KT #679 - MATT RIFE

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] he [Music] [Music] hey this is red B coming to you live from the comedy Mothership here in Austin Texas for a brand new episode of kill Tony get off for Tony hitch CL [Music] [Applause] [Music] who's ready for the best [ __ ] night of their lives [Applause] [Music] Huh [Applause] yeah [ __ ] yeah welcome everybody how we [ __ ] feeling tonight huh this is kill Tony brought to you by Squarespace strap King zipper cter Shopify and HS Make some noise for red ban everybody

and how about one more time for the Best Damn Band in the land Carlos Sosa rul Vallejo Fernando Castillo Michael Gonzalez Matt muing John D's and D Madness on the bass Guitar we are here it is all happening amazing show for you here's a little bit more from The Amazing sponsors that made it all possible the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin Texas is now open check out Red Band Secret show every Thursday go to sunsetstrip atx.com for [Music] tickets you guys ready to start tonight's show ladies and gentlemen it's a one Guest night tonight

this is a comedian who I've wanted on the show for a ridiculously long time I remember meeting him about 13 years ago when he was a young buck opening up for the great late great one of my old best friends Ralphie May and now I can say in all honesty truly one of the biggest standup comedians in the [ __ ] world has a brand new world tour his second Global tour coming out and the newest special on Netflix I present to you you Were here for the kill Tony debut of Matt Wright boom yes

the man the myth the young Legend Matt rright has joined the fold here live on kill Tony we are going to have some [ __ ] fun tonight this me is this one doesn't I'm not any you want there we go figure what's up awesome how is everybody Everyone was cool good to see you guys dude this is awesome man thanks for having me we're going to have a blast I've wanted to do this forever Lucid is out now on Netflix the New World Tour going out for sale right now matri official.com you're doing it

buddy you're living the goddamn American Dream finally dude I've know you since I was 16 that's so creepy unfuckingbelievable it is he's also my mom's favorite comedian my mom uh she's Got great taste 77 me she tastes great s oh you son of a [ __ ] you ate a 77y old [ __ ] out Jesus CHR 77 dude damn okay but you met her when she was 6 65 yeah exactly she was like smoking coug so sweet she's still in Youngstown yeah yeah yeah you don't really leave no no if you stay in Youngstown

this long you're stuck there yeah I'm going to go back barrier soon it's going to be great oh that's depressing yeah no it'll be I'll already be there yeah it'll be Great you're going to [ __ ] her to death it's going to be great she literally has a cocktail napkin that you signed after that show she got it framed uh I remember the phone call I I she was the only show she ever went to because I was so close with Ralphie May and uh [ __ ] she goes because all she knew was

The Comedy Store at the time I mean that's all there no no one's going to shows in Youngstown but she saw you open for Ralphie at that show she was a guest of Ralphie May and you blew her [ __ ] mind away she's been on the show she's been on panel she's done a set on the show oh yeah she's a legend perhaps even a future Kil Tony Hall of Famer who knows there we go and and she framed that [ __ ] cocktail napkin and told me that day that next day I remember

she goes I'll tell you the kid that opened for him is a [ __ ] star he's gonna be a star Tony I go who are you who in the world are you [ __ ] talking about what Do you possibly know and she has that cocktail napkin still framed on on a dresser with all this [ __ ] [ __ ] that's so cute which goes to show hinch Cliffs are geniuses Matt R first time on the show let me explain to you there's over 300 people that signed up for the chance to get

pulled out of this bucket 300 [ __ ] pieces of paper in this mamama Jama they're all piled in across the street at a bar called poor choices if I Pull one of the names out of the bucket they get 60 seconds uninterrupted you know their time is up when you hear the sound of a kitten that means they have to wrap it up then or else they out the angry West Hollywood bear which interrupts them I conduct an interview we meet them all together and the whole thing's improvised Anything Can Happen are you guys

ready to start tonight's show let's start it with one of our esteemed regulars ladies and gentlemen This guy an absolute Legend of kill Tony we met him when he was sleeping in his van doing open mics all around the world he couldn't stop doing open mics up to 4 56 a night now he's one of the highest ticket selling comedians in America this is a brand new minute sing it if you know the words this is [Music] H hey what's up I can't believe there's a woman Running for president right now is this a [

__ ] circus they just got the right to vote now they want to run the whole thing not on my watch Cala more like a blah blah what is this [ __ ] shrieking about um but yeah I don't I don't think anyone wants to hear women talk I think we just want to no seriously I think we just want to hear The air moving around their tits personally God I [ __ ] hate women [Laughter] what they're racist to Asian guys women want a strong confident American man that's going to attack Iraq twice for

no reason they don't want a cunning careful Asian boy that's going to pick the right Harbor thank you wow Hans Kim with a very Punchy set Wow wow what a to get the show started Hans Kim thank you Tony wow amazing a very woman hating set are you trying to win over all the incels in your Instagram comments right now incels all right there were a shy Bunch yeah do you have do you have a girlfriend yes you do yeah she's in Europe right now uh for 3 weeks going to bars and drinking where in

Europe uh she was in Budapest she's was in Amsterdam she was in AA uh oh people people cheat In AA yeah yeah probably someone very beautiful someone with beautiful eyes like you stop D I'll kiss you on your mouth dog shut up shut up she not here who's going to tell her shut up Hans weeks without a girlfriend and here you are flirting with Matt R wait how long has she gone for 3 weeks 3 weeks she going back and you're going to have [ __ ] Lego hands dude such a long time to be

single after being in a Relationship poor Matt Matt thinks this is how big my [ __ ] is that's the whole thing yeah no it's the actual size of a Lego man's hands it's that big is what he's saying what have you been doing to please yourself during this time we know you are a sex addicted uh masturbating machine what's been going on with you Hans what have those have you been keeping your Hans to yourself yeah my Hans has been on my Hans uh the [ __ ] does that mean my h has Been

on my schans uh just workshopping but um have you been watching porn or something a lot of porn what kind of porn have you been in anything wild lately what's new for Hans I love Japanese massage porn whoa they they trick a [ __ ] uh how does that work work exactly what is Japanese massage porn usually the husband is within earshot and like physically yeah an earshot yeah and then they just start touching her and then it just goes crazy So he just watches this go down sometimes yeah it's like a a photo shoot

like this is a fashion shoot and then they like f he's she's fuing another dude so he cucks it the entire time I've never understood the cuck situation me yeah get out of there yeah she's not into you dude right she's not the one what do you what is it for you Hans that turns you on having watching a man watching a girl having sex with another man I just love Seeing like a normal person then have sex cuz I don't know how to do that so it's I just want to learn how to get

from normal to sex from normal sorry guys that's a real live apology from Hans Kim you don't get that very often and the Asian massage porn do they do the full massage up like do you have to watch an hour start no I fast forward and uh okay all right he's a good man they're usually quick to the point uh of mad if They ruin my massage it's also pixelated though you can't even see anything in Japanese is that true are you watching pixelated Japanese porn yeah yeah now what is it about that why are

you watching the Japanese version of this when you could possibly be watching just American [ __ ] porn yeah because uh Japanese are like uh seducing and tricking and all that and Americans are just like just doing it just like it's kind of boring I like uh I like the Process I me everyone hates me absolutely incredible Hans amazing stuff um it's kind of sad it is I know it's fun he's that guy he is that guy he is going to hang himself with a green belt karate karate belt that is a karate joke no

doubt about it woman president this is all true have you heard this week that she's drunk all the time this is a new thing that I've I don't know if it's just coming up on my Twitter feed uh like wine mom drunk a soccer mom yeah And it kind of makes sense it seems like that could possibly be true it explains a lot have you heard this Theory no this is the first time thank you yeah there's leaks coming out of her camp that she's drunk all the time which would now when from now on

when you see her and all the videos of her speaking makes perfect sense breaking news the person who's in second place on all the polls to be president seems to be drunk all the Time but you know I mean it's up for us to decide when you hit the polls in November who you want you know what I mean no big deal it's all your choice Hans are you gonna vote can can you vote yeah I can vote not near a school but I can vote hansy you're a great great person to get the show

started you did it again with a Punchy new minute we love him there he goes the great Hans Kim and now to the bucket we go as you Know this is where [ __ ] gets crazy this is where we discover new comedians it's where we find crazy people Anything Can Happen these people wait all day for this their odds are literally 1 in 300 and here we go it begins with the comedy stylings of Ben Williams 60 seconds uninterrupted for Ben Williams here he [Music] is I hope y'all doing good man cuz I'm not

cuz somebody backstage he called me W the great AKA these nuts got ha got him you know and that made it worse cuz yesterday this dude he got mad cuz I didn't give him a dollar so he called me a great value D Chelle I was like I'm broke [ __ ] I'm broke and that's crazy cuz D Chappelle heard that he'll probably be like that's like something I would say but that's Austin for you man like they say Keep Austin Weird I say keep it the [ __ ] away from me This dude he

asked me can he bought my lighter so I give him the lighter this [ __ ] start burning himself with it I get further down the street this dude he got his shirt off he got garbage bags around his hand he beating the [ __ ] out this tree and I just wanted to know like what was the root of the problem I'm pretty sure everybody heard the news about Donald Trump getting shot and it wasn't news to me because in my neighborhood everybody get Shot my dad got shot and nobody cared not even me

and I'm the one who shot him thank y' will thank You' so much there you go minute 15 from Ben Williams you've been on this show before Ben yes sir this my fourth time fourth time that's right I couldn't possibly forget a smile like that that you have those teeth are really something else that's a badass vest you got on too man oh thank you we're complimenting each other this is great going TI for Tat on compliments Best for when you drowning that [ __ ] that's right and so that you don't shoot me yeah

it's it's bulletproof and a flotation device I love how you laugh like you're crying has anyone told you that that you look like you're crying when you laugh no you the first well there you go you first dud absolutely it's all happening here tonight Ben you I noticed you kept glancing at me to see if I was laughing throughout your set and between each Choke you glanced at me tell me why you did that no I wasn't glancing at you you must have been looking at me I was I was looking at you you are

correct you like what you see currently hosting the show and you realize there's video cameras everywhere that will have you glancing at me in between the jokes I'm not wrong no I was looking at that dude man look yeah nope I literally we made eye contact every time yeah I even saw you out of my peripheral when I was taking a Note glance and between jokes when you weren't glancing at me it's all on record I was looking at Matt dude I was not looking at I know how youed to be a little know what

