I was in like a 50 person a so there were about 30 people in like a bunch of matches that had all been pushed together in the middle there were you know probably another 20 people around the edge and at the end of that kind of experience you don't really know like who you've had sex with what they look like you don't know anyone's [Music] name so the swing of lifestyle is basically having sex with someone who is not your primary partner that can be with your partner that can be a waiting a partner it
can be at parties it can be at swaps there's a whole range of stuff in the lifestyle there are parties that are very cisgender and heteronormative uh there are parties that are very Kink heavy and there are queer parties as well so if you walk into kind of one of the classic famous straight parties you won't see a lot of kind of conventionally unattractive people and what's quite sad is those people get kind of filtered out generally you'll see much older men bringing these incredibly attractive women who turn out to be escorts because they won't
be let in if they turn up as a single man a lot of the straight parties are very white very thin very young um and very blonde as well I would say generally if you're black or Asian it you don't see as many people there there's definitely fertilization for sure I've seen like these really stacked dudes with with these Asian tiny girlfriends and they'll be on leads and like I witnessed two guys who look like that literally swapping leads with for the women and I don't know whether those women win that or not but it
felt quite weird so in terms of joining an OG there's like various levels of arut um I think what's most important is you make eye contact with someone in the O they only wave you in Solo ranking is a general noo at any party solo wanking is someone who generally presents as male and then normally standing in a space watching people wanking without their consent and they'll normally try to make eye contact with you and basically what they're doing is trying to participate in a scene that they weren't necessarily invited into there are parties for
specific thinks there is a party which is a greedy girls and hot wi party and it's a ratio of six men to one woman there's um female domination ones in London a lot of the parties have scaff who will watch out for rule breaks they'll monitor ories which I'm sure is not not particularly a fun job and anytime they see Behavior that's not okay they'll normally P someone out and probably ban them from ever coming to the club again so the old like keys and a dish stuff definitely still happens I think generally the more
provincial the city the kind of sounds really bad like the worst the selection criteria so I've been to some really weird parties and I think the worst one I ever went to was in Birmingham I yeah had an IT and looked St up online and ended up going to this club run by this couple who were lovely very nice and the club I thought had hostesses and actually what it was was it was 20 men surrounding two paid hookers on like a massive Ottoman and all just hir there was a whole space in Britain for
old swingers there's like cruises there's whole resorts in in Mexico I think since being in the lifestyle my sexual boundaries have shifted quite a lot I have kind of ceased to be sh by pretty much any sexual behavior like I have friends who are into um like display I have friends who you know are into like ureal sounding and medical stuff so ureal sounding is um taking a rod and inserting it inside the p and to me that's pretty extreme but like they're living their best life I think it's really hard to balance like emotional
physical boundaries with um the lifestyle I think what can end up happening is you all the partner that you're with if you're swinging together can be end up being so driven and obsessed by like new sex and and new ways to have sex new people to have sex with that you like lose touch of the emotion that you two have together I think the swinger lifestyle can be open to coercive and abusive relationships I have been in one that was centered around swinging in hindsight the only reason that we were together was because I enabled
that person access to the swinging lifestyle and it was very demeaning and very difficult um it evolved into an unwanted like 24/7 Dynamic of sex it was way too much and like I wasn't allowed to play with anyone who wasn't someone that he found attractive and female I think when you're very sexually open you see it as oh my partner wants this like that's chill I'm chill with this but in reality it's like a loss of control over time I've definitely seen things that make me really uncomfortable at swing party um I was actually in
an a pile um a few years ago and there was a woman underneath me who I'd been playing with and we finished playing and her male partner was next to her playing with someone else and like I could tell that she was super uncomfortable that she didn't want him to be playing with this other person that she wanted to stop there's also a lot of pressure to perform so you know if you go to a party and it's a really exclusive one and the tickets were like £200 per person for example and you don't have
sex with someone and your male Partners paid for the whole thing you'll feel a certain type of way you'll feel you know like you let them down or whatever so you end up in these situations where you're kind of having sex with people you don't necessarily want to have sex with people to like justify the criet price I think a lot of people are sexually open and they kind of want to believe that a lot of what's happened to them is contential and to be clear a lot of it is a lot of it is
people having a great time expressing themselves but if you want to go to the police about something for example I haven't really heard about anyone doing that because you know if you're in the Life anyway you don't want to shut the club down there are some clubs that ban people a lot and it's great there are other clubs where I have emailed organizers and said this person was abusive to me and they're not a safe person and not even to ban them I said like if they're coming to your next party that tickets for let
me know and I won't come and they've said oh we don't get involved in domestics I would say generally they're kind of straighter clubs take it less seriously and it's really sad and the kinkier and queerer clubs and again those people in the lifestyle who really care about consent they will ban people quite quickly there are definitely people who join the community for bad reasons for sure you know I think if you are sexually sadistic you get off specifically on humiliating women or you specifically get off on hurting people in a way that they don't
enjoy it's a space where a lot of people can convince themselves they're okay with things they're not
