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I Spent 25 Years Shrinking—Never Again

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pearlieee
let me tell you something I wish I learned sooner something that took me way too long to realize no matter how much you shrink yourself you will never be less no matter how much you soften your voice take up less space try to mold yourself into something more palatable you will still be there yes waiting I spent 25 years of my precious life trying to be easier quieter more digestible and do you know what happened I became unrecognizable to myself because that's the thing they don't tell you the more you edit yourself the more you
erase yourself the more you shrink the more you disappear and disappearance is not acceptance torning yourself down doesn't make life easier it just makes it smaller it makes you smaller and for what for who who from the moment we come into this world we start hearing the rules people light be quiet don't be too loud don't be too intense don't be too emotional don't be too much and if you're neurode Divergent you hear it even louder you're too weird too different be more normal if you're creative you hear it even earlier that's not practical be
more realistic if you're confident you're too intimidating be more accommodating if you're passionate you're too exhausting be more chill and you believe them you start thinking if I could just if I could just shave down my edges maybe my life will be easier so you try you mute your opinions you second guess your instincts you laugh a little quieter you dream a little smaller you hold back your excitement your natural Rhythm your fire because you've learned that the full version of you is too much for the world to handle you you turn down the volume
of your personality all the way down and for a while it works people like you more or so it seems you become easier to be around you blend in people don't scream when you speak you feel safer and then something starts happening you start feeling dull muted disconnected from yourself you start filtering every thought every reaction wondering if you're coming of as too much you start asking yourself am I allowed to feel this to think this to want this the version of you that once felt natural becomes something you have to police and before you
know it you are living life on a delay not fully present not fully seen not fully here and you know what the most you reating parties it doesn't even work because no matter how much you shrink there will always be people who think you're too much no matter how much you twist yourself into something more acceptable there will always be people who don't accept you anyway so because because it was never about you my darling it was about their comfort their expectations their smallness and all the while you're here betraying yourself cutting enough pieces of
who you are to be palatable to people who were never going to taste the full version of of you anyway what exactly are you dimming your life for what exactly are you dimming yourself for because if disappearing is the price of belonging then maybe you're not meant to belong there turning yourself down isn't self-improvement it's self Erasure when you Silence Yourself you teach your own mind that your voice doesn't matter when you hide your intensity you rob yourself of the connections that were meant to find you when you suppress your fire you extinguish the very
thing that makes you you let me tell you from experience the longer you do it the harder it is to remember who you actually are you start playing a role instead of being a person and it's exhausting you start managing expectations instead of living you start questioning whether the full version of you was ever real at all you become a shadow and I don't know about you but I don't want to be a shadow I refuse to be a shadow at some point I had to ask myself listen what's the worst that can happen if
I stopped editing myself if I stopped trying to be digestible for people who have no interest in the fullness of my Humanity if I stop explaining myself to people who we never going to understand if I stop treating my natural state as something that needs fixing and do you know what I realized I was never afraid of being too much I was afraid of what would happen if I finally let myself be everything that I am because you see once you step into your full self you can't go back once you see yourself in your
full power your full light your full expression you cannot un seee it and the people who once made you feel like you were too much or too whatever they start to seem very very small listen you are not a ragd door you're a force your essence was never meant to be boxed in you were never meant to dim your own fire just because someone else couldn't handle the heat no matter how much you try lessen you will never be less you can shrink you can suffer you can make yourself smaller more manageable more palatable but
the real you the full you the wild expansive luminous Untamed real you she's still there she never went anywhere she's waiting waiting for you to stop playing the role they gave you waiting for you to take up the space that was always yours waiting for you to stop trying to be easy e and start being free because here's something I wish someone whispered into my ears sooner the right people don't need you to turn yourself down the people who matter the ones who will love you who will respect you who will be inspired by you
they need you exactly as you are so please stop editing yourself stop making yourself smaller stop trying to fit into spaces that were never built to hold you stop trying to to hold hands that are too small to grasp yours because you weren't meant to fit you were meant to stand out you weren't meant to hide You Were Meant to take up space You Were Meant to set the whole damn world on fire so do it do it and don't apologize because let me tell you right now no one is worth not a single soul
on Earth is worth dimming your light for as always it's been an absolute pleasure my name is f girl I'll see you in the next video
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