody else can i get an ranch in wyoming i love got it all Figured out rupaul mamaroo she's my life and the reason i love to watch her so much is really there's this there's a thing that they do on the show and it's called the reading room it's called the

library what is the show because i know the name of the show but i don't even know what it is you know uh so the drag queens from all over the country and now they're going all over the world they've got rupaul's Drag race everywhere oh [ __ ] oh yeah it's all over the world i watch rupaul's korea rupaul's canada we watch everything oh yeah oh this is one of my favorite alyssa edwards i think i might even be in the audience you know who that is that's what i'm telling you look at that

guy oh my god you're the way they're clapping i was here look at her look at her the way They're clapping yeah it's amazing oh my god whoa yes kick off the trees see i know who that is oh my god that's a big person she's doing that called uh big big girl and she says wait come over here and pull some more food up on this plate i ain't going to the gym [ __ ] i am losing no weight look at me i'm sickening yeah yeah i'm sickening ooh I may be fat [

__ ] but you're ugly and i can lose weight oh [ __ ] i'm right there there i am oh my god i'm in the audience so are my two friends that are here with me today oh my god [ __ ] she's so sickening yes kennedy you know kennedy is i know every single one they all do the same move they drop down and do the splits that's what i think when i'm watching your shows too you know all the same Stuff but this this move of the splits they all do this that's the

move it's the money move oh the money moves look how she got money in her hand look they're throwing it out throwing money at her she's going to split two she's an oh she call this show i do the splits death drop yeah i got a highlight video of all these it's called best death drops oh i've seen this one So is that death drop when you do the splits uh that one's a death drop and split that's also a very uh that's oh here she goes yeah ooh ooh y'alls bam so is that a

death trap no that was a split okay what is the difference death drop you'll see it's when you go from standing let's see no that's a spoiler all splits you gotta find death drops that's not a death drop look up uh It's season i believe maybe ten or no season nine la ganja strangia laganja strong oh there that's the that's not that's hard look andreas there you go what about jinx she just does a bad split [ __ ] that she needs a little bit that wasn't great we love monet she's miss congeniality monets needs

a little bit of flexibility i don't love her so much i'm okay that's funny like they have to Go all the way this is my favorite oh so she's got her own show she she's uh she actually did the vmas with me now you have to she's a full split to be taken seriously oh there that's a good one that's a good one that's a good one it's a serious split i'm clapping you can't have a bent knee is that no disrespectful i mean you're not going to get any cash on the stage oh if

your knee is bent it's not good no That's laganja she's got the best one boom that was her big split but she's going to probably do another death drop right here this is a real death drop right here ready go y'all that's a death drop that's a death drop that looks like a good way to blow out your acl look at that right knee that doesn't look good oh man if i was doing commentary on her i'm going to go she's going to be hurt that is terrible for your joints it's It's got to be

awful oh look at her knee there she goes that's terrible cameron okay here we go michaels oh that's a full side split look at that my goodness that's a lot so when you ask me why my hips hurt so bad at some point it's practicing this no oh i don't stop i do not death drop that will [ __ ] you up i mean that's what [ __ ] princess hip-hop no i don't do that i tried it one time at g-a-y and it was Worth it what is g-a-y uh my favorite gay club in

london oh boy they were just [ __ ] nailed on the head call the club gay it's so gay it's just called gay why not that's iconic what did you say what do you want what's that what happened oh this one's really crazy oh no oh no oh my god that's the craziest death drop ever aces so that's wow that's a brain damage Death drop that's a death trap from five feet up honestly but like i feel like i've come alive since watching this what it does to me as like on like on a level

that i just like it i love it so [ __ ] much like why are they scoring them uh well usually like usually in the ball which is what you're doing you're bringing it to the ball like you're doing A runway okay usually it's a one through ten ten being the best and if you say tens tens tens across the board so this what's happening here oh this is a really good performance that i love um and these and this these are the other pit crew pit crew they're kind of like the the [ __

] that bring out the [ __ ] and like they're kind of like they kind of get um that's what i like about the show too is I think all the the men kind of like having to be the background dancers because it's outrageous she's her name's alaska thunder alaska [ __ ] yeah she's one of my favorites this might be my new favorite show i'm telling you a lot i have to start watching alaska [ __ ] is absolutely my favorite queen jesus i love kitty girl i think you've Already had three or four

favorite queens just well alaska is the one that i love her personal music what about alyssa you turning your back on no alyssa's my favorite performer oh alyssa is my favorite performer slash dancer oh i don't know and alaska alaska has got amazing music oh so alaska thunderfuck's musician her big hit single is called your makeup Is terrible [Laughter] oh i might have to watch this [ __ ] it's really good that's detox detox that's hot she grew up uh hanging out with her she worked at the beacher's mad house which was like a freaky

