clc day 1

Hi this is tony robbins welcome to creating lasting change the seven master steps for maximum impact listen i want to thank you for joining me in this program you and i are about to begin a journey and that journey is one of the most exciting and fascinating ones that i've experienced in my life and that is the journey into the human psyche into understanding what makes us do the things we do why is it that human beings can be so generous and yet so mean what is it that makes us say we want to do

one thing and then live our life in a totally different way what creates those internal conflicts and how can we resolve them even more importantly i mean why would a person like a guy like wesley audrey did you hear about this man an african-american man is in the subway of new york with his four-year-old and six-year-old son and daughter when all of a sudden beside him he sees a young white college student who starts to go into seizures and worse falls onto the subway track smacking his head bleeding and as this is occurring it's like

a movie the subway train is coming full speed instinctively wesley pushes his kids away and dives on top of this man to try to save his life the train literally comes over the top of the two of them missing wesley's body and head by one inch think about it what would make a man instantly be willing to sacrifice his life for a stranger And yet contrast that with someone somebody who takes pleasure in other people's pain somebody who lives for torturing someone else physically mentally or emotionally and feels a sense of joy or significance from

that and both types of people live in this world don't they is it our background is it our environment that shapes that well if that were true then you have to answer this question how is it that someone who's been given everything unbelievable support and love from their family tremendous education economic opportunity how is it that people like that very often spend their rest of their life going in and out of rehab and then you have people that have been given nothing their dignity has been taken from them they've been punished in ways they're abusive

inhuman mentally emotionally physically you name it and very often those people find a hunger inside a drive to learn to grow to give and they often become the people that inspire us most in the world we know the stories of the oprahs of the world you know she wasn't given things but see the illusion that our society has tried to teach us is that we are our biography biography is destiny that the past equals the future but at any level of personal honesty we know this isn't true but today that is the model that drives

most people right why am i the way i am look at my past and blame something in the environment but what that does is put us in a circular fashion of constantly finding something to blame and ultimately at some level we blame ourselves and nothing changes i'm here to say that the path to creating lasting change is a very different path than blame and it's not finding the excuses it's finding the decisions that you can change your life it's being willing to identify the patterns that have stopped you and with this three decade Obsession i've

had a unique privilege in that my laboratory for understanding human behavior has not been like a freud where i'm dealing with just one type of person really mentally ill people i've had that privilege as well but i've dealt over the last 30 years with more than 3 million people from more than a hundred countries in this world from the most successful people you can imagine to the most challenged i've been in situations where i'm doing a seminar for a group of business executives and all of a sudden this person who's been in an institution starts

splitting personalities a multiple personality disorder person with 52 personalities and diane sawyer is there filming my business environment and i got to figure out how to turn that person around right now and i did took them a year to follow up to make sure that the changes lasted and they interviewed the psychiatrist and said how is this possible and he says it's a miracle i can't explain it to you she never split again or you know somebody who all of a sudden their partner comes up and tells me my partner i got his notebook here

and i read this and i read the notes and it's the person's plan for killing themself and their children and i got to do something right now to turn them around or in 9-1-1 when i'm in front of the room and i've all of a sudden that morning you know we have at three o'clock in the morning we're in hawaii and i get the phone call that the buildings have just been destroyed and more than 4 000 people they thought at that time had died and out of that in my room we have more than

200 new yorkers and more than 45 people that lost their entire company all their friends their family their loved ones and we've got group of people that are celebrating because they have a different belief structure people thinking it's the end of the world the end times have arrived watching people fight celebrate cry and i've got to make a difference right now the tools i'm going to share with you in the next few days i've used in practical ways and dramatic ways and you can do them as well i'm not special But once you master these

fundamental tools that we're going to learn in the next 10 days you're going to be able to make changes you once thought were impossible make changes that you may have thought would take years in a matter of hours or certainly within a few days this process is called human needs psychology and when you understand it your appreciation of human beings both their challenging behaviors and their beautiful behaviors will expand geometrically and your ability to make a measurable difference is going to soar and i can tell you as a result of using these tools over the

last you know 30 years of my life certainly the last 15 i've become the guy that gets the call when the fire is burning you know when the athlete is burning down on national television and he can't get himself back on the court and i got to do something right now to produce the result that's part of what's honed these skills i had to produce results in the moment or when the son or the daughter or the man or the woman is suicidal and i got to do something right now and you know knock on

wood it's been 30 years i've not lost one out of thousands of situations not one suicide that doesn't mean i won't someday i probably will it's human will people can make their own choices but by understanding these needs i've been able to consistently produce this result i get the call true story when the president united states says you know i'm going to be impeached in the morning potentially what do i do and my answer is could you call me sooner you know but you got to do something you got to help and you're not going

to be perfect in every situation but you can make a difference you can make the shift occur now the beginning of my cycle of making these changes started out An interesting way i wasn't a traditional psychologist or psychiatrist i'm still not what i was a person that loved people and i hated as i do today to see suffering i mean if you picked up this program and you want to make a difference for other people you and i must have the same heart at some level you probably can't stand to see people in pain and

you want to do something you feel a need you know maybe it's you know somebody in your family or maybe it's a total stranger for me honestly it's just about anybody so that made me have this obsession to look for tools that could make a difference and as i began to find some tools that were just evolving at that time you know cognitive therapy was expanding at that point you know gestalt you know hypnosis especially ericksonian approaches if you're familiar with that neural linguistic programming or nlp in the late 70s these were things that were

really growing i was just a kid but as i started dig into these things and educate myself and find people that were the best in the world this i would be so disgusted with a traditional psychologist that might be hanging out with someone for seven years to deal with a phobia when other people were resolving it in 15 20 30 minutes or an hour and really having it work so in the beginning i honestly was somebody that attacked traditional psychologists you know because i was a young punk kid and i thought i had all the

answers but i was already helping people in fact i built my reputation by challenging traditional psychologists and psychiatrists on the radio live i would say listen give me your worst patient and i'll handle them in less than an hour give me somebody you worked on for years that was my code my approach you know obviously it comes from wanting to try and prove yourself and being immature today that's obviously changed i've begun to appreciate all the different approaches to psychology and psychiatry and while i may have preferences i know everything adds value so yes i'm

passionate about alternatives and what i want you to see here is how effective they can Be and the reason i created this program is you know today i'm on a different side of the fence chloe madonnis is now my partner between us we've trained now over a hundred thousand therapists around the world chloe is an extraordinary human being has helped me refine my material and teach it to therapists around the world you know after all i've put out all these different programs over the years and if you're familiar with my inner strength films you know

that we have made these films of the interventions i've done over the years some of the most dramatic ones where i've taken on people that are in quote impossible situations where nothing has worked for years sometimes decades or more where people are on the verge of suicide or their relationships about to end and i've been able to step in and create the change and in these films we follow up and show that doesn't just change for a moment this miraculous moment affects their psyche and affects them long term so we follow up with them two