I'm seeing you weren't looking at mad you were looking right at me so now don't take all the glances for jealous he's jealous guys he's jealous it's enough for me to go around it's okay guys it's all right that's true there's enough teeth for everyone it is Very amazing have you ever been to a dentist Ben yes I've been to a dentist what do they say when they see those things what do they say they say I have a great smile they have to say that before or after 911 and that's red man everybody Red

Red Man's here tonight for a little comic relief yeah would you like to explain that or you just going to let that one give him one more give him one more went To the tennis was it it before or after 911 that that long ago never mind the dentist trip to the dentist there you go 2001 got it there it is there it is even Ben looks confused over there look just like what the [ __ ] n Liv you got that Joe Biden over there I don't know what's going on red bad today is

Thursday it's Thursday oh my goodness I love it how long you been on standup um it's been a Year and three months now okay yeah good [ __ ] yeah first first time I did this was four months I was um first time I got on I had been doing this four months so uh big chunk of that been in Austin Texas shout out to you weird [ __ ] where you from originally I'm from galston galston Texas it's like outside of Houston yeah like still Texas yeah 3 hours away but I'm from don't nobody

go nowhere my mom was like you on it's 3 Hours away she'll never come here to see me I'm sorry what do you do for work for work I do day labor what lab um doing day labor like they have you pickled up trash sometimes like off the highway they have you doing um certain construction jobs stuff community service no it's not community service it's work for higher it's work for hire you know you do like stand a Home Depot or something yeah I work with a lot of Hispanics people shout out to my Hispanic

so you do stand outside yeah okay that's a way to get the crowd on your side yeah when when shouting out Austin doesn't work just go right for the Hispanics works 100% of the time there are a lot of them and they continue to reproduce absolutely nonstop it is a real problem do the right thing in November when you hit the PO um uh so Ben um you literally stand outside of a Home Depot like with those People kind of right sometimes no I don't I don't understand so how do you get how do you

get work as a day laborer I'm just kid ious okay um they have a lot of um places you can go um to do day labor and stuff um to go places like like what kind of places like and such as I'm Sor damn this one of them things I'm going get off stage like it hit you in the [ __ ] head but like uh what no one's going to hit you I promise no One's going to hit you no no one's going to hit you like people ready I can't think of the name

of the play that's what I'm saying it's like Marketplace it's like the I know the building you know how you get here they like you looking for jobs they like they do day labor here man it's like pulling teeth up here with you I got to tell you it is unbelievable is incredible what do you do for fun Ben oh I do for fun like I Like to do music um what kind of music what do you mean by music what do you mean when you say you like to do music what does that mean

exact music I rap you rap yeah all right how many you want to hear Ben give us a little rap right now he could not even remember where he works a minute ago and now he's going to freestyle rap for us Fu that job this should be interesting ladies and gentlemen Ben will F that job I'm My Own Boss never Take a loss got big teeth but yeah I floss bad hoes and I keep it real I might pull my dick out and put it on her Grill what's my name they call me b will

and yall know every day that I'm F to kill this is kill Tony this the best show and if you don't like this [ __ ] you a [ __ ] hoe oh my god oh my god wow The Crowd Goes Wild oh [ __ ] I'm calling Nick Cannon immediately oh my God that was open with [Laughter] that that's crazy a full celebration afterwards you lifted up your shirt for a second looking like burnt crer that was a good one that was a good one you did good Ben did you get a big joke

book ever on any of these times I did I did you did hey Ben I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday there you go he just got booked for a Real comedy show there he goes l ladies and gentlemen Ben Williams this is kill Tony and our next bucket pull anything can happen the show is cooking Make some noise for Heidi everybody we're here we are live well hello there football fans with the football season kicking off right now is the perfect time to dive into the action with our partners over

at DraftKings the number one place to bet on touchdowns and right now all new Customers who bet $5 will instantly get $250 in bonus bets plus get one month of NFL Plus premium that's something we can all celebrate download the draftking Sportsbook app and sign up using our promo code kill Tony the crown is yours red ban that's right Tony get $250 in bonus bets instantly and one month of NFL Plus premium after betting just $5 stay in on the action and use $250 in bonus bets to bet anytime on touchdowns on DraftKings if sports

Betting is not yet available in your state don't worry you can still join in on all the fun with DraftKings daily fantasy and have the shot to win cash prizes download the draftking Sportsbook app now new customers use our promo code kill Tony and bet just $5 on any wager and get $250 in bonus bets instantly that's promo code kill Tony only at DraftKings Sportsbook the crown is indeed yours we are live and your next comedian Getting the opportunity of a lifetime goes by the name of Austin Engles everybody Austin Engles here we go Excellence

for Austin everyone how we doing everybody I followed Ben dozens of times he's never got into a [ __ ] pop like that before holy [ __ ] that's impressive wow um I didn't think anything would ever be as awkward as a my dad handed me my first condom that experiences nothing compared to what happened the other day I was over my friend's house as I was leaving he handed me boner pills uh blue ch to be exact he said these blue Cho are the greatest thing ever they always work I said yeah why do

you think I'm leaving you're hard right now I just hate when those commercials say if your erection lasts longer than four hours you got to go see a doctor great now I have to go [ __ ] him [Music] too I have a friend who's a doctor and Every year he offers me free prostate exams and I should take him up on it but he's an optometrist no wonder I keep getting pink eye I'm from the Midwest so I'm from a small blue collar family my mom was especially Blue Collar even a little redneck only

because my dad couldn't stop choking [Applause] her thank you everybody I'm Austin Engles give yourselves a hand Austin Les Did you say give yourself a hand I might have I'm a little [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah you're in it right now this is your first time on the show oh yeah yep welcome how long you been doing standup about three years three years where at y uh Illinois originally then I moved here like two months ago you say Illinois which would imply that it's not exactly Chicago Poria Illinois oo Poria place of both Kenn

and Richard prior yep amazing and then there's You oh how the mighty have fallen I set myself up for that yeah no I I actually just came up with that you didn't really set yourself up I asked you a question you gave me the information that I made that joke you set yeah nothing up I did that um Austin you live in Austin now yep for how long two months two months do you love it yet I do I'm a door guy at Maggie Mays oh nice yeah right across the street nice they're doing a

little Bit of Comedy over there too right yeah just had a set there and then [ __ ] ran off stage and heard my name got called so boom Welcome to Austin Austin appreciate you absolutely and uh I love it you work there you making a living yeah yeah you're able to survive what's your living situation uh well I have two roommates in fluger so I got a little bit of a drive ooh boy oh boy yeah how far is that the p is silent Matt if you ask someone from fluger they'll tell you 15

minutes but it's really 26 minutes that's actually exactly [ __ ] true yeah Austin why are you so surprised of my control and masterful execution I know it's 26 minutes Matt what do you think about this young buck oh dude you're funny man the redneck joke was [ __ ] hilarious I haven't heard a good like original white trash abuse joke in a very long time appreciate that you should start your Netflix special with one my best advice best possible advice I'm not going to lie to you I lied uh right when your Netflix special

came out I was like headlining in Cedar Rapids ill Iowa and uh I said you were going to be there and like six girls came and they're like where's Matt and uh six only six I fell off damn yeah hopefully things pick up soon for you Matt I'm so I'm so you're very funny dude what what do your roommates Do what do my roommates do uh one of them is a comic to and then the other one is in like techken [ __ ] so he doesn't do comedy how does the other comic make money

uh I don't know I [ __ ] hear him like I've heard him like three times miss his [ __ ] alarm so I close at Maggie at like 3:00 and then I hear him at 6:00 a.m. oh [ __ ] I've heard it like four times just missing his alarm so right I think he works at a restaurant But I couldn't tell you Tony okay I feel like The Tech Guys just claiming them as dependence oh yeah exactly yeah The Tech Guy is also our landlord so yeah you're probably not [ __ ] wrong

yeah oh yeah with your landlord I didn't agree to that when I moved here so uh wow yeah you live with the Lord yeah look at that was packed into a little manger yeah yeah I love it how old are you 30 [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah okay no be I don't have a beard so That's why I was upset it's not great I have blonde hair and a red [ __ ] beard so I I don't like it yeah yeah what's up with that I don't know I couldn't tell you that's interesting