clown yeah i met that stage before i met him at the comedy store so she i ended up i kind of that was like my you know studio 54 like that era that's what i Did so she was there she was one of the performers so i know her that is hilarious god damn it so is this show like this every week yes so every week it's rupaul and until there's a new episode i watch the same one every day and who are the folks on the panel uh so usually there's a guest judge and

then his best friend michelle visage and that's todrick hall who's like a big choreographer and Artist hilarious i know a lot about this show you do there they are how often do you want is this like you're like i'm so thirsty for new episodes i'm watching rupaul canada right now rupaul's not even on it it's just a spin-off what how about that canada if it's a spin-off she's a genius but she's the new mcdonald's oh got it so she just said Listen i'm just gonna put my name on this and just spread it out to

thailand and love it put it in iceland oh yeah everywhere everywhere around the world wow they're really fun to watch ones around but without rue it's really not the same because she drops knowledge knowledge knowledge like what kind of knowledge like when i do feel guilty about like all my you know kind of what we talked about just like When i start feeling that guilt and i feel guilt that like when i tell someone i can't do this because i need to focus on me or i need to like take the time that i'm cooking

for you to be using that time for my meditation and i become that person like i just give so much and i just love that she says if you can't love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love anybody else i really love that Um good point it's a really good point i'm trying to dislike that needs to be tattooed on my and my brain well rupaul's also been around a long time also a really great thriller all the ups and downs and look what she created like from a world that i mean still

even in 2020 that's just not acceptable i live in nashville tennessee it's none of my friends in nashville They all don't know what i'm watching and i can't believe that and it's just like the way that she's won i think she's up for like 14 emmys this year what what was her what did she break out with what was like the the first thing that she got popular a booty what sort of movie something booty um something you could look it up rupaul booty i'm going to be so annoying cause i have The dvd yeah

was she famous for a song like yes like you better work that's right supermodel yeah give it a twirl right right right what year was that when it like what is it 80s 90s that might have been right around the time your dad popped 93. why he didn't collab that would have been that would have pushed him over the top I really would have yeah yeah so rupaul drag that remarkable longevity for rupaul right i'm telling you paul ruth paul is the only one that in my book compares the dolly that is crazy if you

really stop and think about that that is 30 [ __ ] years that's that's her oh wow there you go look how beautiful look at the exaggerated femininity that Drag queens embrace i i love that aspect of it that's called painting that's called painting for the gods painting for the gods painting for the gods show me painting for the gods i'm not painted for the gods right now i mean with the makeup so when you're like you're painted for the gods that means like your makeup is like you have drawn on That face no is

that that only is that a drag queen expression for the gods uh yeah that one hung around we love drag queen you know what i'm saying like there's certain expressions from there's even you can't say anything a drag queen on the show that is a straight mail that just does drag wait what there's a straight man i'm sure Yeah i bet you could talk him into some gay stuff he's a straight man gotta get him drunk sure he's struggling all of us he is oh yeah for sure i believe well he's probably really good at

it right really good as a drag queen he knows what's sexy he knows what he wants um right i love that right yeah well that was explained to me about some men who like love women but like to dress as women like there's a kink Yeah like they like to be i actually dressed as a man for rupaul's drag race my name was bj if we can show you that because i'm kind of like a hot dude i look a lot like justin bieber people tell me that all the time like when i if i

have a little scruff and like a side swoop i go bieber really quick really yeah but my name was bj on the show and i dressed as a guy and i i kind of thought it was Kinky so yeah do you feel like a bad girl when you dress like a boy like is this no this is 20 20. like playing with gender roles is just so not there's no shock value to it anymore no shock value there's no shock value not in my community oh in your community of dragon in my community we're painting

for the gods we're beat The beach that's like you're beating your mug that means you've [ __ ] pounded that [ __ ] into your face like even if you took a wipe and went like this you'd still look like a woman like you have that's what it's called yes beat your mug yes you should see me if i had my brush in here i'd show you how you do it wow you just like pound it there it goes oh yeah there i am there you are Oh yeah so they can't see me i'm in

a double-sided mirror so they just see themselves but i see them that's you yeah oh that's hilarious that is the fakest looking beard i've ever seen in my life that's like team america world police remember when the dude had to put out a fake remember the puppet put the fake wig on the face yeah it didn't work very well they recognized me right away but i Swear it's the voice but maybe it was the beard it's your neck it might have been the beard my neck you've got a girl's neck too femme yeah you have

a girl's neck there's no way you're a guy it's not even physically possible are you sure about that 100 yeah if i saw you if you were like with the fake beard on your face you would know and then the neck i'd be like that's a chick 100 damn sorry it's okay do some of those drag queens they could pass as a large one so i brought a scarf what if i wear this oh okay i still cover your neck yeah you need a hoodie or something like zip it up and put it over the