years later three years later five years later and i'm really proud to tell you that the american psychological association the american counseling association the national association of social workers the american psychiatric association the american associations for marriage and family therapy all provide continued education credits for the required continued education of anyone who wants to be a therapist and stay licensed by studying my work so we're really helping to make a difference in that area but i wanted to do something different here what i want to do here is say come with me behind the curtain

and let me show you not just what i did in that therapeutic intervention but what do i do in all of them what's the common thread between all of these situations that can help you make a change in situations that seem impossible or difficult that's what creating lasting change is about and that can be learned through these seven master steps again there's no perfection in anything but my experience is that if you can use all these tools by understanding the person In more depth first everything changes so what do i have to bring to the

table for you well in the three decades that i've been studying human behavior i haven't just looked at it from traditional training you know having been with three million people now from 100 countries i've seen everything you can imagine and i dealt with a kid in the south bronx addicted to cocaine and i got to do something now to turn them around and i dealt with a top ceo in hollywood addicted to cocaine you know and they give me different reasons why they're there one because of his horrible child the other one because of all

the pressures of success i mean and i had to begin to say wait a second here all these human behaviors there are patterns here you know the things that i've learned and heard about are wonderful but let me witness what works and i've had a chance to have a laboratory where i'm working with such a diverse population of people and in that process i really became more the y guy i've been asking the question for 30 years why do people do what they do you know people often come to me sometimes and say well you

know hi you're tony robbins well i don't you know i think we do is really good but i don't need any motivation i'll say well that's great because you know that's not what i teach now look at me i say i'm the y guy i said you clearly don't need any motivation you've got all the motivation in the world my question is what is your motive for action why do you do what you do why is it that you keep saying that you want to do this but you never do it in fact you say

you don't want to do something else like smoke or drink or overeat or sleep in and yet you do it all the time you're quite motivated to do the thing you say you don't want to do and what happens is people usually get a little hooked and i said i can tell you the answer It's an understanding that comes from three things understanding human needs understanding human beliefs and understanding the emotions that you've become habitually addicted to that you'll find a way to get to no matter what these three filters affect us now i'm going

to come back to these but let me say to you something maybe simpler first if you want to know what i believe at the core level of what shapeshift behavior it's not our background it's not our conditioning those play a role it's not our internal conflicts it's not whether we have enough friendly people around us creating an environment to help us to change it's not what drugs are surging through your body all that's quite useful don't get me wrong it's not any of these things by itself it's not just your meridians it's your decisions my

core belief is this it's not our conditions it's our decisions that shape our destiny it's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped and you're making those decisions even right now while you're listening to me speak either blow me off or you're saying wow this is some common sense you've got me intrigued i'm interested tell me more i want to know how i can take what i see in the world that i don't like within myself for others and i want to see how i can make a difference and change if you're in

that spot we will continue if not you probably already hung up on me now turn this darn thing off and moved on to some really cool music all right so let's move on so what are the three decisions you're making every moment of your life you're making it right now as i speak decision one and this is what shapes your destiny what you focus on see we feel whatever we focus on where focus goes energy flows now people develop patterns of what they focus on Some people's patterns to focus on the past some are on

the future some is just on this moment whatever you focus on you're going to change if you started thinking about your life 10 years ago and some horrible event that occurred and you put enough focus in it are you going to start feeling it you bet you are it's going to be in your body right now your biochemistry will change right you can look at that from an energy psychology approach you can look at it from a cognitive approach you can look at it from a freudian approach but it's the same darn impact where focus

goes energy flows or some people focus on the future and the future is horrible the future is great but it's a pattern some people's focus is always on themselves when people are depressed they have to be selfish think about it you can't get depressed when you're helping other people the only way we get depressed is focus on what you're not accomplishing what you're not achieving what you're not experiencing how you're not doing enough for your kids how you haven't accomplished it how you're not enough it's a me me me me self approach that allows us

to be depressed so if you focus on yourself constantly we can predict some of your challenges if you're always focused on others you're gonna have a very different life if you have the ability to flex between them you're gonna have a more balanced life quite obviously so the focus is a critical component and you know simplistic example that i give in seminars all the time so if you've heard this i just give it to you again because it's such a simple and quick way of describing this have you ever had an experience where someone told

you about a friend or a family member and they told you that they did something they said something to harm you but you know this friend or family member is loyal to you and they love you and so your first response is oh you must have misunderstood them or you're wrong but the person continues to tell you this story with passion and depth and intensity and at one point you start to go wow i can't believe they said this about me even though you weren't there you know this person seems to be so certain you

take it in now when you focus on how they did you wrong you immediately start having those feelings don't you Upset or hurt or angry or frustrated just comes immediately in the body now what's interesting is you ever had this happen and got really upset with this family member or friend or what they did to you and now you go to confront them and you find out that the person was dead wrong they made it up or they misinterpreted what they told you and then you felt like an idiot because you were so angry see

focus equals feeling so even if it's not true it feels true to you i always say to people is focus equals reality to the individual if you focus on something and you think someone's late for dinner and you focus on the fact they're late because you imagine them being in a car accident you're going to feel it it's going to be real to you if you focus on they're not here for dinner because they're out screwing around with somebody else it's going to be real to you focus equals reality to the individual even though it's

not reality in actuality focus equals feelings and every moment you're deciding what to focus on now the minute you focus on something the second decision happens in milliseconds in your brain it happens either consciously if you direct it or unconsciously if you don't and that decision is what does this mean what does this mean somebody comes in and they start to use a loud voice and tell you what you should do does that mean they hate you does that mean they've abused you does that mean they're having a tough day see whatever meaning you create

is going to instantly change how you feel about something and feelings are the fuel of life feelings human emotion is the Basis of a quality life or a painful life that's what we're really shifting more than anything else that's what fuels our behavior our actions that's what gives us the experience of our lives that we enjoy or that we dislike or even hate if something happens and you focus on it the question is right now is this the end or the beginning if you decide in a millisecond this is the end are you going to

feel differently than if you think this is the beginning of a relationship are you going to behave differently from that emotion you bet you are or something that seems to happen in your life that's disappointing or frustrating or seemingly horrible is it god punishing you or god challenging you or god rewarding you or does it have nothing to do with god is it karma is it you know you deserve it if you think you deserve a pain or a problem you're gonna deal with it very differently than if you think this is you being challenged

by god to become more to give more to create more see whatever meaning we give that's what controls our life meaning is the answer you want to know who one of my great heroes is in life pick up a book called man's search for meaning by viktor frankl you probably already have read it it's an old classic but if you haven't you deserve to take it in one of the great things that victor frankl believed was that human beings always have free will we can make a decision we can choose to believe something new we

can choose to take another action we can choose to feel the conflict inside of us and resolve that conflict not just say i'm doomed for life by my biochemistry or by my childhood experiences It's a brilliant man in this area see if we want to shift our life we got to shift what we focus on consistently the means we give it and the actions we take are you going to pull back as your action or move forward are you going to give up or break through it's all a decision so my belief is these three