I know who he's voting for yeah for sure yeah um someone could use a tax break anyway uh what do you do for fun uh just comedy pretty much like I said I'm new here here so uh yeah other than com do you have any hobbies or anything Like that I mean even Ben with the teeth wrapped have I what sorry I didn't Ben with the teeth was had the ability to wrap oh yeah I've heard yeah I've heard his sets before it's not usually doesn't go like that pop I heard you took uh you

took literally 15% of your set to mention that Ben never does that good you really threw him under the about bus there a [ __ ] okay so there must be some hobby I love Smoking weed I love taking mushrooms you know just the Classic what do you like to do when you do those things um well uh back home there was like a lot of trails and [ __ ] I haven't found them here yet I'm sure there's a bunch in Austin and FL a lot ofs here in Austin IND it's a fully developed

uh place so yeah I haven't traveled a lot outside of 6 Street you know so okay yeah yeah you're just hopping around flug Grille absolutely yep going to the old Long John Silvers or whatever out there where's where where's the best hiking trail for him to check out around Austin there's the green belt I do believe it's called that I've been to the one Hans is going to hang himself oh [ __ ] wow that worked out God damn I don't know how that organic call back happened that was incredible the very rare accidental call

back I'll take it absolutely dog one Person one person I feel like I'm missing something about you Austin Engles there's something something I can't quite put what's your love life like um um it's actually great working at Maggie ma the drunk women literally just [ __ ] flocked you so gotten laid alone three times on that wow so have you ever had uh sex with a sober woman before yes yes but give us an example like when you say they come out they stumble like um You want me to name my girlfriend you have a

girlfriend no I mean my ex is [ __ ] no yeah I screw yeah we don't need names but do you have any special moves in the bedroom or anything like that you ever give them the what color are your pubes by the way blond blonde top red beard I'm guessing purple pubes they're a little uh like little orange tint to them but not I like to keep it [ __ ] disgusting manscape I gross I'm a [ __ ] Ginger beard I know Absolutely unbelievable yeah like a COR mind yeah little orange hairs look

at you like a whole produce section at a grocery store over here whole Citrus area um I love it Austin yeah like three years ago I saw you guys you and red band at Vulcan uh you guys are doing a secret show so it's pretty it's like three years of the day so pretty wild unbelievable I've been doing comedy for 17 years it could have said anything you marked the date uh I mean you got Snapchat memories and [ __ ] right they just pop up no you're 30 [Laughter] you God damn it you're supposed

to have Facebook memories dude God damn it well welcome to the show Austin you're out doing the hustle in Austin tonight here's a little jokebook take that and uh sign up again we'll see you again Austin Engles ladies and gentlemen you know we've been all over the world and we were in I do believe Portland Oregon about uh uh about maybe four five six years ago and we gave away one of our first ever golden tickets to a man funny man and he's here he flew in today here with the new 60 seconds I present

to you golden ticket winner Todd Roy ladies and Gentlemen The Return of Todd Roy [ __ ] yeah uh I've been married for 17 years and uh when you're together for a long time like that you want to start doing new things in bed uh like she's Learned she should definitely be on top um but uh we try new things now like I try to be more romantic she's trying to [ __ ] black guys [Applause] um the other the other night she asked me to choke her you can't choke your wife of 17 years

because you might not stop we uh it's true we uh we don't have any children I don't know what I could possibly teach a kid I don't know Anything about science or history or portion control I don't know I do know that if I had a kid I would teach them that no matter what they identify with they they don't have to conform to all of the rules of that group like someone who's like I'm a white liberal but I don't have to use race in every conversation I have or uh someone who's like I'm

trans but I don't have to be [ __ ] annoying about it or uh I'm Catholic and I'm not even a Attracted the children thank you guys Todd Roy that's a golden ticket winner great jokes thanks man the whole way through just as always as you've always done before Todd thank you Tony absolutely much like the show you are bigger than ever uh I uh I I am a large man I I am a very large man you were asking him what color his pubes are I don't know [Applause] maybe you can tell me later

Tony oh you son of a [ __ ] you son of a [ __ ] oh Heidi's doing the drums with that you traitor this is treason oh you've turned my own people against me oh my goodness gracious how's it going Todd it's going great man I got a a new podcast I'm just throwing that out there right now if anybody wants to follow that subscribe to that what do You do review food I do it's yeah it's called the sweet potato pod and uh it really is yeah is it really yeah it is oh

my God that's so fitting thank you yeah well listen I'm a health nut and I like a yeah so fitting just like your massive clothing I'm wearing my skinny jeans yeah yep ABS [ __ ] lutely look at you you are are just a big old boy AR just I you know I've I was here a month ago and I lost uh two well I've lost one pound Since then so come on Wow amazing getting there amazing slow and steady even dmad is can see how light I am now well nope yep so remind me

what do you do for work again uh just this actually no I'm just doing comedy look at that time good [ __ ] dude yeah seven people are applauding everyone else is like really yeah no it is amazing yeah yeah it's a full-time job yeah it it really is uh I I've got a Bunch of shows in Las Vegas I'm actually working with Hans Kim there in October I'm doing skankfest in September oh hell yeah I'm doing Boston in uh in November if anybody look at that wow Boston preparing for its first clam chowder shortage

ooh I do love clam chowder I bet you do I bet you do unbelievable what does your wife do when she's not plunging the toilet remind me remind me again what She does when she's not vacuuming Doritos off the floor it's absolutely incredible yeah when she's not when when she's when she's not trying to find a place to sleep at [Applause] [Laughter] night remind me when she's done she's another one Right when she's not at the at the grocery store continuously reloading the refrigerator which is her nickname for you it's absolutely incredible no seriously what

does your wife do when [Music] [Music] she it is absolutely incredible no seriously what does your wife do she wow And that's coming from redband I need to get my life together redband meet bread pan this is incredible so much about abolutely are you going to introduce me to Matt R yeah this is Matt R yeah hey Matt I'm fat rif nice to meet you boom boom I've I've heard of you man I heard you got your golden ticket from a chocolate bar [ __ ] yes let's [ __ ] go Absolutely you're great you're

great you're great great tits thanks man good hey Matt yes sir shut up it's a seizure wa eye contact Matt come on oh my goodness the old shake and bake that's right yeah what's that was that rigged is that what he said that's great oh thanks oh my goodness you're welcome imagine how big those pecs underneath there must be I'm a [ __ ] man dude I'm is you're a couple of man Yeah I love how you take these jokes such pro wrestler energies I remember you used to be a pro wrestler do you still

dabble in that at all no way no I used to for 18 years but um no I don't anymore yeah the KN what was your wrestler name I was the American wet dream [Laughter] [Applause] oh yeah look at that oh my God breaking bodies and Banging hotties wow didn't he break a table on the show Once incredible I did I put joelberg through a table once yeah no [ __ ] I did yeah I slammed Jeremiah Watkins on stage once I fed Louis J Gomez my kidney stone that was your St true shut up I

figured the only way I can top myself tonight is rape r b wow look at that that will be a little show called breaking bed you two [ __ ] would [ __ ] I mean just it's pretty hot yeah incredible I Thought I was into Japanese massage porn over there something for everybody here tonight what else is going on Todd anything else crazy going on in your life um what else is going on not I mean not a whole lot just living in Vegas I [ __ ] love it there yeah love getting on

the road I love yeah one person loves Las Vegas you don't know what do you love about Vegas other than the all you can eat buffets yeah it's mostly all you can eat buffets there's a Lot of that there's a lot of uh there's a lot of food options oh wait you are in Vegas now you're the sphere now I remember that's amazing how [ __ ] dumb am I that when you got all excited like that I was like oh he remembers Tony remembers where I am that's so sad no I don't that was

that was just my brain working yeah no it's good it's Good I love it Todd amazing D Madness just got it yeah he did D Madness is on a delay sometimes here this is one of the first times that I've done uh kill Tony in Austin and uh I remember the first time I did it I actually I saw deep Madness and I thought that Jeremiah Watkins was just taking a wild swing with his character uh no but okay never it's funny fun we cut that one out uh yeah it slide okay thanks man there

you go uh Todd you are Just [ __ ] awesome we love you and to be able to have you here for one of your you know last performances alive uh on the planet you know we're going to really you know but we love you that you just keep kicking nonstop and we'll see you in Las Vegas all right sounds good there you go Todd Roy ladies and gentlemen golden ticket winner as seen by the strong set the amazing interview those guys do not [ __ ] around and who knows Anybody can get it here

this is where we found all of our regulars all of our golden ticket winners and back to the bucket we go is I introduce to you Ernest Evans SZ it says Ernest Evans SZ here he is Ernest Evans man my name suck growing up as a kid Earnest cuz you me a [ __ ] named Ernest in his 40s come with a come with goddamn two divorces drive around and a gray beard [ __ ] named Ernest come out the [ __ ] a uncle giving bad advice go ahead jump off that bridge it ain't

going to hurt because how many kids you know right now name Ernest none I had to have a son and name him after me just so I can say I know another [ __ ] named Ernest but my son hates that name he's like Dad how come you can name anything black or Urban ethnic like Jamal kandrea Deontay I said it's simple son them [ __ ] don't get hired all St Sor man I appreciate y'all there you go exactly 59 seconds what a pro Ernest Evans that says SZ is that right it's senior man

they came right back there bro what they came right back there senior senior Ernest senior sir gotcha yeah that's an Sr all right you wrote it I did yeah I did why did you blame it on somebody else the [ __ ] was that I did I Passed the butt quick my bad I love it I love it I love it Ernest welcome to the show how long what I I was trying to figure out when you when you have a junior do you have to give yourself the senior title you don't have to you

just wanted to I did I like that I can't have him taking credit for all the [ __ ] I did right you don't he doesn't want your rap sheet I ain't never been to jail Tony really I thought I saw that movie Ernest Goes to Jail [Applause] H I love it so Ernest I love your style how old are you 44 44 how long you been do stand up two years two years what made you start at 42 man I was in the Army for a while and uh you know I was in charge

of a lot of soldiers and we was in some uh precarious situations [ __ ] just suck man so I always try to make every situation like tell jokes so that's how I got done amazing I love It I love it you were in the army yes sir you were deployed a lot I'm sure twice yeah where at Afghanistan both times wow Afghanistan you saw a lot of [ __ ] oh yep a lot of fans of Afghanistan I seen a couple of these [ __ ] over there yeah there are a lot of afghanis

there's one right there look at this [ __ ] guy nervous oh yeah we got one get him at yeah yeah fellow Soldier Matt re over Here holding his shirt like this cuz the bestest couldn't breathe that was right sometimes we would send Matt and deploy Matt to Afghanistan to make the enemies come in their pants so there you go thank you uh so Ernest uh what's it like being back in America where do you live in uh North Austin North Austin I love it a lot of North Austin aers here today um I love

it what do you do now uh I work for the state okay the state of Texas I love It absolutely we all love Texas here very much um is this where you're from no I'm from a small town called Rockdale about 45 minutes north of here uh Thorndale Taylor Rockdale okay yeah all right oh somebody from Rockdale in this [ __ ] oh [ __ ] what is I drove through it yeah can I ask what you you did in the Army I was a blackhaw crew chief a what you have to be u60 blackhaw

crew chief no man that's the best job in the army man you would you actually fly The helicopters no I was a crew chief I sat in the back mechanic worked on it did a lot of missions like so when the helicopter flew they made you sit in the [Applause] back what the hell oh my it be like that sometimes man oh my but but the back was the best man that's where all the [ __ ] went down yeah tell us about it what would go down in the back of the helicopter so [

