So, your brother passed away February 16th last year. >> Yeah. >> It's only been a year and a bit.
>> Yeah. >> Tell me how you're feeling, man. Um, you know, I I don't actually I think only recently I've started re-watching his like clips of him and just, you know, just going back to all pictures and you know, but how I feel is there's this real I can't really explain it.
this is real like you know I I'm almost I'm almost like feeling like he's around me >> at points. Yeah, it's I always feel like he's around me but then I have moments where I really just miss the conversation, you I just really miss like like sometimes sometimes I I even go for a point cuz I was so used to just picking up the phone and calling him like sometimes I just feel like I just want to pick up the phone and call him but then I think I can't this he's not here and and like that when I when I have them moments then I just it just takes me in a different direction emotionally and I just sit with it. I think that's one thing I've really learned over the last couple of years is just sitting with my emotion and something I didn't do for for a lot of my life.
>> What does that mean sitting with it for you? >> Like you know when we when we feel a certain way, if we feel emotional, we just distract ourselves by keeping busy. I don't do that anymore.
>> I just if I feel a certain way, I'll acknowledge it and I'll be like, "Okay, this is how you're feeling. " >> You can say it out. Yeah, I'll say hell out and and I'll just I'll just sit if I need to if I need to get emotional and cry, I'll do it.
I don't have an issue with it. I don't think it makes you less of a man. No, I think it makes you more more of a man cuz you can show your emotions.
Something I think I old a lot didn't really understand strong was being showing yourself as not crying and but I think being strong is showing that you've got being human is showing that you have that emotion and and just being open with it. But I miss him, man. I just really miss him.
I just miss like his physical touch, you just I miss like just playing my songs like, you know, like just playing in music that I've made. I miss just being on the roll with him because I spent 10 years on the road with him. Like like we it's like we championed each other into our careers.
Like he when I was a kid, he was a DJ. He was he was setting up his road show and I'd be his roadie. I'll be picking up his stuff and and then that transitioned into me becoming an artist and then him being with me on my international tours like every gig I did for 10 years he was on every show internationally that he was everywhere with me and then and then now like I mean we did that last show together like you know when he was sick we did I did a fundraiser for him in Birmingham which is beautiful and I mean I got to relive that moment which is beautiful just seeing him on the decks play out for me.
That's wicked. But just knowing he's not going to be here to have that moment with me again. I mean, I made I made a song about him recently and it's called Savior.
And um and I started writing it around the time around his 46th birthday. And um I just I just I I just poured my heart out and exactly how I felt just I just it was like a letter to him just something to say that you know what I've been through this but where this is where I'm at. And he talks about in the song I talk about that I've I've drawn inspiration.
I've drawn courage from our ancestors. I've drawn inspiration from our gurus. And you know what that's keeping me going.
But then I also miss you. I just miss like being around. I'm searching for you.
I think that's that was important for me was a healing process. And I think that's how I've changed. I think something I I haven't really done in a lot of my music.
I've done couple of songs cuz a lot of my stuff was more pop orientated, which I love doing as well. That's part of my personality as well. But there's only a couple of songs that I've made like this, but this is probably the most personal song I've ever made.
And it felt like I relived that moment when you released it like two weeks ago. >> Oh, yeah. that whole them whole emotions about how it was and and just remembering him.
I think that whole period that them whole two weeks I've just been just watching videos of them and just reliving >> just the moment. Yeah, the moment.