decisions shape your destiny if you look back on your life you can look at moments in your life where if you made a different decision your life would be totally different today can't you i mean can you think of a situation where if you made a different decision you'd be different physically or mentally or emotionally you'd have a totally different relationship or career or life we cannot deny when we're honest with ourselves that this power has been given to us by life by god by nature whatever you want to call it we have the power

to decide anew and in that free will in that choice in this moment we can shift everything what human needs psychology brings to the table i believe is an understanding of what's controlling these three decisions in you because it's great to say yeah i got to focus on better things and i got to come up with better meanings and i got to take better actions and that'll all create better results and i'm going to feel better but why do i make decisions the way i do and how do i get to the controlling forces what

i've been passionately driven to find is what are the invisible forces that are controlling all of your decisions and that's what's controlling your destiny so let me take it to the next step if we really believe that decision shape our destiny then what are the invisible forces that shape our decision I say invisible force is not to sound so mythical or overly dramatic but if you think about life the things that affect us most in life are invisible forces gravity radiation you know love joy anger frustration these are all invisible and yet they shape our

lives more than anything that's visible the visible parts of our life come from the way we utilize the invisible so what shapes our decisions well we're going to take two frames on this first what shapes our decisions in the moment have you ever done something or said something and right after you've done it you thought why did i say that why did i do that that was so stupid of course yeah we have two and we've also i'm sure had times in your life i have where you've done something and afterwards you can press tech

out of yourself and it's like i don't know how i did that but that was in the flow baby i love that well you're the same person the only difference in what you focused on on the meaning and feelings and actions you took the results you produced moment to moment it's based on the state you're in loving people get in angry states and when they're angry what do they do they do things that reflect that anger not the loving person they are honest people can be dishonest in moments if they get in certain states where

they drop their standard for themselves so the state you're in affects your life immensely and a huge part of my work over the years especially in peak performance and how i help people to change in a moment is identify the states of mind and body that they go into when they're at their best and they show them how to trigger that how to make that happen and i find the states that are causing them to not make progress or causing them to behave in ways they're not proud of and i show them how to break

those patterns now i'm not going to go through in detail now and if you're familiar with my work i'm sure this is a fundamental that i teach but just to remind you If you're in an angry state you're probably going to focus on things differently you're probably going to come up with a different meaning you're going to probably feel differently and act differently than if you're in a state of gratitude that's not hard to figure out how do we change those states again if you're familiar with my work you know i teach that there are

three forces that shape your emotional state moment to moment the three molders of meaning which i call the triad and the three patterns the way you're feeling in every moment is controlled first by the way you use your physical body the pattern of physiology somebody who is very happy has a very different way of moving breathing speaking facial expression their bodied and somebody who is very angry if you're depressed you know what's happened the body takes on a very specific posture doesn't it so you said there's somebody depressed over here behind curtain number one i'm

going to give you a hundred thousand dollars to your favorite charity if you can describe their physical body and detail without seeing them tell me what their posture is like could you do it of course you could you know what's their body like where their shoulders slumped where's their head up or down it's not hard to figure out down are they breathing full or shallow if they're feeling depressed obviously shallow are they talking loud and fast or more quiet and hesitant obviously quiet hesitant and we can do this with people with 10 000 people in

a room and everybody knows the answer because we've all felt depressed or down and we have to use our body a very specific way to do that emotions don't just happen we do them we do them through patterns of physiology the second part of your molders of meaning or your triad that affects what you feel is what you focus on as we've already described you know if you're focusing on what you think's been done to you you feel very different than if you're focusing on what you can give in this situation Focus equals feeling and

then finally the third thing that affects how you feel in the moment is your language patterns because when you have an experience it changes when you add language to it you're sitting on the edge of a cliff and you're having an experience the wind is blowing against your skin you're looking out over the ocean a seagull comes flying down by you or a hawk and as you watch it soaring you're experiencing what you see but then there's a moment when language enters into it and you say wow that's an ugly seagull or let's say the

hawk goes down and dives down and grabs a fish and he says oh that's terrible or you say well that's beautiful or that's god the minute you add words to it beautiful ugly guided a problem horrific you change what you feel you've changed the experience so language is a filter to meaning you know if you go through this huge experience in life and some people develop the habit of using certain words or phrases and they become hypnotic they put us in a state if every time something that you don't like happens you go there's god

punishing me again well sure enough after a while you feel like you're there's something wrong with you or you feel like you deserve it or you feel angry but if things happen that are uncomfortable when you go oh that's just another lesson well that's another opportunity let me give you a simplistic funny example i have a dear friend of mine ken blanchard he wrote those one minute manager books i remember he was stuck in africa he was going on this trip and they're out in the middle of the plains and there's you know everything out

There zebras and elephants and obviously you know lions and they ran out of fuel and three people had different reactions one was hysterical oh my god we're gonna die we're gonna die and the other person was angry and ken's response was this is inconvenient you know and it wasn't he wasn't being a joke that's just his habit and so since he uses that language so often he isn't being cute it lowers the intensity of the emotion do you get it it changes the way you feel so the three molders of meaning are the way you

use your body what you're focusing on and the language you use so these molders of meaning become habits we get into certain states and as i said before some people state that they live in most often is frustration and they find a way to get there or anger some people live in a place of awe very few people but there are some they live in this place of curiosity and a sense of grace or the beauty of life it's a very different life depending upon which filter you use isn't it and whichever triad whichever filter

whatever state you go into most often it affects your decisions it affects what you focus on it affects what things mean it affects what you do it's like a cycle the state you're in affects the decisions you make the decisions you make affect the state you're in that happens moment to moment so very often if i want to help someone to change rather than talking to them about some cognitive principle they have in their head or some thought process i'll just change their body i'll make a shift shift their breathing get them to do something

they're not used to doing and take somebody's depressed and say you know come with me on a walk and in the walk you begin to direct and change their body and they feel better after the walk and they're able to now focus on something new they're able to come up with a different way of looking at things so there are many forms of intervention Here you know people in the somatic approach would say you're feeling the way you do because your biochemistry well your biochemistry can be changed by a shift in breathing by demanding your

muscles by a movement and they can be shifted in so many ways if you want to know the most powerful drug that most people consume it's what they eat each day and yet most of us are completely uneducated and don't look at its impact on our blood sugar and our emotion and where we're shifted so it's so easy to shift someone by changing their physiology or changing their focus or changing the pattern of questions you ask them because whatever you focus on questions are the language that change your focus and what your focus on changes

the way you feel which affects your body so again i'm not trying to give you a whole lesson in the triad but just know this if the decisions you make shape your destiny your decisions are powerfully shaped by the state you're in in the state you're in each moment shaped by these three forces pattern your body pattern of focus pattern of language if you're angry you're going to make different decisions than if you're feeling grateful as we said before but here's what i want to focus on now and this is where i think you're going

to find the process of unraveling human behavior and helping people change to be most powerful what affects your decisions long term not just moment to moment what creates a long-term pattern that makes somebody really angry or really depressed not just in the moment but long term but they start to live that way or somebody feel really excited or grateful or happy or playful or fun that's shaped by three forces the three forces of destiny that together create kind of your worldview the way you interpret life the way you make decisions this is the ultimate filter