__ ] flying Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Wasing Red skin cheerleaders all this [ __ ] so I mean we didn't only just deploy shoot and and do missions we have some fun [ __ ] too damn look at you just chilling with cheerleaders in the back of a chopper okay that doesn't make any sense there red B come on I love it I love it well thank you for your Serv that is incredible what does Junior do what is he up to he's a junior in high school yeah 11th 11th grade he's a junior that's a

junior that's a junior 11th Grade my goodness absolutely incredible what's he into uh gaming [ __ ] PlayStation Oculus do you let him play Call of Duty yeah he does how realistic is the game compared to your experience totally different something different than what I did yeah I've never played the level where you're just chilling with cheerleaders maybe I should have said that t Call of Duty am I right that's good [ __ ] how you trademark That yep fly some naked [ __ ] all over Afghanistan I love it hell yeah let's go I'm

telling you what do you do for fun around Austin Texas you have any hobbies or anything yeah I fish man take the kids fishing like camping and [ __ ] okay yeah just chill out okay I love that absolutely and um uh you have a wife girlfriend yeah I'm married man my my wife Michelle we just had a new baby she 9 months old okay no hell hey man don't clap for that [ __ ] I ain't got no sleep In 9 months godamn H we beefing right now [ __ ] what are you beefing

about I can't get no sleep Tony [ __ ] she doesn't wake up and take care of the baby man this 2024 man we share we share partnership [ __ ] oh [ __ ] it sucks living in 2020 F man hate 2020 F you got to share some [ __ ] I be hating that [ __ ] earnest I don't know what's gotten into me here I'm a little feeling a little too cozy here with my good friend Ernest I'm like That man that's what I do to people man you got me talking like

you Ernest oh man I don't know what it is it'd be contagious yeah contagious is your new kid's name am I correct contagious Evans contagious Evans contagious Evans Texas A&M [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] oh my God I love it you're a funny man I Appreciate it you've been doing a lot of spots around town uh trying to get on you know what I'm saying it's it's a slow uh slow grind but I'm still you know keep my head down and and keep telling jokes and that's it you're passionate about it I am yes sir I

like your [ __ ] style and here is a big joke book from the great bones ey boom welcome to the show Ernest sign up again again we'd love to see another minute the American dream Ernest Evans senior Ladies and gentlemen a hero that guy fighting for our country riding around with cheerleaders in a helicopter what a hero all right we're going to keep it moving along your next bucket pole we're going to meet them all together 60 seconds for Justin Gali ladies and gentlemen Justin gali I uh served in the Marine Corps yeah thank

you for my thank me for My service bro what the [ __ ] dude [ __ ] uh I served during don't ask don't tell and it changed me man like I went in as a young weak Boy and I came out of there as a strong confident gay man I wish I could say it was the combat that made me hard but it wasn't the combat it was the group showers there's any Marines out there I Know you got my six don't worry I got your nine brother um you couldn't be gain Ser of

the military but they'll like touch you in the shower like Marines will grab your penis and you're like hey it's kind of weird feel like I should tell someone right so you trying to tell your sergeant you're like hey Sergeant uh Mendoza touched me and he's like what that's crazy where show me and I'm like step Sergeant No he's like you know what Marine show me on me where he touched you that's it Justin Gali welcome this is your first time on the show right Justin that it is absolutely how long you been do standup

uh four and a half years where you from uh loral Texas I live in San Antonio you live in San Antonio now I do and is that true you were in the Marines and you're gay uh I mean it made me gay You know no I'm not gay I was in the Marine Corps though I served uh wait a second hold on time out he flag on the flag he Stolen Valor hey the whole minute was about you peing gay no it's because Marines dude you have to you have to be there to understand it

like our humor is just so gay dude well I guess that makes me a [ __ ] war hero yeah dude ah dude thank you for your service Tony simper fi brother absolutely okay so you're not gay at all all we know about you is that you talked about being gay but you're not gay I was a scout sniper in the Marine Corps right uh served from 2004 to 2008 when I RQ 2 times uh got blown up my first Patrol that was fun you know explain uh what happened there tell us about that uh

uh man yeah it was my first Patrol 2005 I was in haditha Iraq and uh dude it was pretty boring like the whole Patrol was Like pretty damn boring and I remember thinking to myself like man this is actually pretty boring so it's like a like a motorcade of like trucks and stuff and you're just going over a bunch of sand nothing's really happening like uh my senior Marines were in uh FIA right right so the unit we were leaving they were like you ready you ready and I'm like what's going on and then uh

it didn't happen and he's like oh never mind and then right when He said that an explosion went off boom and he goes oh I guess they're running late today and I like sit down in my chair and the southern Marine's like welcome that rat govern all I'm like oh [ __ ] a that's cool right you know whatever and then nothing happened for like 4 hours and then on my way back right when I said this is actually pretty boring and I set my rifle on the truck [ __ ] boom I blacked out

and then I woke up and I had this like Whatever guy next to me was bleeding you know but it was was kind of it's raining yeah okay but yeah yeah dude you're going to [ __ ] trigger my PTSD brother [ __ ] [ __ ] there there there's [ __ ] men everywhere dude yeah oh man I don't know amazing Justin govern alley so how long you been doing standup uh like four and a half years oh that's right I asked you that um amazing you have cauliflower ear how'd you get that Wrestling

uh fought for quite I'm a black belt and Jiu-Jitsu oh okay I am all right uh it's [ __ ] what's that prove it see you after the show see you after class brother he's going to [ __ ] you yeah dude did you not hear my entire minute brother I got something to prove but yeah man uh been training 17 years um black Bel and Jiu-Jitsu [ __ ] uhhuh okay how tall are you 5'6 on Tinder but first of all but I'm 5'5 right when I stretch my spine all the Way you know

are you really five5 yeah or did the explosion blow your legs off this guy amazing amazing so you're on Tinder are you dating right now no I'm not on Tinder uh everything you say is pretty much a lie no no I was on Tinder but I do put 56 i l literally could show you my profile right and I'm [ __ ] 56 you ever go on a date from someone on Tinder uh yeah I think we all dude tinder's trash bumble's trash what I asked true been on a on a date on Tinder yeah

yeah [ __ ] it I guess we're here I'm about to get probably fired from my job but whatever uh what job I I work in Tech yeah yeah it's [ __ ] yeah you're going to get fired yeah I'm going to get fired dude uh let's see I mean dude we've all been on Tinder dates uh I one time I was hooking up with this girl from Tinder right whatever it is what it is on [ __ ] whatever okay so we're we're hooking up and we're doing the whole like the dirty like first

time Hookup stuff like slap slap like tell me you love me all that crazy [ __ ] right first what is on here we've all been on Tinder dates we all know the first tind the [ __ ] are you talking about the war made me crazy man no uh Jesus Christ fing my God the war [ __ ] me up brother uh sling a girl on a first date it was contentual right uh she asked for it but yeah we're we're we're going at it right and then you know you start saying crazy stuff

right what uh like How many guys from the internet have you [ __ ] huh you [ __ ] [ __ ] you know that's what she's asking him yeah no I'm asking her yeah she's asking [Applause] me but but then but then she's like but then like it's like a rhetorical question you know she's like do you really want to know do you really want to know and I'm like yeah I'm figuring like four five whatever right and she's like you really Want to know I'm like yeah and she's like so many and I

was like oh man wow uh yeah and then whatever I finish or whatever and then uh yeah that's that's 100% a real story like nah swear of my life dude okay all right how many was so many I don't know but it was hot you how many would be so many to you like how many would be enough that you're like ah I honestly don't care dude if I'm being real 48 Were you wearing a condom at the time yeah 100% were you wearing a condom with this girl yeah oh well yeah and it doesn't

matter yeah it doesn't count you know what nothing matters you're just a huge at that point what's that you're just human dildo at that point nothing yeah I stopped though man I haven't I haven't had sex since like July 5th wow what the [ __ ] happened on July 4th oh my God I think he told us somebody red white and Blue what the [ __ ] happened we July no I just I'm just taking a break in general right cuz it gets you in trouble dude no it gets you in trouble dud take breaks

what's up dudes don't take breaks we don't have I was just promiscuous for so long I got like tired of it like actually you got so much [ __ ] you got tired of no I'm not I don't want to be that guy like yeah I got [ __ ] [ __ ] all the time right it just it creates problems man you don't want to be that Guy but you talked about being gay which you're not for now so you want to be that guy I mean it's the bit man it's the bit dude

all right dude thank me thank me for my service dude [ __ ] thank you for your service yeah thank you thank you I'm kidding you still mention it so modest yeah okay Justin well I mean very very interesting guy you have any special skills or talents or anything uh I'm a survivalist I was on nak and Afraid for real swear to God I did two seasons oh my God was your name Justin Gali on the show yeah Justin gal I swear [ __ ] up I want to see this guy's [ __ ] here

we go governali here's the part where we get to watch there's the typo the oh my god there you are oh my god wow you are more afraid than naked in this One oh my goodness look at you oh wait you're Michael Gonzales yeah dude that is incredible wow look at that there he is I lost 38 lbs you tatted you fully tatted yeah I got everything done up right here wow absolutely incredible Michael he's you used to have short hair and a beard yeah dude wow yeah I did uh Mexican and Afraid the the

first one Mexican yeah half Mexican and a freid dude uhhuh what's the other half uh gay but I'm not Gay yeah here's the little joke bug there he goes Justin governali ladies and gentlemen we've come to that time ladies and gentlemen where it is indeed time for one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show fresh off of MSG I present to you ladies and gentlemen the one and the only cam [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Patterson I was in Kansas City on Wednesday I love Kansas City it's my favorite place on Earth they have

really good barbecue in Kansas City Patrick Mahomes is black as hell Taylor Swift got a fat ass and I love it I also was in Chicago this [Applause] weekend no gun VI said Off I loved it the bean was beautiful I'm done all right that's wow that's [ __ ] fun little something different hostage situation why you were reading all of that off of a W9 tax form that's incredible that's why I was shaking [ __ ] [Applause] I was really scared the whole time I Gotta pay taxes now I thought I was up [