top i think you're a young boy hoodies are fashion hoodies are fashion i like wearing them in my own time just don't want to be wearing hoodies on your own time yeah public oh why not because i'm dolly Parton's goddaughter she would actually shame me to the end of the earth so are there rules he's like i'm in here telling you about my ayahuasca trips this is all fine and dandy with dolly let's not even start talking about hoodies oh okay you know dolly won't let you wear hoodies i mean dolly just it's not dolly

approved this earth needs to be dolly approved i'm telling you oh my god that's so funny Dolly is everything somebody had a funny tweet about dolly parton once they said i just saw a picture of dolly parton when she was young and she goes in the the tweet said what the [ __ ] did jolene look like i want to know who this jolene chick is right she must have been ridiculous she must have been a [ __ ] 150 i mean there was no one more beautiful than dolly she was about as hot as

it was and i Love the way that she created like her identity too you know she created her identity from the town [ __ ] yeah that everyone made fun of and she was like i was looking at him like uh this is an entire brand i loved it and she goes i just tried to recreate that that's hilarious yeah and she also just was so nice oh my god it just came through in everything she did it's like she was so Likable man she brings merch everywhere and she will get from the bottom to

the top whoever worked on that set today getting a dolly hat getting you know signed getting donuts delivered like she is just she's just as cool as it gets i mean i do think that that's a big reason too that i've i've been able to not even because she's gonna be mad but you just don't Want to disappoint dolly well it's just you are very fortunate to be connected to this like this lineage you know the fact that you know you're you're tight with dolly [ __ ] pardon like if you're a young country singer

a man and you know willie nelson holy [ __ ] yeah like you tight with willy like you gotta you gotta cultivate that relationship that was kind of my dad With george jones that's who i grew up around my whole life like george was my dad's right hand it was really painful for him when he died because that was my dad's just stake in the grass you know yeah for sure yeah that's there's something about that right like this old guard that like nurtures the young people coming up yeah that really i really wanna i

wanna be that person if i if i make it through The treacherous pathways you're gonna make it you know i think i think so if anybody's gonna make it that's gone through what you've you've gone through the way you're looking at it is look it ain't easy kid but you can do it you can do it well i would want to be that way with the next artist and i still am like even from my position i never like to see say or seem like i think i know Something that a new artist doesn't but

i've been doing it now 15 years my show came out when i was 12 i'm 27 gonna be 28 in a month it's not even about whether or not you know something that they don't it's just what you know it's just it's what it is irrelevant it's what you know and i just feel like it's kind of you know i never knew jealousy or competition Through dolly through joan through stevie that's why when i reach out to stevie she says like i know that this corona thing's going on but can we sit six feet apart

in my backyard and talk i just want to be there for you that's what she wrote last time you know and it's like going through what i'm kind of been going through over the last two years all these i think honestly some of the physical pain is growing pains You know like i feel like some of the growth that i've had stress stress and sure and and quickly just stretching like beyond mm-hmm beyond you know and i just but just a little lack of being stable like in your mind and the tension that stuff manifests

itself in back injuries all the time people always have weird back pains that are related to just their life being all [ __ ] up yeah you Just you just you're always tense yeah i i am i know like my back cracks like crazy everything you know down to when i'm asked what hurts i literally feel embarrassed to say from the end of my toe to the top of my head pretty much hurts a lot of the time but i'm working on that pain management and i do like cbd cbd is awesome yeah i love

cbd it's gigantic i love it yeah but i freak Like for you i can't say this enough you need rigorous exercise you need something like really hard so when it's done you're [ __ ] spent yeah like yeah just laying on the ground can't breathe puddle of sweat that type of [ __ ] exercise the demons i have a seven month uh german shepherd at home so that seems like a good if anyone's gonna run me partner that's who's gonna put me through it so but you need someone to go that's a good idea to

Push you you need to you need to purge the demons you got demons yeah yeah they're in there 100 but again like you don't want to you kind of hold on to them a little bit because i like to use them to my advantage sometimes music man there's something about the demons that come out in the music there's i mean look that's always why the the great artist like the thing About robert johnson right they even thought he sold his soul to learn how to play blues the way he did and it's because it's because

of this the [ __ ] life experience came out in his music yeah you need both of the you can't be some person who just lives in a [ __ ] monastery and breathes in and breathes out all day and then put out amazing art yeah you have to have pain and light i know That and i think that's you know i guess one of our words we've used pretty consistently today is balance yeah i think that's pretty much got to be my mantra yeah well for you i mean you are you're you are born

into this treacherous path you have this crazy position that you find yourself thrust into where you're very famous at a very early age and also there's also there's these Weird expectations because you're famous for a disney show right which is even crazier and then post disney show erased by craziness and wild and for you know being a provocateur and so now i feel like i'm breaking out of like another role in a way you know you're becoming just yourself instead of a rebellious person who's trying to escape the the sort of the boundaries of your