the box that we all live in is different you know i like to call it the worldview or let's say your blueprint kind of what your mindset is about how to make decisions And the three forces within this box if you will are number one the needs that are driving all your decisions see if you're doing something if you're going after something whether you're trying to make a billion dollars or you're trying to help your children or you want to create peace on earth or you just want to create comfort for yourself or your family

whatever you're doing you have a reason and the good news is having been with 3 million people from 100 countries it became obvious to me after a while that there were some common patterns and i believe there are six reasons people do anything i call them the six human needs and they are briefly number one certainty now when i talk about certainty i'm not talking about something that you may value or not values or goals or beliefs are very different than needs beliefs are learned needs are inborn this is the driving force one of them

and all human beings certainty means to have a sense of certainty that you can avoid pain and that ideally you can have some comfort or pleasure certainly you can be comfortable at some level of certainty you can survive so how do people get certainty well we can get certainty in ways that are empowering kind of neutral or disempowering so for example you can do it by working very hard to master something so now you're not fearful you're not uncertain you know you know how to make this thing happen you've been doing it for years right

or you can do it a negative way you can lower your expectations you can say okay i know it's all a waste of time because nothing ever works anyway you know why even try so the only differences in people are how do they get their certainty how much do they get and they do it in a way that's obtainable or sustainable does that make sense now what's interesting though is if you were totally certain every single moment of Your life if you knew what was going to happen what's going to happen how it's going to

happen then after a while what would you start to feel bored bored out of your mind so i always tell people god clearly has a sense of humor because our second human need is uncertainty right we need uncertainty to feel alive think about it variety is the what of life spice you know i always ask people you know if your life was the same every moment every day you knew what was going to happen what someone's going to say how they're going to say it you go crazy right so you've got to have variety oh

by the way how can you get variety you can get it by an interesting conversation by spending time with a friend you can get variety by trying new things you can go extreme like jumping out of airplanes or you can do it by watching the interesting movie or reading an interesting book or taking on a new goal there are so many ways to do it you can get variety from different foods all variety is anything that'll change your state that'll give you a different feeling does that make sense third human need the need for significance

the need to feel unique they need to feel special they need to feel important who would you say needs to feel significant everyone the only difference in people is how do you go after it what are your beliefs about how to meet this need do you get significance by serving or do you get significance by dominating do you get significance by dressing cool and unique and having tattoos and earrings and locations we don't even want to talk about you know so you feel cool and unique and special or do you get it by being more

generous than almost anybody else around you and knowing that you come from your heart And so you know you're unique in that way let me tell you a principle now a very important one one if you're going to help create change in yourself or other people you gotta understand anytime a person links up in their mind consciously or unconsciously that thinking believing feeling or behaving a certain way meets at least three of these needs then that thought that feeling that emotion or that behavior becomes an addiction it becomes a habit so for example violence has

been with humanity for almost ever and probably always will be unless we have a consciousness change because it meets three needs powerfully certainty at a ten significance at a ten and variety at a very high number because whenever it occurs you don't know what's gonna happen it's different every time it also meets a fourth human need called connection connection and love is the fourth human need who needs to feel connected who needs to feel loved the person says i don't need any love you know i'm an island i'm all by myself i don't need anybody

oh mouse protest too much every human being needs it in fact it's in our dna our need for love is our survival instinct when you're a baby the only way you survive is someone loves you what does it mean when say someone loves you it means they put you above their own needs they put you first so we all need connection and love it's the deepest part of our soul the problem is love Is a bit scary isn't it man if you love somebody and you open up you're so vulnerable and now man somebody could

come and hurt you they could take it away so most people settle for connection so you can connect through intimacy through lovemaking you can connect to a walk in nature anyone can get connection and love the question is do you do it by problems do you do it by giving do you get the need net in neutral ways negative ways or empowering ways because our life is shaped not by our needs so much but by the ways that we've learned to meet them so this is the first force of destiny and these are the first

four needs the force of destiny is your needs the driving force of life think of it as the target you're after remember i said there's six of these needs so what's number five and six well the first four i call basically the needs of the personality what i mean by that is everybody finds a way to meet these first four needs but the ultimate needs not everybody needs and these are what make you feel fulfilled not just alive but vibrantly alive fulfilled and they are the needs i think of the spirit meaning i'm not talking

about religiously i'm just saying this is what your spirit craves and i've mentioned them earlier number five is you must grow everyone on earth we either grow or we die everything in the universe grows or dies a relationship is growing or it's dying there is no neutral in between place it's a constant process that's occurring throughout life and the reason we grow i believe is to meet our sixth human need which is the need to contribute we grow so we have something to give giving beyond yourself contributing something is what gives life meaning so as

i said earlier i mean think about it there's only so much pleasure you can get by yourself you know you do something You achieve something you have an experience of something what's the first thing you want to do tell somebody share with somebody your experience because what does it do it magnifies it as you contribute that state that feeling that emotion that thought that insight to them that's why we want to share that's why we want to contribute at some level to other human beings you get kissed you make a million dollars you achieve the

ultimate goal in your position you get your kids to pass through school with flying colors 4.0 magna [ __ ] laude whatever that moment is temporary what makes you feel alive is that constant growth and feeling like it's more than just about me if there's a lesson of life when you want to help someone make a change whenever they're experiencing enormous pain they're almost always focused on themselves they may say no no i'm focused on my kids and i'm not making a difference i should but they're really focused unconsciously and i'm not doing what i

should have done i'm not enough for my kids to focus on themselves get outside yourself find a way to contribute and it's very easy to make meaningful change and your life has depth so these are the six human needs now as i said there's only two differences in people and one of those differences is which one of these needs do you value most in your own life and by the way i know this changes some situation situation but in your own life overall there's a center of gravity of where you tend to focus what i'm

most interested in knowing is what are your top two needs of all six needs that you've got to meet which two do you value most some people value certainty above anything else and man you can see it in them they're trying to control everything and everyone they get upset if you start to change things they're really upset if you're late i mean they're trying to lock everything into place now everybody values certainty but some people value this number one if you value uncertainty you have a totally different life you're like ah who cares you Know

if you value certainty i can promise you you know where all the exits are in this room or the building when you go in if you value uncertainty you don't care i'll get out of here somehow it's a very different approach now everybody needs both but which one do you value more if you value being significant that means you have to be most important most unique most different we can predict that's a very different life than if you value love most importantly if you're going to treat people differently you're going to interact different things are

going to stress you is this making sense so which of these six needs in your own life for a moment do you believe are top two for you now at the core we all want to give and experience love that's the most important one but when i say which two knees do you value most i don't mean in your gut i mean the way you live operationally do you tend to like you're a lover inside but you want to have certainty before you open your heart so you really value love but the way you live

is you value certainty first or are you a person that values significance first because you have to do these significant things before you know you're good enough to be happy or feel good or love yourself about others love you what do you value first if you're really honest with yourself what would you say the second one is it's hardest to be honest with yourself about this because you're in the middle of it isn't it so when people are talking you want to see what's driving the conversation because if you help people meet their needs you