__ ] I'm broke as hell this [ __ ] this [ __ ] not fun [ __ ] I'm going to jail oh Cam Patterson you've done it again a very fun experimental out of the box minute for you how's life going cam it's good yeah yeah it's good it's been fun how was Chicago for real Chicago was actually pretty cool the bean was [ __ ] stupid that was dumb as hell that's the dumbest [ __ ] let's make a Mirror look like a bean they gonna love it that's [ __ ] dumb as

[ __ ] I hated that that was stupid [ __ ] what was the bean the bean [ __ ] big like metallic Terminator thing glob in the middle of downtown yeah they got a [ __ ] Bean [ __ ] there's a giant bean in downtown Chicago yeah it's like all mirror you've never heard of The Bean [ __ ] you all have heard of this how the [ __ ] it's a pretty huge thing dog b e a n yeah [ __ ] a bean bean Yeah what the [ __ ] are you

guys you've never seen that no what the [ __ ] is going on it's like the arch man it's the same you got to be [ __ ] kidding me you never I've never heard of this or seen it or referenced it or anything in D Madness is laughing at me how the [ __ ] have you seen the bean there's no [ __ ] way you know what the [ __ ] is going on right now this is like a simulation or something how the [ __ ] is the bean Avoided me and I've

avoided the [Laughter] bean we'll be right back this is unbelievable unbelievable this is that's what do you do when you're in Chicago I [ __ ] I don't know I do shows I eat pizza I [ __ ] I Fly Away Chicago's just a I mean you know shout out to the Fans but I get in I get out I get back and then I back you got to go flick the bean [ __ ] you got to go touch it you got to go touch that bean [ __ ] don't touch it it's filthy

yeah my dog spit on it your dog spit on it my homeboy was just mad sh sh ass [ __ ] okay I mean not yeah the bean [ __ ] the bean I thought you a dog shut up okay okay okay I can't [ __ ] believe this that's crazy you've never seen I Can't believe there's anything that exists that I don't know about that's it's just it's [ __ ] stupid though it's dumb oh it was a crackhead there that [ __ ] was like he was [ __ ] with us cuz we

was like we was just doing a bunch of dumb [ __ ] around it and then he ke he was just dead legging people for no reason just kicking him in the back of the in the back of f like [ __ ] you gay ass [ __ ] and walking off wow and he was Mexican so I was confused but I was Going to tell him damn I was going to tell him at all like you in the right brother you do what you do have a good day you enjoy yourself you having a

good time right now he like he having a great time I loved it it was pretty funny to me they were pretty funny to me I liked it wow and you were also in Kansas City yeah that place is terrible oh yes it is it's a horrible place that's a horrible place the reason I wanted to do that [ __ ] with a hot situation cuz like at The show I was like I'm only here for like a day what should I do and everybody was like go get barbecue and I was like [ __

] I live in Texas what the [ __ ] and they were like Boo right why the [ __ ] would I go ahead to get barbecue [ __ ] [ __ ] that place it's a different barbecue there though that is it's good yeah like different places have different barbecue okay fat ass play yeah red band just puts barbecue sauce on anything and it makes it Delicious it's not they don't compete or compare with our barbecue I got a word for you afterwards what this is he was going to call me a [ __

] in his mind [Applause] [Music] oh my God how long has that [ __ ] Bean been there I want to this is blowing I'm say like 60 years it's been there a long time bro are you [ __ ] serious yeah I can't believe you've never seen it 2006 oh okay well not 60 years uh all right all right that was off that off 18 years off off off why is the Bean in Chicago famous let's click on this real quick I watched it there's no reason weird had bean pie bean pie yeah [

__ ] that no you've never had bean pie what is going on no no you're not wrong what the [ __ ] is that [ __ ] you don't know what bean pie is look at me it's a it's it's it's a black thing for real yes oh with is oh With the Muslim [ __ ] the mus okay okay oh yeah oh y'all don't know bean pie [ __ ] y'all don't know bean pie [ __ ] you know bean pie he not really black we don't know him snipers kill him cam always so

much goddamn fun I love you everybody loves you you're [ __ ] amazing taking over the world there goes cam Patterson on to the next One back to the bucket we go and I bring to the stage Make some noise for Brian says everybody here we go Brian says is next [Music] all right I just found out I'm going to be a father it's court ordered it's court ordered calm it down but yeah that's me um I had a crazy day today uh I got dead named uh earlier today um do you'all know what dead

Naming is or all right all right it's fine it's mixed crowd I'll let you know so uh if you're not aware dead naming it's a term that was adopted Ed by the transgender Community but it's when somebody refers to you by your old name rather than the name you are now so I got dead named earlier today I was walking up the street and I bumped on this white guy and he said hey watch it [Laughter] [Applause] [ __ ] and I was like whoa my name's Brian now it's not [ __ ] anymore buddy

come on jeez what are you transphobic what the hell uh if you if you guys are wondering I can tell that joke I have a black friend so I can tell that joke I believe thank you there you go Brian says everybody [ __ ] Yeah I believe I bumped into you earlier [Applause] [Laughter] [Applause] welcome back to the show Brian you've been on before I have not been on before no you're friends with Cam and I met you before is that right yeah correct there we go that's how I know you um welcome welcome

yeah first time on the show how long you been on standup uh it's about six months now I love it I love it all Of it here in Austin yeah yep is this where you're from no I came here from Atlanta Atlanta yeah born and raised uh I moved around a lot so okay where else have you lived uh Virginia um Maryland California You Ever Seen The Bean before yeah the bean yeah of course dude the bean oh my God you're talking about wait maybe is it Chicago's the be or my God what are we

talking about dude oh have you have you you've been there right I I've been to Chicago so Many times I've performed in arenas theaters comedy clubs I've done it all in Chicago and I have never heard of the [ __ ] Bean before oh wow wow just found out about it looked like a total dumbass in front of millions of people it turns out cuz I don't know about some stupid nothing Burger [ __ ] Bean it's just a big mirror do you know about this Carrie Jesus [ __ ] Christ everybody knows about it

but me horn players did you know about the bean Jesus [ __ ] Christ is un [ __ ] believable it's the stupidest [ __ ] thing that I didn't know about in my whole [ __ ] life I pride myself I I watch Jeopardy and I beat the people to the answers and I would have lost on the [ __ ] bean I would have lost on The Bean I'll beat anybody in non Bean trivia right [ __ ] now and here I am sure you will Tony whoa what the [ __ ] that

supposed to mean you want to have a rounded Trivia right now on on trivia are you challenging me to a game of trivia I guess I guess I am now yeah okay this is the first ever uh how are we going to do this Brian look up trivia questions on your iPad any specific subject or anything I don't know this all Bean is this all Bean or no it's no Bean trivia no Bean can't have anything to do with a bean even though I know it was built in 2006 it's a mirrorlike structure shaped Like

a bean which averages about 7 million visitors per year yeah yep yep I've been one of them all right I guess I'll ask the questions here we go yes uh how many colors are in the rainbow Tony you know this [Applause] one you son of a [Music] [ __ ] little bit of home cooking over here God damn how many fingers fit an [ __ ] do you know do you know the Answer cuz I do I I know I don't I don't know you don't it's seven yep wow that is correct Tony wins this

one gay trivia welcome to gay trivia ladies and gentlemen so proud Tony we're so proud here's another question who is the Greek goddess of love ooh I'm going to go with uh you have an answer here I have an answer yeah okay what's your answer um I have an answer and my answer is uh no no phone in a friend here stop Whispering over there you [ __ ] you Know stop talking we can we have do you have an answer we have I'm going afro diety I'm that's what I would have said is that

the correct oh my God you guys are both right Aphrodite wow amazing I how do you guys know that and not the bean come on keep going come up with another question what do you call a baby goat oh that's okay do you have any answer go ahead it's uh it's a kid it's a what it's a kid it's a kid you are correct it is a a Young boy I don't think I knew that one Crank It Up red you might actually be winning this come on give us a hard one all right who

was the queen of France during the French Revolution oh what well nobody knows about Queens more than me [Applause] [Music] it's unfair yeah [Music] Um I can't phone a friend I can I phone a gay guy across the state uh I got I'm going Queen Elizabeth seems like a good guess okay hard knows I'm going Elizabeth that's a good guess I'm going to go with antoanet you know what I'm going to give it to you Tony it's Marie Anon that is correct wow why don't we do something special why don't we switch it to Black

trivia just so that I could Flex on you [ __ ] people right now look up black Trivia questions formerly from Atlanta been all over supposedly all right let's find out black trivia all right you're no helping black guy or girl or whatever the [ __ ] going on there I don't know what's happening I don't know what exactly you are kind of look like you have tits I don't know what's shaking over there but I'm going to take it all right here we go who was the first African American to graduate From Harvard University

and became a US senator dude shut the [ __ ] up over there do you have an answer I am uh really going to need some help on this one no there's no help God there's no help you son of a [ __ ] can I just say you are the help can I take back your Rainbow joke guess Gay beats black again H um let me just I just want to make it clear I do like black people I like my culture do not judge me by this answer I'm about to give I really

love us we're good people we're good smart people from Harvard there's so many that have graduated from Harvard that the first one how could we if I you know I choose to Let's as long as we cross it we make it to the mountain top doesn't matter it gets there at first that's SM that's MLK I know that guy that's a black okay this sucks um black guy what was the year can I get a year give him the year red B Give him the year I don't think it's going to help at all well

the answer is not available uh he so sucks this sucks no it doesn't say a year so I don't know course I hate red band's answer because I can't think of one either I just can't think of one so maybe it didn't happen Go Clarence Thomas that's a is that a black guy [ __ ] that is a black guy he's on the Supreme Court okay final answer of all The black guys that have been to court he's the only one that uh went to the Supreme Court yeah Supreme the most high we're going to

call this a draw right [Music] Tony again he was a US senator give me a first letter and letter I just need a letter you know what I'll I'll give you that h ah eh eh ah yes you know what your time is up Man we can went through enough time I'm going to go with uh Stevie Wonder is my answer you you both are wrong reel and I have one last question oh okay welcome back to ghetto Jeopardy ladies and gentlemen last question which popular dish often associated with the Southern United States and African-American

culture chicken let's get out of here chicken is traditionally made with blackeyed peas and is considered to bring good luck when eaten on New Year's Eve do you know the answer God damn would you like to give it a guess it's around gumbo it's not gumbo but it's around there would you like the answer is this New Orleans this is a bean question it's it's a it's Bean related I think black it's Greens Greens blackeyed peas is greens is that your final answer that's what I'm saying God damn it D Madness good is that your

you have an answer New Orleans I'm sorry New Orleans celebr ation they Didn't say that you said that New Year oh of course New Year I'm sing New Orleans of course okay so uhhuh do you have an answer no I do not any dessert huh any dessert oh just a dessert no we're on dessert now I talking it's not a dessert it's an entree it's white tricks do you have a guess dessert [ __ ] um it I'm going to go with jumalia I'm jum I'm going you're both wrong it's hoop John I don't know

