welcome to Shrek where Shrek is wiping his ass with fairy tale Malarkey and ah the classic he goes about his daily discussing ogre routines like fishing with his own [ __ ] gas Fine Art and chasing off Pitchfork mobs who are after him because there are rewards out for fairy tale mystical magical [ __ ] by the way if this is the only window in his house they probably should have seen him leave meaning he couldn't sneak up on them like this but whatever maybe he has a secret back door or something anyway he scares
them off then we transition over two people handing over their fairy tale creators over to the Royal authoritas for some cash oh look guys slavery and one are these baches is a talking donkey that escapes their grasp runs away and takes Refuge inside Shrek's but Shrek scares them off and right then and there donkey decides that they are BFFs for life and Shrek is now stuck with an annoying ass get it cuz he's a donkey also you guys notice how this is like Sid and Manny from Ice Age that's the only real similarity everything else
is different I think anyway Shrek tries to scare away a [ __ ] donkey but oh wow you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something cuz your breath stinks wait they have Tic Tacs in this universe doesn't matter Donkey unbothered by Shrek's orness and Shrek annoyed as [ __ ] by donkey's dip shitness and after he magically teleports away from his hoof tracks he begs him to stay with him and he allows him to stay there for one night on one night only outside and that night he has a ear candle wax lit dinner is
he not at all annoyed by the imbalancing clarity of hearing between his two ears like do he the unbutton doesn't matter cuz he notices fairy tale creatures are breaking into his house bro how the [ __ ] did they get a whole [ __ ] uh Sleeping Beauty in there without opening the door whatever maybe fairy tale magic I guess he then finds out that the whole swamp has been taken over by these fairy tale CS cuz apparently one Lord farquad has evicted them all from their lands and sent them over to his land cuz
he can't get him away cuz he's too scary all in the name of making his kingdom perf you know just perf so they forced to squat there and Shrek's like all right listen who knows where this Lord [ __ ] is O me anyone else literally anyone anyone fine but jez attention all fairy tale [ __ ] and he announces that he's going to go over there and talk to Lord fuad to make him give him their land back so they can leave him alone then we transition to m kuad d King the gingerbread man
in some milk to force him to tell him where all the rest of the fairy tale creatures are and I don't know how he's not crumbling from all that milk making his body you know a little more soft and [ __ ] but whatever we get the best ever Muffet man joke dude this movie is a ship post before ship post was a thing I swear quad dude then brings in a magic mirror and asks whether his kingdom is the most perfect Kingdom of all and the mirrors like uh technically you're not a king but
all you have to do to become one is mar a princess wait so what type of ruler is he a prince where is his family then did I don't know what's going on man it doesn't doesn't matter unimportant mirror dude gives him three choices of women to marry instead of choosing between the perfect housewife or a [ __ ] doll that he knows the exact whereabouts of he chooses Fiona who is stuck in a tower guarded by a fire breathing dragon smartest Choice ever wow she also turns into an ogre at night but that is
a fact he's too ignored to listen to and he's going to make a tournament for uh kns or something like that and the winner goes to rescue her for him and bring her back right meanwhile Shrek and Donkey arrive at dual [ __ ] Castle they insert an adult joke in a kid movie then they scare this guy and DK walks through the like uh I don't know whatever these [ __ ] things are called which is stupid cuz he can just unhook them what a brain dead piece of pie of groin juice anyway they
continue going through this thing which I forget what it's called too but it's like the you see in the Metro stations and whatever which is also not functional so why the [ __ ] are you even have it there doesn't matter they don't find anyone in the whole town and we get another ship post adult joke that I'm pretty sure all the kids still got you know one of the best things about adulting is noticing all these filthy grown-up jokes and kids movies that's basically it everything else is trash they go and find a tournament