can change the game in a heartbeat see people get hooked up about how to meet their needs and that's the second force remember i said two things one is which of these needs do you value most here's the second force the destiny your belief systems see you have Beliefs about what has to happen for you to meet these needs we have a map think of your needs as the target and if you're targeting the center of the target the bull's-eye is significance you're going to be moving in one direction of life if the bull's-eye is

certainty you're going to go to a different direction if the bull's-eye is love a different direction but how to meet that bullseye is driven by your belief systems your map your rule book so how you go about meeting your needs think of it this way in the most simplistic terms there are many kinds of beliefs beliefs about what life is beliefs about who you are different values you have different rules we'll cover these and i'll do it in a really simple way there are seven kinds of beliefs we'll cover them on another day but for

right now think of it this way two people could both value significance at the top of their list as the driving force in their life but the difference is they may have a different map about how to become significant a different set of beliefs a different rule book one is osama bin laden his way to become significant is to do what to kill people strangers men women children who he believes have a different belief or a different life or a different religious approach than he has now you see that same day of 9-1-1 when he

was meeting his need for significance by killing people there were firemen new york firemen we all will remember for as long as we live you know if you're american the images are probably deep deep deep in your psyche of these men and women in some cases running into this building where they knew their chances of coming out were very small doing it with pure courage why why would they risk their life some did it because It's the ultimate significance to sacrifice your life for another they have a different map their map is if i die

serving a stranger my life has deeper meaning someone else is if i die killing a stranger my life has deeper meaning same need structure different belief system does that make sense so very often in life we look at people's behaviors and we make generalizations oh they're doing that for this reason and the truth of the matter is people do things for lots of reasons but they may be doing it for a different reason than you think some people do it for certainty some do for significance some do it for love and connection some do it

for variety some do it for growth some do it for all the above the more needs you can meet by taking on a behavior or a thought or an approach the more fulfilling it is so think of it this way if there's a target you're after in life and instead of need you're trying to meet that are most important to you and that's subconsciously driving all of your decision making where you're going what you're doing what you like what you dislike whether you're going to meet or not based on your map this list of beliefs

rules values fears desires and we'll cover those in more detail but they're guiding you on how to get to it well a lot of people's map of the world their blueprint their belief systems are outdated they've never been updated you came up with them years ago and so you don't get where you want to go but the third factor that affects us is the one i've already spoken about and that is emotion emotion see as i said earlier people find a primary emotion a place that they go to live some people again always find a

way to be frustrated or sad or angry some people always find a way to feel deep emotions of feeling insecure or not enough some people find certainty No matter what or they find confidence or courage no matter what the situation is some people are always playful whatever patterns of emotion you buried into your body on a regular basis they filter your map and they filter your needs so what we're going to discover as we go to work with people is instead of just saying they have this behavior so we're going to label them as bipolar

they get euphorically happy and they get incredibly depressed well if we really take the time to understand this person instead of just drugging them we may find out that this person is trying to be significant that's the driving force and they want certainty they can do it and they have these big swings because they think that significance comes from being successful in financial terms or making their business go that's their ultimate dream they think if they achieve that they're going to feel so significant but then all of a sudden they deal with the natural challenges

and problems that you do as you're pursuing something in your business or your life and it's not working out and so now it looks like it's never going to happen they're never going to be significant now they're depressed and so they go up and they go down instead of saying that's a biochemical thing let you and i get to what the source is what needs are they after what beliefs do they have and are they outdated and they need to be shifted what emotions that they got addicted to they're trained in their body as a

pattern and let's see if we can change the emotion let's see if we might change the beliefs the values the rules or let's change the need that they're focusing on or find a better way to meet that need see this is what human needs psychology is about not labeling not pushing somebody aside but figuring out what their needs are and fulfilling them when human beings needs are fulfilled they are an incredible place listen the best leaders i know general schwarzkopf is just an amazing human being and i remember talking with him right after the first

gulf award when he really had made a difference to say the least and i talked to other people about him and they all talked about that he's a practical Psychologist that's what this whole course is about by the way not figuring out all these details you can label somebody figuring out how you can understand someone so you can help them so you can help them meet their needs so you can make the shift right away so they get fulfilled well schwarzkopf's great genius was when he was talking to a guy from duke he had a

different tone of voice a different way of meeting his needs and he's talking a guy that came from the south that's been working on the railroad before he got there he understood what their needs were he figured out how to meet them where they lived and these men would live and die for this general see that's true of a business person that's true of a parent that's true of an intimate that's why we're taking the time to understand this not just understand a bunch of principles or distinctions but to use them in a pragmatic and

practical way that touches human beings lives that's what leadership's about we're going to influence somebody we got to know what already influences them that's probably the most important distinction to remember out of this conversation if you're going to influence someone you got to know what already influences them and these three forces are what influence our destiny the most so take the time to discover them in the next 10 days each day we're going to go through one step a day take all this that i'm dumping on you take heart and break it down to one

thing and just really master it so that the end of the 10 days you'll have it in your body and you'll be doing this for the people you care about or in your business or for yourself or anywhere else you want to make a difference okay so much from dumping on your brain here but you know what i'm trying to do is i'm trying to lay out for you kind of the whole map and i don't expect you to have absorbed at all in this one little conversation but now it's like there's a place in

your brain ready for the steps that i'm going to offer you so i want to finish this first session by covering what i call the formula for happiness i remember i was invited To go on cnn a few years ago with dr sanjay gupta really great man the reporter there for cnn and he was doing a special on happiness and he called up and said what do you think is happiness overrated do you think that you know we're just deceiving ourselves that we have to be happy all the time he had some very interesting questions

so we had a very interesting discussion on camera and at one point i said to him you know not everybody values happiness at the highest level some people feel like if they're happy they have no certainty to be able to keep it someone's just going to dash that happiness so they don't want happiness they want certainty more happiness is a value certainty is a need remember what i said people violate even their own values to meet their needs you know some people think being happy means that you're insignificant you don't understand the complexities of life

so they don't want to be happy their body sure would like it but they'd rather be significant and having complex understandings of life makes them feel more significant so i said no not everybody values happiness but in our nature it's certainly there look at any child so i said here's the secret i can give you right now the formula for happiness and he looked at me like oh yeah sure sure i said i know it sounds like hyperbole so let's test it with you and i want you to do the same thing as i'm speaking

with you right now personally i want you to think in your own life think of an area of your life you're really happy about now some people don't use the word happy you know your life you're pleased with right now what's an area of your life even if you're not thrilled with your life even if your life has a lot of challenges in it if you broaden and look at all theirs your life your body your emotions your sense of meaning your relationships family your friends are intimate your work your career your finances your spirituality

your connection with your creator and nature your sense Of celebration life there must be some area you're really pleased with and probably lots think of one right now and so i said to him tell me an area of your life that you're really really pleased with and he said my children i love my children and he has one child and he had another one i believe coming up that was in the hopper so to speak and i said well that's beautiful you could see him smile from ear to ear and i said tell me why

