i'm dr orion taraban and this is psych hacks better living through psychology and the topic of today's short talk is how to let go of someone the ability to let go of someone is an emotional survival technique i remember that i was in the wake of a significant heartbreak many years ago the relationship ended poorly and i was experiencing a whole host of emotions a lot of hard feelings mixed up in my longing and desire it was complex and for this reason it was very difficult for me to emotionally disentangle myself from the memory of
this person and i remember going to a good friend and mentor and disclosing what i was going through and he told me something that has stuck with me ever since he told me that the only way to let go of someone is with love and i really didn't like hearing that and i'll i'll tell you why there was a part of me that was still very much bound up with the hurt and the pain of that relationship and i didn't love the fact that the relationship was over and that it had ended the way that
it did but the more i considered what my mentor told me the more i realized that he might actually be right negative emotions kind of cause us to emotionally clench around the idea or the memory of a person and you can't let go of something that you're simultaneously clinging to the way to let go is to soften and relax this entails cultivating an attitude of love and compassion relative to the lost object regardless of how he or she may have treated you regardless of how he or she may have hurt you and regardless of how
he or she may have ended things the practice is to cultivate gratitude for what good was in the relationship and to begin slowly over time to approach the idea of wishing this person well of wanting this person to heal of hoping this person does not suffer just as you might wish and want and hope those things for yourself or even all living things in buddhism this is called a loving kindness meditation this is not the same thing as condoning what happened the idea is to completely divest yourself of the negative emotions that cause you to
cling to the lost object gentleness is what facilitates unclenching it's the soft positive emotions like gratitude compassion and love that allow you to unclench to actually let go and i'm not saying that it's easy it's not easy to do that but it's also not easy to live in personal misery as a result of your clinging so it's kind of pick your poison and this one at least gives you the chance of potentially saving what's left of your life that's what i have to share with you what do you think remember to like comment and subscribe
for the algorithm and if you'd like to schedule a consultation you can reach me at psycaxpodcast gmail.com thanks for listening
