my name is technoblade and i am the fastest skyblock player alive to the outside world i'm an ordinary minecraft youtuber but secretly i've spent the last year fighting to maintain my spot as the number one potato farmer in skyblock opposing me a squid kid the former rank number one a man whose obsession with potatoes is rivaled only by my own in my last video i talked about how the newly added rabbit pet could at its highest level increase the amount of potatoes my minions made by 30 but i knew squid would watch my video to find out my tactics so i left out a few of the finer details you see the boost from rapid pets isn't the same as fly catchers or catalysts you have to be there on the island for the boost to take effect once you log off or go to somewhere else in skyblock that boost is gone until you come back but while i was experimenting with the rabbit pet i uncovered a few interesting facts about how the boost works for instance rabbit pets can boost other people's minions if you're visiting their islands as a guest but minions can only get boosted by one rabbit at a time so you can't just get 20 accounts with rabbit pets for infinite potatoes but the third thing i found was the most interesting and this is what squid kid didn't know if there's multiple rabbit pets on the same island which one boosts the minions you'd think it'd be the strongest one but it's not if there's multiple rabbits the minions will be boosted by the one belonging to whoever's been on the island the longest so hypothetically speaking if someone went to their island with their level 100 rabbit when someone was already there with the level 1 one they wouldn't get their rabbit's 30 percent boost they'd get the level 1 0. 3 percent boost unrelated fun fact did you know that squid kids island is still open to visitors yeah that's right we're doing this again so i bought a new minecraft account slapped a level one legendary rabbit pet onto it and shipped it off to squid kids afk pool i knew i had to maintain absolute secrecy i didn't even tell my goons about this because i knew once squid got into this it would be trivially easy for him to prevent it i waited until the day i released the second potato war video to start after that video tourists flocked to squid kids island to see it for themselves my all blended right in every day my alt would sit there and squid kid's afk pool to maintain rabbit priority in fact it usually had the rabbit pet deactivated during the day since you don't need to have the pet out to keep priority and since the rabbit was deactivated if squid checked his minions during the day he'd find nothing wrong with them but every night around 2 am squid would leave his account afk and go to bed and that's when i'd strike override in his rabbit pet boost for the rest of the night and yes i memorized squid sleeping schedule to pull us off i mean at this point how is that even a question of course i did but unfortunately complications soon arose squid and i had both been russian to get our rabbits to level 100. i had a pretty heavy lead and i figured it'd take squid several more weeks to get his there but unfortunately an unknown third party got there first and sold his level 100 legendary rabbit directly to squid of course he didn't forget to brag about this victory on stream oh my oh my you know who doesn't have a level 100 pet yikes he has a level 99 rabbit pet he's poor it's only level 99 i'm screaming little did he know that while he was flexing on stream my alt was right there on his island override in his level 100 bonus but my problems didn't stop there you see squid got an alt account to afk with his rabbit pet on his island while he was doing other things and since the old account had no reason to ever leave his island it became much harder to keep control of pet priority and sometimes when i had priority he'd end up kicking everyone from his island because it was too full for his alt account to join meaning i lost priority for the rest of the day i was going to counter this by spending thirty dollars to buy his alt mvp plus plus since that rank can bypass cast in limits but unfortunately on march 20th my alt was kicked and squid's island was closed forever the jig was up but by that point i'd already achieved my objective the two weeks it took him to realize what was going on cost him about two million potatoes bit of a tangent but i'm pretty sure i lost a few fans over the rabbit pet because everyone would just be hanging out they'd just be chilling on my island with their level 30 rabbits activated i'd come see that and i don't care if it's intentional or not they're sabotaging my potatoes so i'd kick him out of my island to get priority back and then they'd come back 10 seconds later like why did you kick me technoblade i just wanted to meet my favorite youtuber and i'd be like well relax dude relax it's not a big deal i i have a really good reason i i just i can't tell you because it's a secret and then you're like it's okay technoblade i know the reason it's because you hate me specifically i'll just go leave forever now and i'm like wait come back no so squid closed this island which meant i couldn't sabotage him anymore but what if i told you that was also part of my master plan you ever noticed how my island has been open to visitors during the potato war in the last video i explained i made an afk machine on my island so planted potatoes would keep growing even when i wasn't online i was actually using an advanced technique there called lion this clip of the afk pool is from november i didn't even build the manual farm until january you might recall from the first potato war video that minions behave differently depending on whether there's people on the island or not because if no one's on the island hypixel is not going to waste resources keeping that server online so they're going to close the server and then when you come back they're going to go oh well it's been seven hours it's going to run a calculation and give you seven hours worth of stuff but as we've seen before that calculation isn't perfect so i ran an experiment and in the experiment i found that when someone's on my island i get 10 more potatoes and there was only one thing boosting my minions by 10 the farm crystal the farm crystal is an external buff so it's not included in the offline calculation so if there's at least one person on my