oh goodness hello hello Alicia how are you I'm good I'm really really good I was not expecting to see you today I've known Kojo for many many years Kojo I'll let you tell my fellow judges about yourself I'm a stand-up comedian been doing comedy for 20 years I've spent most of those 20 years encouraging young comedians and helping big-name comedians and opening up for them and my new fiance we've got a little boy called Roman he's here as well and she said that it was about time that I'm thinking about myself and my son who makes you laugh Simon Cowell that's funny okay well look kojo you know the show three minutes DS done thank you very much so ladies and gentlemen I'm a new dad for the first time but although one of these be better than my dad right my dad had no patience right me and my best friend Michael Murphy after school everyday we'd play football on the yesterday I had the parent who would ruin that game by calling me inside for something I didn't think was necessary only you would hear cuz I got a forget parents my my dad knew shot like Cujo come here now Michael always had a confrontation with my dad he was a coach coach College what's going on right the coach you're a big man you're 11 you go in there you enough enough now ladies and gentlemen there was a little part of me that believed in Michaels spirit but then I remembered he don't live in my house so I turned to my dad I said dad what's up go to the store and get smear I be now ladies and gentlemen this is all I said dad car you gave yourself it was 1:00 p. m. but it got dark roomie the pigeons weren't even flying anymore they came down to warn me [Laughter] ladies and gentlemen I don't have any jokes I got problems have you ever been to a bank right cuz I'm not really happy with the customer services that we get our banks nowadays right have you ever gone into a bank you've seen four available windows four but there's only one person working then you get the woman that works there who walks past the queue and says don't worry she won't be long don't help her you get to the cashier because it's your turn right they've now given the cashiers microphones yeah so everybody can hear your financial situation I'm right here I can hear you right and I'm already embarrassed about the amount that I need so I was discreet right I was like can I get one pound fifty please that weren't enough for her she had to talk into the mic and get into my business sorry sir you need a pound to keep the account open why are you shouting I told you I needed the rest of what was in my account so I said to her please can I get that fifty pence she said to me how do you want man I was like in silence I was so frustrated that I rushed out of the bank I rushed out to be greeted by the most creative homeless person I have ever met he rushed up to me said look mate I know you're in a rush but can I please get twenty pens to get something to eat ladies and gentlemen I looked at him and said you know where to eat for 20 bits [Laughter] for the both of us when he window broke right and you ain't got no money there's certain things that you can't enjoy like a cab driver you can't enjoy a black cab ride you can't enjoy it right I went into a black have recently me and my mate we jumped in he was getting comfortable clearly he's got more money than me he was looking outside the window talking to the driver he fell asleep ladies and gentlemen when you ain't got no money you only look at one thing as their meter the experience in the black cap is the most awful thing ever they charge you before you even speak to the driver you step in 250 hold on a minute you sit down free pound hey let's discuss this ladies and gentlemen it's got to a point where I don't even have a destination when I get into a black cab when I Drve it says where'd you want to go I say take me to five pound [Laughter] my name's coach Joe thank you very much [Applause] [Music] Kojo when you came on I loved hearing about how you grafted how you've honed your act how you've now got your little family yeah and the act just got better and better and then by the end you were like yeah I'd pay money to see this man congratulations so much [Applause] [Music] I've always respected you my respect level few has just gone way out there my friend thank you very much thank you well you know when someone's really funny there is nothing much to say other than you are brilliantly funny you made everyone laugh you've kind of got all bases covered as a comedian you're brilliantly likable you've got fantastic observational routines I think you did yourself really proud hi Joe what was quite amazing was I felt that you were nervous then I could see the audience wrapped in you and you reacting to them but I'm gonna be honest with you cuz you I don't really like comedians on this show but I love you [Applause] [Music] Tinky I really got [Applause] we are so funny and so unpredictable you just have the most amazing energy this is the break you've been waiting for thank you so I could not be happy if you enjoy this mr.
Poirot make some noise great to be back great to be back ladies and gentlemen it's been a while it's been a while I've been enjoying fatherhood now 10 months any new parent I think the first thing we want to do is give our child something that we missed out on in our own child right yeah for that for me that one thing is the opportunity to pay compare its playing is not allowed ladies and gentlemen all my friends were allowed to play every Saturday morning at 8 a. m. that will come outside my house and I'd be like mr.
Hannon mr. Hannon can coach O'Connor player I'll be standing next to my dad inside the house and he will say go downstairs and tell them you are not here when the government gets old enough to go to school I hope he has fun games like I did my favorite game in school was kiss chase right right but chris shays had very simple rules right the boys will get chase the girls and they'll give him a kiss on the cheek okay but you can never catch the pretty girls good you they were fast you could catch them for nothing but ladies and gentlemen then then there were girls that look like David and Simon you chase those girls for two seconds right and they'd always fall over by accident what kind of job is rumen gonna have when he's older because ladies and gentlemen every job I had before I did stand-up I absolutely hated hated it right guys there's anybody in here hated their job so bad but you pray that you practice your sick voice the bathroom is always the best place to practice it sounds amazing in the bathroom right and whether you're male or female we all had the same sick voice [Music] ladies and gentlemen I practice my sick voice for so long I forgot what my boss was like boss boss yes okay I'll come in today what are twisted my ankle [Applause] in the first audition ladies gentlemen you may have heard me talk about my father right and I gave him a little bit of stick however however I've got to tell you a good moment when my dad delivered he delivered the age of 16 my dad allowed me to go to my first ever house party ladies and gentlemen it's emotional dad Mike was having a party can I go for what because it because it's gonna be fun you can have fun here I wanna go over there and have fun okay I will let you go but tonight you will be Cinderella in this house at 12:00 midnight 12:01 not 11:59 12 midnight 16 years old I get to go to my favorite thing which is the party right it was so good I came home at 3 a. m.
in the morning I'm so scared because at night everything sounds loud 3 a. m. in the morning I got to my front door I opened it I creep up stairs towards my bedroom was crossing on me I went under the covers and as soon as I turned off my bedroom right all I heard was gentlemen my pad was hiding in my bed [Applause] nice time ladies and gentlemen I used to be mixed race this is a bruise [Applause] [Applause] my son I'm excited to be here it's the last time it's the final I have one question I have one question why do untidy people love to have people over I understand it Janell mean I really don't understand it and what confuses me is they invite you confidently knowing that their house is a mess I know I'm gonna be talking about their house at the moment I walk in or I invited to a dinner party I walked in I was like wow is this how they live is this people love to make you comfortable they've got the cheek to say take off your jacket mate and make yourself at home no I'm not staying just passing through I knew they had not cleaned it for years I sat on the couch at the back of the couch I found a marathon bar marathon bar since 1990 why because it's called Snickers now mainly gentlemen this house was filthy it was so bad I took off my shoes when I left tidy so holidays are coming up right I'm looking forward to it good things about their holiday you get to relax and hopefully you get some good weather right the back the bad part about holidays is when you come back right you come back spend all your money you can't even afford to take yourself home so what do you do you calling me your cornerman and you plan ahead I call my friend TJ I said TJ listen I'm coming back on Monday morning 7:00 a.
m. he throw Apple terminal free can you please pick me up the first thing Liars do is answer immediately yeah I got you brother I was like whoa great Monday morning 7:00 a. m.