Persona yeah well that's why i wanted you know i haven't in my music video i have me with the microphone with the microphone stand and the reason why that was so important was like i'm not just [ __ ] getting naked anymore and swinging around this it's about the music comes first and i feel like i think people are very visual and if you can hold the [ __ ] microphone in your hand and say this is who i am This comes first by the way i don't come without this like at the vmas they

try to get me to get rid of my microphone for something that i'm gonna be doing and i said [ __ ] no like what do you think i i i can't be britney spears with the headset and the snake what's important i don't want the snake i i don't want the gag um you know and there was actually even some comments That day about um it was just an interesting conversation in regards to lighting because i've been kind of learning a lot you know from directors i didn't go to film school but i have

been put through that in that way so i directed the last video and that's what i look forward to doing in the next like 10 years i'd love to write and direct and you know kind of work on film in that way and So now i have a better understanding of cameras and lighting operation and so i was just asking some questions about not even on some diva [ __ ] like i only want to get shot from the side whatever i wanted the lights to be turned off and that uh the lighting of the

of the room to be just lighting me so no key light no beauty light and beauty light is always used on women and i said turn the [ __ ] lights off you would never tell travis scott or adam levine that he couldn't turn the beauty light off i want this red lighting they said okay okay we'll do it you know what the same thing that we do with the guys because that's what i want and then something that i was doing which i can't say but something that i was doing for the vmas my

bracelets kept getting caught in all the [ __ ] and they said you know you want To be treated like a guy and lit like a guy we wouldn't be dealing with this if a guy was doing it and i said well a guy wouldn't be doing this because a guy doesn't sell your show with sex the way that i'm going to and i and i'm aware of that i know about these conversations with him i had this conversation with the directors talking to me that's a comment it's a ridiculous conversation also embarrassing um Uh

because this any the conversation once you see what happens on the show you'll understand more um if you see it but it might be hard not to you know if you take walks like i do you might see it whether you want to or not if you take walks if you walk down the street and there's i don't know maybe people sell magazines i don't know about it you'll you'll see it at some Point you guys he'll show me uh so yes and so so they're asking a lot of questions about that and you know

like well how long is glam going to take and all this stuff and i was like i mean i can't really nail in enough too it's like i did come from the world of dolly parton and i love pop culture for entertainment and escapism and again you know we're joking About the hoodie conversation but i mean like you know for me i i there's nights where i don't do that you know at chris cornell i had on a pair of black pants and a [ __ ] chris cornell t-shirt that's what it was right the

vmas is a pop culture show celebrating pop culture and i wanted to bring especially in this time of you know coveted 19 all these at-home performances like i want to give my fans escapism good old Pop culture this is surrealism how hard is it to deal with people that are directing you like that how hard is it to deal with like other people and their vision and their talking and their this and their that when you are just trying to get out what's in your head and what your your vision is you're getting it done

you can get it done but i the my two The balance that i found is firm and kind i don't lose my kindness but i also don't become a mat but i am firm about what i want but in a way that you know you might expect someone might say man she was a diva she was a [ __ ] but it's again it's like okay like have the weekend come in here and say the same thing and you would say him you know or kanye is like a creative god and it's like come on

why am i not Getting that i'm like you know a creative mastermind but i'm becau becoming a [ __ ] it's like no one would ever say that about kanye west choosing what lighting he wants on a performance yeah it's such a delicate balance too right because when someone's as popular as you like you kind of you know what the [ __ ] you want to do like and if this person who you're using as a director if you don't have a deep Relationship with them that's why i started directing my own [ __ ]

yeah um and that's why i loved making my last videos so much and directing it was because one i thought about my scenes almost like a relationship you're having a relationship with it when it's over it's over the what's painful isn't the relationship it's that when it's done you holding on for that extra however Long you try to make it work something that's not working that's what i did on the video and that's what i hated when i was a kid you know from directors not knowing what they want and then getting frustrated with the

child for not performing properly it's like but you're not communicating and i'm a child and you're an adult and you're not communicating properly so you're working me into the ground To get something that you don't know what you want um and that was always really frustrating to me and i think that's why now and non-negotiable in my relationship or dating life is you better know what you want um because i i'm just not interested in taking you know another 10 years like i did with my first love figuring that out now when you were doing

these like when you're putting together music Do you have anybody that like if you're doing an album or you have a song do you do you collaborate with people would you write the songs entirely on your own and bring them to other musicians like how do you construct something it's been different so on bangers which i kind of think my career is like a as a solo artist i guess kind of started there i mean i mean not really when i When i started working you know on my very first record um and it was