If that's racist oh my God Jesus Christ okay welcome to the show my friend uh very funny performance welcome very fun the first ever trivia on kilon first ever Black Jeopardy we're taking chances here it's a very loose show Anything Can Happen always adding new segments ladies and gentlemen oh we're going back to back Brian's here it's Brian night on kill Tony look out some noise for Brian Cook wow redband loves Cooks here we go Brian Cook thank you very much now I am a music fan to the point where I take it personally sometimes

I was listening to the classic album Paul's Boutique by the Beasty Boys but I was listening on YouTube and YouTube has the comments down at the bottom and can you believe what this chucklehead said and I quote this album is three retards spouting gibberish over an awkward drum beat no exactly officially for the Record I love the Beasty Boys I'm a big fan but if we're taking the macro view if we're looking at things in the big picture isn't all hip-hop three retards spouting gibberish over an awkward drum beat that's what every rap album ever

is and if you think I'm picking on hipop I am not it's the same way that every death metal band that's ever existed is five retards making the most unpleasant noises humanly possible it's the same way that standup comedy is one [ __ ] Trying to be clever you see there there's a pattern of behavior here now I believe in diversity I support diversity diversity is a stripper I met over at the Yellow Rose she's a lot of fun she's working tonight so everyone please go support diversity thank you okay Brian Cook calling everybody every

artist a [ __ ] as fast as he can we're all in this together I love it you've been on this show before correct Brian I was Back in June I remember you I remember every guy that uh I think [ __ ] my mom when I was younger it happens what about when she's older oh [ __ ] you son of a [ __ ] too many cooks in the kitchen Brian Cook so how long you been doing standup three years three two and a half but three we're in a year three we're rounding

up ladies and gentlemen absolutely and what do you do for a living Brian I recently switched jobs I was working at the car dealership now I'm a delivery driver so we're still out in Austin traffic I love it what are you delivering alcohol to V and bars and restaurants all over town and underage girls apparently okay I I hate to have to say this once a week I am not Charlie Sheen I do not behave like that right but but you're wearing his shirt but I'm wearing his shirt I rate it his War you dress

like remember the short dude from that New York um [ __ ] bagel shop who's Like you're not my father or God is it okay for 5 foot women to say you could kill yourself on dating websites no one's seen this okay it's the exact shirt I like his taste no no okay swinging a Miss it's your being you have a lot of energy uh Brian where do you get this energy from the good Lord it is just a natural gift no I'm I'm stoked to be here this is awesome we're here in Austin we

got our health what's to complain about absolutely I man you're So optimistic something bad's going to happen to you [ __ ] he's too positive soon to be HIV the good Lord gives you your energy do you go a church yeah well I haven't I haven't found one in Austin I liked but there was one back in Huntsville I loved shout out to Covenant Fellowship of Huntsville Texas wow look this is not the platform to shout out of we man yeah hip-hop's [ __ ] Hip Hop's this is [ __ ] that's [ __ ]

We're [ __ ] I went to a strip club shout out to the uh shout out to the first Pentecostal out in Huntsville Alabama amazing there are some mix sign being sent absolutely you believe in the Lord so much that wind blows through your hair continuously it is incredible it is there you go there you go now you just got a little cotton candy hanging off the top there you got a zoom on that Yoni there you go very good it's absolutely Stunning I love it there's the thumbnail for next week or whatever I'm probably

5 years away from the same hair deuce so I'm not going to roast you too hard here uh so uh tell us Brian what else You' been up to what are you up to in this crazy how old are you 47 birthday was last week hold on [Applause] what you're 47 Tony and I have had this conversation previously oh my God this is incredible So we're not that healthy yeah okay I'm four years older than him you're four years older than him Brian what did you see what exactly did you witness when you were apparently

the darkness and the sadness and that's what drove me into comedy at middle age what do you what kind of darkness and sadness have you been through buit that's what he called Brian and cam yeah [Laughter] exactly oh I'm Brian nice to meet you Darkness and sad hey why that motherfucker's hair blowing around like [Music] that oh my goodness so uh what have you been doing with your life Brian we were in the Army we were a music journalist we went back to school the pandemic happened and now we're here how about since I you

were on the show I can't really remember what happened I think I have Alzheimer's I've probably been to The bean um uh what's uh what's going on on what do you what's happened since your last time on I've been hitting it hard around Austin Texas getting booked on stuff really yeah putting forth the effort making the most of the opportunity here we're back to the positivity absolutely too much Unity 100% dude why do I feel like you're working on some kind of like science project at home because I'm not allowed to talk about that under

the Advice of legal counsel okay what are your hobbies you seem like the kind of guy that would have like little doll houses or something like that oh yeah I I still buy and sell baseball cards on eBay that's like my thing you know after work Mia that's dope what's like what's the coolest piece of sports memorabilia you have the biggest one I ever hit on is I bought six Patrick Mahomes rookies for $5 a piece yeah that that's that's my greatest hit right there so what are Those at about now probably about 5 600

each okay yeah there you go but if you if Sports dorks Mitch trabitz was supposed to be the big quarterback that year remember three Super Bowls later here we are yep Chicago Bears Mitch bisy the Chicago Bears not the Chicago beans uh did you play sports growing up y baseball okay second base no Outfield ah right field rightfield and center field I was really good defensive outfielder I run the balls down yeah That sounded okay well oh man yeah I feel like you're a [ __ ] great dad dude you have kids no I do

not what wow wow big Miss yeah yep unbel because of religious reasons no we got divorced and if we want the comedy and can you ever say something as a joke but you mean it if we had had kids we would have produced a super villain so I think we did the world of favor there why do you say that because it's too the like what they say you know in the AA Meetings and all that that sometimes two heads are better than one you keep yourself on track but sometimes you just enable each other

so hard you go to AA Used To how long have you been sober we're going with that California sober thing and we'll say 2 months oh okay oh man cheers yeah so how long were you sober when you were sober oh what's the longest you've gone no let let me think of how to phrase this it's more of a like you go on Vacation right some people go to Hawaii I go on a bender you know okay when you go on a bender what does that look like explain to us this is all starting to

make sense covered with empty beer cans where you cannot walk to the bathroom you know yeah let's [ __ ] do it up you know amazing look at you you're a little [ __ ] party machine Brian curse yeah yes like it's a horrible horrible habit and I know better I apologize but yes the f word is my Favorite word which one is oh [ __ ] the word that be you barely said it I know I barely said well let's make up for that it could be almost every word in the sentence [ __

] the [ __ ] [ __ ] wow that's right shout out to the church in Huntsville Alabama amazing so you love cuss wordss what's your favorite racial [Applause] [Music] slur Dem manness plug your Ears okay I'm just I'm just kidding I was kidding I was kidding don't do the fact that we're running through choices says enough yeah exactly you really I thought we were playing ghetto Jeopardy again for a second just trying to ask help from the audience uh I love it so Brian um what else you you write about music you judge music

but you don't do anything with music yourself not anymore no what did you used to do played rhythm guitar in a Terrible band that was a hate breed ripoff that was a hate breed you ever heard that band hate breed we sounded exactly like them it was a decent show but zero original thought song that's all right you're missing nothing de Madness is a few whiskies deep tonight no actually not this time oh really what are you drinking a night coffee oh wow what's going on oh my goodness D Madness is sober this is absolutely

incredible that's amazing sh Happens all right all right okay all righty so uh hate breed is like like a heavy metal rock yeah Mosh Pit stuff you know metal band right did you sing it all for them like the backup vocals can we hear can you guys play some heavy metal for a second I want to hear what Brian Cook sounds like ready oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] [Applause] oh my [ __ ] god what the [Applause] [ __ ] what the [ __ ] [Applause] get some just the [ __ ]

craziest grandfather I've ever seen in my life divorced can you believe it bro that was amazing I think thank you and you don't want to curse that's so [ __ ] weak I Don't I feel like I just got fisted in a Spencer stud unbelievable unbelievable I mean you have such an interesting range oh yeah the lung po wow what was the church that you shouted out earlier oh they're going to love this the Covenant Fellowship of Huntsville [Music] Texas all right all right all right all Right what size joke book did you get last

time you were on small one well I'm going to tell you what I like your [ __ ] energy I don't know about the set the set was okay I love the interview I like your [ __ ] style there he goes Brian Cook ladies and gentlemen all right we're coming around the mountain ladies and gentlemen we have another golden ticket winner I got to get up here this guy's on an absolute [ __ ] kill streak of mass proportion He's Unstoppable right now ladies and gentlemen Make some noise for one of the greatest golden

winners in the history of the show this is a new minute from Martin [Applause] [Music] Phillips what's up you know we're we're in Texas you know uh the uh the cowboy outfit is really pricey you know the Hat the boots it's expensive people people pay a lot Of money to look [Laughter] gay don't it down I really food BL I really it because a por start right you know I'm tired of watching you have sex I want to get to know you come on open up anyway in in Great Britain they call they call ladybugs

lady Birds cuz red is a color of noral women and they fly like birds in this country we call them Ladybugs because they're not [ __ ] birds like like know what a bird looks like you know Martin Philips has done it again I mean you are unstoppable so many great sets from you it isly situation where I'm unstoppable you know rock solid material unbelievable unbelievable structure from a guy who is off balance all the time You came out guns are blazing made fun of cowboys looking gay even though you're the one with the broke