island and squids island is empty i'd get 10 more potatoes now it was easy to get people to afk on my island what was difficult was getting people off of squid island you see even months after the first potato war video came out when the initial hype was starting to die down a bit there would be at least one of my own viewers afk on squids island every night you know as a joke sometimes i would be on squids island on an altar account and i'd see someone say in the chat i'm going to go afk to help technoblade win the potato war and i'd beg them i'd be like no dude please please he fixed that months ago that doesn't hurt him anymore and they'd be like i'm helping and afk all night squid kid was getting boosted by my own viewers and there was nothing i could do to stop them because what was i going to do announced that afk and helped him then even more people would afk i realized that the only way to stop this from happening would be to get squid to close his own island to visitors without him realizing that that's what i wanted all along it took four long months but it finally happened but anyways back to this tweet so squid says he closed his island because someone filled his potion system with rookie axes a common trolling method in skyblock is to fill people's inventories with useless items like boats but the rookie axe is even worse for players like squid kid who use the skyblock add-ons mod which has a feature which makes it very difficult to drop tools out of your inventory the point is to stop people from accidentally dropping weapons worth millions of gold but it also applies to the rookie act sold in shops for 12 coins so basically someone dumping a ton of rookie axes into your hopper system is the worst thing someone can do to you in skyblock now i've always been interested in psychology in fact i almost majored in it so after six months of stock and squid kid i developed a bit of a psychological profile of this man i know how he talks i know how he thinks and when i saw this tweet i instantly knew that this man was lying now don't get me wrong i completely believe that somebody dropped rookie axes into his hopper system because it was me but that's not the real reason he closed his island after all i'd been dropping rookie axes into his hoppers for weeks but he sent that tweet eight minutes after he kicked my alt so i get to thinking why would squid lie about that and i realize squid knows i monitor his tweets but what he doesn't know is that that was my all to count from his perspective that could have been some random guy with a rabbit and if that was the case i'd have no idea rabbits could be used that way as such him lying in that tweet could only mean one thing he's about to sabotage me so i held a stakeout on my island and guess what i found a few hours later a brand new skyblock account afk in with a level one legendary rabbit truthfully i could have stopped squid before i even joined my island but i wanted to catch him in the act because i'm always getting comments saying oh my god technoblade why are you showing to squid they don't understand this is war there's no holding back i know that and squid knows that the only difference is that i'm 20 steps ahead he's playing skyblock while i'm playing death note he thinks he can outsmart me with my own strategies because he has yet to realize that he is but a puppet and i the puppeteer dance potato boy dance so anyways i got on my secret alt account and then sent his secret old account a party invitation and then i dm'd him on discord yo dude accept my invite well this is awkward he actually did accept my invite we had a lovely conversation and then i banned him from my island get out of here you tried again with another account a few days later i don't have any proof that this account is him but look at that username stinky bozo that's a pretty unusual word in fact i've only heard one person say it bozo you are a bozo bozo nice one bozo you're a freaking bozo bozo yeah that's right get out of here i did eventually close my island but not before i made sure i wouldn't lose potatoes after that i moved on to the next phase of my master plan if i wanted to farm more potatoes i'd have to start farming pumpkins but wait a minute technoblade that's the wrong vegetable wait what do you mean it's a fruit whatever at this point we pretty much maxed out the output of our minions the only thing left to work on was the speed we could farm potatoes by hand the farm and skill gives more crops as you level up so i decided to grind it to the highest level i did the math and found that farming potatoes is so incredibly inefficient at leveling up farming that it was actually more worthwhile to build a whole pumpkin farm i began the construction of a pumpkin farm large enough that by the time i finished farming it in full the pumpkins at the beginning would have already regrown i don't even want to tell you how long it took to build this and so i began farming day after day at times i'd farmed for so long without break that the people watched and thought i was boden word of my pumpkin farm and soon reached squid who began farming pumpkins himself but he only saw the surface level of what i was doing you see i wasn't just leveling up my farming skill i was also leveling up multiple legendary rabbits there's a reason i wanted to stop people from afk and on squids island even after he started afk and himself and it's because it's almost impossible for one man to afk every hour of the day because servers restart the game can update your internet can go out and if you're asleep or doing something else you'll be missing out on those bonuses until you get back even the most dedicated individual might only average 20 hours of afk coverage per day and those four hours alone without the rabbit pet and farm and crystal cost you a hundred thousand potatoes and over time that adds up to fix this flaw i got multiple level 100 rabbits some leveled myself and others purchased for tens of millions of coins and then distributed them to goons in diverse time zones i set my island so only guild members could visit and had my head goon coded discord bot that automatically pinged them within five seconds of the rapid account leaving my island at which point one of them could log into the island themselves and boost my minions until i got back after a few weeks we both reached farm in level 50.