called breakout and it was because i was kind of breaking out of the character how long ago was this like 2007 i guess maybe something like that crazy 2013 years ago holy [ __ ] 2007. i already had two records out already but they were as hannah you are 14 i'm 27 yeah that's Bananas yeah okay so when you're you're on hannah montana and i already had two albums that were like number one and had done all the things and so then i had this like how much were you working pressure every single day every

sunday too sunday every sunday because i want to jesus christ sunday because i wanted to all day i remember one time i came home and my dad almost didn't let me go back On the road because i was so thin um and he was like what have you been eating i'm like turkey cheese glasses you know and he's like who's taking care of you when you're on the road if it's not your dad my grandma my grandma my mom my mom uh my mom has been my like my mom is the reason i'm sitting here

so your mom and your grandma would come with you on the road and you would just go town to town arena To arena boom boom boom boom boom yeah sleep wake up there you go here's the mic you look beautiful go to school school i did school the [ __ ] kind of school are you doing i had my teacher on the road with me who's like jesus was the best who i loved i loved it but no kids what do you mean no no no friends no other kids just my little sister and my

Little brother how weird is that that was pretty weird it made me it made my sister's life a little difficult also because her idea of like success is completely blown out of proportion also oh yeah she fought and my brother too but my brother is very simple and i love him so much and he'll probably be listening to this and my brother just has his chickens and his ducks and He's in nashville and he's in you know small little place and and he's living more i i sometimes wonder if he's the smartest of us all

i don't know maybe he has less stress he has less stress yeah um but he's also a [ __ ] badass talent but he just saves it he doesn't want to be on that level like he wants to make music because he loves it he wants the people that are Interested in him to hear it he doesn't have the i gotta grind tell him see how some [ __ ] that's online right now he has some [ __ ] that's online right now what's his name brazen cyrus and how do you get does he have

an instagram he has an instagram he'll kill me he doesn't want he has a spotify he has a song uh yeah um out and he did fallon and after he Did fallon he's like i don't think i want to do that ever again i'm like what the [ __ ] he's like man i was that was too scary no thank you and he didn't i'm like oh good for him he had two shows one at city walk universal down the street and he said no someone said i was fat and my hair was ugly i'm

like you know how many times my i've been called found my hair is ugly and he's like i'm not ready for that He didn't perform again then he's like i'm gonna try it again fallon i'm like you're gonna go from universal city walk to fallon whatever so i go there and i try to change his shirt and he's like no this is me i'm wearing my flannel you know the whole thing so he goes out and kills it he goes uh-uh not for me wow that's it well you know maybe growing up and seeing all

the crazy [ __ ] that happened to you It's almost like growing up around alcoholic and never wanting to drink exactly it can go one way or the other right you either become my little sister who kind of wants it you know and she she's got a record out that i love called the end of everything what's her name noah cyrus and it's the most depressing ep you'll ever listen to she's 20 years old it's depressing she's she's emo she's like an emo kid uh she emailed me because she was on the Road she has

a song where she says um my sister's like sunshine and it'll follow her wherever she goes but i'm more like a rain cloud you know it's like she's really got this idea of me um like she needs to go to the doctor she is we're all at the doctor a lot we we have like a salary doctor that's just oh boy we gotta deal with that yeah she's she's dealing with It she's dealing with it but she's only 20. so i i worry about the hardest age for kids today too it's so hard dude if

you don't look like these girls on instagram right they don't even look like these guys you want to see something crazy yeah i do my 10 ten-year-old did we were in uh a restaurant she took a picture of me my 10 year old thinks it's [ __ ] hilarious when she does this She um you know where it is jamie right that he'll put it up on the screen she took a picture of me and she she goes let me take a picture you make a face i want like i meant like just crazy kissy

face and then she put it through this filter that's me no yes that's not real that's real that's me that's me through that's not real yeah that's me that are you [ __ ] That's how bad these goddamn filters are what's wrong with your i don't know what's happening with that okay so that's the original picture right that's me and her at a restaurant and that's what it came what came out and meanwhile if you know my 10 year old she's [ __ ] hilarious she thinks it's so funny she's like that's that's not right

that is how [ __ ] up these goddamn filters are how does she do that It's just a filter and an app that's why these girls are so insecure because they think all these people that they see online are perfect but every one of those [ __ ] is using filters all of them all of them all of them and even people that i'm friends with that contacted me like this is crazy like i use filters but that [ __ ] that's [ __ ] i don't have a filter on my phone and i Need

to know though what your doctor's using like i don't even understand this technology it's trick it's witchcraft it's [ __ ] trickery yeah i've never i couldn't believe that was really the only thing i have on my phone is where i can swipe on uh the instagram story thingy and turn paris you know where it kind of blurs out your Pores or something that's all i got don't even use that it's ridiculous it looks pretty good no you look great you don't need that [ __ ] no it makes you look like a cartoon he