are you so happy in your relationship with your kids and before you did i wrote down four letters i wrote lc lc which stands for life conditions equals bp which means blueprint or your mindset or your core expectation of how life's supposed to be so i just wrote the letters up there and he said to me well he said i love my children they love me and it's just so much fun to be with them and it's exactly what i envisioned you know of what being a father would be it's just i just love the

entire experience of being a dad it's perfect so then i pointed the letters and i said then you're happy right now because you're living this happiness formula your current life conditions your lc your life conditions are equal to your blueprint your core expectation about how life should be with children it matches so you're very happy now if your children were yelling at you smacking you on the side of the face never listening to you crying continuously if every time you try to touch them they ran from you that wouldn't match your blueprint would it and

you'd be pretty darn unhappy in that area of your life so let's look at an area you're unhappy with what's an area you're not happy with and i said i'm sure you're mr sanjay gupta so you're very happy with everything but if there's an area You're not totally pleased with what would that area be and he said well my time i said what do you mean he said well i don't know just you know i got a lot of things going and he's an amazing man i mean he does his work in his surgery and

he reports for cnn he's just an incredible guy great family so he said you know i got all these things going at once and he said i just it's frustrating it's like i know i feel like i can't do the things i should do at times i should be doing them very often and it's just you know it's not where it should be it's not how i want it to be and so i took the same little formula lc and what the equal sign was i put a slash to it does not equal bp blueprint

i said the formula for unhappiness is when your life conditions don't equal your blueprint what's your blueprint your core expectations the needs you're trying to meet the beliefs you have about how it's supposed to be the rules of how it's supposed to be in life right now your life conditions don't match the way you think it should be and so you have pain you know pain is part of life but i said if it shifted if you could shift your life conditions to where they matched your blueprint you'd be pretty darn happy wouldn't you i

said how would you do that he goes well i don't know it's kind of overwhelming i i guess if i if i said no to some things i've been saying yes to you know if i didn't do a few things then i'd have a little more free time and i i think it'd be more balanced i said okay well that kind of gives you a direction that would move you closer to your blueprint and closer to happiness i said let me show you the formula for suffering i said think of a time in your life

and i'm asking you as you're listening to do the same you're my sanjay gupta in this discussion so i want you to think of an area really happy why are you happy in that area isn't it true because your life conditions kind of meet your core expectations it may not perfectly by the way if your life is even better than you expected then you're over the moon If your life conditions don't match the way you think it should be in an area of your finances or your body or your health or your relationships or you

know whatever area you're not happy in that area make sense but suffering when do we really suffer you know everybody hates suffering what is suffering some people say i never suffer i am you know i'm a man i'm a woman i just don't suffer i'm too powerful to suffer well have you ever felt like the night was never going to end you know winter was forever like the the pain that you're experiencing was beyond what you could deal with i mean if you're human my bet is you've had that experience and if not it's coming

that's what you have to look forward to because that's part of life that's part of how we grow isn't it so if you've ever really suffered where you felt pain that felt like it wouldn't go away or overwhelmed by it or just felt this frustration or anger that just you couldn't solve it where's that suffering come from suffering happens when your life conditions don't equal your blueprint and there's one more thing involved and that is you believe you don't have control to change it you believe you're helpless that there's something outside your control some force

the government god a husband a wife a brother a sister you know a worker a boss something you can't control and so you can't make it better you can't make your life the way you want it to be and by the way that's an illusion you say well how can you say that tony was this positive thinking no we can't always control the events of our lives but we can't control what it means to us but to do that you have to understand that when you experience pain and if you experience Suffering which is intense

pain you really only have three choices follow me on this first choice that most people pick is blame something because one way to get out of my pain or my suffering is to say here's why i'm suffering here's why i have the pain and it's not my what fault the first thing we like to blame is events you know something that happened when you're a kid or last week or last month or something that isn't you that's the source of this problem right because the great thing about events is they don't interrupt your story and

make you wrong they don't say no you're full of it i'm not at fault events don't have a voice so it's easy to blame events and for the moment as we blame the event we don't have to feel like we're not enough we don't feel like we're impotent we have to feel like there's something wrong with us it redirects our focus and we focus on something else we don't feel so bad for the moment but blaming events doesn't last so the second thing people do is they usually blame people you know it's because of my

parents it's because of this person who treated me badly when i was 12. it's because of the situation that occurred and we love to blame people that aren't there the third choice of course that most people eventually revolve back to is they blame themselves they go you know it's my own fault i'm lazy or i don't care or i'm not a good person or whatever story we make up now the problem with blaming things is it's a black hole even blaming yourself being responsible is different than blaming yourself you're never going to change your life

in a state of blame so there are two other choices and these two choices in my mind are the only two real choices the only choices that change your life for the better and that is if your life conditions don't match your blueprint of how life should be then what you got to do is either change your life conditions or change of blueprint does that make sense i'm going to give an example Let's say you know someone in there in such pain you want to help them and you can't understand why they're so angry all

the time and it's a woman and she's let's say 59 years old and she just seems to be so cranky with everybody she's harsh to her friends she's harsh to people at work she seems like such a mean person well one principle to remember is you can never really influence someone effectively long term if you're judging them so if you go they're just a mean codger they don't care or they're just harsh that judgment is not going to allow you understand someone you're doing the same thing as you know somebody who labels them with a

disease and then drugs them only you're not even drugging them so maybe we get underneath it we start to talk this woman and we find out interestingly enough they're her blueprint for life she's unhappy she's unhappy i promise you her life conditions don't match her blueprint so let's find out her blueprint what's life about what did you believe life is about what did you want from your life what do you want from your life and eventually you find out that this woman always dreamed of having four children she wanted to have children more than anything

in her entire life and she just never developed the relationship that would make that happen and her belief system was to have a real life to have meaning in your life you should have four perfect children that you raise and have a white picket fence and live your life in a certain way and now she's 59 years old and she's been married once and gotten divorced and she's had no children of her own and she's miserable because guess what her blueprint will make her in pain every day so she has one of two choices she

either has to change her life conditions and have a child which at 59 borrowing a medical miracle is probably not going to happen or she's got to change her Blueprint or she's going to stay miserable as long as she lives does that make sense yes we can drug her and numb her or try to make her feel good but we haven't dealt with the problem this is the source of her problem life doesn't match her blueprint so she has to change her life or change her blueprint so guess what in this case she's got to

change her blueprint she's going to stay in pain maybe her blueprint is i can have children i can raise them but they're going to be kids i mentor or i'm going to adopt at 59. or who knows maybe medical technology will catch up and she can change her life conditions as well but shoot she's going to be 80 years old her kids 21. so i don't know if that's the best approach but you know teach each other my point is if you're suffering change your life conditions or change your blueprint i talked to a woman

the other day she raised her hand she said and i was talking about how to create change and she got very forceful and intense with me she goes you're making it sound like it's so easy to change she said my boyfriend i've been with him 13 years and he keeps cheating on me he keeps saying that he has to have many women in his life he does it all the time oh what am i supposed to do just change my state and be happy about it i said i don't think i ever recommended that and