[Music] back but you have bir you son of a [ __ ] you're you're you son of you're one of the few men I could easily rape so you be careful over there you be careful or else you're going to see my cerebral Wallies you know what I mean hello Hello I want to see your bean oh God Matt re's like where the [ __ ] am I right now what is this chaos Matt how about the great Martin Phillips huh dude so [ __ ] funny man thanks dude when uh when were you vaccinated

oh dude years ago years ago Dude I was well the first [ __ ] so do you do you actually read food reviews that was I I read a start I Never actually you read her work but I considered it I was like I was like well you know this might be good support the art of course yeah yeah yeah yeah so favorite food I know like soup I'm not I'm not I'm not that [ __ ] okay that's jar neigh oh my goodness who taking shots taking shots at the even less fortunate than yourself

that's absolutely incredible these people would all kill one another if given the Opportunity Martin do you cook at home I S I have a I have a Crockpot I like a lot yep it's pretty crockpot is very hard to drop it stays on the counter the entire time yeah unlike a frying pan or a regular pot crock pot stays stable it's hard to [ __ ] it up exactly anyone can do it that's true that's true that's what the tack L could be anybody can do this [ __ ] what do you like to make

in your crock poot have you ever made any Hopping John's perhaps actually my dad actually makes that every new year so really I swear to God look at that he uses shake and bake my dad makes it not me my dad yeah well at least something was hopping in that household all right I love it Martin what you been doing with yourself lately oh I've been all over you know to around and what not doing some shows uh Aon B Is bringing me around I think he just wants to get paid twice cuz cuz people

think we're the same person so so I think that's his scheme you know yeah yep that makes sense you guys are out there touring around getting on the airplane before everybody else oh yes dude I don't know what it's like to wait I was like what am I a peasant like [ __ ] that you not waiting absolutely Absol absolutely you can you get to be on the plane anywhere but the emergency exit Row yeah yeah that guy you know you ever been in the emergency you ever just lie and like pretend like you know

I think one say there so other seen and I don't like to sit there though cuz I'm I'm an anxious guy so we did turbulence I'm open in the door are flying out like sorry my bad no it's not I'm not a good guy at door what else is going on Martin you know I know I know last time I was here I did kind of get uh overly heated about my driving yeah you were very offended uh which I do which I do but at the good driving story I have you were you've been

driving what happened so what this is back home I it was like a narrow Street and my sign mirror like scraped the car and the guy I I didn't realize that the guy chased me down and he was like yelling at me and stuff and then I get out the car he was like never mind it's Okay I thought it was like a Jedi on Mind Trick I was like oh [ __ ] so and the best part he apologized to me I was like damn absolutely amazing so yeah be that one's questioned me about

my driving they's been really happy for me how much is your insurance I never an accident so it's good it's good amazing if you need a guy I'm friends with shake from State Farm yeah Yeah good one thanks thanks I'm not proud of it I'm going to have to go to his chur I don't know who your insurance company is but thank goodness your disease isn't Progressive that is a good one j i good no I mean it I mean I love it I love it I love it okay and you do move like the

Geico lizard so it is incredible we're covering all the insurance mean that's that mean he's lizard I don't know how lizard move I Don't know I like the the Geo I love how you get strangely defensive sometimes like you're like don't make me pull my hand out of my pocket right now oh oh god oh no oh w w w wo wo wao oh my goodness oh whoa whoa whoa I thought he was doing [Music] magic Martin you do it again and again and again your minutes are just [ __ ] Unbelievable clawing his way

to the history books one more time for the great Martin Phillips ladies and gentlemen unbelievable all right we got to start to put a ribbon on this goddamn thing your next bucket pull is from the inside ladies and gentlemen representing you the audience here where anything can happen so it's probably a firsttimer Make some noise for Javier Ramirez oh my goodness wow from right in The corner Javier Ramirez yo what is going on world hey hi you like that yeah I am autistic I know it's not obvious because I'm not banging my head against the

floor but I am you know I am also gay bisexual so [ __ ] everybody here you know so uh probably an injury from the vaccine if you ask me yeah well [ __ ] uh um yeah you guys are big genocide crowd yeah you know hey all right let's See how this goes been uh kind of a news buff myself kind of underreported numbers in Israel yeah you know turns out they're doing girl math out there you know in gaza's having girl dinner yeah yeah all right how am I doing ah holy [ __

] H holy [ __ ] I'm here huh yes God Bless America and uh yeah I love you guys uh yeah 27 getting older all my friends are either getting into barbecuing or grooming Uh either way the meat could cook a little bit and uh aged meat you know you got to get a little bit into it yeah whatever that was great yeah hell yeah yeah doie hello jaier Ramirez welcome to the show Absolutely good to see you definitely yeah the voice of God absolutely no doubt about it welcome to the show Javier Ramirez you

came out you said that you're autistic you're gay you're by which means you're Also a Democrat it's all no Trump 2024 oh wow very godamn right I'll s on that yeah Texas baby what are you doing man oh my goodness Matt R you are delicious brother godamn oh my God God damn you know I'm going to say that right now man you sound like the Easter Island head from Night at the Museum yeah it's pretty much it's me man that is me yeah wow holy [ __ ] listen to that [ __ ] voice hey

hey can I um so I do voiceover St you [ __ ] better Yeah so I would like to put my dream out there yeah maybe not for this show but there's other shows at the mothership and there's an announcer he's usually a door guy so ladies and gentlemen are you ready for a comedy show oh come on you can definitely do better than that are you ready for a comedy show yeah you're in Austin Texas give it up for Javier Ramirez yeah Tony Hench or Whoever it's actually pretty good it's actually pretty good we

could probably get you to record that first love to do that I would very much love then we'll just give you a list of comedians names that usually open the show and you yeah you know hey maybe yeah oh yeah dude who knows holy [ __ ] incredible you live here in Austin Javier yes yes sir I just moved from who the [ __ ] is that guy that just handed these are my friends yes you came with this whole crew of people yeah Yeah yeah these are my friendos yeah wow I've been here the

whole time God damn you look good man I'm just going to say oh stop hitting on Matt I'm sorry oh my God that is incredible hell yeah which all right which are you are you more gay or more straight which where on the Spectrum whichever one gets me into heaven yeah whatever let me ask you a question is your throat as deep as your voice yeah I take after my mom actually yeah Kind of a deep throat on my mom too you know what I'm saying yeah God damn that is love you Mom incredible wow

relationship with your father oh great actually what he do uh he's a mechanical engineer smart as [ __ ] yeah smart not though yeah what do you do I work in Tech and it's a [ __ ] but I I do voiceover stuff I love announcing I love Bruce Buffer so if you guys could introduce me to him that's that'd be a dream yeah yeah he's not Going to [ __ ] you yeah probably not I'll still try though yeah I no he won't no no yeah hell yeah man I'm so happy to be what

if you used your voice for before uh so like commercials and uh ivrs and like stupid stuff like that I anything we would recognize uh not yet uh hopefully yeah double kill oh yeah yeah you you should tell people bad news yeah I should do that just work in a hospital it's stage four for doesn't sound that bad yeah I Appreciate it hell yeah holy [ __ ] can I shake your hand brother I'm not going to jerk off with it later good to meet you man thank you great to meet you man hell yeah

man does your shirt have buttons up top no no I'm kind of rocking you know what I'm saying what's up you like oh my God this is a creepy bucket pool speak for yourself I'm flattered my entire band wants to know if you know the chocolate Rain song Ooh Chocolate Rain uh I forget Chocolate Rain right Chocolate Rain I Don't Remember lyrics he doesn't know it I I'm sorry bro oh what a wasted opportunity that was huh holy [ __ ] wow okay all good I don't I don't I can't believe there's another reference I

don't know but chocolate rain is know Chocolate Rain yeah what don't do this to I bet you do [ __ ] crazy what is going on tonight hell yeah stop I've never heard that song in My entire life how the what the [ __ ] is going on here to yeah holy [ __ ] huh wake up Tony you were in a car accident wake up something's up Jesus Christ oh you son of a [ __ ] you son of a [ __ ] if I was blind I'd still be able to hear songs dadness

bastard you bastard unbelievable oh D celebrating his victory the old what are you blind I Always celebrate my all right rela yes sir oh my goodness holy [ __ ] huh is he blind holy [ __ ] wait for real nuh-uh I'm realizing right now [Music] you did not flinch I would like for that to be on the record he did not flinch at all he's not flinching in fact he smiled at your attack it's laughing off Matt R's attack right now I had no idea that is amazing I do realize I forgot to tell

you that yeah that's one of the things that I tend to go over with the guest have a blind based player it's like part of my ramble and my pre threw a tow and missed him wait who threw a towel de Madness no throwing things D it got me you're out of control yeah you hit an Asian lady in the face with a towel and she's not going to be able to drive home after this no I won't either oh there you go You have something in common um Javier Ramirez yes sir you're autistic you're

gay you're by you're straight you're everything so what's the craziest sexual experience you've ever had in your life wait a second let me just take a moment to inform the audience and the internet that his entire very large group of friends just started going crazy when I asked this question so let's hear it go right ahead answer the question um so I was looking up with a V wh and chick They're kind of cheap nowadays you know uh kind of go for nothing and uh so I didn't ship before the date which in hindsight might