on may 4th there was a pet update which added among other things the elephant pet which at its highest level could increase crop yield by 25 ordinarily a buff to manual farming would be bad for me since it allows squid to catch up that much more quickly but i had a plan the reason farming potatoes by hand is so inefficient is because when you break potatoes they don't grow back so two-thirds of the time you spend on farming is spent replanting the potatoes you just harvested squid kid and his viewers spent many hours trying to find a workaround to this even building an elaborate redstone machine in an attempt to somewhat automate replanting but in the end they failed to find a better method and continued farming normally i should be able to plant five at the same time why is it so dang slow it takes forever what if i told you i found a way you see back in january i had an idea what if i had the minions plant for me at the time this wasn't practical for two reasons one i didn't have enough farming bonuses for it to be worth sacrificing the minions normal output but this was solved when i got farm in level 50. secondly potato minions were simply too slow but since then they've buffed fly catchers added the rabbit pet and added foul flesh a new fuel source which buffs minion speed by 90 percent even then the potato minions weren't quite fast enough to keep up but i thought to myself if they're only going to be planting they don't need to waste an upgrade slot on a supercompactor so i spent another 250 million coins to get 48 total fly catchers squid and i both started farming potatoes but his method could get at most 200 000 potatoes per hour whereas my method with double fly catches even after subtracting the amount the minions would have made themselves could get four hundred and ten thousand potatoes per hour for the next three weeks squid farmed hours every day but i was farming at the same time what are the odds he's farming right now five bits i bet techno is doing the same thing that says 130 faster way to do it uh you're probably wrong in this time i expanded my lead by another 5 million potatoes but at this point squid and i had been farming potatoes for almost a year and we were still farming hours every day with no end in sight neither of us wanted this to continue so we came to an agreement whoever got to 500 million potatoes first would win the potato war hypixel even pitched in saying he'd give a surprise to the winner now i was only at 300 million potatoes at this point but i figured i had this in the bag i mean i've been tracking squid's potato count i accounted for his afk coverage by having the discord bot track assault accounts logins and i knew how much he was farming by hand because i was monitoring his farming experience with a 45 million potato lead and a farming method twice as fast as his own what could possibly go wrong june 6 things go very wrong it was just a small update with a few quality of life changes you know like an enchantment which replants crops after you farm them and an item which automatically compacts items in your inventory so you don't have to spend time on that you know two minor changes which just so happen to buff squids farming method from 200 000 potatoes to 1. 2 million and my farming method becomes worthless suddenly my 45 million potato lead goes from insurmountable to yes would confirm that in a couple days squid starts putting in crazy hours if i do 12 hours a day can he keep up absolutely not people say technical blade never dies but i'm putting him in the grave meanwhile i'm sitting here in shambles i was out here with my lab coat on doing the science coming up with new never before seen potato farming techniques and this man just go admins please replanting is too hard and they buff his farming method six-fold was that it eight months have plotted in schemin just to fail in the final stretch no i couldn't accept that i was going to win this war whatever the cost i immediately drank three months of mystical mushroom soup and got to work expanding my old potato farm a project which would take 25 hours over the next couple days i knew i was playing the game as intended when i realized that the only reason i ever put on one of the strongest armor sets in the game was to use its three percent speed bonus to optimize till and dirt for the next two weeks i did nothing except eat sleep and farm potatoes there were only three interruptions each of which cost me millions of potatoes the first was a dentist appointment and the second was when i had to play in minecraft championships what do i message him was it worth your time losing mcc it took me two hours to lose mcc but it'll cost you nine months to lose potato or kay relax relax hello besides that there was only one other time i had to go to the store the other day i had to interrupt my potato farming because my dad was like hey can you go to the store and pick up my medicine and i was like can i really tell him that i'm not getting his medicine because i need to farm potatoes can i really look i'm an atheist but when god sends me to hell i want him to hesitate okay i want him to hesitate for a few seconds but squid was also farming several hours a day and he had even found a way to maximize his afk coverage he started sleeping with his headphones on and had his goons wake him up via discord call whenever his alt left his island as someone with a discord bot track in his online activity i can tell you right now that that man is telling the truth he was waking up multiple times per night i don't know why he didn't just use backups like me he actually revealed to me later on that one of my original goons betrayed me and gave him one of our internal documents and the list of backup pet users is literally right there at the top of the first page i have no idea how he missed it but anyways squid logged off an hour and a half ago he should be entering rem sleep just about now it would be a real shame if someone woke him i didn't actually wake him up because i wasn't sure if intentional sleep deprivation was legally considered torture or not so i decided to shelve that strategy for the time being and after sacrifice in two weeks of my life i finally reached 500 million potatoes we win these squid was shocked he's not 4.
99 no he's not dude that's actually like it's not possible no it's not this can't be real squid had been certain that he was right on my tail i don't know how far behind i am 100 less than 30 million and yet when i won the war i had a lead of over 88 million potatoes how did i do it it's just as sun tzu says all war is deception you see i knew after the second potato war video that things were going to get more difficult from here on out because at this point squid had a full organization backing him he had goons a cabal of billionaires fund in his every move hundreds of stream viewers making constant suggestions on how to farm potatoes more quickly and reported on my every move so in that video i prepared my final trick i hid my true potato count the number shown in my video wasn't edited but it didn't include the millions of potatoes left uncollected in my minions i also say that my minions now produce 1. 58 million potatoes but they're actually producing 1. 75 million because the rabbit pet doesn't actually boost your minions by 30 percent it boosts them by 43 why i don't know it's probably bugged and squid couldn't realize the real number when he got a level 100 rabbit of his own because he was being sabotaged but the biggest reason my lead expanded by that much was because over those two weeks while squid averaged eight hours of farming per day i averaged 11.