she was so upset she wasn't upset with me right she was upset with her life her life conditions don't match her blueprint so i said to her how do you want it to be because well you know i was expecting we'd get married and live our life together and we'd go make a difference and uh you know i'm a massage therapist and i do herbology and i thought he was gonna help me with this and i said but he's not he hasn't for 13 years i said well how can you be upset with him at

this stage you either have to change your life conditions which is you got to say to him no more it's over between us or it's over between us if we can't commit to one another or you've Got to change your blueprint and stop complaining about it saying okay this is the life that i want but living in this never never land when you're making yourself crazy is not going to make your life any better step up make a decision what is more important to you how do we get there see this is where you start

to make change until we address this truth we're going to have ourselves in a state of frustration i'll give you one of those dramatic examples and then i'm gonna let you go for this day since i've dumped so much on you and tomorrow we'll start fresh and walk you through the seven master steps and how to make a change with this woman i just described because i didn't finish there obviously i had to do some things to help her make this shift i'm giving you the 30 000 foot view but i'll give you one of

the more dramatic examples i remember i was doing one of my date with destiny seminars which one of my favorite programs that i do i take a couple thousand people and we go for six days you got people from all over the world usually 40 or 50 countries we're translating usually four or five languages simultaneously and i love it because you never know what's going to happen because when you have that many people and you have like you know you can have a business executive and then i've got let's say anthony hopkins the actor here

and then i've got a child a young person here and i've got somebody that's incredibly challenged and somebody incredibly successful and it's you never know what's going to happen and it's pure magic as we go through and discover our forces of destiny these people discover what needs are driving them they discover all the beliefs they're controlling their thoughts their feelings their emotions their behaviors they discover the emotions that are dominant in their life that are the filters they're experiencing life from and then we change it they shift it consciously they figure how to line up

their life with their blueprint by changing their blueprint or changing the life or changing both to something that's updated not some old thought you got from 10 years ago that's still guiding you and making you crazy we got to update don't We so i'm having this experience and there's a point in these seminars where invariably i'll ask who here is suicidal and the rumor kind of looks and the reason i do that is because in any room with two or three thousand people no matter how successful they are there's always a half dozen to a

dozen people that are suicidal and before i got to that point during one of the stretch breaks this woman came up to me and she said oh my god my i need you to read this this is my partner's book people have a little notebook that they write their notes in and she said i didn't need to read this i picked it up by accident i thought it was mine but look and the woman's face was ashen so i didn't know what it was i open the book i look at the page and there is

this description of this man her buddy who's describing how he's going to kill himself and his children and the process was laid out in detail so without going through the gory details i think you can imagine my state change i thought oh my god i mean you know obviously we got to do something so i said go ahead and sit down and i'm going to call on him so i come to after the break and i say who here is suicidal and then i usually pause and say i love suicide come on who's out there

just to break the pattern and there's this nervous laugh and some people kind of gasp and i said the reason is because if you're suicidal it's clear that you have a set of beliefs and values and rules and emotions and needs that are in conflict at a massive scale and you're in such pain that you're considering not being here i don't mean there's room i mean life and i want to bring somebody and i want to show How they're wired and then show you how to change it and i've been doing this for you know

30 years trust me i can help so raise your hand you can help yourself let's do it gradually you'll get one or two hands and then become safe and then usually five six seven sometimes it doesn't end and i'll call on these people and i'll ask them to tell me why they're depressed why they're suicidal and you hear some amazing stories and i usually pick one make an example but as i'm doing this the man's notebook his name was bob and so each person i say what's your name no bob so i listen their story

and i go the next funny i've gone through everybody no bob so i finally say bob i read your notebook are you out there because i didn't know what he looked like and then i said come on bob i said step up i said let's deal with this and gradually this man about 20 rows back stands up right on the edge of the aisle and my brain was blown because you know how sometimes you have an expectation of thinking you know what kind of person would you picture someone's going to kill themself and their own

children for god's sakes so i i don't know what i pictured but it was pretty vicious and who stands up as this kind of portly late 40s early 50s guy with a little punch you know kind of graying beard and these twinkling little eyes looked very sad but you know he wasn't so sad he looked like santa claus almost i mean it was just it was amazing it wasn't what i pictured i said you bob you said yeah i said bob aren't you suicidal he said yeah i said bob you're not only suicidal but you

got a plan to kill yourself and your kids don't you and the whole room like it's like oh my god you know everybody knows you can feel it viscerally and people start looking at this guy like he was the devil and And he kind of like grimaced and said yeah i said bob why why do you want to kill your kids why do you want to kill yourself because that's a long story i said tell me the story he started telling me the story about the fact that you know he hasn't worked for three years

and he's got five kids and that he's a total failure in life and that at this point he's better off dead but he loves his kids what yeah he loves the kids i don't want to hurt my kids he said i just i take their lives because i wouldn't want to be scarred i wouldn't want them to live knowing i killed myself and thinking that i did it not caring for them he said i know people have been like that and he said that's not something a human being should have to bear so in his

model of the world in his blueprint he was so worthless he was completely insignificant he was not capable of being deserving of love because he had not taken care of his wife and his kids and provided for them and he was in a position where he had no certainty he could ever make it better in the future i mean everything that valued everything this man needed he felt like he couldn't meet so when we're in such pain he just thought it'd be less pain to be gone and he didn't want his kids to be scarred

so he's gonna take their life to him that was logical now clearly his life conditions don't match his blueprint so i want to know what his blueprint was so i said bob i said do you really want to do this he goes no i don't want to do this because i prayed for an alternative i said well i think there are several there's this kind of nervous laugh in the room you know and i said we're Going to make sure you get them you're not leaving here without some alternatives bob he kind of had a

little beginning of a little sheepish grin and i said play with me on this i said tell me what you thought life would be like i said have you ever been happy he said not in not in i don't know probably a decade i said well tell me what you're like when you're happy tell me what you thought life would be bad he said well you know i used to ride a harley and the whole audience i couldn't believe it bob wrote a harley and he looks like this guy you never imagined he goes yeah

i used to ride a harley and i used to raise hell and all of a sudden as he does this as he focuses on those days focus equals feeling right his whole state changes his body changes his language change he goes yeah you know i was kind of a hell raiser and you know he said i had so much fun i mean life was fun man life was the open road you know life was about freedom man you know every day was new and different you knew it was going to happen and he said my

wife was my girlfriend then and he said you know frankly we used to we used to just do it man he said i used to take her and put her on the pool table and we just go at it and he said no i just love my life and olds and bob looks about you know 15 20 years younger and a different guy and he's not looking depressed i said bob are you depressed right now he goes no he starts to laugh i said feel like taking your own life because no just the state change

all of a sudden he's focusing on things differently he's coming up a different meaning just in the moment right he's starting to feel different he's starting to you know maybe have some different decisions now that's just for the moment that's not going to change this guy we got to get into his model the world so i dug in a bit more i said bob tell me something so what was life about then he said well life was about you know having fun and and living fully and enjoying yourself and enjoying your woman and and being