doesn't make it i don't do any of this [ __ ] with like girls want that they want like no flaws they want everything to be like cloudy yeah i don't know that's basically what it does it makes you look like but that's Not good i know i know there's so much unprogramming to do on me so much on everybody there's so much time programming it's all these women out there that are they're these unrealistic expectations like i'm sure you saw that khloe kardashian picture that looks nothing like her where it like goes from like

the hairlines like yeah nonsense they did they used they Used photoshop on her i mean it's like cgi you might as well be looking at a monster movie like when she turns into a werewolf it's not what that's not who she is no it's crazy i mean and even like for me i think you know in my real life i don't wear any makeup i don't even like today someone asked me like what do you use on your hair and i'm like shampoo and Conditioner like i don't do anything to my hair i don't really

do anything and that's been really [ __ ] tough for me over the last few months too because i don't know why i guess i i i think as that keeps happening like as these technology things keep happening on instagram these filters keep getting better and better i'm compared to the people altering you know themselves either physically like with all these Things you can do and lasers and all the [ __ ] or to the filters and i've had a really hard time with that you know and i think um it's hard for me the

other day you know i get packed walking around my neighborhood in like a really shitty dirty fleetwood mac t-shirt that i've been in for five days and it hurts just don't go online just just detox from all that [ __ ] no Why don't i be ray just don't pay attention to all these other women that are doing these [ __ ] wacky filters because that's where everybody gets [ __ ] up it's the comparison thing there's a book called the coddling of the american mind by jonathan height and he talks about young girls and

depression yes gigantic uptick in depression that directly coincides with the invention of The iphone and that as the iphone came up and then pictures and then social media apps so at first it was a lot of it was social media and people being mean to each other on twitter and all those things because you're not seeing each other there's not a lot about this about the iphone kind of i guess mimicking right vegas uh slot machines and things oh yeah Like there's it's actually isn't it i think it was called what i listen to is

the slot machine in your pocket yeah well it is a lot like that but the thing about it with women in particular with young girls is that they're comparing themselves to these cartoons these people that aren't even like that picture of me you know when i got sober i had to delete all the apps on my phone where i could purchase Things like i had to take off amazon and all the things on my phone because walking around with that slot machine in my pocket all of a sudden i'm getting these bills and things and

and yes i care about that and i want to live financially responsibly and all the things and i'm looking at this i'm like i don't even remember doing this like it's totally like being high on drugs it is and things started showing up and You're like what the hell it's too easy i'm in the middle of a book now about that it's called irresistible you find that it's on my instagram too jamie um irresistible is this book that is about how people are addicted it's by uh adam alter and uh it's about how people are

addicted to your phones and applications but it also goes into just the actual physical aspect of Addiction and how it works on the brain and how we always like to think of addiction as like it's something that you get hooked physically and you can't live without it no it's something that you have a compulsion to to use and you can't avoid that compulsion for some reason and it doesn't even necessarily have to be good no and it can happen it can happen with things like love And i mean i've even felt that too when it's

like in the most stressful times of my life it's like okay i can't reach for drugs anymore okay i don't want to reach for bad food all right i'm going to reach for someone to love me and it's like you know coming down from something all the time part of love is the most powerful drug you're ever going to take it's like cocaine when you yeah it's dopamine Straight dopamine right to the [ __ ] v dr amon has a book brain in love and i've read it a lot because i had a tendency to

to need someone in my life at all times and i actually now i i really love just factual information so you can go i'm not a total freak that's got this a d i'm not a love addict this is actually what is happening to me on a level of This is uncontrollable of you can control how it affects you and what you're i guess you kind of learn to control your reaction exactly you can control your reaction but when you love someone the first couple of months you know you do feel like you're high on

drugs it is it is it's the same it's the same drip it really is it's dopamine He writes how it kind of goes from like more like cocaine which is kind of a quick hit and wears off really quickly so you need a lot of it and then it becomes more like you know kind of like heroin where it's something that almost sues you actually i i i called the the love of mine who i was with and we got divorced it was almost like a pacifier like it was that thing that i just Needed

not because we were in love anymore but because of the comfort and cause my brain said oh this feels better this is comforting but actually knowing that i was giving in to an addiction made me feel way worse i had the hangover next day okay we sleep together next day we wake up i'm totally hungover yeah you know it felt like a relapse every time i go back Well people do it to each other you know it's not even anybody's fault it's like you you don't even realize that you're a part of this drug cycle

yeah and then you get involved in that and then you find some new person and you get lit up yeah maybe some new person you see at the gym or at the office or wherever you meet people and you're like well what's funny what's funny about this is like you know i guess i just Realized something about myself is all of a sudden it's like unavoidable you know i'm telling you this is not true so this is where i now retract what i've said because i i need to i need to work on this a