where apparently the whole kingdom is supposedly kind of a small population if I'm honest but who cares cuz [ __ ] nobody at all notices the giant ogre and his donkey in the focal point of the whole Arena while [ __ ] is getting a speech and his plan is that the winner of this tournament goes to rescue the queen or Princess Fiona and if he doesn't make it they'll send the next person like second place and so on and so forth but my thing is how the [ __ ] will you know if he
fails he doesn't exactly send a telegram when he dies does he there's no [ __ ] kill feed in this movie right so why don't you just send them all at the same time this kind of stupid is it [ __ ] [ __ ] anyway fuckw what finally notices them and orders his Champions to kill Shrek but him and Donkey handle them with ease using a giant beard Kake and a du e super SL they get him all and short quad points his crossbows at them and has an idea he proclaims that Shrek is
his champion and he's going to go on this Quest and rescue if you want for him and she's like what [ __ ] Quest I'm already on a quest you degenerate mule and he explains his whole situation so [ __ ] while tells him if he does this quest for him he'll give him his land back and evict all fair creatures from his land and give them their you know [ __ ] him off we get the point and Sh like well what if I don't want to well then I kill you fair AR they
start their journey to Fiona's Castle Shrek Compares himself to a raw onion he's eating and we get a short travel Montage they make it to the castle that's on top of an active volcano and Donkey blindly reverses his way over this unstable bridge now that's [ __ ] talent and once inside donkey is scared as hell so Shrek's like you go find the stairs that lead to the princess and I'll go find the dragon and suddenly although donkey's all alone he's not scared anymore where's the logic and D I don't know also splitting up in
dangerous movie situations is almost always the worst idea ever they are [ __ ] morons anyway the reverse actually ends up happening donkey finds a dragon and Shrek finds a Fiona donkey starts running for his little dumbass life getting chased by the [ __ ] Dragon so Shrek gets a hold of its t and he gets I don't know what the appropriate sound effect here is but he gets launched over to Fiona's Tower it traps dony but lucky for him he has Charisma stats that are biged I'm talking high as [ __ ] you dig
and he flirts with the lady Dragon until she gets so wet that she takes him over to her layer man I miss Eddie Murphy meanwhile Fiona readying up for her first meet with her savior I don't know how she survived there all that long maybe she got air drop food or something where is does she have running water or any water source I don't know doesn't matter cuz she's ready for her first time Mouse sex with her Savior and he softly comes in like wake the [ __ ] up [ __ ] we got to
go but this Beth our first death meeting is shouldn't it be as romantic as s yeah n mate it's not going to [ __ ] work we got to leave now and he takes her to go save Donkey from Dragon sex that we all know is eventually going to happen he puts the dragon in the choker kind of hot not going to lie and makes her kiss his ass then they run away from her zigzag around and he locks the chains together to kind of trap her in there while they run for safety across a
bridge and she Burns it they drop she's just you know leashed up short enough to not be able to get to to them and they get away with their life leaving the horny Dragon behind and at the base of the mountain she's like removeth Thy helth so I can kiss thee yeah n sha this ain't going to fly he's Scottish I don't know why I'm doing on Australian accent don't mind me he takes it off and she's actually surprised that he's an ogre how in a million [ __ ] did you not notice this you
blind [ __ ] Clark can't [ __ ] aside he explains the whole deal with his swamp and [ __ ] and she's like well [ __ ] that if he wants to save me he should save me himself he like sounds like a you problem [ __ ] and he takes her by force to go over to Du Castle wants to get to the castle on one day as fast as possible through the night and stuff but she throws his fit over staying over somewhere at night and they find a place to camp and
a cave and they throw her in there so she can turn into an or while they don't notice and they talk at diet Shrek's like everybody hates me cuz I'm ugly no one wants to get to know me and he's like nah man You Beautiful on the inside he's like really mean ah [ __ ] I do man I do then we cut to a quick peek of Lord [ __ ] about to masturbate the Fiona he 100% looked at his dick right there you cannot convince me otherwise that miror is about to get traumatized