have been bad wait when you did what I did not [ __ ] before going out day did not sh poo poo out of my cocka hole yes um and uh yeah she was trying to finish me off as they do and uh she was giving me head I'm sorry you know YouTube I'm sorry but yes and uh I was laying down very nice and she did some kind of ve Willing Magic on me or something some kind of tongue twister you know uh-huh and uh holy [ __ ] did I fart into her face

it was pretty bad it was really like a bad one too you Chuck buried her yeah right a lot of lot of splatter on that one wow you almost gave her some chocolate [Laughter] rain that's a professional that is a professional right there wow holy [ __ ] wow yeah so then you know I just like Laughed and I was like what the [ __ ] was that huh you know that laugh must have sounded menacing after face one fart maybe two amazing amazing I offered her some water to wash it down you know I

was was that the answer you thought he was going to give the crew that popped hard when I asked him his crazy sex experience he's the homie yeah is that the one yeah they're my friends to Ally too I just met her she's nice have you slept with Anybody in your FR not yet uh you know we'll see how it goes on yeah good to see you you're an [ __ ] too you gave me a fake fist bump at the little boy I would just want to I would love to get the fist bump

back yes you talking to me yeah you [ __ ] how did I what are you saying that what type of fake fist bump what do you mean so it was uh bottom of the barrel and I was front stage and you did the wait hold up up in me to do this oh God wait what are You about to do uh-huh yeah uh-huh yes pretty good Javier stick with the point what what do you mean fake F I was going to give you a fist bump and then you were like I'm good right cuz

I didn't fist bump anybody yeah can can I get a fist bump now can I get it back are you going to fart if I do it I swear to God maybe here you go Javier here's there you go the prophecy is fulfilled Yeah Javier ramirezz getting a little jokebook there he goes it caught that [ __ ] thank you very much Trump 2024 [ __ ] jaier God Bless America thank you there he goes the mayor of monkey pox ladies and gentlemen Javier Ramirez and it is that time ladies and gentlemen we've had a

hell of a show there's only one way to put a ribbon on it it is true he is the man the myth the legend the Tijana tornado the Vancouver vampire the Toronto tarantula the Memphis Strangler The vanilla gorilla The Big Red Machine this is William [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Montgomery a School lunchroom lady was recently arrested for stealing $1 and5 million dollar worth of chicken wings apparently she was good friends with David Lucas but I just think but I just think her name should have been a big red flag for the school Kenisha Popey arys to

the Popeye's Fortune last week in Uganda a mountain of garbage collapsed and killed 23 people which is pretty disappointing because I had visit Uganda as the 957thebeat I'm never going to Uganda why did Red Band buy 101 Dalmations from Cruella Deville because he heard there were some hot dogs for sale you fat dumbass you love hot dogs and those are a hot dog is a stolen dog Okay I used to be in a Christian death metal boy band and our fan base did not get along okay that's my time exactly one minute on the absolute

dot he has indeed done it again that's why he is the Big Red Machine Billy boy MC gumballs William Lights Out Montgomery the fth first of his name King of the Gandalf the wizard of the rotisserie the Maestro of Mont Olis the baron of The [Laughter] Bean the Cher of rain the reference robot William Lights Out Montgomery Tony this is kind of a thank you Tony thank you I could go on and on I know thank you this is kind of a weird one for me tonight yeah why Matt I cannot believe you and I

have never met before it's always been one of my long Overd dude oh my gosh it's so nice to see you tonight Ser you're [ __ ] hilarious man well thank you so much it's so nice to see you tonight likewise that's very nice I'm just like a little embarrassed or something I don't know what to say Tony it's okay don't freak out William don't freak out William gets a little shy he's a little interesting guess what happened on Friday no he's not gay going to turn on you real quick I I was just asking

wait What the [ __ ] did you was your all right okay so he got get no but oh my gosh I went to Perry's Steakhouse they have a wonderful deal on pork chops on Friday and I go there yeah shout out to berries wonderful deal on the pork chops on Friday and I have to go Titi real bad Tony and I go to the bathroom and there's this scary looking big homeless man just wandering around in there and have to pee so bad so I go to one of the two urinals and there's [

__ ] and one of the urinals and two paper towels and he's trying to rip down the door to the freaking stall and then I go out and I tell everybody there [ __ ] in the in the urinol everybody that works here nice to see you man yeah nice to see you nice to see you this is William Montgomery indeed in the god I messed that up I mess that story up in front of you man I there's no way I would have known you know was Great William has the record for all time

appearances on the show interviews on the show everything the first member of the the first Living member of the kill Tony Hall of Fame well no that's not true Michael was alive when he got it yeah and any of these keyboard Warriors who think this [ __ ] [ __ ] is easy this [ __ ] is not [ __ ] easy and any of you idiots they think you can do it you like to critique me any of you who think you could do this never Never you have no idea what it takes you

know how long it took me to write the 101 Dalmations show took me five [ __ ] hours yesterday [Music] dude anyway what I was saying was that he has the record for alltime appearances interview everybody he's been on almost every single show for over 5 years is that right how long there's this one piece of [ __ ] I don't look at the [ __ ] you go ahead go ahead let it out let it out let it out do you know the words to Chocolate Rain no but what were you saying Tony I

just I was going to say alltime record holder for appearances on the show and I don't think I've ever seen you quite as shy in front of anyone as Matt right here super shy right now again we have never met oh man he just winked at me Tony Whoa William's famous for winking really when he does you didn't know that I did not know that when he does it a special noise happens and everything a little Sparkle noise watch watch watch there it is okay okay Red Band I can't do it that fast dumbass you

can't even and it's weird when red ban gets wasted he loves to get just blackout drunk and it looks like he doesn't blink at all which is so funny his eyes never fully shut he has a gluten allergy William and he loves Gluten so he he's constantly in an allergic State oh he's staring you down look at this wow this is amaz oh William is completely disinterested in this William where where are you from I'm from from Memphis Tennessee I [ __ ] love Memphis good barbecue yeah really good barbecue um good barbecue yeah my

gosh have you been to the hotel what the Peabody or no not the Peabody the uh the one the one in the Pyramid no no not that one hold on what's another one in Memphis the Lorraine Motel I don't know if I don't know what the name of it is the one it would have it would have come up on Black Martin Luther King got shot yes I have been there really good barbecue right next door wait wait a second hold on hold on first the bean then Chocolate Rain you're telling me Martin Luther King

got shot I knew it I [ __ ] knew it was coming To so stupid all right all right all right that was a joke all right um so William something interesting happened on my way back from um New York City I was uh I was lucky enough to be able to hitch a ride on a friend's jet and the Jet had an engine problem and had to make an emergency landing in of all places Memphis Tennessee and immediately we find out that oh [ __ ] they don't have the part for the jet and

we're going to have to Take a commercial flight and the next one's not available for three or 4 hours so we get a commercial flight and then we have three or four hours in Memphis Tennessee so guess who I called and messaged my papa and my mama that's right Papa didn't respond right away so I immediately hit up mama and they started giving me restaurant recommendations and hotel recommendations but that was before I realized we could get a commercial Flight out of there because I thought I might have to stay in Memphis so there I

am communicating with your lovely parents who I'm very close with and um it turns out I didn't have enough time to go to the restaurant that they recommended so I looked up uh restaurants that were close to the airport right down the street on Elvis Presley Boulevard where the uh airport is and it turns out it was an Elvis themed restaurant and we only had about An hour and a half two hours to eat food and of all the days that I could have had an emergency landing in Memphis Tennessee I swear to God it

was indeed of course Elvis Presley day uhuh yeah and so there we are thinking okay we're just going to go get some quick Memphis Barbecue real quick at this [ __ ] Elvis joint and there's a weight everybody's dressed like Elvis the place is [ __ ] insane and uh so I spent some time in Memphis I love it Well you should have gone to Mama and Papa's house I wanted to I know you should have gone over there I was really close to making that move but I tried to make it back to make

it to Monday Night Raw which I also wasn't able to do that shout out to uh Sami Zayn Pat McAfee Tony I'm glad the plane didn't crash or something we wouldn't even be here today could you imagine that there nobody there wouldn't be a line outside nothing yikes you have to be careful Tony that Is true I've always told you about the private jets you know that okay you know I have Tony I don't take private jets William I don't take private jets it was a special instance okay be care I fly commercial with the

people I'm a man of the people I take Southwest flights position group b cuz I like to be mixed in with normal humans I like to be able to write material and connect with the people but I take Jets any Chance I get um it's truly a superior way of travel and once you start there's really no going back it's after you take a jet once you're just furiously angry on flights even if you're in first class it's disgusting it's dis all right I'm kidding uh so William anything else crazy happening this week just Remnant

2 it's some video game Tony I think I've put in 40 hours the past four days that's 10 hour days of the math on that but yeah It's Remnant too it's a third-person shooter you can upgrade your character you can upgrade everything about it be I cannot get enough of that I'm about to go back and play till probably 5:00 a.m. tonight I have to be careful mad I've been playing it all night long poor guy I know I don't know how to stop wow I don't know how to talk to [Laughter] you everything you

say is a Mystery Dude well nice to be here Tony thank you William we love you he ain't never going to stop there goes William Montgomery ladies and gentlemen perhaps one of the greatest hot dog jokes I've ever seen in my life the drawing from Ryan J E belt is in Make some noise for [ __ ] Matt R what a great [ __ ] what a great time we had Matt R official.com for his new world tour also Lucid on Netflix number one right now Matt you're the [ __ ] man so much [

__ ] fun dude you have the [ __ ] Best fans man thanks so much for letting me do this than you so much a true pleasure to have you shout out to Squarespace strap King zipper Cooter shopy and HS one more time for the Best Damn Band in the land Red Band would you like check out the Sunset Strip atx.com love you guys indeed we do love you so much good night everybody thank you we'll see you again soon good night thank you bye-bye [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin

Texas is now open check out red band's Secret show every Thursday go to Sun at strip atx.com for tickets [Music]