little bit so it's like okay it's so untrue for me to see all these bad things they're in my face no matter what no matter what i want to look at or not i have a really hard time looking at the good things like when people send me the Stats of my song i don't open it when people send me the charts or the views i don't open it because i don't want to get attached to success or numbers or mean that my art everyone said literally i'll show you the text manager he said unless

it's a drag queen death dropping to her new single don't even bother sending it to her because she's not going to open it and i think that's good that's a sign of You avoiding narcissism but i wonder why i feel like i can avoid i can't avoid the bad things and looking at them like i'm maybe a little addiction of that of looking at that but then why don't i want the hit of the positivity of like seeing the numbers because you want to work hard because you want things to be difficult when you see

too much success you don't want to slack off i have no idea how many people Listen to my song i have the same thing yeah i can't have the same thing i have the same thing with podcasts or the same thing with comedy specials i don't read any of their reviews i just keep moving that's what i don't always do that and everyone's like you want to hear some stats i'm like i literally you can ask them i say i won't even know what it means jamie will tell me some stats every now and then

And i'll just go what the [ __ ] means yeah it's well it gets nuts yeah i don't know what it means yeah what does it mean and a lot of the three million streams what does that mean in the world of like how many seven billion it's never good enough for me it doesn't mean like three million seven billion i could do better right exactly yeah three million is not enough well that's i think that's a sign that You're looking at things the right way i really do because i think that's a sign of

you you know what you were talking about earlier you want to struggle you want to you want to earn it you know because you think that you kind of got these crazy gifts being famous at a young age and all this wealth and success at a young age you want to earn it so when you see success and the trappings of success or Wallowing around in all of your fortune you don't want to do that you want to hustle you want to keep going i think that's a good sign yeah i really do yeah yeah

that's why yeah at some point you know you can bring your kids maybe she can do that weird [ __ ] up thing to my face whatever you should come and see some of the animals especially in your nashville i think you'll totally get it i think you'll totally get if You're ever in tennessee and you come out to the farm and you see the horses and you see the pigs bite my ankles and all these things i'm sure i think i think you'll you'll get a really good balance good understanding of my life and

who i am my last comedy special that i filmed uh was strange times for netflix and when i was when i warm up for shows i've done all the work i like to just put my brain in another Place and i was listening to malibu and that's that's what i thought you're going to say all the people on the set were making fun of me so my friend anthony giordano who also directs the ufc by the way yeah because he's imagining a good friend of mine he's like what are you listening to i go miley

cyrus and like he's like shut the [ __ ] up i go look i go listen to it i put the headsets on him and i had him listen to it but that song is so Removed from anything in me or or my life and i love your voice thank you so it's it's a little escape for me that's cool so i'd be like dancing backstage high as [ __ ] getting ready to go on stage listening to your song yeah that was the first song well no because i had done dead pets uh dead

pets was where i started writing like my music where if you know you look at the List it says cause what's funny okay so if you look at stevie nick songs things have changed a lot in in credits a lot of it says written by stevie nicks and it doesn't says any other writers but there are other writers because there's music that was written she didn't play every guitar part and every piano part etc now it's changed in our credits and the way we do things so actually you have to Put written by for anyone

that wrote anything musical on the song so any guitar parts all that [ __ ] so if you start looking at some of the dead pet stuff it'll say written by and they'll say a group of people but all the lyrics were written by me it's just any of the melodic stuff in the track is that all stuff that's new for for money purposes yeah and i think the Way that now streaming is kind of making things a little bit more difficult because you don't pay someone the way that you would record when record sales

they get their money whatever so that it's something to do with that it's very complex and they say that some of the best lawyers don't even understand quite what's going on in the music industry right now because we're having such uh change such a shift in the way that Everything's happening from sec sales of records of records to streaming to videos to tick tocks tick tock is like a freaking label now so they pay tick-tockers to tick-tock to your music because it counts as streams i don't even understand it i don't even understand it but

this is a thing tick-tock is weird do you pay attention all that [ __ ] with it's like the chinese government owns it no it's very i mean i know that that's a Thing i also know that it was like you know this is the new way of the new label basically labels pay tick-tock to be able to have these kids doing i don't know if i'm supposed to say it but they [ __ ] do so then i said it please say it that's all i know is like it's true so say it so

they pay kids to tick-tock to certain so say if you're a tick-tocker you're like a Big-time teacher there's like rich tick-tockers that are like that from like millions i don't know about millions we have maybe a different idea of like richie rich but for kids living in a house here that there's tick tock agencies yes tick tock agencies so they like uh marcia i see a tick tock and it's like a big big mirror i'm telling you it's like some [ __ ] up black mirror [ __ ] wow Interesting i didn't but the one