on the open road and freedom so now we know bob's model i said bob so what about now what changed he said well you know we Got married and we had our first boy and you know and then we have the second and then the third and then the fourth and the fifth and i said do you ride your harley anymore he goes no he said no it's not ridden it can't remember when i said make love your wife on the pool table anymore he started laughing i was can't remember the last time that happened

i said what changed he said well you know i became a father i had to be responsible and you know i had to you know live life differently and you can't be a father and ride a motorcycle what if you get hurt and you know you know i had to get you know different kind of job you know because i had to be able to support my kids and and i was you know supposed to be a better husband and you know husbands don't go gallivanting around and being crazy and i don't know it's just

and as he said all these things he went right back to that state where he was like deaf and you just see all the energy drain out of his face i said bob i said you know you changed your rules you changed your map bob you know what what you really wanted you said you wanted freedom you wanted to feel alive and how did you do that you lived this life where you are connected to your wife and your friends you're connected in nature you connected your motorcycle you're doing cool stuff you thought was significant

you had certainty you controlled your life you had so much variety in your life you're grown in different ways i bet you're contributing in different ways but i said now Tell me about your needs how certain are you about your life that you can make it work and he goes what do you mean how certain i'm i don't have any certainty i said zero to ten he goes minus ten i said well how much positive variety in your life today he said well i don't know one or two i said how significant do you feel

as a man he said that's why i don't want to be here what's the number minus i said i'm a failure every bit of energy he had a few moments ago that was moving the room it dropped out of his body connection and love he goes you know i know my wife's a good woman i love her but you know i don't feel anymore growth contribution zero zero it's not hard to figure out why the guys won't be around i said here's the problem bob i said the problem is not your life i said your

problem is your blueprint i said you got to find a way to meet your six needs in a better way and i said you really think killing your children you know that might protect them from being scarred but have you ever thought about what that might mean in the hereafter i said do you have any religious beliefs and i'm searching to see if there's a place in him for leverage a place where there can be a shift a place where i can make changing a must not a should where the change will happen not because

i'm there but because his own belief systems take over with a conflict inside of him he values something more to make him live than to make him die and i'm not going to tell you how this got resolved i think you have to go to tomorrow to find it out because i'll take you through the seven steps then but i Will tell you this bob lived but there's more to the story but i've gone so long today i better turn you loose so how about this how about we just recap for a second what have

we covered today wow quite a bit more than we will on most days this is your introduction so i hope it's been useful for you what we've been talking about here is how do you become an agent of change how do you be able to make change happen in situations other people think is impossible how do you make changes in minutes or hours that most people might take weeks months or years to do and then we've begun to expose you now to the three decisions that shape you what are you going to focus on what

does it mean what are you going to do by the way how important those three decisions for bob right now by focusing on the wrong things giving it a negative meaning that he's worthless has made him feel like he doesn't want to be here and what he's about to do if we don't intervene is not pretty to say the least we've talked about what affects us in the moment is the state we're in when bob's in this state where he's remembering being on his harley and he's focused on that his physiology changes his language changes

bob's a different guy he'll make a different decision but bob goes back to focusing on how he's done nothing he's failed his kids his life is terrible his life is worthless and his body changes his emotion changes and he can make a really terrible decision for himself and others we've said though that changing someone's state in the moment might change them for the moment if you're going to change them long term got to change their blueprint got to change their model the world got to find out which of those six needs is driving them and

maybe there needs to be a shift in those which one they value most Or maybe we just need to shift the belief systems the maps outdated need some new beliefs or some new rules bob clearly needs some new rules he thinks that the only way he can be worthwhile as a man is to provide a certain income and since he's not doing that he's worthless he's failed to realize the difference he can make with his children just by loving them and being in their presence regardless of his income or his job he's missing out on

the connection with his wife by the way i asked him i said bob what about your wife he said oh she'll be fine that's why he's not going to kill her she'll make it through this interestingly enough we talked about the needs the six needs the map about how to get there and we've talked a bit about the emotions that guide us and now we've talked about the formula for happiness your life conditions equal your blueprint the formula for unhappiness your life conditions do not equal your blueprint and the formula for suffering your life conditions

don't equal your blueprint and you believe you can do nothing to change it you're helpless your three choices blame events people or yourself or the only two real choices change your life conditions change your body change your relationship do something now or change your blueprint and bob is our first instructional example which we will continue tomorrow as we walk into the seven master steps of ultimate change ultimate impact i hope i've hooked you i hope you're with me i promise you that if you'll stick with me for these 10 days each day some days will

be shorter some will be a bit longer but each day i promise to make sure i bring forward to you some of the best insights that i found and that by taking these in you'll become more impactful as a leader as a friend as a parent as a lover as a person who really is a force for good Or as i would say an agent for change so as you go to turn off this audio session what i'd like you to do is take one form of action it's real simple to kind of integrate this

let's start with you if we want to influence somebody else probably useful to influence ourselves much harder to influence ourselves than a stranger anyway or someone else so i'd like you to just to jot down again what needs are driving you what are the top two of the six of certainty uncertainty significance love and connection growth or contribution not which one do you value most which one do you live most operationally secondly i want you to think of an area of life you're really pleased with and lock it in and notice why you're pleased why

you please capture it notice that it matches your core expectation at least at a basic level then think of it area you're not pleased with and actually jot it down i'm not pleased in this area and here's why and then notice how your life conditions don't match your blueprint and then make a decision it's the final step do i need to change my life conditions do i need to start working out instead of complaining about my body do i need to shift my relationship do i need to focus on something else spiritually or emotionally what

do i need to do or do i need to change my blueprint stop having a ridiculous expectation because i'll tell you one thing most people's blueprint is where the problem is you know i've met so many people over the years i'll give you one last example of my dear friend anthony hopkins and he's uh somebody who's just he's not like what you'd see on the silver screen yes he's an unbelievably brilliant actor but he's one of the most generous playful warm human beings you can imagine and tony had the experience of going on my date

with destiny and i'll never forget he got up on i think the fourth or fifth day and he kept raising his hand and i was ignoring him because i was making sure security people were around him and nobody would bug him so he Could have his own experience i don't even know he was there it's pretty hard to hide hannibal lecter but we did our best you know and he finally raised his hand he shouted out he said you don't need to protect me anymore and i said okay mr hopkins sir anthony he smiled he

said i just want to share he got up and he told the story about feeling the greatest joy he ever felt he said because now i understand myself he said i've been knighted by the queen he said you know i've had an academy award and he said but somewhere inside i wasn't allowing myself to experience this because he said i've had this blueprint that's impossible to meet this blueprint of how i have to be all the time and he said it's made me unhappy even in some of the best times he said so this is

the greatest gift this gift of change can happen at the deepest level when you get to the source when you and i begin to master the invisible forces that's what the session was the introduction to in the next few days we're going to go into the mechanics of it so thanks for your time it is my privilege to serve you and i'm looking forward to spending the next few days with you and then finding out about the people that you've touched as a result of your mastery of the 10 master steps of maximum impact god

bless and live with passion i'll talk to you tomorrow you