anyway next morning Fiona's up right now early to murder A Bird In Cold Blood using sound waves and she uses her kids to make meals for Shrek and Donkey cuz she feel bad for Shrek then they make their way on the journey again and get interrupted by the most vile of creatures on earth a [ __ ] Frenchman and his henchman of marry men it's supposed to be Robin Hood all right and she beats them all the [ __ ] up who's in Kar taii Kung fuw stopping time for them and gravity for her donin
Shrek arm is like wow but she's like oh my God Shrek your ass what his other ass so the marry men shot one arrow that ricocheted off a bunch of trees instead of sticking into them and hit Shrek in the ass really okay whatever F tries to pull the thing out of Shrek's ass but they roll over accidental section time then succeeds at pulling it out and donkey's like is that BL no it is not cuz it's a Disney movie and they don't allow blood or DreamWork same same doesn't matter what I'm really concerned with
is how the arrow did not go further up into his ass or at least cause him more pain when he rolled over this is [ __ ] [ __ ] whatever though cuz they keep moving and bond over cotton candy fly web things and making balloon animals out of animal balloons that float which means that they exhale pure helium or something even lighter than to counteract the density and weight of the animals bodies whatever they continue to have dock in sight and Fiona comes up with some donkey [ __ ] reason to camp out another
night then donkey [ __ ] blocks them from smooching over the campfire and she goes to the millhous cuz Sunset isn't that a Simpsons character you you understand what I mean right the windmill thing with J anyway dony is like oh I see what's going on you f to attack that human [ __ ] with that big ass ogre dick Shut up you falling in love shut up you want to give us some of that Shrek is Love Shrek Is laugh treatment it's 2001 that video isn't even out yet and he goes on a sad
walk while donkey tust to talk to Fifi Ona and he finds her as an ogre he freaks out she calms him down and explains to him that this been happened since forever cuz a [ __ ] cursed her a witch cursed her same thing really and only a true love's kiss can break this curse and have love take its true form and she starts talking [ __ ] about her organist which is the only part that Shrek over hears and misunderstands her talking about him and he Huffs off in a sadness in in anger and
yeah he Huffs off in Anger she makes donkey promise not to tell Shrek her secret and next day Shrek brings over the [ __ ] wad [ __ ] Squad like here's your guy [ __ ] I heard what you were saying last night like you know what [ __ ] you they have a misunderstanding confusion and part ways she like [ __ ] it I want to marry this guy Pronto like today [ __ ] like oh no doubt and we speed through a montage where everybody his [ __ ] sad as [ __
] Shrek goes back to a swamp that is now vacant of all the mystical [ __ ] F getting ready for her marriage also sad as [ __ ] like I said and Donkey also s a [ __ ] because he had like falling out with Shrek meeting an escaped somehow escaped lady dragon and he goes back over to Shrek to make up with him telling him that Fiona wasn't talking [ __ ] about him she was talking [ __ ] about someone else and he's like really who D is like I can't tell you
it's a secret and they are friends again and Shrek's like damn I love her I got to go stop the wedding and they ride the dragon over to Du C Kingdom its wings are kind of tiny right in comparison to the rest of its body you know he shouldn't be able to fly should it whatever Shrek movie who cares they get to the wedding and Shrek stops them before they kiss and confesses love to Fiona and [ __ ] was like L [ __ ] guys love with a woman ah what the so she's like
eat a bag of dicks you stupid [ __ ] C and lets the sun go down and she shows everyone that she transforms into an ogr and [ __ ] like ew disgusting Heathen and orders all his guards to seize them both and kill shre I think but donkey and his Dragon girlfriend come to the rescue and the dragon eats [ __ ] Shrek and Fiona kiss and she Rises up to magically transform into the same [ __ ] person wait I get it true love's kiss and take true love's form but was orness her
true love's form because she kissed an orre or because she kissed when she was an ogre I demand clarification or not I'm just a me out on who cares they get married Eddie Murphy sings fito this movie gets 1.78 29534 68971 8213 out of an [Music] there we go decipher that [ __ ] [Music] [Music]