thing that i told the kids that you know these kind of influencers i've spoken to some of them before by doing some of this press you know they want me to play the song for them whatever and the one thing that i said that i like is like at least it's kids creating content for themselves because i used that to go through all the middle men before before i could put out a [ __ ] video i had to ask Hey gary marsh at disney is this okay hey this person can i do this but

now it's like [ __ ] grab your phone put it up you're in control of your own destiny right you could i mean if you wanted to you could set your phone up and just go live on youtube and play an acoustic set and do whatever the [ __ ] i love that about that so i love that about today yeah me too i love that amazing um and yeah so so Kind of to that point was when i was working on younger now that was the first record i was going to put out that

was for sale because i did soundcloud with my flaming lips record so because i said people don't want to hear me singing a song called bang my box about me like having sex at a lesbian strip club well then i'm not going to ask them to buy it i'm just gonna give it to him as a gift and you're really the worst thing They can do with a gift is throw it away or not open it like well that's mine good thing of being in the position where you're in that you could call the shop

exactly and it's like listen okay you're not gonna make money off of it's like hey that's fine i'm sure they're still selling a toothbrush somewhere that plays my [ __ ] song and i'll get a dollar from that are there any tick tockers out There to bang my box i don't think anyone's tick talking to bang my box jamie can you uh research that please i do i honestly i think everything on the internet's been done but i don't think people tic-tac-toe love to see a bunch of rupaul's drag queens tick-tocking to bang my box

i don't think it's happening my box is very very niche we can make that happen i feel like we Could put that out there into the internet now i'm trying to find a good version to show i'm trying to be quick about it i'm scared well listen jamie can find it if it's out there he has connections to the dark he's the best googler on the planet there's no one even close yes he's a one-handed best googler too i know look at this he googles with one hand while he's Working the camera together oh my

god let me give you some volume uh let me hear a little bit look at this guy so we got um a dude oh okay there you go look this is how [ __ ] it is it's got two [ __ ] likes listen for now it has two likes now people know about it and now it'll have more influence i'll retweet that [ __ ] later send that to me and i'll retweet it i want you to bang my box The point being is that that was free and then getting to write younger now

and writing malibu i wrote that in the back of the car on the way to vo on the go into the voice because i was looking outside the window in the car thinking like all of it's true like i had never really gone to the beach the closest i've ever really gotten was my parents taking me to florida like one time and my sister got my toe Caught in the uh revolving door and like i had to go to the hospital as a nightmare and my parents swore would never go on vacation again but most

parents say don't mean it my parents [ __ ] met it meant it we never went on vacation again that's crazy that you did all that work and you never went on vacation well i went on my own vacations we didn't go on a family vacation that song is so Obviously written by you yeah and that was one of the things that i think i liked about it that it was uh when you listen to someone sing a song like a really good song it's an expression of who they are at that point in time

in their life and you can get wrapped up in their mind you know and i felt like that's why i like listening to other people i like listening to songs before i go on stage Because it gets me out of my own head and it gets me into someone else's head and then when it's time to go you know and they're like you're on in three like okay and then i'll take the headphones off i'll do a shot i'll stretch out a little and then here we go that's me oh hell yeah that is that's

me listening to your [ __ ] song crazy yeah legit i'm not lying that's nuts well that's an honor i play that when Anthony was listening to he's like you [ __ ] idiot what are you listening to that's [ __ ] wild i never ever ever would have thought that never would have thought that i like it thank you i like your music thank you and i like you you're a good person thank you so much youtube i enjoyed talking to you i did too i'm glad we did this i agreed so um you

got something that's out right Now yeah what is it how do people get it well uh it's called midnight sky and even just the title is kind of inspired by debbie harry's heart of glass but i pulled inspiration from edges 17 two of my favorite songs heart of glass the reason i love it so much is that the title isn't the repetition in the chorus it's just a cool thing to say it's not the chorus at all Um and so i thought you know what my favorite part about it is is i love the the

kind of visual painting of midnight sky and what that means um and the midnight sky to me is like if you're really [ __ ] partying the moon is a disco ball and the stars are all the reflection of light on the ceiling and what i really like about the disco ball is that it's a bunch of broken pieces put back together again that when You're finally enlightened it makes this mesmerizing totally attractive like people it's like you know it's like the bugs to the light like people love disco balls but it's really just a

bunch of broken pieces put together and so i felt like that was reflective of me wow pretty deep to think about it that's heavy yeah that's heavy but when i saw it i thought like i recognized this This is what i feel like all right so that's it what sends it on there and it's everywhere it's on youtube streaming and yeah it's everywhere and i'm making it so hopefully people will watch it all right you're a bad [ __ ] thank you thank you thanks bye everybody cool i like being in here this is you